Zip zop zibbity zoo!
Mr. Cosby, can you speak English for three seconds?
Now, what is this you got here? Oh, it's a story! How nice. I wrote a story once... It was zip zibbity boop magically zapping!
See, that... That wasn't even English. Could you read it? You're the only person available right now, since Christopher Walken managed to avoid my cowbell trap.
Oh, of course, darling! Would you like some jello pudding?
No, thank you. Go ahead. but, seriously... I have readers waiting.
Squoo papa bibity dee! I get to narrative this good read? Spectacular!
Good! You agree then!
Yes, I do young man! Since you thought of me first, allow me to offer you some pudding pops!
I already- well, okay.
There you go, young man. Now, let's see what this story is all about, shall we?
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"Whoa, this place is nice! And it's not on an archway made from stone! Seriously, Solitude is going to collapse soon..."
"Yes, me and Sheogorath were planning that in a weeks time. Best you stray from there, my dear lad." Discord wrapped his neck around the Dovahkiin and stared him in the eyes. "Be a shame if you were to collapse with the rest of the city."
"Uh, you do know I'm trapped here, right?"
"Oh, of course you are. Sometimes I forget you mortals can't jump through time and space like I. Oh well."
"So, where are we going anyways?" Twiman pointed a hoof towards the large castle.
"There! But first, we have to make it through a labyrinth filled with strange creatures, lead by a goblin king portrayed by David Bowie in EXTREMELY tight pants." Twiman began to jump happily up and down upon coming up with the idea.
"Yeah, we're not doing that!" The writer slowly moved away from the idea. While good in nature, it was just to epic to be put in this story. Plus, that would drag this out longer than it's already going.
"Or, we could just go to the front door." Twiman frowned at the boring, but much more time efficient idea. Falling back on her haunches, she crossed her front hooves and sighed.
"Fine, but I'm not getting up." Twiman, without any possibility to do so, started levitating in air in the same position, following the other ponies. How she did that, don't ask. Never ask how Twiman does anything.
Dovahkiin observed everything around them as they made their way to the royal castle, taking everything in as he looked at it. Compared to his world, everything was so colorful and happy. So much that just looking at it made him happy inside.
"DOVAHKIIN!" He shot around at the voice that had called him. Standing before him was a cloaked mare. With one swift motion, she threw the black cloak from her body, revealing a red Unicorn mare with a pure white mane. She looked directly at the Nord, her orange eyes glowing with anger. "We finally meet..."
"Uh, who are you?"
"SILENCE!" Before Twiman or anypony could protest, the mare released a purple wave of energy from her horn, freezing time in place. Everything except her and the Dovahkiin, who had now drawn his sword.
"All right, you have five seconds to explain who you are before I run out of bubblegum." Terrible reference to old joke is terrible, I know.
"I am Erinyes, the protector of the universes. When you teleported to this world, you caused a terrible rift in time in the universe, which I have to fix. Only way to do that, is to destroy the one that did it."
"Uh, your a mare?"
"Shut up! I took this form since the females seem to have control everything and because the readers would complain I was OP if I was male. Hell, they probably will anyways! Just because I'm a mare, doesn't mean I don't have enough power to beat you!" The Dovahkiin quickly looked his foe over, immediately remembering his previous battle with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in the library. What could go wrong?
"We'll see about that!" Time completely stopped around the two, they charged each other with intent to kill. Or at least maim. Dovahkiin was the first to strike, Erinyes dodging quickly to the right. He smirked as he turned and bucked the Dovahkiin with the might of a Minotaur. Luckily, the Dovahkiin had good acrobatics and managed to land on his two feet, charging the mare once again.
"EXCELSIOR!" The strange battle yell managed to distract the mare long enough for the Dovahkiin to swing his sword down on her... Or him. Seriously, he is a male normally... I'll just call it a her. Unfortunately, Dovahkiin wasn't the best smith ever, so his sword hit the mare like he was using a butter knife.
"Really? You do know that I am essentially a god, right?"
"FUCK YO COUCH!" Dovahkiin hoped he never had to use the shout, but now was a appropriate time to use the shout.
"What was- ohh... crap." The mare looked up as couches began to rain from the sky, all flying in her general direction. As she began to dodge the couches, a epic battle song began to play. It was pretty much like a anime battle scene as the two began to jump onto the couches to another into the sky, battling each other along the way up.
Dovahkiin swung his sword once more, having had sharpened it at some point between the ground and their current altitude. This time, it managed to hit the mare on the hind leg, drawing a small trickle of blood. The second swing was caught between two hooves, followed by a toss further into the air. For a mare, she had extreme strength.
Neither looked down as they continued their epic ascent, since they feared to see how high they were. If you must know, they were now higher than the entire mountain. Seeing the Dovahkiin was more of a challenge than he originally intended, she slipped two metal bracers onto her hooves and jumped onto more couches as they fell, propelling herself further up.
For those of you complaining about the possibility of propelling yourself up by jumping on falling couches, remember Twiman. Is she existed, then anything was possible. Plus, this is a story that makes no sense! Anything can happen!
Dovahkiin and Erinyes swung their weapons at each other with extreme speed. At one point, the Dovahkiin dropped the sword, but managed to keep attacking with it by juggling it with his feet and hands as they spiraled out of control. Don't ask how that is even possible, but Metal Gear Solid 4 did it, so it is possible.
Finally, the couches began to stop falling, sending the two spiraling to the earth below, which was about about a three mile fall. Yes, they had actually jumped that high. Like I said, does. Not. Make. Sense.
"Die, Dovahkiin!"
"You first!" Dovahkiin grabbed his sword from the air, which was now white hot from the friction from their clash of extreme speed. Aiming it down at the mare, he went into a diving formation and began to dive faster at the mare. When she saw this sight, she smiled.
"Even if you kill me, I'll be back! This fall will definitely kill you!"
"Not exactly! I have this!" The mare went wide eyed as the Dovahkiin pulled out another special cupcake that he had been keeping in his hair. Seriously, I think the descriptions of where he keeps stuff may actually be canon. Where else is he keeping all of this stuff he carries around? He ate the entire cupcake whole, allowing him absolute control over time and space.
"No!"
"By the power of grey skull... I HAVE THE POWER!"
"WHAT?!" The Dovahkiin was now diving at a speed fast enough to break the sound barrier. The mare screamed as the sword entered through her, dissolving her body to dust. She would be back, but that had hurt her plans for now. The Dovahkiin screamed as he continued his ever speedier descent to earth. Before he even knew what happened, a large burst of energy emanated from him, across the entire sky, bringing back the normal flow of time. This even came to be known as the legendary Sonic Dovahboom.
Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped as the Dovahkiin fell at a speed much faster than she herself could ever hope to fall at. He had even managed to do his own version of her Sonic Rainboom! Everypony gasped as he neared the ground. Well, except for Discord and Twiman, who were busy buying cabbages. Their horror turned to relief as he skidded to a stop in mid air and placed his feet calmly on the ground.
"Sorry, had to take care of a small problem." Back in Ponyville, one of the stray couches landed on Pip. Yeah, that's right... I hadn't forgotten about him!
"Well, glad your safe... Who was that anyways?" Dovahkiin thought for a moment, then smiled.
"Angry filly scout. Apparently I ripped her off for a bit." He whistled as he made his way to the castle, which was now just a street away. The others, not knowing if he was serious or not, simply shrugged and followed him.
"You may have beat me in that form, but next time... I won't go so easy. I'll allow you to have some fun in this world for a bit longer, but soon..." Erinyes laughed evil in his new Dragon form as he watched the Dovahkiin from a magical orb.
---
Well, that actually went well... Thank you Mr. Cosby, it was an honor.
No problem, young man. Skip skop skibbity boop, jello pudding!
Now, back to the search for Mr. Walken... Elusive bastard. Tune in next time! Molestia will be there... And she wants to see you all.