Kevin was only a hundred yards away from the boutique when a little pop sounded in his ear. A spared glanced informed him Jiminy could teleport.
“Pray tell, Kevin, where are we going?”
Kevin loosely waved an arm out towards Ponyville, saving his breath. Jiminy chirped happily. “Oh, a little adventure! This should be interesting.”
Kevin smiled before he poured on more speed, accelerating to a sprint. Jiminy held on tight, his little antenna blowing about the breeze as Kevin fair flew through Ponyville, oblivious to the stares and shouts of surprised ponies. He noticed a cart full of boxes placed next to a low roofed building, and with a few solid leaps he was on Ponyville’s rooftops.
It was tricky terrain, the roofs mostly being made of straw with thick beam supports. Kevin quickly discovered that if he stayed on the high points, there would always be a board there that he could comfortably run along. The gaps he had to jump were a little longer than Kevin was used to, but his powerful legs made the distance trivial after he dialed down how hard he needed to jump.
“Woo hoo!” yelled Jiminy, still clinging firm as Kevin recklessly pounded along Ponyville’s architecture. Smiling at the little cricket’s appreciation, Kevin decided to fancy his display up a little. Before leaping the next gap between roofs, Kevin hopped to make a short one hundred and eighty degree turn before pushing backwards with his legs and arms while twisting his upper body around. The world tumbled and turned as he flipped backwards, rotating to face forward again as his feet met the next roof before Kevin tore across the short house and leapt down to the ground, somersaulting forwards as he fell to land in a crouch.
He started off again at a light jogging pace, giving himself a small rest even though he wasn’t yet breathing hard.
“You are a nutter, and I love it!” Jiminy proclaimed from his perilous position of Kevin’s shoulder, “What’s next, running straight up a wall?”
Kevin smiled, turned to directly face a brick wall, and picked up speed again.
“Now, Kevin, I didn’t mean that literally,” Jiminy said, sounding nervous. “Gravity goes down, and you can’t beat gravity. You’ve got no wings.”
Kevin just smiled broader.
He planted his foot on the wall and leaned forward, pushing hard against his toes. His boots gripped. He planted a second step, then used his third to flip backwards with another one hundred and eighty degree spin to land solidly on both feet. He leaned back against the wall, and looked at his little passenger. “What was that about gravity?” he asked.
“You just broke my understanding of physics. Ponies can’t do that sort of thing. Can you explain how it’s done?”
Kevin lifted a foot and pointed at the sole of his boot. “Grip and forward motion. That’s why I had to run pretty quick to do it. Had to get moving fast enough to push enough on my boots for them to grip the wall.”
Jiminy tilted his head. “Huh, that makes sense. Putting friction and momentum to work for you. Must have been a useful skill back home.”
“Yep.”
“Care to explain how? I swear I’ll keep it secret.”
“Nope.”
“Kevin, I’m bound to serve you. If I swear something to you, I physically can’t go back on that. Humour an old cricket’s curiosity.”
“Nope.”
“Then I’ll go get Celestia and tell her you’ve been keeping secrets from her.”
Kevin glared at the little cricket. “No you won’t.”
“I can go fetch her and be back here in less than two seconds. Try me.”
Kevin flicked the little cricket away from his shoulder and walked away. Less than two seconds later, he heard a familiar voice from behind him.
“I do love secrets Kevin. Perhaps you should explain.”
Kevin whipped around, only to see Jiminy there alone. “You copied her voice?” he asked.
“Exactly, and I noticed you had quite the reaction. I really can go get her you know. Or perhaps Luna. Maybe I’ll even give her a bottle to spank you with.”
Kevin glared at the cricket again, but it had no effect. The little insect was too great a creature to be intimated by him. Relenting, he sat down and motioned for Jiminy to hop over. He did.”Swear to me you’ll never ask about my past again or tell anyone I’m hiding it.”
“I do so swear it,” Jiminy said by reflex.
“Good. That means you can’t go get Celestia.”
Jiminy was silent a moment, then chuckled. “Well played, Kevin. I would have expected that from one of the Other, or most of The Fae, but not from a mortal.”
“So the Faeries are real then?”
“Oh yes, though they don’t deal with mortals very often anymore. Very powerful, very quick tempered, altogether bad types to be around.”
“Sounds like the faerie tales I know. Now, let’s be off.”
“So I don’t get to know what you used to do just yet.”
Kevin pretended to think a moment before shaking his head and standing. “Not yet. Maybe later.”
“Well, I think you should at least tell Twilight. You’re sleeping in one of her beds, remember. She can throw you out if she wants.”
“I met her two nights ago. I’ve spent a few hours with her. If I told her now, she’d blow a blood vessel before trying to kill me.”
Jiminy whistled low and quiet. “That bad?”
Kevin nodded.
“You may then wish to consider a new place of residence. She’s curious, that one. It’ll be trouble for you.”
Kevin shrugged. “Can’t ‘till I start gettin’ paid.”
“That’s true, I suppose. Good luck to you, I have the feeling you’ll need it,”
“Sooner rather than later,” Kevin said quietly, motioning out towards the street. A group of some four ponies were advancing towards him with a purposeful step and unpleasant glares in their eyes. “I just finished a fight,” he lamented in a disinterested tone, “I could go for a day’s peace.”
“I only see one Pegasus,” Jiminy pointed out, “run. No way will they catch you.”
“One Pegasus, one fall off a roof, one broken neck,” Kevin said, his voice still disinterested.
“Good point.”
Kevin stood, relaxed and loose, as the ponies neared.
“Look boys, it’s the ape that went after Rarity!” said the lone pegasus of the group, a small but leanly muscled pony with a boring brown and green colour scheme.
“S’hat so?” one of the two Earth Ponies in the group drawled. “Maybe we should learn him some manners, lads.”
Kevin fervently wished he had held on to his baseball bat for a little longer. Instead, he reached into a pocket with his left hand and pulled out his straight razor. With a practiced motion, he flipped it open and lazily threw it into the air. He caught it by the blade in his right hand before flipping it again to grasp the handle.
“I’m tired, I’m sore, I need a drink, and I’m hungry. You’ve got a bone to pick, you can wait. I’ll be here tomorrow. I’ll take you on all at once then if it makes your dicks hard. You wanna take it up right now, I’ll slit yer throats and leave ye here, and to hell with what happens after. Savvy?”
He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t have to. He delivered his threat in the same way he might tell a friend that he read a good book recently. It had a profound effect on the ponies, who shuffled from hoof to hoof nervously except for the Pegasus, who glared defiantly at the human.
“Don’t get the wrong idea here,” the Unicorn in the group said in a shaky, alto voice, “we weren’t gonna gonna hurt ya none.”
“Horseapples,” the Pegasus spat, “he’s bluffing. He knows Celestia would have his flank for that.”
Kevin took one step towards the Pegasus. “Next step puts me in range,” he commented.
The Pegasus took one step forward, and Kevin smiled. “You’ve got balls,” the human said before taking a large stride forward and kicking the Pegasus in the jaw, the steel toe of his boot landing with an unceremonious thud.
To his credit, the Pegasus stayed standing despite going wall-eyed.
“Yer right,” the human said in a happy, bubbly tone as he pocketed his razor. “I’m not gonna kill ya.”
Kevin took off at a full sprint, confident the Pegasus wouldn’t be a threat. A little pop told him Jiminy had joined him. He had expected that, and so he kept up his pace. It wasn’t long before he heard four sets of hooves thundering after him, but he had the lead and therefore the advantage.
Kevin picked an alleyway at random and turned into it, his shoulder clipping the far wall in his reluctance to slow down.
“Glad to see you have some sense,” Jiminy said in Kevin's ear. “I really thought you were going to kill him for a moment there.”
Kevin smiled fiercely, but wasted no breath on words. Instead, he focused on keeping track of the turns he was making. He made left turns whenever he could, hoping that ponies had a natural inclination to turn right like a human. Seeing an open street directly ahead, he slowed and did his best to blend in.
Being the only human in town made that problematic, and so he quickly abandoned the attempt and ducked into another alley. Picking up his pace again, he hoped that he had lost his pursuers, but left nothing to chance and continued on his odd and winding path.
Unbeknownst to him, the Pegasus was flight capable again, and trailing him from above. Waiting until the human stopped a moment to catch his breath several minutes later, Hazelnut banked away towards where his friends were waiting.
Kevin sat on a convenient crate, huffing and puffing curses about he needed to quit smoking. Jiminy sat on his shoulder, tapping a little rhythm with three of his legs and wondering if he should help the human. Deciding he could use the lesson, the little cricket opted to hop off the human's shoulder and wait for him to be mobile again. Idly chirping a little tune as he explored the narrow confines of the alley, it came as a great surprise to both him and Kevin to hear a voice.
“Looks like the monkey's a coward, boys!”
Kevin looked up sharply and saw the two Earth Ponies blocking his way forward. A glance to the other side showed the Pegasus and Unicorn blocking the way back. Cursing under his breath, the human stood up slowly and forced himself to relax. Four on one was bad for him, especially with a Unicorn present. He had his one spell, but burning a pony alive didn't strike him as an appealing option while he still had other choices. The Pegasus would be bad as well, but he was fairly certain he could win that fight. Rainbow had rushed him in the Everfree, and it had been pretty simple to avoid her. The Earth Ponies, though. They were unknowns. He hadn't yet fought one sober, and Rarity's warning about their strength worried him.
Deciding his best option would be to avoid the Unicorn, he took off in a run directly at the two Earth Ponies. A bright light flashed over his shoulder and he heard the sound of wings flapping, but by that time he was already prepared to go where the Earth Ponies couldn't touch him.
Making sure to keep his momentum up, he angled towards the stone wall of the alley and planted a boot firmly on the surface. Pushing hard and throwing his body weight against the foot, he planted three more steps before pushing off hard and throwing himself into a tight somersault over the heads of the obstructing ponies. Landing off balance, he nearly stumbled before catching himself and running on.
The ponies chased him again, and this time they were much closer. Beyond that, Kevin hadn't fully caught his breath, and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep up the pace much longer. A small pop announced Jiminy's arrival, and Kevin tore down the next opening he found.
It turned out to be a short alley opening directly to the street, but Kevin no longer cared. He could hear the pounding of hooves behind him, and thought perhaps the public eye could persuade them to give up their chase. Unfortunately for him, he had underestimated the determination of the offending ponies to give him a thrashing, and they tore through the street paying no heed to the shouts and surprised looks the townsponies gave them.
Passing an alley, he felt a sharp force stop his forward motion and yank him to the side. As he scrambled to his feet, he noticed a single mint green Unicorn staring at him with intrigued, golden eyes. She seemed oddly still, like she wasn’t even breathing.
“You fall forever,” she said, her voice musical and distant, as if reality was some unimportant distraction from her thoughts.
“What?’ Kevin replied, completely confused and huffing for breath.
“You fall forever,” the Unicorn repeated. “You fall and land on your feet again and again.”
“She’s referring to your stride,” Jiminy explained, “you lean forward and throw one leg forward, using gravity to help you move.”
“Yes,” the Unicorn said, “Strider falls forever.”
“Strider?” Kevin asked in amusement. “I’m somethin’, but I ain’t quite him.”
The Unicorn smiled. “I’m Lyra Heartstrings.”
Kevin nodded. “Kevin Kieran. Mind explainin’ why you yanked me in here?”
“You were being chased. Being chased by four ponies isn’t very much fun, especially if they catch you,” she said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.
“Thanks for that, but they probably-“
“There he is!” exclaimed a familiar voice, cutting Kevin off.
“Not an issue,” Lyra said, “they won’t bother you when I’m around.”
Lyra moved, positioning herself in front of Kevin. The human noted that she seemed to flow as she walked, every movement natural and taken as it came, nothing planned. It was odd to see. Jiminy whistled before whispering in Kevin’s ear.
“See the way she moves? She’s dangerous, more so than you. Watch this.”
Kevin directed his eyes towards the unicorn, and again noticed she seemed to be eerily still. The way she stood there seemed to broadcast utter calm, complete and total confidence. The ponies chasing Kevin stood in front of her, obviously nervous, even the cocksure Pegasus.
“Are you causing trouble again, Hazelnut?” Lyra asked, her voice still distant.
“No Miss Lyra,” Hazelnut replied politely, “the ape there is our friend, we’re just playing a little game is all.”
Kevin grunted a wordless negative. Lyra lifted a single eyebrow. “Never lie to me Hazelnut. In the future, please leave Strider alone. It wouldn’t be very fun if I had to step in.”
“With all due respect, it isn’t your business,” Hazelnut pointed out, ignoring his friends shuffling away from him.
“Strider is my friend, which makes it my business.” Kevin nodded eagerly from behind Lyra. He had no desire to get in another fight while he was still sore from the last one. “If you’d like, I could take his place in your business. I’m sure Strider won’t mind.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Hazelnut said quickly. “It’s a personal thing, something he needs to deal with himself.”
“You’re very stubborn,” Lyra said, “please leave.”
Hazelnut glared at Lyra, his temper seeming to get the better of him. “Now look here Lyra, this doesn’t concern you! Let us through to the ape!”
The Pegasus took one step forward.
Lyra hardly even moved. She shifted her weight rearwards, lowered her head slightly, and positioned one front hoof back slightly. “Please stop,” she said quietly, “I don’t like fighting.”
Hazelnut took another step forward.
Lyra’s horn lit up, as an aura surrounded Hazelnut’s front hooves. She pulled them out from under him before pulling forward, forcing his face onto the ground and dragging him swiftly towards her. As the Pegasus passed her front hooves, she stomped once and his face hit the ground with a dull thud. He didn't get up.
Kevin blinked. The attack had been fast. Even with his razor reflexes, he doubted he could compete with Lyra’s speed.
“He’ll wake up in a few minutes with a headache. Let’s get you to where you're going, Strider.”
Kevin nodded, following Lyra as she flowed past the other three ponies in Hazelnut’s group. Wisely, the two Earth Ponies and the lone Unicorn stepped aside to let Lyra and Kevin leave in peace.
When Lyra walked into her library, Twilight thought all was well. When Kevin followed her, she quickly adjusted her opinion.
Twilight had no objection to Kevin socialising. In fact, she thought it would do him a great amount of good. She did not, however, think that a friendship between a very dangerous and eccentric unicorn and anger prone human newly gifted with magic could possibly end well, or in fact end in any way other than an enormous fireball in the centre of Canterlot.
‘Why Canterlot?’ she thought. ‘Why is it always Canterlot?’
“Hello Kevin, Lyra,” Twilight said in greeting. “What brings you here?”
“Sanctuary,” replied Lyra. “It seems Hazelnut has some issues with Strider. He brought friends.”
“Strider?” Twilight asked, looking at Kevin.
“Her name,” Kevin said, “not mine.”
Twilight nodded, accustomed to Lyra’s oddities. “And issues with Hazelnut?”
Kevin, ever the eloquent gentlemen, answered with a shrug. Lyra, ever helpful, expounded. “He seems to have taken offense to something Strider has said or done. I would say more, but I’m afraid only Strider’s eye can see those cards.”
Twilight lifted an eyebrow. The human shrugged again, leaving Twilight to curse his selective secretiveness. “Kevin,” She said in a warning tone, deciding it was worth at least a small effort.
Kevin shrugged again, but spoke as he did. “Pissed off over Rarity.”
“Ah,” Twilight said, understanding. “You and Rarity are friends now though, aren’t you?”
“Hazelnut appears to have missed that small detail,” Lyra said. “He’s not known for his observance or intelligence when it comes to mares.”
Twilight chuckled under her breath. “Yeah, he’s a big ball of hormones some of the time.”
Lyra shook her head slowly. “Ponies tell me I have problems, and yet Hazelnut is considered popular. Hazelnut can be outright dangerous, and you’re laughing about it. I don’t understand you, Twilight.”
“Well,” Twilight began, “it’s a social thing. Hazelnut is outgoing, and he can be really funny. He’s usually pretty nice to ponies too, which helps.”
“He’s unstable,” Lyra countered, “he sees insults where none exist and takes offense at simple reality. He attacked Strider without provocation and was willing to attack me to reach him. He isn’t safe to socialise with.”
“Well, he’s just got a way with words sometimes I suppose. He’s likeable.”
Lyra shook her head again. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand any of you,” she said sadly. “May we please change the subject?”
“Certainly,” Twilight answered. “I just finished Kevin's foci a few minutes ago. He needs to test it, and I know you've got some skill with magic. Care to watch?”
Lyra nodded eagerly, and so Twilight picked up Kevin's bat with a vaguely disdainful expression and lightly tossed it to him. Easily catching it in a single hand, Kevin examined the carvings and was astounded by the intricacy and detail of the carvings. A quiet gasp from Lyra told him that it was indeed quality work.
“Twilight,” Lyra asked, “those runes are illegal. He can't have that.” In answer, Kevin pulled out his little badge and Lyra nodded in understanding. “How odd,” was her only other comment.
“Very,” Twilight agreed quickly, trying to cut off Kevin. She realised that wasn't necessary as she saw Kevin idly flipping the bat about so quickly it blurred, testing it's balance. She was quite surprised to see how easily he handled the unwieldy object at high speeds, surmising he had experience doing exactly that. She filed away that information as a clue about his origins before opening the door and motioning for her guests to lead the way.