"I, who... who are you? WHAT are you? And why are you so rude?" Twilight was astonished at this strange creature, with his normal-enough stature, raymanian appearance, and vulgar greeting.
"Okay, listen, I'll answer all of your questions, may I take a seat?" Xero asked, much more polite sounding.
"Um, sure, you can just, sit on the couch." Twilight stammered, this being was confusing, probably bi-polar.
Xero took a seat on the couch and laid across it, stretching and giving a satisfied sigh.
Twilight left the room for a second to get some quills and paper.
The black-and-white haired man looked through his equipment.
Joy Colt double-barrel .500SW magnum revolver, Bloodwire razor-whip gauntlets, the Aeroblade information, the actual thing was missing. 1 APS, and that was it, his ammo box had enough ammo for as long as he would need, something else was there, something big, he couldn't focus on it, but it was there.
Twilight returned to the room with a few scrolls, a well of ink, and a quill.
"You ponies don't even have pens or pencils?" Xero asked in disbelief, he wasn't sure on the history of technology, but he knew the internal-well pens were widely accepted after they were proven to work, he used them so often when writing down cheat-codes for video games or practicing his kanjis for his always-planned-never-enacted vacation to Japan.
"A what?" Twilight was minorly confused, was this 'pen' a piece of technology, what was he comparing it to, the fireplace? The couch? The quill?
"A pen, it's a writing utensil, like a quill and pot but the pot is condensed down inside the quill, and only writes when enough pressure is on the tip of the quill." Xero explained, he only had a vague knowledge of such menial things.
"Okay, um, right, I still need you to answer some basic questions." Twilight got the conversation back on track.
"Sure, ask away." Xero accepted.
"Okay, well, for starters, what's your name? my name is Twilight, by the way, Twilight Sparkle." Twilight began.
"Xero, X-e-r-o, no last name, I wasn't given one, my real name is lost, so I just go by the one they gave me, Xero, again, X-e-r-o." the man answered.
"Who are 'they'?" Twilight prodded.
"MBORF, dangerous people, humans, like me, I'm a human, h-u-m-a-n, anyways, they put machinery in my body, and I've worked for them for 2 years, but then I got into some trouble, had to kill an alien that our rival possessed, my friend Omega took charge with the killing part, he's a great guy, don't get me wrong, I hate his guts and I'm not gay, back to my story, so, we attacked MBORF's enemy, Bio. Int., and killed them all, no survivors, I'm a master of speed and agility, perception and dexterity, blades and plenty strong too. Don't worry though, I don't hurt those who don't deserve it, I don't do wrong to those who haven't done wrong, I'm a disciplined ninja, I fight for honor, and if the enemy is really bad? For fun. It's just what I do, what I've done, what I'm going to do, I'm tired of running, and this place is peaceful enough, I'm going to stay here, no protests. I'm not going to take no for an answer, I'll kill to get some peace of mind." Xero ranted.
Twilight was furiously taking notes, she was growing unsure of Xero's mental health, but from a psychiatric look, he was just deeply traumatized by a life of violence.
A few hours of Q&A went by, Xero cut the chatter all of a sudden.
"Can I stay here in this library for the night?" Xero suddenly asked.
"Huh? Is it nighttime already?" Twilight querried, one look out the window answered her.
It was indeed nighttime.
"Huh, would you look at that, to answer your question, sure, just don't break or damage anything." Twilight laid down the rule.
"Don't worry, I'm careful, all I need is a blanket and a pillow, if you have one?" Xero assured.
"Yeah, I have some spares in the linen's closet, let me just go get those." Twilight responded, getting up from her seat and heading to retrieve the items in demand.
Xero looked up at the ceiling, amusing himself with the patterns that the grain of the wood made, tracing the lines in and out and all around, Twilight returned after a minute.
"Here you go, get well and rested, tomorrow I need to introduce you to the rest of Ponyville." Twilight informed.
"Yeah yeah, alright, I'm snoozin', I'm snoozin'." Xero dismissed, his youthful body fueled his mind in excess, his young asshole self was coming through a lot more than he would like.
"Right, goodnight." Twilight said to her blue-clad guest.
*snore* Xero responded.
The pair slept soundly.
<<light-bringing transition>>
Xero awoke to the sound of hooves on hard wood, he shot up to look around, he found Twilight trotting down the stairs.
"Good morning Twilight." he greeted the lavender mare.
"Hm? Oh, good morning Xero, how'd you sleep?" Twilight greeted, Xero's more positive attitude cheered her up.
"Like a rock, to be honest, this couch is really fuckin' comfortable, I'll have to get my own, when I get my own house." Xero replied.
"Taking initiative already? Good to know you're a hard worker." Twilight complimented.
"Yeah, I once charged into the middle of a crowd of deadly black and white mutants to save my friend who almost died, and not even 10 seconds later, did die, luckily he blew himself up to kill most of the mutants." Xero revealed.
"I, I don't know what to do with this information..." Twilight was confused.
"Put it in a jar and save it for a rainy day." Xero joked, he got up, stretched, and laughed.
"You're a very strange stallion, Xero, you know that?" Twilight giggled as she entered the kitchen to make breakfast.
"Asterisk Man." Xero corrected.
"What?" Twilight was confused again.
"I mean the little symbol, like a, like a... *, like that, I'm a man, not a stallion, different term for a different species." Xero explained.
"You amuse me as much as you confuse me." Twilight replied.
"That was a rhyme, time to kill yourself." Xero suddenly said.
"Yeah, wait, WHAT!?" Twilight responded, horrified.
Xero merely poked her in the neck and laughed.
"It's an old joke my squad had, we hated rhyming, so any time one of use rhymed unintentionally while speaking, we would say 'I just rhymed, time to kill myself.' and then the one who did it would poke themselves in the neck and say 'done', then we would move on with our conversation." Xero explained to dark activity.
"That's a little bit, sick, don't you think?" Twilight was, through the power of mental will, both making breakfast and talking to Xero.
"Not if you REALLY hate rhyming." Xero justified poorly.
"Uh huh, right, oh, look at that, breakfast is ready." Twilight informed, levitating a pair of plates and piling them with food.
"Alright, I'm so hungry, I could.... never mind." Xero caught himself before finishing the practically ancient saying.
"Right, well, dig in." Twilight said, ignoring Xero's sudden bout of awkwardness.
Xero picked up the fork in front of him and looked at the food on his plate.
It was some sort of fried hay and strange oat stuff, with bits of apple mixed in.
"What the fuck? This looks like some kinda fancy horsssse feeeeeee.........." Xero trailed off, looking at his host, who ate the meal happily.
He facepalmed, of COURSE it was like fancy horse feed, it was made by a FUCKING HORSE!
"I think we have a dilemma here." he interrupted Twilight's chewing.
"Whas zat?" she said with her mouth full.
"Welllll........" Xero explained one part of humans he had forgotten about last night.
Their diet.
<<explanatory transition>>
Twilight sat there in shock at the information she was presented with.
She, unlike before, completely feared the man in front of her.
He had explained how humans are omnivores, it was in their nature to kill animals and eat them.
From the information he had given her last night, on his planet, there weren't ponies, but a species of equines that were just that, animals, and people, in some countries, ate them for food.
She feared death instinctually, it was a universal fear, but she REALLY feared being killed and eaten, that was something she did NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, want to happen.
He could do it, right now, he could kill her, roast her body, and eat it, and nopony would be the wiser until it was far too late, he could go at Mach 3 speeds, or so he claimed, if he was telling the truth, he could be long gone before anypony found her remains or even thought to look for her.
But he didn't, Xero merely stared at her.
"I'm just going to ask for some pancakes, if that's okay. Maybe some peanut butter or jelly too? Maybe both? Ponies do have dairy products and refineries, don't they? From cows and various plants, right? You told me a lot about the cooking stuff that ponies do, I don't want to be a burden, I'm just asking for something that my body can properly digest, y'know, without me vomiting or shitting myself? There are plants that give protein, right? I could use a temporary alternative to meat, y'know." Xero asked awkwardly.
"Right, sure, I'll get right on that." Twilight happily accepted, she felt almost breathless at the relief, Xero was not going to kill and eat her, granted, he was going to kill and eat something else, but that was later.
Having a proper breakfast, Xero joined Twilight in going outside and introducing him to the townsfolks.
Hopefully it would be easy.
Hopefully
<<interactive transition>>
Nopony flipped their shit, that was a plus.
They didn't even so much as freak out, that was a HUGE plus.
In fact, they were more curious than fearful, and Xero laughed at the cute expressions of curiousity the ponies had.
Xero suddenly lashed out.
Pinkie Pie was stopped mid-air, a mere inch from Xero's hard metal shoe, everypony gasped.
"Don't, fucking, sneak up, on me." he warned the now scared pink mare.
"You don't like surprises?" she asked, eyes watering.
"No, no I don't, me and surprises have a history, and it isn't pretty." Xero assured.
"Oh, I understand, not everypony likes surprises, but your not a pony now are you? What are you anyways?" Pinkie asked.
"I'm a human, h-u-m-a-n, I stand on 2 legs and some say that humans evolved from an ancient species that split off into 2 branches, one branch became monkeys, the other became humans. That's how the story goes." Xero explained
"Don't worry, don't try to tackle me and I won't bash your skull in." Xero assured poorly.
"Ha, okay, so, well, I have to go, byeee." Pinkie lilted as she jumped into the air, stopped mid jump, and zoomed off.
Xero didn't really care about what just happened.
Moving quickly away from the site, a massive crowd of ponies followed the pair.
Xero found himself on a stage, he apparently was expected to give an introductory speech.
He would nail this.
<<hammer transition>>
He did not nail it.
His expectations were to have everyone in Ponyville adore him, his fluctuating testosterone levels from his youth-regained body gave him a case of Tourettes, the best he could hope for was positive feelings and a sense of safety.
It would have to do.
The crowd cleared out, leaving only 1 pony.
Rainbow Dash.
"So, what's up, your Zero huh?" Dash greeted the 6 foot tall man.
"No, I'm Xero, not Zero, you have it wrong, it's X-e-r-o, not Z-e-r-o." Xero corrected.
"Right, hey, you say you're a speed-demon huh?" Dash questioned, her tone was mocking.
"Yeah? What about it?" Xero challenged.
"Well, some ponies say I have a habit of making stupid bets, I do, I have a house up in the sky, if you can beat me there, I'll let you crash at my place for as long as you want." Dash proposed.
"You're on, my little host." Xero accepted the challenge with gusto.
Dash got into racing position, Xero followed suit.
The 2 were off like thunder and lightning.
It was a victory by a long-shot.
<<the winner was blue transition>>
The Ji-bine circuits were fully functional, Xero could walk and stuff on water, and therefore, walk and stuff on clouds.
He won the race in 9 seconds flat.
Rainbow Dash arrived several seconds later.
"Huh? How did you....? I didn't see you....? How did you get here so fast without me seeing you?" Dash sputtered.
"I'm a ninja, even in broad daylight you can't see me speeding around, until it's too late, and sometimes not even then." Xero explained.
"I didn't think ninjas were real." Dash doubted.
"Well I didn't think magical talking ponies were real either, and look how far we've come since then." Xero could feel his Tourettes flaring up.
Right, well, nice, listen though, I'm just going to give you a tour of the house for right now." Dash got the conversation back on track.
"Alright then, let's see this humble abode you've got." the 6 foot tall man accepted.
It was a nice place, living room, connecting kitchen, closet, stairs up, hallway, guest room, RD's room, closet, bathroom, indistiguished room times 3, the place was lit by strange devices, a crystal with lightning in it.
It was a god-damned MAGICAL LIGHTBULB
"Nice place you got here." Xero complimented.
"Yeah, I put a lot of work into it." RD replied as she flew to a section of wall and began to pry it open.
She opened up a decent sized hole and began to squeeze through it.
Whilst she was squirming through the hole in the wall, the obvious solution would be to make said hole bigger, Xero was entranced by the sight.
He KNEW that it was a rudimentary exit, but it was like she WANTED him to see her....... mare parts.
Blushing a bit at the deprevity, he had a gained sense of 'give women their privacy' while raising Enid, granted, it was easier then because they lived in the fucking RUINS OF NEW YORK, but Xero still stared.
He approached her silently, like he always was, and gave her a small but powerful push, forcing her through.
"Oof, ugh, thanks." Rainbow Dash responded.
"Wouldn't it be easier to use the door?" Xero suggested.
"Yeah, but I need to practice escaping for when ponies I don't want to meet are at my door." Dash explained.
"I see, well, try to make the hole bigger next time, you're not as small as you think." Xero internally chastised himself, his statement was like a nicer way of saying she was fat.
"Oh yeah? What about you? You're literally, like, twice my hieght." Dash didn't get offended, she just went to insulting him back.
Xero had a thought, these ponies, not even Twilight, knew about the culture of Earth, so he could make up bullshit to make himself look awesome.
"Well, in my culture, taller men are seen as 'studs', AND they possess the most experience in all areas, so I'm a universal professional, and men who can run fast are also the smartest and most genetically superior, people who prefer blue or red are sexually superior to those who prefer other colors, it's all in my culture, on Earth." Xero was making this shit up, practically talking directly out of his ass, but RD believed every word of it.
"W-w-well th-then, I need to go." Dash shuddered at the thoughts running through her head. Xero was mysterious, and powerful, if what he said was true, but he hadn't given any reason to doubt him, just slap him upside the head for being rude all the time.
"What? You have a job or something?" Xero querried, he truly had no idea about anything in Equestria outside of what he was told.
"As the weather team captain, yeah, but I'm working on a new flying stunt and I need Applejack's help with it, I trust you can stay here by yourself, just don't break anything, and don't go into my room." RD informed, she flew away.
"Alright then, see ya later!" Xero shouted to the departing mare.
He closed the hole in the wall and looked back down the hallway.
Thanking his Ji-bine circuits for allowing him to walk on clouds and water, he walked down the hallway and into the guest room.
It was pretty standard, a bed, a window with ice for glass, lightning-crystal-magical-lightbulb lighting, a closet, it was nice.
Marking a waypoint with a waypoint device, for some reason there was a satellite orbiting this planet, 1 sattelite, with no functional demands, he hacked into it and set his waypoint, it would create a beacon of light, one that only he could see, and it would tell him where RD's house was.
Shitting on 1 of the 2 rules that Rainbow set, he entered her room, it was full of memorobilia, paraphernalia, and other big words from a group called the Wonderbolts, the gist of it, at least what he could grasp, was that they were like the Blue Angels, but ponies.
He marveled at the sight, there were posters, pictures, and even paintings covering almost every square inch of the walls and even the ceiling, the only spot that was untouched held a WB clock. He gaped at it, the bed, the walls, the CEILING, a nightstand, she had DOLLS AND SHIT, it was like an obsession that skipped over fetish and went right to skeleton-in-the-closet.
Leaving the room, he adjusted the Satanic Visor, his precious mask, named so because it amplified his vision to 666/20, more than 33 times better than average, slid his armor/armour-weave shirt into place, armor/armour-weave was a wonder material, soft like cotton, but 5 times stronger than kevlar, and the weight of wool, his whole suit weighed about 20 kilograms, visor, boots, and all.
With his attire situated, he jetted off back to town, silently crossing the sky.
Silence was his passion, besides swords, and video games, and hating Omega, he had a lot of passions, okay?
He needed some new clothes.
<<fashionable transition>>
Entering Carousal Boutique, after first asking the necessary questions to first know it existed and then FINDING the place, Xero looked around.
"Ugh, fabulousness, makes me sick." the grey skinned man complained, finding a counter-bell ringer thingy, he loved these things, and rang it.
*RING RING RING RING RING RING RING RING FUCKING RING PAY ATTENTION TO MY RINGING RING RING RING MOTHERFUCKER RING RING RING THAT SHIT RING RING RING RING RING RING LELELE RING BITCH RING*
His hand was telekinetically removed from the bell.
"I heard you the first 3 times, darling" Rarity informed tersely, taking the bell and teleporting it somewhere else.
"I figured as much, I need some clothes, all I have is armor." Xero requested.
"Well, if Twilight tells the truth, and I know she does, your Xero, that human guy that literally fell into Equestria yesterday. I'd be happy to provide you with some clothes, if you have the money." Rarity would have given them for free, but Xero had thoroughly pissed her off with his aggravating tendencies.
"I do not, but I can acquire some money, I just need a job, you wouldn't happen to know where I could find one, would you?" Xero querried.
"I believe the police department could use some extra sets of hooves, try there." Rarity was surprised, for his annoying actions, Xero's speech was calming.
"Right, I'll just go then, see ya when I see ya." Xero gave his goodbye as he walked out of the door, planting a waypoint device so he wouldn't have to go through the agonizing process of asking for directions.
"Wait, I need to ask for directions to get to the police department, ssshhiiiiiiiiiiiiiit." he complained, taking to the sky to speed up the process.
This was going to be an interesting day.
<<responsible transition>>
Xero had to do something he dreaded, something he would rather fight 10 Karys than do, hell, he would rather give up tea for a year than do what he had to do right now.
He had to read about laws.
Skimming through the pages and scanning the words, he was surprised that equish was pretty much english with a few new words, namely replacing various words like everybody or somebody to everypony or somepony, though the body words were still there, they were only used when referring to a group which contained multiple species of creatures, which may or may not include ponies.
Finishing the book after several minutes of mindlessly flipping through it, he looked up at the police chief.
The stallion's name was Lak Lustrous, Xero, to be honest, wasn't sure if this pony was a pony or a demon in disguise, with a death-black mane and tail, a smoky grey coat, piercing orange eyes, and a cutie mark of a black rimmed shield with a turquoise body and a golden sword glowing red next to it.
"You barely read it." the gruff stallion argued.
"Just give me the damn test." Xero countered, the dark stallion begrudgingly passed over the stack of papers.
Xero got to work.
The good thing about being a cyborg with no noticeable physical change was that you could record things in your head and bring them to mind at any time, so Xero basically cheated by recording the material beforehand, and bringing it up every time he needed information.
He aced that shit.
"I can't believe it, you've aced the test, well, congratulations, welcome to the force, Xero." Lak congratulated, levitating out a police badge and magically inscribing Xero's name on it.
Xero snatched it out of the air when it was done.
"SWEET, bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna-whatcha gonna doooo-o-ooooo." he sang as he left without any further instruction.
He had a problem with authority above his own, he merely took to the streets.
Equestria had a new cop on the force, and he was ready to bring down the law.
All of the law, all at once, 'bring it down' as in 'tackle it and beat it to death'.
He just really felt like it.
He was an asshole like that.
<<legal transiton>>
Armed with a notebook and a pencil, assuring the armory manager that he didn't need any other equipment, he set out to bring the law down on criminal scum.
He stopped walking suddenly, he ran a bio-scan, he had been feeling off, the impact with that magical water knocked a few things loose, he would have to fix that eventually.
Adjusting his stature again, he continued walking.
A scream pierced the air, Xero immediately used his awareness abilities to detect the origin of the noise, reaching the site of the scream, he found a poor looking stallion with a bleeding cheek, he was crying, presumably from pain.
"What happened, tell me now damnit." Xero would not stand for this, not the crime against a male thing, but the crime itself.
"Some wicked mare ran past me with a knife, she cut me with it and stole my saddlebags." the pained pony explained.
"What direction?" Xero demanded.
"That way." the stallion pointed out, Xero immediately took off.
A few seconds later he caught up to the frantically galloping criminal, he boosted past her and landed a few meters in front of her. She stopped in her tracks.
"Stop right there, criminal scum, you have violated the law and will be therefore be punished, you're stolen items are now forfeit, comply with the law and you're sentence may be lightened." Xero announced.
The criminal mare ran in the opposite direction.
"Kiss my flank!" she taunted, running as fast as she could.
Xero tackled her, Joy Colt in hand.
"Wrong answer." Xero threatened.
"What are ya gonna do?" the mare taunted.
*SMACK*
Xero had pistol-whipped her.
"Give me *SMACK* the fucking bag *SMACK* or I'll keep *SMACK* doing this *SMACK*." he demanded as he assaulted her.
"OW, *SMACK* stop *SMACK* please *SMACK* I give up *SMACK* I give uuuup *SMACK* that really hurts you know *SMACK*." the mare pleaded.
"Of course it hurts, it's a heavy steel alloy done up in a white-gold finish, solid metal strong enough to take millions of miniature explosions, of course it FUCKING HURTS *SMACK*." Xero explained.
"I give uuuuuuup." the offender whined.
"Alright then, I have recovered the stolen items and the info from your I.D., this will go on record, if you are caught stealing again, or worse, you WILL be imprisoned, or worse." the blue haired man warned, putting away the Joy Colt and writing the record in his notebook.
"Worse?" the criminal mare stood up now.
"More beating." Xero clarified.
"I'll be good, I swear!" the mare desperately assured.
"We'll see what the future holds, I'll have that knife too." Xero insisted, holding out his hand.
The mare anxiously hoofed it over, it was 2 knives, Xero almost froze at the sight of them.
The Boomknives were special weapons, sharp enough to cut through bones, their shape based on trench knives, though much cooler looking, they had ballistic power, the blades regenerating automatically, the catch was that the blades themselves, when launched, would activate, the contained high power explosives that would detonate after a few seconds.
They were deadly, Xero snatched them away and put them into his zero-space storage.
"Where did you get those?" he asked, his voice calm again.
"I was just looking around the Everfree forest and I found them laying on the ground, I took them, cleaned them off, and came back to town." the mare eagerly gave away the information.
"Alright then, have a nice day, without breaking the law." Xero dismissed the anxious mare.
She nodded eagerly and quickly cantered away.
Xero sped into the sky, he had work to do.
<<forestial transition>>
Searching the forest with all but a fine toothed comb, Xero had come up with 2 items.
An APS, all-purpose sword, exactly what it said on the box, a sword for all purposes, cheap, durable, and expendable, he could make a copy of it later.
The other was something that held value to him, the Grudge rifle, Omega's sniper rifle before dying, Xero checked the clip and, to his surprise, it was full, all 20 rounds were in it.
Making a model of the bullets, he put the weapon onto his magnetic back clip, securing it into place.
Searching for a few more hours came up with nothing.
Exiting the forest, very much considering burning it down, Xero trudged back to Ponyville.
Taking to the sky again, he headed to RD's house again, entering the door, he found her laying face up on the couch with an ice-bag covering her mane and another 2 covering her wings.
"Something happen?" the tall-ish man greeted his host.
"Injuries, Applejack is very dependable when she's not fighting to stay awake." Dash replied as though the answer was simple.
"I see, anything else?" he asked, trying to be polite.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, you see my saddlebag on the table there." she pointed to the bag in question, held closed by a clasp in the shape of her cutie mark.
"Yeah?" Xero wasn't sure where this was going.
"Bring it here." Dash had her eyes closed, she was in obvious pain.
Xero grabbed the bag and brought it to the cyan mare.
She reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of objects.
"I found your gloves, I think their yours, at least." she said, hoofing over the gloves.
The Sonic Blasters, Askad's gloves, they gave the wearer a sort of sonic boom enhanced punch and jab, Xero took them, letting the thoughts sink in, he over-rode the DNA locks and locked it to himself, gaining a set of rings and armor-like thimbles on his fingers, he could easily break someone's body with these.
"Thanks, I've, uh, been looking for these, yeah." he tried to be non-chalant at the thievery he was doing, then again, it was really stealing, they were up for grabs and Xero was the first one up.
"No problem, I was just flying over the Everfree Forest and I saw them, those things are really shiny, dude, might want to dull them down a bit, or a lot." Dash suggested.
"Right, I'll get on that when I have the resources." Xero assured, he walked upstairs and went into the guest bedroom.
He stared out of the ice-for-glass window, before he knew it, it was nighttime, and he was staring at the moon and the stars.
He laid down to sleep, he could use the rest.
He had a LOT of work to do.
A LOT.
Like, a LOT, a LOT.
Like a fucking tonne of shit to do.
Like a fuck-shit-stack-tonne of things to do.
I'll stop now.
Xero dreamed of peace, peace he was working on getting.