"Alright girls, 52 verse, same as the first verse... but with pirate accents!" The Lollipop Guild members nodded. "Ar matey, the scurry witch be dead. Which bloody witch? That sea hag of a witch!"
"Twilight?" Spike said softly, tugging on his tail. "Are you sure we aren't in the underwold?"
"Positive."
"Are you sure? Because it feels like we are in the underworld."
"We aren't."
"53 verse, but like Psy!" The Lollipop Guild Girls pulled on their sunglasses and began to do a weird little dance. "Oppa Oz Style!"
Spike watched this before turning to Twilight. "Yes, I am still sure we aren't in hell," Twilight said.
"But maybe we did something bad and now we are being punished."
"We didn't do anything bad," Twilight said in annoyance. Spike pointed at Zecora's legs, which were still sticking out from under her library. "Well, we did one really bad thing..."
"Hey! Sexy Witchie!" The guild sang.
The unicorn sighed and fired off a bolt of magic, forcing the fillies to stop their song. The Lollipop Guild looked at her in confusion as Twilight cleared her throat. "Girls, while I think your singing is great and not at all the cause of the blood that is currently leaking from my eardrums, I have to ask... why are you calling Zecora a witch?"
"Uh, because she is?" Bellie Sweet said, face scrunched up. "It would be really silly to call her something else!"
Bloomin' Apple nodded. "She was really bad, Miss Sparkle! She was mean and cruel and she cut up peaches!"
"So?" Spike asked. "I mean, I like fruit and-"
"Peaches was our mayor," Scootaloo said.
"Oh god, why won't I die?!?!" a voice cried out in agony.
Twilight grimaced. "Zecora... I mean the 'witch'... did that?"
"Uh huh!" the three girls said, bobbing their heads up and down.
"Put me out of my misery!" Peaches screamed.
"So, the witch was really bad and you wanted her gone, huh?"
"Uh huh!" the fillies proclaimed.
"Seriously, I'm just a head and half a lung! Why haven't I died yet?!?"
"Then there must have been a reward or something, right?" Spike asked, rubbing his claws together.
"SPIKE!" Twilight exclaimed.
"What? We're already murderers... we might as well make some money off of this!"
"Good deeds are their own reward!" a voice proclaimed. The unicorn and the dragon turned, watching as a pony in a poofy pink and white dress floated towards them inside a large soap bubble. Spotting them, the mare began to giggle as her bubble bounced along the roofs of buildings. "Hey, you girls need to try this! It's fun! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Pinkie Pie?!?" Twilight exclaimed in shock.
The pink mare giggled, shaking her head. She landed and popped the bubble, showering them all in glitter. "Oh, no no no no no! I'm not this Pinkie Pie!"
"Yes, you are," Twilight said slowly. "Did every pony get hit in the head and suffer brain damage or something?"
"Zecora got hit in the head," Spike said, "but I think it was more than her brain that got damaged." He lifted his foot up. "Eewwww, speaking of brains..."
'Pinkie' grinned. "I am Glinda, the good witch of the North."
"...right, super." Twilight turned to Spike. "Let's get the hay out of here!" she hissed, revvving up to make a daring escape.
"Silly Twilight," Pinkie said with a laugh, waving her wand and wrapping Twilight and Spike in a glowing field of magic. "It is not time to run off! Now is a time of happiness! You have defeated the wicked witch who terrorized these poor fillies and colts."
Spike tapped his chin. "When you say poor, do you mean in terms of 'oh, they are so sad' or 'oh, they have no money to pay out a reward'?"
Once Pinkie released them Twilight whipped her tail to the side, smacking Spike across the back of his head. "Stop trying to get paid for murder."
"Just cause you like killing ponies for free."
"I do not like killing ponies for free!"
Spike nodded. "Ok, sorry!" Twilight nodded. "Killing ZEBRAS for free..."
Twilight turned to Glinda, a frown marring her features. Glinda was using her wand to put up balloons and streamers. "Do you always celebrate a violent death?"
"Uh huh. We also celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and whenever a mouse sneezes." Glinda leaned in close, whispering, "It happens more often than you'd think." Twilight merely continued to give the silly mare who looked just like her friend a sour look. "Oh, come now, Twilight, turn that right-sided frown upside-down! You and your dog-"
"Dragon," Spike said in annoyance.
"Whatever... you and your dog defeated the evil wicked witch and none are blaming you or holding any grudges."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Glinda looked skyward, grimacing. "Well, except her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. She's totally going to blame ya!"
"She has a sister?" Spike exclaimed.
"Yeah, and she is one mean...witch." Glinda grinned. "Whoa, that was close... almost said a no-no word."
Before Twilight could ask what a 'no-no' word was, the cackling that had filled the airs drew closer, causing the purple unicorn to look up. Dressed in a black designer dress and an elegant hat (with a few peacock feathers and a lovely trim done up in white diamonds), the witch landed her broom next to the group. The little fillies cowered in fear as the witch looked down her nose upon them, tossing her mane back over her shoulder.
"Rarity?" Twilight said in surprise.
"Rarity..." Spike whimpered, hearts in his eyes as he moved towards her.
"Spike!" Twilight snapped, dragging him away. "Evil... witch."
"...yeah, but what a way to go!" Spike exclaimed.
Rarity looked down at the remains of Zecora and let out a wail. "Oh, my darling sister! Smushed by a house... you always feared that's how you'd die!"
"She use to fear that?" Twilight said in surprise.
"Yes. Though, she always assumed it would be a nice two story brownstone."
"I want to die being hit by a runaway carriage being driven by Princess Cadence," Spike stated.
"...good to know," Rarity said in annoyance.
"If it makes you feel any better, this is technically a library," Twilight stated. "Well, technically it is a tree turned INTO a library, but still, now we are just dealing with semantics."
Rarity sniffed. "Oh, that is so good to hear. My sister's spirit will rest easier what with it being a library and not a house that smushed her." The white unicorn held out her hoof. "The Wicked Witch of the West. And you are?"
"They are the ones that killed your sister!" Glinda called out.
"Not helping!" Twilight snarled as she saw Rarity's face cloud over in anger.
"You... you are the ones that smushed my sister."
"Well, not us per say," Twilight stated. "We were just riding in the library when it fell on her. We're as much the victims as her." The lavender mare looked down at Zecora's legs. "Ok, maybe not AS MUCH, but it still was bad for us."
"I'd be willing to work off the debt I owe by giving you baths!" Spike called out.
The Witch looked them over before shrugged. "Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles."
"There are cookies?!?" Glinda exclaimed. "Where?"
"You aren't upset?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, blindingly so, but not at you." The Witch turned and glared at the library. "I am the Wicked Witch. You killed my sister... prepare to die." Her horn glowed and with a blast of magic she burnt the library to cinders. "There, now I feel better."
"Hey!" Twilight screamed. "My dictionaries were in there!"
"And it was where we lived," Spike reminded her.
"And that too!"
"Sorry, but your house killed my sister and honor stated I must take its life."
"But we're cool, right?" Spike asked.
"Indeed."
"Great, so about that bath..."
The Witch turned, sifting through the kindling that had once been the library with her magic. "Where are they, where are they?"
"What's wrong?" Twilight asked, ignoring the whimpers of the Lollipop Guild.
"My sister was wearing a pair of limited edition Jimmy Choo strappy shoes, ruby colored with a 1/16th inch heel!" The Witch frantically used her horn to lift up bits of rubble, failing to hide her disgust at having to be near the ash. "I just have to find them... I so wanted a pair myself but the day they were released was also the day I had my audition of the Oz Theater Group's production of 'Donavon's Daughters' and by the time I got to the store they were sold out!"
Glinda smiled. "I know I am totally your enemy and stuff and you are a bad and meanie weanie witch... but I loved you in that play!"
"Really?" The Witch said with a smile.
"You were great as Ms. Specter!"
"Why thank you!" the Witch gushed, before remembering the task at hand (or hoof or... whatever). "Oh, they have to be here! If I don't find them it will be the WORST... THING... EVER!"
"Maybe you shouldn't have blown the library up then before grabbing them?" Scootaloo called out. When the Witch whipped around to glare at her the filly cringed. "Just... saying."
Twilight, unable to watch her friend (or an evil witch that just happened to look like her friend) suffer so, trotted over and patted her on the back. "Listen... we'll help you find them."
"Someone stole them!" the Witch screamed.
"And whoever stole them will be punished and you will be able to do what you want to them and I'm wearing the friggin' shoes, aren't I?"
Spike nodded. "Yeah, kinda just appeared on your hooves the moment you started talking."
"Wonderful," Twilight said, lowering her head in despair.
"MY SLIPPERS! GIVE THEM TO ME!"
"Actually, I think they are shoes," Bellie Sweet said, only to shy away when the Witch glared at her. "Nevermind."
Bloomin' Apple smirked. "At least I am smart enough not to annoy her."
"Listen, stop panicking!" Twilight exclaimed, tugging on the shoes. "I will just take them off and-" Twilight let out several grunts as she pulled. "Ow! Ow! Stupid things won't come off!"
The Witch let out a snort of rage. "You just aren't trying hard enough!" Her horn glowed and she grabbed a hedge trimmer. "Let me try!"
"Begone!" Glinda said, waving her wand. "Your powers have to affect here! Leave them alone."
"If you could block her like that, where were you when she burned down our library?" Spike asked.
"Very well," the Witch proclaimed. "But do not think you have won! I will get my slippers-"
"Shoes," Twilight reminded her.
"-and I will get YOU, my pretty, and your little dog too!"
"... are you coming onto me?" Twilight asked.
"Huh?" the Witch said, the wind going out of her sails. "No."
"Oh... I just thought, what with calling me pretty..."
"Well, you are very nice to look at but-"
"What do you like best about me?" Twilight asked happily. "Is it my flank? Because I do Pilates and- wait, what do you mean, 'no'? Am I not good enough for you?"
"I don't-"
Twilight huffed. "So it is ok for you to hit on my Number 1 Assistant but you can't spare a moment to glance at me?" Twilight huffed.
The Witch frowned. "...and your little dog too!" She hopped onto her broom and took off, laughing all the way.
"Not going to complain about her calling you a dog?" Twilight asked Spike.
"She can call me whatever she wants," Spike said happily, hearts in his eyes.
"WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME?!?" Mayor Peaches screamed.