It's so hard to look back... My life seems flawless and I'm happy, but...
Well, I was born 19 years ago, into the hooves of Mrs. Cherry Blossom and Mr. Apple Crisp. Them, Granny Smith, and a baby Macintosh welcomed me to Equestria, to the world. Looking back, it's hard to believe I came out of such a small mare. She's was a good half hoof shorter than me. My dad was a hard-worker, but he always tried to spend time with me and my brother. My mother was a weak and skinny mare, but she was as nice as they come. Mom always spoke her mind, no matter the consequences, she never brought herself to lie to somepony. To this day, I don't think she's ever lied to me or my brother.
We lived as we always did, happy in Sweet Apple Acres. So much space for me and my brother to play when we were young foals. I was pretty disappointed that it lasted as little as it did. By the time I was 2 years old, my dad already took Mac to work with him. I was left by myself with only the company of Granny Smith and My mother. That's not to say I wasn't happy. Big Macintosh would always take some time to play with me, and so did my dad! We never lost our happiness and love for each other.
When I turned 6, I asked my father to teach me how to buck apples and work the farm like my brother. He was shocked, it was unusual for mares and fillies to run the farm. Usually it was the stallions' jobs to work the farm and it was the Ladies' jobs to sell the apples at the Ponyville market. We were a well oiled machine, but I wanted to prove I was strong, just like my brother... just like my dad. It took me a few years to get it right but I got the hang of it by the time I was 7.
I left the farm in search for a better life in the city. Even though to this day I'm sure they were lying, my family supported me, one hundred percent... Except for my mom. She knew my intentions weren't wrong, but she kept on and on and on about how much they'd miss us. Finally, Big Mac and My Dad convinced her to drop it. I went out to Manehattan to live with my Uncle and Aunt. It... didn't last long. I came back home within weeks of leaving, my family welcomed me back with tears. Once more we were happy, and I had gotten my cutie mark.
When news arrived that me and Big Mac were gonna be getting a little sister, I was more than excited. I couldn't wait to have another sibling, to have another pony to share our love and happiness with. Me and Big Mac spent all our free time building an extra room for our new sister or brother. My dad did all he could to help but he was always busy with the farm. I didn't blame him. While Big Mac still helped my dad out, I devoted almost all of my time on this room, building it board by board. Dad was short a worker, but he knew my heart was in the right place.
About 3 months before Apple Bloom was born, dad's attitude changed. He would get mad real easy, he spent less time with us, but the thing I'll remember the most was that sad look on his face that he carried with him. He never talked about it, even when I asked. He'd always dismiss it, say it was nothing, but I knew better than to keep bothering him about it. I was too busy anyways.
It was only a few days until Apple Bloom was due. Me and Big Macintosh finally finished building the room. It took us a long time and a lot of work but we knew it was worth it. We furnished and painted the room. We both were bursting with excitement and joy when we looked at the finished room. We showed everyone, mom and dad and even Granny Smith. I was so proud of myself, so proud of us. I couldn't have been any happier...
My mom called me into her room the night before Apple Bloom was born. I didn't notice it before, but her coat was so... pale. She had bags under her eyes and she wore a sad smile on her face. She looked out the window into the starry sky, the moon bright and full, the glow of the white sphere making her look even paler than she already was.
"Applejack... My hard-workin' filly..." She said as I stepped into the room. "I bet you're excited... about your sister..." She turned to me.
"Ah sure am!" I replied with a cheery tone in my voice. I made my way to the side of her bed. "I just can't wait! It'll be so much fun and I just know she's gonna love it here!"
My mother nodded before wrapping her forelegs around me in a tight hug. I could tell she was crying and had been crying for a long time. Tears ran down her cheeks, staining her Light Pink Coat.
"I love you... I really do..." She sniffled and shuddered. "You and your brother... are the best things that have ever happened to me..." Her voice lowered in volume as she pulled herself together. "You two mean everything to me... Just thought you should know." She gave me that sad smile once more.
"Ah-...Ah love you too..." I replied with no other words to say. I had never seen her like this before. Even before I knew what was to come, it was such a heartbreaking sight.
She broke away from the hug and lied back down. She wiped the tears away and kept that haunting smile on her face.
"You should go to bed Applejack... Tomorrow's gonna be a big day." She said as she turned away and looked out the window, staring at the stars again.
When I woke up the next day, I was alone with Granny Smith at the house. Before I could ask her where everypony was, she told me to get ready to leave for the hospital. For some reason, I wasn't as excited as I wanted to be. Part of me didn't want to go. Part of me felt like something was wrong... but I just ignored it.
I arrived at the hospital and the first thing I see is Big Mac's... tear stained, red-eyed face. He stared into my eyes before hugging me, crying his eyes out into my shoulder. I look behind him to see my dad sitting down on a chair. He didn't move at all, he stayed completely still with his eyes fixed to the floor.
"What's wrong-..." I stopped myself as all of the pieces of the puzzle came together. Why our father was so sad and in such a bad mood, why mom looked like that, why she called me into her room to say those things...
I pulled away from Big Mac's hug with an expression of blank horror on my face. I felt tears build up in my eyes but I held them back.
"M-M-M-Mom... Whe-... Where-...Where's mom?" I managed to ask through my uncontrollable stuttering.
Nobody answered.
"WHERE'S MOM?!" I shouted, the tears becoming more difficult to hold back.
There was an awkward silence as I stared into the eyes of my brother. He wouldn't say anything. I turned over to Granny Smith, hoping she had an answer. She looked at me with a worried expression on her face.
"Follow me..." My dad spoke up, breaking the silence.
I followed my father down the hall, still trying to hold my tears back. So many thoughts going through my head, none of them pretty. I bumped into my dad as he opened a door beside him.
As soon as I walked in, I couldn't hold my tears in anymore.
My tears flowed down my cheeks as I approached the bed. Seeing a sickly and pale version of my mother.
"Mom?" I placed my hooves on the bed beside her. "Mom." I attempted to wake her up once more. I felt my lips quiver and tremble. "M-mom...Mom!" My mind went blank as my tears blurred my vision.
"MOM!" I yelled, almost screamed. Once Again, there was no response.
I stood up and took a few steps back as I stared at my mother's pale face. I broke into uncontrollable sobs. I looked down at the floor, my tears staining the carpet below. I stood there for what seemed like hours, crying more tears that I even knew I had in me. I kept uttering the word "mom" like I was expecting some sort of miracle, like I expected her to answer me.
What had we done to deserve this...?
Apple Bloom was born healthy. She was a new member of our family and we treated her with as much love as we had been treated with. All except for dad... Dad would disappear for days at a time, coming back tired, dirty and beaten up. Dad barely spoke to anyone and he rarely had the energy to work the Apple Orchards. Me and Big Mac Took over while Granny Smith took care of Apple Bloom and Dad was nowhere to be found. For many weeks, I could hear my dad cry and sob himself to sleep. I didn't judge... I had been doing the same.
A few months after Apple Bloom was born, the house seemed to be alive once more. Dad was home more often and we started spending time together again. Me, Big Mac and Dad would very often play with Apple Bloom on our days off. I was more than happy to see Dad smile again. We were... happy again.
My dad called me out into the living room one night. I stepped into the room and he smiled at me.
"There's mah Big Girl!" He chuckled. "Come here, I wanna give ya somethin'!" I stood in front of him looking into his eyes, smiling back at him.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Close your eyes..." He commanded.
I obeyed him and closed them. I could hear him moving, but I had no idea what was going on. What had I done to earn a gift from him?
"Open 'em." He finally said.
I opened my eyes to the sight of his face once more. But there was something missing. I felt around the top of my head and instantly recognized what it was.
"Gee Dad, what's this for?" I asked with my hoof pressed against his-... my hat.
"For being stronger than me... Not Big Mac Stronger, but... Cherry Blossom Stronger." He said with a sincere tone in his voice.
My face had a blank expression before he hugged me. I hugged him back with a smile on my face.
"Thanks dad." I said softly.
I woke up that night to the sound of my dad crying. It was a lot louder than usual but I don't know why. I pressed my ear against the wall beside my bed and tried to listen in. He sobbed and cried and moaned for about 10 minutes. I would've gone into his room, but I was afraid of getting in trouble for being up so late. The crying seemed to have stopped so I shrugged it off and went back to bed.
Before I could go back to sleep, I heard a loud thud followed by an eerie silence. I got out of bed once more and pressed my ear against the wall.
Nothing but my heartbeat.
I wanted to go back to bed, but something inside me forced me to walk out of my room. I slowly followed that feeling and stood in front of the door that led to my dad's room. I raised my hoof to the doorknob and stopped as I pressed against it. I hesitated for what seemed like centuries before slowly turning the knob. I opened the door slightly... but just enough to see what happened.
My father was hanging from a rope by his neck.
I stood in front of him for a few seconds before finally noticing what was going on. I screamed in horror at the sight I was witnessing. Soon after Big Mac and Granny Smith stepped into the room. I could hear Big Mac's breath stop. I felt my skin crawl at this atrocious sight. How could he have done this?
Within a few months from each other, both of my parents died. As much as I don't like looking back on it, It's gonna be a part of me until I die...
Me, Granny Smith and Big Macintosh were now in charge of Baby Apple Bloom. We still live with Granny Smith, we still work the Farm, and we still try to live our lives happily.
But we'll never be the same...