I hadn't been able to sleep and was trying to lift things with my hoof as I had done at the party, I was failing miserably, due to the cracking glass cup I was now glaring daggers at. "Fuck it." I gave up trying and grabbed the nearest trash can to throw the cup away. Bon bon was working and Lyra had some recital so I had the whole house to myself, back home I'd be searching for places to hide weapons and ammo, but having a lack of both-along with my hands-I just decided to go flying for a bit. I left the house and locked it, taking the spare key with me, before taking off. I loved flying, it made me forget my worries and remember the good of my life. I would like to die flying-if I could die. That single thought didn't even ruin my mood, I think I might go get that massage later. I thought to myself before I landed, a bit hard, outside of Ditzy's home and knocked. This time Ditzy answered. The grey pegasus smiled at me, one eye looking at me the other looking at the floor, "Hi James. How are you?" she asked, just as happy as ever.
"I'm fine Ditzy. Where's the Doctor?" I asked her. She put a hoof on her chin in thought before answering.
"Oh right! He went out to get something to eat. He didn't say where though." She smiled and I thanked her before flying off in search of the stallion. Meanwhile a Pegasus driven Chariot landed within a clearing near Ponyville's library. In the carriage were two ponies, a pink alicorn and a white unicorn. Prince Shining Armor, captain of the Royal guard, and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, preferably known as Cadence. Twilight stood in the open door to her home and business with a large smile. "Shining armor, Cadence! Nice to see you two again." she greeted them as they approached.
"Nice to see you too Twily." Shining greeted back. Cadence greeted Twilight differently. They both bounced in place before crouching down with their hooves over their eyes and lifting the hooves, sitting up immediately after and clapping their hooves together before finishing with a shake of their flanks, all the while saying, "Sunshine, sunshine. Ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake." They all laughed. Twilight stepped aside to let her family inside. Once the three of them were inside Cadence spoke, "So Twilight do you know where James is?"
"I don't know. He might be at his apartment with Bon bon and Lyra or out with the Doctor." Twilight
I see him. Shining armor thought as I flew nearby. "I think he might be on his way to meet the Doctor, he just flew by the window." Shining said, his voice a little less happy than earlier.
"How about we go meet them?" Cadence asked.
"I think that's a great idea." Twilight answered. Shining just smiled and nodded. The three of them rose and left, while Spike was still sleeping upstairs.
I flew around Ponyville a few times, I had found the Doctor earlier but just wanted to fly a bit more, before landing next to the chestnut stallion. "Hello Doctor."
"Hello James, Dinky told me you wanted to talk to me about something." he said as he lifted up a cup with both hooves. I nodded and sat down across from him, "This isn't the question but are you having trouble using hooves like hands?" I wondered. He sighed and glared at the cup, "Yes I am. I mean how do these ponies do that!? I mean it's physically impossible!" He began shouting, I joined in.
"I know! I mean do all ponies have suction cup hooves?! And what pisses me off more is that I actually picked something up at the party and I can't figure out how I fucking did it!" I noticed a mare cover her child's ears and glare at me, I ignored her.
"Really now? What was it that you picked up James?" he wondered. I told him it was a bottle of hot sauce, the one I had drank at the party. The Doctor smiled and his order, a Daffodil sandwich with a side of hay fries, came. The waiter asked if I wanted anything I shook my head, he left. I returned my gaze to the Doctor and saw two familiar unicorns and a third pony I had never seen before approach. The Doctor saw my expression change to its usual uninterested look and turned to see the approaching ponies. He waved to them, "Hello Twilight Sparkle, Shining armor and Princess Cadence." They waved back and sat down around the table, Twilight between me and the Doctor, Cadenza on his other side and Shining between me and her. He glared at me, I returned the look.
"What's got you two so angry?" Cadenza asked. Neither of us answered as we continued our stand off. She shook Shining's shoulder and he turned away to face his wife.
"I'm sorry Cadence, what did you say?" he smiled sheepishly. She smiled at him and turned to me, not bothering to ask again. "You're James right?"
"Yeah I am." I spoke as emotionless as ever.
"I am Princess Cadence. You know my husband Shining armor..." he smirked at me as she said this, "He and Twilight both tell me that you had your legs broken earlier this week."
"Yeah I did. What of it?"
She was taken aback by this news, "I thought they were joking! They said you shouldn't be able to move." She looked at me worriedly. "Tell me how old are you?" she asked as something else they said entered her mind.
"What happened is none of your business." The Doctor gave me a look of disapproval and Shining armor began staring daggers at me. "As for my age. I can't remember. Like I told Twilight I stopped counting after 2500." her jaw dropped. The waiter passed by again, asking for orders and bowing to Cadence. Twilight ordered a daisy sandwich and an apple juice, Shining didn't order, Cadence ordered an apple turnover. The waiter galloped off to get the orders as our conversation continued. "That's not possible, how can you still look so young?" she asked. I looked at the Doctor and answered.
"I'm not going to talk about that."
"Oh, did it happen before? Twilight said you had a bad past." I looked at the mare mentioned and shook my head. She lowered hers, Shining's gaze intensified.
"Yeah my life is a bad area to talk about." The waiter returned with Cadence's turnovers and left to take care of the other orders. She used her magic to levitate the food to her mouth. Silence overtook the table and I began watching clouds float lazily by, seeing the pegasi pushing them from behind. The silence was broken by Cadence, "I saw your Cutie mark is a drop of blood. Are you a scientist?" I shook my head, "Oh... Are you a doctor?" I shook my head again. "What is your special talent?" she asked. I scowled and stood up.
"Well this was fun but I'm going to go." I told them and began walking off. I heard whispering behind me and froze when she asked her next question.
"Do you have a special somepony?" I knew what that meant and it struck me.
"Not anymore." Those two words were spoken coldly and painfully.
Before anyone could say anything I flew away as fast as I could, leaving Cadence feeling guilty about asking that question. The Doctor and Shining put their hooves on her shoulders, "It's not your fault Cadence." Shining armor consoled her.
"Yes, it isn't your fault your highness. That is one subject that hurts James more than anything." The Doctor explained. He then went on to tell them about Rosemary and how happy we were together until she was killed, he didn't go into the details of what she looked like after but they had known enough. Even Shining armor was feeling sorry for me. Cadence was feeling worse and she wanted to make it up to me somehow. The waiter returned with the others orders, oblivious to what had just happened. The four of them spoke over what they were going to do to try and make me feel better about this.
I had flown home and was sulking on the couch in the living room of the house. I stayed there for a good few hours before leaving again to fly around, I didn't feel like doing anything else. I stopped to chat shortly with Applejack and three small fillies, the chat with the latter didn't last longer than telling them that I wasn't going to talk about my cutie mark. They ran off to go try something to earn their cutie marks.
I returned home to Lyra and Bon bon sitting on the couch and talking about their days. They saw me come in and asked how my day was, "I've had worse." Was my answer, they asked what happened. "Forget about it. Can't do anything about it now. Can't do anything anymore." I sighed and walked up to my room, they decided to let me have some privacy. I went straight to my bed and lay there as memories of Rosemary flew around my mind. I tried my best to ignore them and went to sleep it was difficult trying. This time no memories of the cruel murders of my family or Rosemary. Only a dark blue alicorn with a flowing mane that seemed to be made of the night sky. We sat in the throne room of the princess's castle. "Greetings James Phoenix." she spoke with authority. I did a double take on the room we were in one more time, the glass panes each showed something from my past instead of Equestria's past. She turned to them as well.
"These, James, as you can tell are pieces of your past that have shaped you into the being you are today." My gaze lingered on a glass pane that had my family kneeling and lined up with soldiers taking aim.
"Who are you and how did I get here?" I asked. The alicorn smiled at me and continued with a speech before answering.
"We know thou is not a pony and we have seen what thou hast done. Though we cannot condone the deaths thou caused we art forgiving. We are Princess Luna, protector of the night and of dreams."
"So I'm dreaming right now?" I asked her. She nodded. "Leave then." She stared at me in shock.
Knowing this was a dream I stood on my hind legs and forced my body to return to its human form. I was a head higher than Luna, my hair was the same length as it was before, still messy too. I was wearing my leather army jacket with all tags torn off, a plain long sleeve shirt underneath and my blue jeans, I flexed my fingers and smiled God knows I've missed you fingers.. "How darest thou speak to royalty in such a rude manner!" she shouted.
I looked at her, "Look, I appreciate not letting me relive their deaths like every night but I'd rather not have anything in my mind." I looked at the panes, they were now all holding the picture of Isaac strapped to the machine. When I turned back she was in my face, glaring angrily. I returned her stare with my own uncaring expression, seeming more menacing on my human body.
She stared not just into my eyes but into my soul itself, she knew how I viewed myself: a man who deserves to die for being unable to save those he cared about and getting them killed. She knew I would rather be dead than alive and had slaughtered hundreds of guards without remorse. Essentially my eyes seemed soulless and angry. "Why are you still here?" I asked her.
"Our sister wished for us to speak with thou."
"Of course she did." I sighed.
"We have watched thy dreams and are saddened by them. Although what thy brother spoke was true, thou art safe here. Forget your past and look to the future." she tried to cheer me up, it was failing.
"Look to the future?" I laughed coldly, "How should I do that when I know that's the only thing that'll happen. I'll live on and everything else will die." I looked into the glass panes, this time they showed a maimed body. A tear escaped my eye, "Immortality, is it salvation or damnation?" I asked myself as I walked to the pane and rested my fingers on it, it distorted along with the rest of the vision. Luna began flying away.
"Forget thy past, create better memories for thyself!" she shouted.
"I'd listen to her James." I heard Isaac speak right before I woke up.