Chapter 2: You are in the army now, deal with it!
Chapter 2: You are in the army now, deal with it!
We were let to a war camp at the food of a large fortress, were we got dressed at a field armory. Everyone (or is that everypony now?) received a simple suit of armor. Not the fancy golden stuff you see the Royal Guard or the Officers in. No, this armor was made out of plain old steel. It covered the backside and most of the chest and flanks. It was articulated to allow unhindered movement. It also came with a helmet that covered most of the head. It left the eyes and snout free and had holes for ones ears too. That made me feel up my own chain coif. I was surprised, that it had now holes that my ears were sticking through too. My armor had obviously changed along with my body. Makes sense. I think.
I was already dressed for the occasion as Dizzy had pointed out, but I made a point of getting some plate I could wear over my chain mail. You can never have enough armor. So I got myself the whole deal: torso plate, greaves, helmet. Turned out, that my mail was a good addition to the regular plate armor. The mail covered almost all of the places it left blank. Clad in this much steel, I felt like a walking tank. And I was clapping and clattering with every step I took. But I was happy to have the stuff anyway. Having more equipment gives you options to adjust for any purpose. I like having options.
We received some boffer weapons too. Fairly simple models that looked like an oversized foam club. But they would work for training purpose.
Each earth pony received a large kite shield that was strapped to its right shoulder. It covered about half of my right flank and my right leg. I had no Idea how we were supposed to use it at this point.
Our equipment was completed with saddlebags that contained camping equipment and stuff. Among other things there were two large blankets, a brush, a bowl and a water bottle.
When we had all finished dressing word had spread through the crowd about what our purpose in this world was. Someone (or pony) had asked on of the locals about it and the answer had spread like wildfire. If you are not familiar with the Equestrian Mock War from Equestria Daily, I will explain it for you briefly.
Every four years Equestria and the Griffon Empire go to a mock war to celebrate seven hundred years of peace. The war is fought with boffer weapons, water balloons and such. Due to a large population growth in the Empire, the griffons highly outnumber the equestrian combatants. The ponies suffered a humiliating defeat four years ago. But this year the great and powerful Trixie is helping with the war. She conceived a spell that summoned creatures from another dimension and turned them into ponies to fight in the war.
I was a little puzzled on the last part, so I put the theory I had come up with to the test.
“Favorite pony?” I asked the pegasus right next to me.
“Rainbow Dash.” he said after short consideration and gave me a curious look.
I asked the same question to another pony. “Rarity.” he answered.
That was enough information for a proof by induction. If I were a brony, and the next, as well as the second next pony were bronies, that meant that all of the summoned ponies were bronies. (I know mathematical induction does not work that way, but it was good enough at that time.)
It makes sense if you think about it. Bronies count in the ten thousands, they like ponies and they know a lot about Equestria. If you were to summon someone who had never even heard about My Little Pony, he would surely suffer a nervous break down. As it was, no one looked to shaken by the experience of having been changed to a horse. Most looked quite happy with the situation and there were a lot of discussions going on, you would normally only find in a pony board or brony meeting.
After everypony (alright, I stick with the pony from now on) got dressed, we were led through the camp and pairs of us were assigned to tents. They were small tents, not much more than a white tarpaulin put up in a triangle with two sticks. We Germans call tents like this “Dackelgarage”. This said, there was still enough room for two ponies and their equipment. I had the distant feeling that I would be carrying this tent on my back before the war was over.
“So I have to share this bucking small tent with a big colt like you?” someone called from behind me. I turned around and faced a dark brown earth pony with curly green hair and a well-trimmed mustache of the same color. He was about a head smaller than me and was hardly filling out his armor.
“Eh, looks that way.” I answered and shrugged. But I could see that he was faking his stern look.
“Look on the bright side. When parasprites come at night to eat us, my screaming will give you a fair chance to run before they are done with me!” I joked and put on my best smile. He had to chuckle at that remark.
“Fair enough mate. By the way my name's Richard.” he replied and offered his hoof.
“Sebastian, but everypony calls me Sebbaa.” I told him and shook his hoof.
With the introductions done, I could not help but yawn tired. By now the sun was setting, and it had been a long and strange day.
“I'll hit the feathers.” I explained, but a look inside our tent made me revise that. “Make that hit the hay.”
I lowered my head to the ground and shook it, with that motion, my helmet and coif came off easy enough. There was no way however, I could have taken off the rest of my armor on my own.
“Mind helping me unbuckle the heavy metal?” I asked Richard.
We had helped each other out of our gear soon and crawled into the tent. It was hardly comfortable, but I had worse. My bunk mate didn't seem to mind either. “Night mate.” he said and was snoring softly soon after. I however could not sleep that easily. I laid awake for long hours and watched the moon rise. I had so many thoughts an questions spin in my head. What is the meaning of live? Would I see the Mane Six? Or Princess Luna? What does a pony look like under its tail? When finally the moon rose, my mind stopped buzzing. The sight of Lunas celestial body overtook all other thoughts. Maybe it was because we were far from any city or because the air was so clean, but I had never seen such an beautiful night sky. Or maybe the Equestrian night sky is just that amazing. I fell asleep while stargazing.
I was woken by the loud blast of a trumpet. Or was it a french horn? Never mind, it was way to early! The sun had barely risen above the horizon. I wanted to just roll over and go back to sleep again, but my bunk mate wouldn't let me.
“Come on! This is no holiday camp. We have to get up for the morning muster. Welcome to the army soldier!” he said and poked my flank jokingly. I groaned and rolled to my hooves. Larping can make you forget, that there are drawbacks to being in the army. We might play at war and adventure, but there is now way you will get up early if you have been drinking all night, so we don't do morning muster. Furthermore I am not a morning person. I can get up early, given the proper motivation, but I prefer to sleep at least till ten. Just as well, my stomach growled and delivered some motivation.
“Is there some time for breakfast before the muster?” I asked my mate. He was already outside of the tent and looked around.
“Looks that way. All of the officers are at the mess.” he answered.
I crawled out of the tent and stretched my legs and back. “Alright! Let's get some coffee!” I exclaimed and we trotted of for the mess.
There was already a line for food and someponies were sitting at long wooden tables, munching quietly. There had also formed a crowd of ponies complaining to the cook. I had a fairly good guess what they were complaining about. It was confirmed when me and Richard got our portions. Breakfast consisted of a pile of hay and a bucket of water. I could not help but laugh as I carried it over to a table. My mate followed and looked at me puzzled when he took his place at the other side of the table.
“Whats so funny?” he asked.
I shook my head and stiffed my laughter. “It's this one line from an Asterix comic.” I explained, “the better an army is, the worse is its food. But I had no idea the Equestrian army was this good.! I started giggling again and he just shook his head. Maybe he didn't know Asterix. I have now idea how popular the series is outside of Germany anyway.
When I found my composure again, he was still eying his food and tested it with a hoof.
“Eat your hay, it's good for you!” I advised and had to chuckle again. Then I faced my own meal. I am usually not very reluctant when it comes to try out new food. I like food! But hay was hardly new.
I sniffed at it. It smelled like hay. It looked like hay. The hay! It would probably taste like hay!
“Here goes nothing!” I exclaimed and took a mouth full (or is that muzzle full now?) of the dried grass and started chewing. I had closed my eyes, dreading the horror I was about to inflict to my tongue. But as I chewed on the hay, I opened them again in wonder. This actually didn't taste bad.
Richard looked at me expectantly. “And?” he asked.
“You can eat it.” I answered, muzzle still half full of hay. I swallowed and took a good long drink from the water bucket.
“It is a bit like spaghetti without any sauce. Does not taste bad, but does not taste good either. Just try it.”
I am pretty sure I could not eat hay as a human. I tried it since the war and it was awful. The way I figured it is that along with my body, my tastes had been transformed to that of a pony too. So I could eat hay and grass and daisy sandwich and whatnot. The change in taste did not stop with food though. But I will get to that later.
Richard and I were quickly finishing our breakfast. Good thing the hay came with a whole bucket of water, because that stuff sure is dry! By now the crowd of complainers had reached a critical mass and their bickering was getting on my nerves. I sat up and turned around, anger on my face.
“Stop complaining about the food before you have even tried it!” I shouted. I have a pretty strong voice. That can lead to conflict with your neighbors, when they think your laughing (or snoring) is hindering their sleep. But when you want people (ponies) to listen to you, it has its advantages. Quiet fell over the mess, everyponies eyes were on me. I shot each of them an angry glare.
“I prefer beacon and eggs for breakfast as much as you do.” I told them, “but this is not Kansas any more and you better get used to the cuisine. Or do you see any of us spitting the stuff back out!” I pointed my hoof at everypony sitting at the tables and eating.
“You are a pony now! Deal with it!” I finished my angry speech and sat back down at my table. I took another muzzle full of hay and chewed it irritated.
Turned out the encouragement was what most ponies had needed to get past their prejudices. Most of them tried their hay and settled at the tables for breakfast. Only a hand full (can I use that?) of unteachable complainers remained.
“Let's get dressed and head to the muster mate. Don't want to be late on my first day!” Richard said when we both had finished breakfast. I nodded and we headed back to our tent immediately.
We were training armed combat shortly after the muster. I was wearing my chain mail and coif again. It was heavy enough to get me used wearing armor in combat without slowing me down like my full equipment would have. I will not lie, I could really use the exercise.
We were paired up in twos and general Ditzy Doo was walking along the lines, observing and giving advice wherever she went. My sparring partner was a small earth pony with of tan color with a greenish mane. I am actually pretty big as a human. (1.90 meters if you must know) So I am kinda used to everyone being smaller than me. I did not notice before, but now it struck me, that I must be about Bigmac size. The other pony had taken up his boffer and looked at me a little frightened.
“Oh don't worry, I will pull my swings.” I said before I picked up my own weapon.
Now this was one thing, that always bothered me about earth ponies and pegasi. Missing hands and magic, they had to pick up everything with their muzzle. You saw that one episode where Mr. Cake changed the diapers of his children? Juck!
I have thought about ponies using human weapons and other items for some time. To me it didn't make sense and, if I am honest, it still doesn't. But fact is, they do and somehow it works.
When I took a few practice swings with the boffer in my mouth, it didn't fell as strange as I thought it would. I faced my sparring partner and signaled him that I was ready.
He came at me swinging widely. But he had misjudged his reach and his blow came in short, missing me by an inch. I acted instinctive and hit him on the head. He jumped back and looked just as puzzled as I felt, but was none worse for the wear. (You don't hit people on the head in German larp. But in a duel with another pony, the head just happens to be the prominent hitting zone. I was a bit shocked at my own reaction though.)
His second attack didn't end well for him too. As he came at me, I leaned my head back and he missed again. His swing left him wide open and I slapped him on the back of his head. I tried my best to pull my blows, so it didn't hurt him at all.
“Have you done this before?” he asked me after his third try. I nodded, shook my head, shrugged and put my boffer on the ground so I could speak.
“I am a pretty good fighter with boffer swords. That is, I am with hands. This is strange for me too.” I explained puzzled. He raised an eyebrow and starred at me for a few more seconds. I shrugged, I didn't know what was going on at this point. He finally shrugged too and got his boffer up again. We went swinging at each other for a few more minutes. By now we had attracted the attention of several trainees around us. Some were trying to emulate my stance or the way I swung the weapon. They were not the only onlookers though.
“What seems to be the problem recruit?” the general asked, as she stepped behind my opponent. He jumped up in shock and let his weapon fall from his mouth. It took him a few seconds before could answer the general.
“I can't hit him, no matter what I try. He is just too good general.” he explained.
“Oh? I might want to see that for myself.” Dizzy said and a mischievous smirk appeared on her face. “Recruit, your weapon!” she ordered my opponent and he gladly obeyed. He gave her the boffer and moved out of the way.
This was an unexpected turn of events. The general probably wanted to give me a good bashing to show me that I had yet lot to learn. But I felt happy excitement overcome me as I readied myself for assault. I love fighting and I love to face a good strong opponent. I couldn't stop myself from grinning at the general.
That of course did only stir her on more. “You ready Recruit?” she asked. (I have no Idea how she managed to speak at all with a boffer in her mouth. Practice I guess.)
As soon as I nodded, she charged at me and swung a lightning fast strike at my chin. I stepped back and barely managed to avoid it. I felt the wind of the blow on my face.
She continued to shower me with a hail of strikes from all direction. Somehow I was able to avoid and block all of them, but I was forced further back. But not for long. As I overcame my initial shock, my skills from years of boffer fighting took over. I stopped backing up and started to counterattack after each of her attacks. I had more reach than Dizzy and slowly forced her back.
I still didn't know at that point why I was able to fight with a sword in my mouth, but I think I have figured it out now. It's part of the transformation spell. It did not only transform our bodies and tastes, but our skill too. At least the motoric skills like walking and jumping, or metalworking or in my case sword fighting. Every skill you don't have to think about to use had been transformed. So in my case all of the sword fighting I could do with two hands had been transformed to skills a pony could use with its muzzle. Makes sense if you think about it. We wouldn't been of any use, if we had to learn to walk and talk as ponies before we could fight the griffons.
Me and Dizzy were circling each other, waiting for an opening. Fencing is sometimes described as dancing with swords. And I can see how that works. You have to be constantly on the move to adjust to you opponent. Keep him in your best striking distance, while keeping him out of his. Making him give an opening, while not giving one yourself.
Suddenly the general charged at me at dazzling speed and leaned in for a low swipe to take out my legs. I had been distracted, or simply too slow, but she had closed the gap and underrun my defense before I could react. Jumping up my front legs and rearing on my hind ones, I was able to avoid the blow before it connected. I raised my sword to swing it down on her head when I came back down. But it never came to that.
Dizzy jumped an tackled me in the belly as soon as I had reared on my hind legs. I was wide open and damn she was fast. She used her wings, gained speed with a few strong strokes. I was overwhelmed. I lost balance, took a few more steps back, before her momentum threw me on my back. She landed on my unprotected underside and put her sword point to my throat. I was pinned.
“You have potential, a bit easily distracted though.” she said with an approving smile.
“Well, I have a weakness for pretty mares in armor.” I countered with a smirk. The comment took her back for a second. It was all the time I needed. Using her distraction, I battled her sword from my throat with a quick turn of the head and kicked her off my belly.
“Best three out of five?!” I exclaimed as I rolled and jumped back to my hooves.
The General had been thrown clear of me and a few meters into the air. I didn't know that I had hit her that strong, but then again she was a pegasus. Lucky me she was unharmed and landed graceful a few meters from me.
“Oh I will swipe that stupid grin of your face yet recruit!” she said as she took my challenge, sporting a mischievous smirk herself.
We went at each other again. No one pulled their blows any longer. The battle was raging either way. I had more reach and strength, but she was much faster and agile. I waved a net of boffer around me with my weapon as she dashed at me from every direction. I had to give it my all to keep her form underrunning my defense again.
But I was tiring fast. I had about thirty more seconds before I would run out of breath and she could pummel my stupid, sorry, breathless flank. I had to land a decisive blow fast or suffer humiliating defeat.
She gave me the opportunity herself as she dashed for another thrust at my head. She had overcommitment herself to that attack and was slightly off-balance. I took the opportunity by its mane, blocked her sword and redirected her blow to my right. At the same time I stretched out my right leg and used my left one to push her further into the direction I wanted her. She stumbled over my right leg and I used my leverage to wrestle her to the ground. I pinned her with body and now it was my time to put my boffer to her throat.
I was panting heavily, sweat ran down my face and soaked my beard. I looked at the gray mare expectantly.
“Alright, you win.” she said defiantly when she finally gave in. I grinned in happy triumph and took the boffer from her throat.
“You can go off me now!” she mentioned annoyed, when I did not move at once.
“Oh sorry.” I apologized and quickly got off her and on my legs. I offered her a hoof. She took it and pulled herself up.
After she had composed herself and righted her armor, she took off her helmet and shook out her hair. “You're not a bad fighter. A brilliant fighter actually.” she said with an approving smile.
“I am?” I asked. “Yes I think I am.” I said to myself as realization struck me. I had just defeated the general! And it had been fantastic! Adrenaline was still rushing through my body, my hart pounded, I felt great! A bright glow, that could even been seen from under my chain mail gave me pause. It came from my flank. With an unbelieving face I pulled up my mail with a hoof to reveal my coat underneath. The sight made my heart jump up in joy! There it was, clear against my golden fur stood my very own cutie mark. It showed two swords crossed over an iron shield. I grinned stupidly as I saw this.
Now you might find this curious. A brony, summoned to Equestria for the mock war and he gets a fighting cutie mark? Who writes this shit? I only found out much later why I got this cutie mark too, but I can explain it to you know.
In our world, I don't have a special talent. I have several things I am good at. A lot actually. Science, art, crafting, poker. The list goes on. But I am not brilliant at anything. If I have a special talent, it would be the lack of a special talent.
But in Equestria obviously my specialty was fighting. When later other brownies got their cutie marks too, I came up with a theory. It is again the nature of the spell. It strengths one of our talents that is useful in the mock war. That makes sense, for they didn't have much need for a brilliant poet or sculptor. They needed warriors. So many of us got cutie marks for fighting, flying, sneaking, artillery, repairing armor or cooking.
“Nice flank you got there recruit.” the general commented with a cocky smirk. “What is your name?” I now think she was flirting with me, but I was absolutely oblivious to it at the time.
“Sebastian, but everyone calls me Sebbaa.” I answered truthful. Dizzy only shook her head.
“That wont do. You need a proper warriors name, a pony name!” she announced. I raised my eyebrows. Now here was something that doesn't happen every day.
“How about Prototype.” I offered. It is a pony name I came up with myself back on earth. But the gray mare shook her head again.
“No, that doesn't fit.” she said. She scratched the back of her head with her hoof as she thought for a few seconds.
“How about Shield Wall?” she finally asked. “Yes, I think that will do nicely!” she added with a happy grin.
Now how would I ever refuse Dizzy when she thinks she has a good idea? It would be like stealing her muffins!
“Works for me.” I answered with a shrug.
“Alright, Shield Wall it is!” the general announced for everypony to hear.
“You've got talent Shield Wall. Lets see how well you handle command. I'll give you a lance to lead.” she told me and set her helmet back on her head. “For now, take over and show these raw recruits how to hold a sword!” With that order she took flight and headed for another part of the camp.
I stood there for a few moments to gather myself. Another unexpected event. And I didn't know what she meant with commando of a lance either. Would have to wait and see. For now I had to train some recruits!
Now I can easily show someone how to fight with a sword. That is I can show him how to hold it in his HANDS. But in Equestria I had no idea. The whole fight had just been instinct, reaction. I didn't know what I had been doing. So I closed my eyes for a second and thought about what I had been doing. The fight played out before my inner eye. I could see myself and the general, circling, dashing, avoiding and trading blows. I could imagine it though the eyes of another pony and it almost looked like two ponies dancing. “Alright. I can do this!” I said to myself as I opened my eyes.
“Everypony, gather around me in a half circle!” I ordered the other recruits. They quickly followed suit and did as I told. Everypony was eying me expectantly.
“Now look. This is how you hold a sword!”
