Story of my life is pain, so it wasn’t very surprising that pain was the first thing I felt when I woke up. My back felt like one big massive bruise, and it really didn’t help that I was laying on it. With a groan, I rolled over. There was a sudden falling sensation and then I felt cold. My eyes snapped open and I found myself laying on the floor of a small prison cell, tangled in a light blanket. Before I could question why I was laying on the floor of a cell in a blanket, my memory kicked back in. “Oh...right...” I muttered to myself.
The reason I felt so cold became obvious a few seconds later as I looked myself over. I’d been stripped of my armor, my weapons my gear...heck, my everything. Aside from the blanket, I was bare ass naked. ...So apparently this was one of those kinds of prisons. I’d ended up in couple places in worlds past that had stripped their prisoners of everything, including clothes. Supposedly, they justified it in the name of maintaining order. After all, no clothes means a lot less places to hide weapons or contraband. Well, without resorting to more...disgusting hiding places anyway. But from my own experiences, it only served as a way to rob their prisoners of that much more dignity, and in the case of some of the more sadistic guards, a way to make indulging their lusts that much easier.
...I wish I could say that this wasn’t first hand experience.
Crap...it was happening already, and I’d barely woken up. I hate being locked up, because it gives me nothing to do but think. And when I get to thinking, I start doing a lot of remembering...and unfortunately, the bad outweighs the good in that department. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, leaning back against the edge of the bunk I’d unceremoniously rolled out of. Speaking of remembering, most of the ponies I’d seen out on the streets barely had any sort of clothing on. Even the guards had only been wearing armor. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions and they just didn’t realize that us humans usually don’t go around in the buff? ...Or maybe...humans on this world went nude too? That...would be really awkward assuming I ever managed to get to any human settlements. Well, it might not be THAT bad, depending on what the men looked like...
I started laughing at the idea. Planet of the pony people AND the nudist people? Yeah, this would be a strange one even for me. The nice kind of strange for once though. After a couple minutes, I calmed down to quiet chuckling and finally sighed, running my hands through my hair. Then I froze when I realized I haven’t quite been stripped of everything. You see, I have my brown hair done in in dozens of little braids. Looks nice, but wrapped inside a lot of those braids, are tiny little knives that can be used as weapons...or lockpicks.
I threw the blanket aside and shot to my feet. I prowled around my cell, looking around carefully. From what I’d seen so far, I didn’t think this world was at a progress level high enough to have video cameras, but it was always wise to look. A quick check showed me correct...though it didn’t rule out magical scrying. Nothing I could do about that though, so either they were watching me or they weren’t. I unwound one of the braids containing a knife, knelt down next to the cell’s door and got to work on the lock.
It proved almost ridiculously easy to crack, and my knife wasn’t exactly the ideal tool for the job either. I had barely pushed the door ajar when I did that pesky thinking thing again and had a thought. I was likely in the deepest part of some jail or guardpost, probably a lot deeper inside the city than I’d been when I’d arrived, and I now had next to no equipment. What exactly was breaking out supposed to get me? I could probably take out the first few guards that were undoubtedly waiting for me. But I had nothing to combat the magic users, and even discounting them, there would probably be at least one elite fighter around and without my armor, I would almost certainly come out the worse in a fight this time around.
I glared at the door, as if blaming it for the thought that had actually come from me. I hated being locked up...but right now, an escape attempt would be more likely to just get me injured again, and probably wouldn’t do anything to help the trouble I was already in. With a frustrated sigh, I closed the cell again, but slipped the knife into the door latch, so that it would stick in a closed position, but I could easily just push it open again if I happened to come up with an escape plan that might actually work. See? I can make smart decisions too. Homer would be so proud. I miss him, at least he’d be someone to talk to.
As if the gods of irony decided to rub it in(and they exist, I know), I heard the sound of a door opening, and after leaning through the bars to see who it was, who should I see but birdboy himself. Ironshod was back in his full armor, apparently having found his helmet and gotten a replacement for the shoe(glove, both?) I’d destroyed. His footsteps rang loudly against the stone floor as he marched over to come to a halt in front of me. His eyes glanced me over as we stared at each other in silence for a moment. With his mask, I couldn’t read his expression, as I could only see his eyes and ears. For all I knew he could be doing anything from admiring my extensive collection of scars or checking me out.
What? Humanoid or not, he was still a guy, and a girl likes to be found attractive. Besides, I’d seen way weirder possible pairings, trust me.
Once again he was the first one to say something. “I see you’re awake.”
I stepped back from the bars and shrugged. “So you’re still alive.” With his dark coloring, it was hard to tell if he was even still singed or not, and it made me wonder how long I’d been out if he’d had time to get himself patched up.
“Not for lack of trying on your part,” he said, almost snappishly. Ooo, had I hurt his guy pride? “Since you were unconscious when it happened, it is my duty to inform you that you have been placed under arrest in the name of her majesties Celestia and Luna of Equestria.”
Those names...they rang a MAJOR bell with me. Damn, why couldn’t I think of what it was? Before I could figure it out, he continued.
He produced a small scroll and opened it, “You are charged with assault against officers of the guard, resisting arrest, suspicion of murder, attempted murder, arson, destruction of property, use of a Class S illegal magical effect...and littering.”
Littering!? All that and they stick me with a littering charge too? At least he’d had the decency to sound embarrassed about that last one. ...And ok, I guess leaving a big chunk of shuttle in the middle of a street somewhere could technically count, but... Wait, back up.
“Class S illegal magic effect? Look, I get you’re pissy about nearly getting roasted via fireball, but, really-” I started to protest, but he interrupted.
“I’m talking about the anti-magic field you activated in the middle of Canterlot!” he yelled. “You’re bucking lucky that its effect was limited to your person or you could have killed everyone in the vicinity or worse!”
That shut me up right quick and practically knocked me back on my heels. This was about the anti-magic field? I’d never thought of that sort of thing as exactly dangerous. Ok, sure, drop one on someone using magical flight a hundred feet up, or zap a wizard with one and stick them with pointy things, and I guess it would count as dangerous, but I’d never considered that it could be directly lethal to anything not a magical construct. But I’d apparently gone and set off this world’s equivalent of a nuke in the middle of a city. Oh joy, and here I’d thought I was already in a bad spot. Guess I was one execution away from finally finding out just how much worse my personal hell could get...
“However,” he went on. Damn you irony gods. “Due to the fact that you are not an Equestrian citizen, and due to your...special circumstances...your trial has been forgone, and your punishment will be placed in the authority of a representative of her majesty, Princess Luna.”
Well that sounded...ok, actually I wasn’t sure what it was supposed to sound like. However, I could guess that it probably meant a stay of execution, or they wouldn’t be turning me over to some government representative. “Does this involve me getting out of this cell?”
He grunted. “This one, yes. Whether or not you end up in another one will be up to the representative. Whatever he has in mind, I’ll be tagging along to keep an eye on you.”
I tilted my head to the side curiously. “I thought you said you were on leave?”
I didn’t need to see his face to feel the glare he gave me, especially since his ears also splayed back angrily. “I was but then someone decided to start enough trouble to make them call everyone on hand back to duty.” His expression, what I could see of it, softened a bit then. “Still, I suppose I should thank you, since I hear we’re going to be headed to Ponyville. Little place like that should be good for peace and quiet, and if not, I hear they throw great parties.”
Memory was tingling again, but I pushed it aside for the moment. I had other priorities first. “Fine, we get a trip to party central. What about my gear?”
“Your equipment has been confiscated and will be turned over to a specialist for study and possible disposal.”
“That’s bullshit!” I spat, leaning forward against the bars to get as close to in his face as I could. “That’s my beskar’gam and if you think I’m gonna let you take it, you’ve got mir'osik!” I snarled. They couldn’t take my armor from me! It was practically a part of me...and I couldn’t lose Homer...not after everything we’d been through.
He stared at me for a moment before responding. “Right...I don’t know what that means, but I can guess something nasty. And maybe I wasn’t clear, but you committed a war crime! That kind of weapon hasn't been used in millennia. Discord, Nightmare Moon, changelings, diamond dogs, Sombra, none of those monsters even considered using one. You fired one off in a major population center! We had to look the law up just to charge you correctly! You should thank the Princesses that you’re getting off lightly.”
I slammed my hands against the bars angrily before turning away to pace in frustration. I glanced at the cell door. Ironshod was standing close enough to it that if I slammed it open fast enough, I could pin him against the bars with it, then use the knife to take him out. But he was fast, fully armored, and strong enough to shatter stone. I’d have to be precise to stab him in a vulnerable spot, and I’d only get one shot. After that he’d probably trample me to a bloody pulp...
As I was still working out a plan of attack, I heard the door to the cellblock open again. As we both turned to see the new arrivals, I heard Ironshod mutter, “It’s about time,” under his breath.
A pegasus guard entered first, then stepped to the side and stood at attention next to the door. The next person to enter took me enough by surprise that I barely took note of the other pony that accompanied him.
He was human.
Tall, at least six feet, reasonably built, and looked to be maybe somewhere in his...fifties, maybe. And he was also dressed in casual, but stylish, clothes. So much for the nudist theory.
“Down here, Mr. Roberts,” Ironshod called, waving them over.
They walked over to join us, and the human held out a hand in greeting. “Hello there Major...?”
Ironshod looked at him blankly for a moment before slipping off a shoe and shaking his hand with a talon. I noticed he grasped him by the wrist instead of by the hand. “Ironshod. Equestrian guard.” They released each other, and he gestured at me. “This is your prisoner. Didn’t get a name yet though.”
“Didn’t give one,” I muttered.
The other human, Roberts, raised an eyebrow at Ironshod’s talons but didn’t comment. Instead he shrugged. “Introductions all around then. I’m Alex Roberts,” he said, turning towards me, “And this...is... oh dear...”
If I hadn’t been so pissed off at the moment, I probably would have laughed. He’d obviously only just noticed I didn’t have anything on, because he suddenly went bright red and averted his eyes.
Still, this was too good a teasing opportunity to completely pass up. Crossing my arms under my chest, I looked at him and gave a raised eyebrow worthy of Mr. Spock. “Something wrong?”
The pony accompanying him did burst out laughing. “Ha! Told you that they wouldn’t have remembered about the clothing thing!’ she said elbowing him playfully. “You owe me five bits!”
I gave her a smirk that almost immediately faded as I got a good look at her for the first time. She was a light blue pegasus with rose colored eyes, wearing what appeared to be a set of brown saddlebags...and sporting a rainbow striped mane and tail...
The rusty gears in my head finally started turning, bringing up a snippet of a song I’d once had stuck in my head for half a week after I’d first heard it.
Been dreaming, I’ve been waiting, to fly with those great ponies...
All at once everything clicked into place. Colorful ponies, the armor design, Celestia, Luna, Ponyville, Canterlot...Equestria. I was in Equestria, from the My Little Pony cartoon. The really good one, I mean.
Now, I’d been to ‘fictional’ universes I’d been familiar with before, but it’d never really hit me as hard as this because I’d never met a ‘main character’ before. Back when I was on Mandalore in Star Wars, I hadn’t hung out with Boba Fett, or prowled the galaxy in Slave 1 or anything. I’d never met Luke Skywalker or Han Solo or anyone like that. It’d just been another new reality to me. So meeting someone like freaking Rainbow Dash was pretty much a first for me.
Alex was managing to recover his composure by the time I’d processed this. “...Well, we did plan for that just in case,” he muttered, still not looking at me directly. “Anyway, this is my fianc-”
“Rainbow Dash,” I interrupted, still staring at the pony in question. “You’re Rainbow Dash.”
Her humorous grin turned into a smug one. “You’ve heard of me already, eh?” she asked...then the smile dropped and she repeated in a deadpan tone, “You’ve heard of me already...” She brought a forehoof up to her nose, gave a frustrated groan and then looked up at Alex. “Has everyone on your world seen that stupid show?”
Alex shrugged at her sheepishly. “It was pretty popular.”
Ironshod cocked his head to the side curiously. “Show?”
“Long story,” they both told him.
“Oh shab...” they all turned to look at me as I suddenly went wide eyed and slowly backed away. My brief moment of fangirlism had been violently slapped aside as my danger sense went through the roof. I touched the back wall and pressed myself up against it, cursing internally as I realized I’d just put myself on the opposite side of the room from the weapon I could get my hands on the quickest. He knew about the show. Dash had said your world. Even my trauma addled sense of logic could put the pieces together from that. “You’re a jumper...”
This was...beyond not good. I flashed through half a dozen plans of attack, but I had no idea what I might be up against aside from him being human. I read somewhere once that even the greatest warriors in history had only a single lifetime to master their crafts. Well, I’d had at least two, and there was no telling how many he might have had. I could be able to take him without a sweat...or be hilariously outmatched. Most importantly, I didn’t have any reason to believe that his intentions towards me would be sunshine and rainbows. ...Despite who he might be hanging out with. Speaking of which, I really doubted I could take all three of them at once.
“Yes...I am.” Alex confirmed. He stepped up to the bars, all trace of the earlier awkwardness gone and his eyes locked with mine. “So, I have some idea what you’ve been through. It’s also because of that fact that the Princesses have decided to give you a second chance here. We’ll chalk everything before to...a bad first impression.”
Ironshod snorted. I couldn’t help but agree. “Pull the other one.”
He shook his head. “Believe what you want, but I’m serious.” He turned and opened one of Dash’s saddlebags and pulled out a set of folded clothes. He set them on the floor and pushed them through the bars towards me, then retrieved a pair of sandals and set them on top of the bundle. “...Before we talk more, you should get dressed first.” He glanced at Dash, and she smirked in response. “Some of us guessed you might be in need of those.”
I was tempted to refuse just because my nakedness seemed to put him off balance. But...well, it was pretty cold in this cell, and if I was about to go travelling, I didn’t exactly want to stay in the buff, even if none of the ponies would probably notice. I cautiously crept forward, not taking my eyes off Alex, until I could reach the clothes and pull them the rest of the way to me. Setting aside the sandals for a moment, I unfolded the clothes to reveal a set of simple coveralls in a deep red color.
"Alright everyone, let's give her a little privacy." He stepped down the corridor, back to me. Rainbow Dash turned without hesitation, and even Ironshod turned after a moment, without a grumble.
“So much for the free show, huh?” I teased to his rump.
His ears flicked back at me. “...Huh?”
I sighed. It wasn’t any fun if he didn’t get it.
“So what’s the catch?” I asked as I slipped the coveralls on, they were a bit big, but they’d work for the time being. From what Ironshod had said, I had a pretty good idea, but I wanted to hear it from Alex.
“Well, obviously you’re not getting off quite scot free. You’ll be doing community service in Ponyville.”
“Community Service, huh?” Admittedly that didn’t sound so bad. I tried the sandals on. They were actually closer to my size, being only a single size or two too big. I walked over to lean against the bars next to the cell door. “What kind of community service?”
“Mostly repair work around the town, helping with events and maybe the harvest if you’re there long enough.” He paused for a moment. “Uh...I just realized I don’t know your name...”
I smirked. “Because you forgot to ask for it.” There was a moment of silence as he obviously thought I was going to go on. “Well?”
Alex just looked at me for a moment, then finally gave an amused grunt and a little half smile. He inclined his head slightly and asked in the most formal of tones, "My dear lady, may I please be given the privilege of knowing your name?"
“Lydia,” I responded with an amused chuckle. “Lydia...” I had to fight to keep a look of panic off my face as I struggled to remember. ...Damnit why now? Started with a P... “...Pellinore! Lydia Pellinore.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Lydia Pellinore.” He held out a hand.
I just looked at it for an uncomfortably long moment. “You’re not gonna have me living in a barn or something, are you?” I asked when he finally withdrew it.
Dash snickered again. “Actually Applejack said there was space at Sweet Apple Acres, but then Bea volunteered a couple rooms at her place.”
I glanced at Alex. “Bea?”
“A friend of ours,” he said cryptically. He was obviously holding something back. I didn’t like it, at all. But I wasn’t exactly in any position to extract information if he wasn’t willing to give it. Still...assuming this was on the level, it wouldn’t exactly be the worst way I’d spent time in a world. Even if it wasn’t, from what I remembered of the show, Ponyville was a small farming village, bordered by an enchanted forest. That meant it would be easy to escape from once I got past Ironshod and whoever else they were shacking me up with.
As for my armor and equipment, I doubted Alex would be any more accommodating on the subject than Ironshod had been, so I’d have to see if I could talk them into giving it back later, find a way to steal it back...or hope Homer could find his way back. “All right, fine. When do we leave?”
“There’s something else you need to know,” Alex said, getting serious again. “There’s something about the magic in Equestria that’s dangerous to humans. Potentially lethally dangerous.”
What. “I’ve been around plenty of magic in the past. Unless it was being used to try and flash-fry me, it’s never been any sort of problem.”
“It has something to do with the kind of magic Equestria has, it's different from magic anywhere else. It makes this place a... dead end for jumpers. I think it best if my scientist friend explain it. I think you know her, Twilight Sparkle?" I nodded and he continued. “Without proper precautions, your aging speeds up dramatically by about six hundred percent. There is a way to stop it entirely, but we didn’t have time to make the needed charm for you with the short notice we’d gotten, so you’ll need to stay close to at least one or more ponies as often as you can until then.”
I laughed. “Gedet’ye...you actually expect me to believe that piece of poodoo? That’s gotta be the absolute WORST ‘don’t try to escape or you’ll be killed’ speech I’ve ever heard! And I’ve heard plenty.”
“Hey!” Dash hovered up to get nose to nose with me. “It’s not a joke! And he wasn’t threatening you, he’s trying to tell you the truth, but if you wanna be too stupid to listen...”
Alex put a hand on her back and gently pushed her down. “Easy Dash. It’s ok,” he chuckled sadly, “it’d probably have sounded bogus to me too,” he told her, hugging her gently in an attempt to calm her. He looked back up at me. “She’s right though. It may not be something you’d have to worry about for a while, but better you trust us and start dealing with it now, rather than to wait to do something until it’s too late.”
...I didn’t believe him, but, if this was something that would take years to show up, I couldn’t call him out on it for a while either. Besides, I’d apparently be working around ponies for the duration anyway, so it wasn’t like this would be an issue right now. In any case, given the length of an average stay, I probably wouldn’t be here long enough for it to matter before my next jump. “...Fine. Are we ready to go now?”
Alex looked back at Ironshod. “Major, was there anything you needed before we head to the train station?”
“Just need to stop by my quarters and grab my bag. Other than that I’m good,” he responded.
“Let’s get a move on then, it’s getting boring here,” I said, moving to the cell door and pushing it open, quickly catching and palming my knife as I did so. Alex and Dash took a step back in surprise before he moved in front of her protectively while Ironshod jumped forward, his wings flaring aggressively. I just looked at them all with a smirk. “What? Your locks are osik, and I wasn’t gonna wait around for someone to get the key. Now don’t we have a train to catch?”