"Hey sorceress," I spoke into the darkness as we walked. Oh look, another monstrous statue decorated with chains and spikes. That's three of them and six of the kind with only spikes and no chains. "Don't know if you can hear me or not but I love the decorating scheme, really fits into the whole 'Pit of Despair' theme."
Fphant smacked the back of my head. "Don't compliment the evil sorceress." He was a little peeved by our predicament. I don't see why. What's wrong with a dusty old labyrinth that's about seven miles underground designed to confuse and detain interlopers like us? Seems like a legit home defense system to me. If the insanity-inducing atmosphere doesn't get them then the deadly traps will. Am I right, or am I right?
I'm right, of course. Like always.
"He can compliment me if he wants to," the sorceress's voice echoed from the walls spookily. That's another thing I like, helps the ambiance.
"Get down!" Unique yelled. Fphant followed his advice instantly, pulling me down with him, narrowly avoiding a couple spinny saw blades that shot out of the wall.
"Ooh, shiny!" I exclaim as they clatter off the spike-and-chain clad statue.
"Thanks," the sorceress's disembodied voice replies, "I spend a lot of time polishing my traps."
Fphant hit me again. "What did I just tell you?"
"Um..." I paused to tap my chin contemplatively. Spikes shot out of the ground where I would have been if I hadn't stopped so suddenly. "I don't remember."
"Seriously," Unique deadpanned, "he told you like five seconds ago to stop complimenting our captor."
"I have a bad memory?" I offered sheepishly.
"Just shut up and walk."
"Fine," the sorceress and I said in stereo, "be that way."
We continued wandering for several more minutes, I counted five more chain-and-spike statues and Fphant only had to ponyhandle me out of the way of thirteen more traps.
Shortly after narrowly avoiding some presumably poisonous darts the sorceress spoke up again. "If I'm going to be killing you all, I should probably get to know you better."
"Where's the logic in that!?" Fphant shouts, throwing his amorphous appendages into the air in exasperation. I don't know where the confusion came from, the logic seemed sound to me. She probably likes to keep a log of her victims or something.
"I like to keep a log of my victims." Oh, I SO called it! Watch, next she's going to tell us she wants to hear our story right from the beginning! "So tell me your story. Right from the beginning."
"Ooh," I exclaimed, "I am good!"
"..."
*Insert cricket chirps here*
Have you ever said anything which seemed like a good idea at the time, but then it comes out of your mouth? Yeah, that just happened. Have you ever had everybody in the room look at you like your crazy? Yeah, that just happened too.
I swear I heard someone cough in the background.
"Anyways..." Fphant said, smoothing over the awkward moment like a pro, "It all started when this crazy pony decided to travel in the direction he calls 'thataway'."