Recap: As if the Universe was not content simply with Arty’s laughable poison joke predicament, at that moment it chose to allow three Lower Elements Police officers to step through a hole in space-time, right outside Zecora’s hut. The middle officer’s LEPrecon armband, captaincy signified by three gold acorns, heliotrope visior, and female gender made her unmistakable as anyone other than Holly Short.
“Well, that was unexpected.” remarked Artemis bluntly.
“Maybe we should invite them in.” proffered Butler. “I’m sure they had quite a time of it traveling through time and space.”
“No!” protested Arty. “I mean, they are likely fine, as they are wearing full LEP combat gear. My guess is they felt nothing.”
“Wait, do you know these other humans?” Twilight inquired. “What are the odds of that?”
“Less than you might think. I’ve learned not to question it when impossible events occur. Also, they are not humans.” Artemis was adamant that nothing was too far out of the ordinary.
This conversation was cut short, as knocks came from the door. Four knocks, which Artemis, almost, but not quite, entirely failed to react to the way he would have a year ago, under the influence of the Atlantis Complex. Zecora opened the door, and Artemis braced himself. Captain Short entered, and the first thing she noticed was that the big stallion in the corner reminded her very much of Butler. The second thing that struck her was that there was a big stallion in the corner, never mind who it looked like, and it was speaking. “Please, come in.”
Holly hesitated, but Grub Kelp ran in enthusiastically, more excited to see a room full of ponies than any self-respecting relative of Trouble had any right to. He also made a noise that sounded an awful lot like a squee. Chix, on the other hand, stared dumbly for a minute at the room’s inhabitants. Seeing that all but one of the ponies were female, he was probably thinking of ways to flirt with equines. Holly knocked him on the back of his pearlescent helmet. “Keep it professional.” she rebuked.
“Why, you jealous? I can give you some attention if you want.”
“Shut your insubordinate trap, soldier, and that is a order!”
Sergeant Verbil stepped inside without another word. The three officers spread out and began to take stock of their surroundings, having yet to realize that the were in familiar company. Holly took charge of the talking; “Good evening, ladies and gentleman, or whatever you are. We are faerie policemen from another world. I only have one question. Where is Artemis Fowl?
All the ponies smile wanly and Holly began to pace, fiddling with the Neutrino rifle in her hands. “You know where Arty is? You know who he is?” she continued. Then she noticed a look of- something- flicker momentarily across the face of a cream colored- unicorn? Getting up close in this pony’s face, she said: “You know where I can find Artemis? I need to talk to him about something. Just something, a little. . .” Unbeknownst to her, the questionee currently matching her glare was, in fact, her target.
Artemis spoke. “There is a possibility that I know of whom you speak.”
“Wait,” said Holly; “Do I know you? Your voice reminds me of someone.”
Artemis sighed and removed her sunglasses with a telekinetic cobalt aura, allowing her elfin friend to look into her mismatched eyes. One blue, one hazel, they looked and saw themselves reflected in the sheen of Holly’s helmet. Said helmet was soon removed by its wearer, and the soft look on her face in no way matched to the look of bemusement Arty had been expecting. “A- Arty? Wha- what happened to you?” Her voice shook a little, but then hardened. She punched her on the shoulder. “That’s for going missing for months.”
“Months?” replied Fowl, jr. “By my standpoint, I’ve left our world not 24 hours ago. It’s the usual muddle about times. I’ll probably have sisters by the time we get back.”
“What are you two talking about?” Twilight began to kick into major curiosity mode.
“Last time I time traveled with this woman, I had to go through the portal in my underpants, and then match wits with my younger self. Before that, we spent half a day in Limbo saving the world, and when we got back, I had twin brothers and Butler had a beard.”
“Oh, okay.” said Twilight. “So you do know them.”
“But of course!” exclaimed Artemis. “Let me introduce to you my friend, Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance Captain Holly Short! Holly, Twilight. Twilight, Holly. Holly, Zecora. Zecora, Holly. I’d introduce those LEP underlings over there, but they are not that important.”
“Hey!” shouted Chix. “I am too that important.”
Grub seemed on the point of tears. Artemis would have to remember to take into count the younger Kelp brother’s delicate self-esteem. The sprite, one the other hand, could use a bit of structural damage to his ego. “What I mean,” clarified Artemis “is that the irridescent one is not important. The one in blue and red is very important indeed. Ve-e-ry important.”
Grub Kelp inflated with pride, and Chix Verbil went of in a corner to sulk in the hefty pile of shards that formerly made up his ego. With both introductions and insults out of the way, Artemis and Holly settled down to talk. “What happened to you, Arty? Why are you here- and why are you a female pony? Can it be cured”
As Artemis was preparing his response, he heard a voice speak into his head. A strange, chaos-ridden, slightly sultry tone that sounded not unlike the villain Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation. It said this to Artemis: “No, don’t answer her, not yet. This is far too amusing as it is. . .” The disembodied tone faded out in much the same way as it didn’t on the way in.
Artemis decided to ignore it, at least for now. He had learned from experience that it’s a good idea to be honest with Holly the first time. “Explanations, yes. To put a lengthy epic into a few less words, I have been affected by a plant known as Poison Joke. The effect is quite easily reversible, as I have been assured.”
“Once it is, will you once again be a Mud Man?”
“My gender will return to it’s previous state. I will remain a pony until the transformation spell cast by Twilight is reversed.”
“Ah.”
Meanwhile, a certain aforementioned purple unicorn had stepped outside. The portal Captain Short & Co. had arrived through was still open, and Miss Sparkle had a desire to investigate. Staring into the depths of the technicolor vortex, she thought she saw movement. Looking harder, she realized what it was. She started stepping back slowly, casting a glance over her shoulder at her companions still inside. She had to warn them before it was too late- oh, too late. She saw herself, or, at least, a reasonable facsimile going inside amongst them all. But a moment later, Twilight heard a sound unlike any she had ever heard. The closest thing it resembled was a sonic rainboom, but with more of a sharp crack to it. She had no way of knowing it was the sound of a single round of a Sig Sauer p220 .45 ACP being fired, not even when a Changeling, missing most of its head, stumbled backwards out out the door and collapsed. The corpse was quickly followed by an alive-and-well Butler, his weapon in his hand. He pointed it at Twilight momentarily, then lowered it.
“Found the real one.” he called over his shoulder, then accidentally fired another shot at the ground. “Blast these hooves.” he muttered.
Twilight trotted over to him. “Here, let’s fix that.” Her horn glowed, and a small slug of magic sunk into Butler’s chest. Within moments, he was once again standing at his full, massive height.
“You turned me back?”
“Temporarily, at least. I put an inhibitor on the transformation spell. You’ll be needing your full self. That thing you killed? There’s more of them, and now they’re pissed.”
Butler nodded. “Finally, something interesting. Alright, we’ll need to find a place to hold out. This little building won’t cut it. I want everyone cleared out.” Twilight ran in and started to explain, and Butler brought his gun to bear on the Changelings that were starting to spill out of the rift. “You little buggers will have a lot more holes when I’m done with you.”
Inside, Twilight was ushering everyone out a back way, as more and more gunshots rang from the front. Holly, Grub, and Chix ran out to assist Butler, adding their futuristic arsenals to the fray. “We will, of course, need to collapse that hole.” Artemis had come up behind them and was commenting on the battle.
“Good idea, but- get back!” Butler commanded. “How am I supposed to do my job with you walking into danger every five minutes?”
“I concur. My actions can be most infuriating. But, I digress. The priority now is to close the rift. A large concussive explosion should do the trick.”
To which none of the soldiers could disagree. Butler took a few packages of Semtex from his jacket, tied them a detonator with a few wraps of det-cord, set the timer, pushed the big red button, and lobbed the improvised extra-strength grenade deep into the portal. It came out a moment later in the grip of a Changeling that took one flying leap, crashed through a window of the now-abandoned hut of Zecora, and was reduced to a homogenous paste along with the majority of the structure. The roots of the hollowed-out tree, being completely obliterated by the blast, ceased to throw in their structural support, and the decimated tree began to creak, then snap, and finally fall. It crashed down and blocked the portal.
“Close enough.” said Butler.
“Except that with my herbs up in smoke, I am unable to free Artemis from the effects of Poison Joke.” Zecora seemed just a teensy bit upset about the loss of all her property.
“Well.” said Twilight, trying to find something positive to change the subject to. “At least we’re safe now.” Because the universe was having a field day making things worse, something started pounding on the tree wreck blocking the Changeling horde from swarming our heroes.
“Kids, never poke a hole in the universe. You never know what might come out.” Artemis took a moment to make a public service announcement.
A final pound, and the wood shattered, revealing a large, angry troll, almost, but not quite, entirely the like the variety found on Earth. Little bits of Changeling hung from its jaws and tusks, but it was obviously still very hungry.
Butler seemed very pleased to see this new adversary. Last time he fought a troll, he hadn’t been allowed to kill it. And this time, he knew where to put his bullets. He called his mace into one hand, his Sig to the other, and stood waiting to meet it.
“Butler, you realize that last time you fought a troll, it was in an enclosed space, you were wearing a full suit of armor, and you were a lot younger.” Artemis cautioned.
“I can help.” Twilight cast a spell, and Butler’s limbs and torso were instantly encased in fine steel armor.
“Well now.” Butler approved, and turned to face down the slavering mammothine beast. “Come at me, bro.”
As much as the troll wanted to launch itself at the well-armed overconfident flea challenging him, it never got the chance. As all present watched in astonishment, something from the portal behind him slammed into his furry backside and exploded, sending fire and gore into the air. The troll fell forward onto his face, revealing a faint smoke trail leading from the bloody mist hanging in the air that marked the impact, off into the depths of the vortex.
“Well, now, that was unexpected, wasn’t it?” There it was again, that strange voice in Artemis’s head. He began to fear the return of the Atlantis Complex. Just this sliver of paranoia sent a glittering four across his vision. He decided to ignore it, and instead focused on the matter at hand. The source of the missile that slayed the beast came into view. A LEP transport shuttle made its appearance through the rift, escorted closely behind by two small teardrop-shaped patrol craft. Holly couldn’t help but notice the dark green markings on the otherwise sleek, black craft. She hoped it didn’t mean what she thought it meant.
The shuttles deployed their landing gear and came to rest. The large one opened its airlock and deployed a gangplank. Several LEPtactical officers with green armbands and ran down with Neutrino rifles and insured that the area was secure. Then another LEP-suited figure made his appearance. He was an elf by his build, and his suit was a dark green, and his helmet sported a bright green visor and had slash mark decals adorning the face plate. This helmet was speedily removed by its wearer, revealing his gray-green eyes and shock of mussy brown hair.
“Oh no,” breathed Holly, “it is.”
The unknown figure introduced himself. “Greetings and salutations. I am Thorne Crest, a major in the Lower Elements Police Tactical Division. And you are?”
“Skip the introductions.” Captain Short snapped. “What are you doing on my mission?”
“Only doing what you are not equipped to. We are setting up a command center and making use of batteries to sustain the portal projection so that No1 can stop casting his spell.”
She sighed. “There’s no escaping this, is there?”
“None whatsoever.” replied her superior.
Artemis could not take part in this discussion. After seeing a strange, laughing hybridized face flash across his vision momentarily, he collapsed, buried and suffocating in a pile of golden fours that nopony else could see.