Chapter 8
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It was raining. Mud puddles were quickly forming all around Ponyville. What few ponies that remained outside moved quickly, shielding themselves with whatever was at hoof. Twilight had neglected to mention the storm scheduled for today. It was a nice surprise, though: it hid tears very effectively.
Trixie lay on a bench in one of Ponyville's parks, pretending that the water running down her cheeks was entirely the fault of the rain.
'So, this is it. You were doing so well. You had come up with a glorious plan after the ursa incident. Why didn't it work? What's the matter, Trixie? The world isn't fair? Or maybe it is! Maybe you are getting what you deserve! Maybe if you weren't so selfish!' Trixie let out a choked sob.
'Yes, such a terrible life you've had, Trixie. Leave home, find a mentor, learn how to pursue your dream, suffer a minor financial loss with almost no other consequences. WOE IS YOU, TRIXIE! WHY, NO WONDER YOU'RE BREAKING DOWN INTO TEARS! POOR, MISERABLE LITTLE TRIXIE COULDN'T QUITE DEFEAT AN URSA MINOR AND LOST A COUPLE HUNDRED BITS! AND SHE ONLY MANAGED TO GET A FREE HOME AND AN EASY JOB! HOW CAN ANYPONY BE EXPECTED TO ENDURE SUCH HARDSHIP!'
She had covered her face with her hooves at this point. Her face felt like the wettest part of her, despite being shielded form the rain. 'Why do I have to beat myself up like this? It's not like things are even that bad! EXACTLY! I'M A HORRIBLE, BROKEN, SELFISH BRAT! I'M SITTING HERE BEATING MYSELF UP AND WALLOWING IN MISERY WHEN THERE ARE THOSE FAR WORSE OFF THAN ME!' Another choked sob.
'Go flirt with random ponies to boost my confidence, drown some of my doubts in alcohol, get chewed out by a purple prick, and break into tears the next day. That's the worst day of your life? Pathetic. suck it up. suck it up! SUCK IT UP!' By this point she had no more tears left to shed, which surprised her. She figured she would have had more saved up over the years.
After a few more (relatively) dry sobs, Trixie started recovering. She wiped her eyes, which was fairly useless given the weather, and sighed. She occasionally would start beating herself up, but this was the first time in years that she had cried. She was glad that the rain had given her privacy.
From an outside perspective, it was fairly arbitrary. She herself would rarely, if ever, admit to herself what she was truly upset about. She had done so once, and it had taken the arrival of a friendly unicorn to pull her out a guilt spiral that made her most recent bout of self-depreciation seem trivial. 'Maybe because it is trivial...' Trixie shook her head violently. It wouldn't do to go back down that road, not after she had just recovered her dignity. 'What little of it there is, anyway.'
Even though nopony had been around to see it, Trixie's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. 'The Great and Powerful Trixie should have more poise and composure than that! I need to be better at controlling myself. Thoughts about... such thoughts are not helpful. The past is the past. Whatever mistakes I've made are irrelevant. The future is mine to mold, and I shall do so without flaw! Nothing can stop me if I keep my wits. I have skill and talent. I do. It is not up for debate. I just need to direct myself with grace and have a clear purpose.'
Trixie looked at the list Twilight had given her. Trixie was annoyed to see that it was waterproofed. 'That unicorn knew it was going to rain!' She got off the bench and headed towards the Everfree forest. 'I need bits to get back to performing at a suitable level. I may be able to negotiate with Twilight for payment beyond covering my rent. I should ask her if anything survived the wreckage of my caravan. I didn't want to appear desperate, but since I've already ruined my reputation in regards to her, screw that. I can be back on my hooves in a week or two, and be a star again in no time!' Her confidence once again shored up sufficiently, she felt a smile form. Even if she suffered a breakdown from time to time, her life wasn't over. She could still live her dream. She could still be the best unicorn in Equestria! 'Pffft, as if it's hard to be the best of such a group. I just have to convince everyone else, is all.'
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Despite a tendency for xenophobia and feelings of racial superiority in regards to other hoofed creatures, Modern Equestria was almost entirely devoid of racism between the three tribes. Or maybe the correct phrase is 'because of'. It was not nonexistent, however. Usually, the few who held distaste for the other types of ponies were politically wise enough to keep such feelings well hidden. Trixie was anomalous, however, even if she wasn't unique; she was in a position of viewing her own tribe as inferior, while considering herself exempt. Understanding why requires understanding Trixie's past.
Trixie was born while her parents were vacationing in Trottingham. The town's population was decidedly skewed in favor of non-unicorns. Now, this was no simple two week vacation. Trixie's parents were rich enough to afford a 3 year vacation in honor of their foal. The business her mother owned rarely required her direct input, anyway. These 3 years were the happiest of Trixie's life.
Being an outsider and a unicorn, Trixie found herself the center of attention more often than not, especially upon discovering her talent at a very young age. Her parents, being on vacation, were able to shower her with attention almost constantly. Life was good.
However, when she was nearing her third birthday, she and her parents returned to Canterlot. Leaving behind most of her earth pony and pegasus friends and entering a society of rich, snobby unicorns was not Trixie's idea of an improvement. Trixie's parents began coaching her in Canterlot customs, etiquette, and speech, which she tackled halfheartedly. Her time spent in Trottingham and Canterlot ending up giving her a strange accent that wasn't from pretty much anywhere.
The culture shock of moving from Trottingham to Canterlot also resulted in a distaste for unicorns in general and the upper class in particular. The only unicorns she had any love for were her parents and the Royal Sisters, who Trixie saw as essentially ascendant unicorns. The only advantage to Canterlot was its vast libraries, where a young Trixie found many tales of adventure and glory, and its sponsorship of the arts, particularly those of the performing variety. It didn't help her budding racism that most of the best artists (at least in Trixie's opinion) seemed to be earth ponies that happened to have many unicorn critics.
And so Trixie's dream began to take shape: to be an adventuring bard, traveling the land and entertaining those she met, spreading tales of valor. Perhaps, she might even show how amazing a unicorn could be, and be an example to others to counter the deficiency of good unicorns that she perceived.
Her parents had scoffed at the idea, however. Why not stay in Canterlot? She wanted not for money, and if she wanted fame, there was plenty to be had by joining the rest of the nobility at their various events and parties. This was the last straw for Trixie, however. Ever since leaving Trottingham, she had felt more and more ignored by her parents. And now, here they were, dismissing her dreams. She grabbed her saddlebags, the hat and cape her father had given her for her last birthday, and an atlas, and ran away that very night. By the time she had reached Whitetail Woods, she had been consumed by guilt, and had broken down crying.
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Trixie frowned as she recalled running away from home. She had left a note saying that she was leaving to become a traveling performer. That was the last thing she had ever said to her parents, directly or indirectly.
She had (apparently) told Twilight that her parents had died, but the truth felt so much worse. How could anypony respect a spoiled filly that ran away from her rich, loving parents to play adventure? The worst part was that she wasn't even being hunted. There was something honorable in the stereotypical story of the child of nobility fleeing unjust parents, who would then hunt them down to drag them back to an unwanted life.
But no, Trixie didn't even have that. Her parents had mailed her a response to the note she had left, saying that they would not force Trixie to do anything that she didn't want to, and that she was free to live her life as she saw fit. They expressed disappointment that she had run away like that, but were always ready to welcome her back. How could she face them again after something like that? How could anyone feel anything but contempt for her if they knew the truth of her situation? She could hear the jibes now: "What? You have a rich family in Canterlot ready to take you in at a moments notice, and you're sitting here complaining about your career?" And they would be right. There was absolutely no reason for her to be unhappy whatsoever. And yet she wasn't very happy. But that would soon change. She had had a setback, but she was primed to recover from it.
BOOM!
"By Celestia's second horn!" Trixie, startled from her introspection, noticed she was at the edge of the Everfree Forest. The sound had come from deep within the forest. She went to a nearby hill, away from the forest, in an attempt to see over the tops of the trees. She saw birds flying away from a particular spot, where smoke was rising. She momentarily worried about a forest fire, but then remembered reading that trees in the Everfree seemed resistant to fire. It was a matter of speculation as to whether it was a general magical effect, the result of some creature or other, or a innate property of the trees themselves.
Trixie looked back down at Twilight's list, then back at the smoke. 'Well, it is in the Everfree Forest, so I might find these plants along the way. Besides, this is more important than whatever that fussy purple unicorn wants, I'm sure.' She cast a quick directional spell to help her keep her bearings, and plunged into the dark forest.