“…This bridge is not on the map,” Lemon Hearts frowned and examined the book.
The group stood at the bank of a river, cautiously glancing at a slapdash bridge built out of lopsided timber, uneven rocks and lashed together with vines and moldy rope.
“Looks like a slapdash job somepony threw together,” Rarity frowned.
“Yeah, but who would build this in the middle o’ nowhere?” The farm stallion trotted closer to the bridge and examined it, “Looks sturdy enough for us ta cross.”
“We could just fly you over it,” Dizzy suggested, “It’d make things easier.”
“We could, but no point wastin’ your energy like that.” Big Macintosh countered, “We might need you both if somethin’ goes wrong.”
“We’re not going to accomplish anything if we just sit here, arguing about crossing a bridge,” Rarity grumbled, “Now you all can stay here and argue, but I’m going across.”
The mechanic trotted away from the group, and towards the bridge. Before she could place a hoof on the bridge, the water next to it exploded. Rarity scrambled backwards, as a large, mottled grey-skinned bipedal beast stepped out of the water. The beast lumbered forwards, on two legs, and growled at Rarity.
“Need… food,” the creature growled before looking at Rarity.
It raised one scaly hand, and reached out to grab at her. Rarity’s aura flared up; her hammer, wrench and hacksaw flew out of her satchel, and smacked the creature’s hand away from her. It howled in pain and swatted at her with its other hand. Thunderlane and Big Macintosh exchanged quick glances before rushing in towards Rarity and the creature. Lemon Heart began to leaf through her book, muttering something to herself.
“What is that thing?” Dizzy stepped backwards, as Rarity dodged another swipe. Before she could counterattack, Big Macintosh knocked her out of the way, as Thunderlane landed in front of the creature.
“Easy now, big guy,” Thunderlane tried to calm the creature down, “C’mon, we’re not gonna hurt you…”
“Big Macintosh, what are you doing?!” Rarity wiggled out of his grasp.
“Tryin ta keep you from hurtin’ it any more than it already is,” the stallion replied.
“C’mon, sit down,” Thunderlane continued to coax the creature into relaxing, “Look, that was a misunderstanding, alright?”
The beast stared at Thunderlane, scowling. The pegasus grinned back.
“Hey, to show you we’re serious, we’ll get her to apologize, alright? After all, this was just a misunderstanding,” the pegasus used his wings to motion for Rarity to come over, “Right, Rarity?”
The mechanic stared at the pegasus in disbelief. Thunderlane glanced at her and continued to motion with his wings.
“...Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” Rarity gritted her teeth and smiled, “I apologize, I reacted poorly.”
The creature sighed and sat down, as a loud rumbling sound filled the air.
“Sorry not feed.”
“Ah, here we go,” Lemon Hearts scanned her book, “It’s a river troll. I speak trollish, so let me talk to him.”
The librarian trotted over to the troll, and let out a series of growls and snarls. The River troll looked surprised and responded in similar-sounding growls.
“...When would she ever need to speak troll?” Thunderlane wondered out loud.
“Oh, you know, just in case,” Dizzy waved her hoof, “Lemony likes to learn things.”
“…Between this and the reanimation spell, I’m beginning to wonder if she’s ex-military,” Time Turner scratched behind his head, “On another note, why did you stop her?”
“Because she’d be beating up a starvin’ fella,” Big Macintosh jerked a hoof at the troll, “Jus’ look at him, I don’t know much ‘bout trolls, but I don’t think his ribs are suppose ta be pushin’ through like that.”
Rarity fidgeted, “Well, I thought it was going to eat me.”
“Either way, we don’t need to waste our time fighting folks we don’t have to,” Thunderlane continued to watch Lemon Heart’s negotiations.
Lemon Hearts grunted one final time, before nodding at the troll and turning her attention back to the group of ponies.
“He says his name is Grr-ramph, and he hasn’t eaten in months,” Lemon Hearts shook her head, “He says the fish have vanished from the river and his attempts at hunting have all failed. Before you ask, No, he can’t live off just fruits and plants, trolls need meat in their diets to keep it balanced.”
“We don’t have anything to give him,” Dizzy shook her head; “Time Turner ate the last of the turnovers I had.”
“Well, trolls can’t digest dairy anyway,” Lemon Hearts shrugged, “He’ll let us pass, but only if we give him something to eat.”
“We could sneak around him,” Rarity pointed out, “It’s not that hard.”
“Trolls like to hold grudges, Rarity,” Lemon Hearts frowned, “Besides, that’s not very polite.”
“I got a solution,” Big Macintosh motioned towards Grr-ramph, “Lemon, I’m gonna need ya ta translate for me.”
The two ponies trotted back over towards the gloomy river troll.
“Tell’m who I am.”
Lemon Hearts grunted at the troll and motioned towards Big Macintosh. Grr-ramph responded with a similar grunt and nod.
“He said, he recognizes the name, Scootaloo apparently came around here once with Apple Bloom,” Lemon Hearts chuckled, “He said they looked too stringy to eat.”
“...I’ll remember that,” the stallion frowned, “Tell him I got an offer for’m.”
“Right,” Lemon Hearts groaned and growled at the troll, whose eyebrow’s rose in surprise. He grunted back.
“He said-”
“I don’t think I need a translation ta know he’s interested,” Big Macintosh chuckled, “Here’s th’ deal. Purple Laver needs someone ta guard his stocks from the wild animals. That means fish, ducks, whatever tries ta get at his seaweed. He lets us pass; I’ll talk ta Laver about it,” the stallion paused, “Laver’s a bit o’ a strange fella, so he should agree ta that.”
“Do you want me to tell him all of that, or just the first part?”
“The first part,”
Lemon Hearts grunted and snarled at Grr-ramph. The troll rested his chin on his hand, pondering his response.
“…Any idea what’s going on?” Thunderlane nudged Time Turner.
“Sounds like they’re trying to make a deal over… something,” Time Turner shrugged, “Either that, or they’re trying to offer us in exchange for safe passage.”
“That’s not funny,” the mechanic grumbled, “Can they hurry it up? Every moment we waste is-”
“Rarity, given the situation, we should be glad that he’s willing to talk it out,” Thunderlane cut her off, “So let’s just wait.”
“Well looks like we got a deal,” Big Macintosh held out his mechanical hoof, “Shake on it.”
“Mac… Good Pony,” Grr-ramph took the hoof and shook it.
Big Macintosh dumped his pack, revealing a bunch of crisp apples. Grr-ramph picked one up and stuffed it into his mouth. The troll’s expression changed to one of absolute delight and he began to stuff his mouth with the others.
“Well we got that taken care of, let’s keep goin’,” Big Macintosh motioned for the rest of the ponies to follow him across the bridge. The farm stallion and the librarian started across, as the others followed.
---
“…Trolls have become soft,” Nightmare Moon scoffed, “I must find something…better.”
The alicorn dissipated.
---
“Are we there yet?” Time Turner groaned.
“The answer is the exact same as the last seven times you asked,” Rarity gritted her teeth, “No.”
“Yer worse than Apple Bloom,” Big Macintosh grumbled.
“But I’m tired….”
“It was your idea to do this,” Rarity countered, “Let me guess, you were one of those ponies who spent all his time laying around, reading.”
“That was rather rude,” Thunderlane scolded the mechanic.
“…Well, I am. Or was,” the stallion paused, “Well, still am.”
“Get on my back,” Thunderlane dropped to his knees, “It’s better than letting him complain about it.”
“Thank you,”
The stallion scrambled onto Thunderlane’s back, adjusting his position until he was comfortable. The pegasus grunted under the weight.
“…Y’sure ya can hold’m, Thunder?” Big Macintosh chuckled. Rarity rolled her eyes in exasperation, while the other two mares exchanged baffled expressions.
“I think… I can manage,” He flashed a strained smile at the others; “Let’s keep going, how much longer?”
“…” Lemon Hearts scanned the book again, “Getting closer.”
“Can’t you be more specific?”
“Nope,” the librarian smirked, “I haven’t seen anything this amusing since the time Scootaloo got stuck in the library’s toilet.”
“One of these days, you’re going to have to tell me how she managed that,” Dizzy Twister shook her head.
“I told you, you wouldn’t believe me if I did,” the librarian chuckled, “But I suppose I can try. Let’s keep moving, though.”
The group started up again; Lemon Hearts and Dizzy Twister in the lead, followed by Thunderlane and Time Turner, with Rarity and Big Macintosh taking up the rear.
“Well, this is how it went…”
---
“Miss Lemon Hearts!” five voices called out in unison.
Lemon Hearts looked up from her scroll; glasses perched on her nose, quill levitating nearby. The mare took off her glasses and rolled the scroll up, before getting to her hooves.
“One moment!”
The librarian trotted away from her desk, and into the main library. She headed over to the door, opening it to greet her visitor.
Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Dinky Doo and Sweet Wheat beamed back at her. Behind the fillies was a red wagon filled with books.
“Hello girls,” a smile began to creep onto her face, only for it to drop into a frown, “…You didn’t drop them in mud again, did you?”
“Nope!” Apple Bloom responded, “We learned our lesson from the last time, so we putt’m all in plastic bags before we got here!”
“Good work,” the smile returned to the mare’s face, “Well, bring them in.”
The five fillies pushed past her, dragging the wagon behind her.
“Where should we put them?”
“By the front desk, I’ll sort it out latter,” Lemon Hearts waved her hoof vacantly, “I need to take care of something, so please don’t make a mess.”
“Alright Miss Lemon Hearts,” Dinky and the others nodded.
Lemon Hearts left the room, and returned to her business. She unfurled the scroll, and brought the quill towards her again.
“Now where was I… ah, right,” the mare returned to her writing.
---
“…so how are we s’pose to get that book off the top shelf?” Apple Bloom frowned.
“We could ask Miss Lemon Hearts,” Dinky suggested.
“No, she said she was busy,” Sweetie Belle shook her head, “Rarity says the same thing, and gets really mad if I bother her when she’s working.”
“That’s because she’s working with tools, sharp things and stuff like that,” Sweet Wheat countered, “If you distract her, she could get hurt. I don’t think Miss Lemon Hearts is doing things like that.”
“Heh,” Scootaloo chuckled, “You heard what Tootsie Flute said about Miss Lemon Hearts, right?”
“No, what?”
“They say she spends all her time in the backroom, building monsters,” Scootaloo’s smile grew as the others frowned.
“…That’s stupid.” Sweetie Belle shut her down.
“Yeah, when Sweetie Belle says it’s stupid, you know it’s stupid,” Dinky shook her head as Apple Bloom and Sweet Wheat chuckled.
“…What’s that suppose to mean?” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo countered.
“Whatever, let’s just leave that one for last,” Apple Bloom looked down at her list, “How come Miss Pinkamena gotta assign us all these books ta read anyway? I mean, why do we gotta read a cookbook?”
“She said it’s best for students to be well rounded,” Dinky shrugged, “I dunno.”
“I think it’s over here,” Sweet Wheat pointed towards another part of the library, “I think Carrot Top borrowed it once…”
The three fillies trotted off, leaving Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle behind.
“…We’re gonna get that book and show Dinky that I’m not stupid.”
“But how?” Sweetie Belle inquired.
“I have an idea…”
---
“Alright, I think we got all of them,” Dinky scanned the list, clasped in her telekinetic aura.
“I still don’t know why we need a book on military hardware,” Sweet Wheat frowned.
“Miss Pinkamena is just weird…”
“Almost… got... it.”
The three fillies looked up to see Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle atop a haphazardly constructed pile of books. Atop the pile, Scootaloo stood on Sweetie Belle’s head.
“…This isn’t going to end well,” Dinky backed up.
“Eyup.” Apple Bloom and Sweet Wheat responded, following her lead.
“Got it!” Scootaloo nabbed the book off the shelf, throwing Sweetie Belle off balance.
“WOAH!”
Sweetie Belle lost her balance, sliding down the pile. Scootaloo followed suit shortly after. Sweetie Belle came to a stop at the bottom of the pile, crashing headfirst into a thick book. Another door opened as Lemon Hearts stepped out of the room.
“Just need to send that the Purple Prose and the next one is do…” she trailed off at the scene in front of her, “…”
Scootaloo crashed into Sweetie Belle, sending the pegasus filly soaring through the air. She crashed into a door, blowing a hole in it, before landing on something with a hollow thunk. Dinky, Sweet Wheat and Apple Bloom peeked back into the room, as Sweetie Belle unsteadily got to her hooves.
“Um…” Apple Bloom, Dinky and Sweet Wheat gave Lemon Hearts an awkward smile.
“…Just. Just take the books and go. I’ll be talking to your siblings and parents very soon.” Lemon Hearts sighed, “Let’s get Scootaloo.”
The group trotted over the broken door and peeked in. Scootaloo struggled against the porcelain, her hooves slipping and sliding off the sides of the toilet, as she tried to pull her head out of the bowl.
“Get me out of this!” the filly’s voice screeched, distorted by the porcelain.
Instead of helping, the others burst out into uproarious laughter, eventually collapsing to the library floor, tears in their eyes.
---
“...And that’s that,” Lemon Hearts snickered, “I left that part out, since I figured the mess in the library was enough to get them all in trouble already.”
The group paused for a moment, staring at Lemon Hearts. After several seconds of silence, the other ponies erupted into laughter. Lemon Hearts smiled, as the group continued on their way.