It Grows As It Goes
“Consarnit!”
The scroll arced across the room. A guard ducked as the scroll ring bounced past the door and out into the stone hallway, its plinking sounds slowly fading into the ether.
Applejack’s anger remained unsated. “Doggonit!” she yelled as she brought her hooves down onto the oak table, sending yet another wave of agricultural reports cascading onto the floor.
Not enough. Murderous thoughts continued to fly across the orange mare’s mind. Her twitching eyes shifted their gaze onto the newest edition of the Agricultural Report. In a flash, she had the leather-bound tome above her head, just ready to eject it out of the window...
What the hay, Applejack? The voice of reason finally intervened. This ain’t Sweet Apple Acres! Just remember what Ma said - actions have consequences. Actions have consequences. Actions have consequences…
Applejack took in a slow, deliberate breath. She put the book down.
Her rage having somewhat abated, Applejack walked over to the still-open door. “Sorry, y’all, but I think this door’s gon’ be shut for a while. Y’all go take a rest now, y’hear?”
The farm pony slammed the door shut without waiting for an answer.
Still heaving, Applejack leant next to the door for a few tense seconds, her mind a complete blank. Then she leapt onto the bed and pulled the duvet over herself, a consequence of impulse as much as it was of reason.
Now, alone in the dark, Applejack let her thoughts run their course. New Sweet Apple Acres, again. But not just the barn this time: the entire orchard. Again they came from the southwest; again they fled after committing their crimes. And again her forces couldn’t catch them before they had crossed the border.
As if things weren't bad enough this week, with Granny Smith and all that…
Applejack grabbed a nearby pillow and squeezed it over her head. Had her family been here, then perhaps all this wouldn’t have been such a problem. But Big Mac, now an invalid, was back at the old Acres - and probably preparing for the funeral by now - and Applebloom… well, she had found her calling while being an evacuee with the Oranges: as a valued member of a speculator bank, notorious for ‘repossessing’ farmers out of their land. Big Sis and Lil’ Sis hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms since.
There you go again with all yer bad thoughts. Why don’t you remember what Ma’ said: don’t think anything ‘less it’s nice, yeah?
And so for a few brief seconds, Applejack tried to banish those terrible thoughts from her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, slowly erasing all knowledge of New Sweet Apple Acres and Big Mac and Appleboom from her mind.
But it was a doomed venture. For as soon as Applejack had created a mental vacuum, torrents of hate gushed back in to refill it. And the harder Applejack scoured them out, the more violent these torrents became.
The farm pony had gone to the Council with high hopes. Previous correspondence with Fluttershy had been utterly ineffectual; that had been expected. But by appealing to a higher authority - Twilight, the Duchess of the Outer Lands - the problem was bound to be solved to everyone’s content. How could it not be?
Armed to the teeth with evidence of missed targets, bandit routes, and monetary losses, Applejack had been so sure that the other ponies would see the light. And doubtless, had everything gone as planned, they would have. But of course, there had to be -
“Argh!” Applejack let out a muffled scream as her grip on the pillow became even tighter.
Rainbow Dash: why did'ya open yer mouth?
Twilight: why did'ya ignore ma’ request? Why didn’t you even bother reviewing ma’ case?
Pinkie Pie, Rarity: why didn’t y’all back me up?
And… Applejack: why didn’t you press yer case? Why were you so chicken afterwards? Why, were you scared of Twilight? You scared that the others would turn on you?
“I. Ain’t. Scared!” Applejack growled in frustration.
That’s what you’d like to think.
"I told you, I ain't -" the farm pony ended her sentence with an angry sigh. No point in denial: she was scared. But it wasn’t the sort of scared that she would get when alone in the Everfree, or when visualizing Big Mac’s experiences during the war. No, it was a fear more pernicious, more penetrating, because - precisely because - it was something that was hers and hers alone.
There was a thought that undergirded all of Applejack's frustrations, angers, and failures. It related to a certain yellow pegasus. How Fluttershy was incapable of governing her own territory. How every misfortune in the realm seemed to stem from her. How, almost brazenly, this pegasus had done nothing amid the orange mare’s repeated requests and pleas. How she had forced Applejack to work days and nights on end, compiling statistics and reports just to prove to the Council that something was amiss. How, at the crux of the farm pony's argument, she had held everybody hostage and turned Twilight against Applejack’s case. And how, the day afterwards, she had rubbed salt into Applejack’s wounds by profusely apologizing and being on the verge of tears...
“No!” Applejack crushed her head against the mattress, trying desperately to rub out her terrible secret. Newly-freed pillow feathers drifted slowly down onto her trembling back. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “No,” the orange mare bawled at herself, her voice resonating through the room and into the corridor beyond. “No, you can’t be like this. You can't be like this… ”
“Applejack, I can’t believe you’re saying this about Fluttershy! You’re a monster! I thought you were her friend!”
“Applejack, darling, there’s no way Fluttershy could have done all this! Don’t blame her for your own failings!”
“Wow, that’s low, Applejack. Why don’t you just go back home and torture some more gophers… ”
*
Knock-knock-knock.
Applejack groggily opened her eyes as the insistent rapping on the door continued. She groaned as she saw the torn pillow casing lying limply next to her. Not just a bad dream.
The orange mare groaned again when she glanced at the window and saw that Luna’s moon was still very much in the sky. Knock-knock-knock. “By Celestia, who’s knockin’?”
“My Countess, an important message.”
Applejack was unimpressed. “Can’t I get it in the mornin’?”
“The messenger begs to differ.”
“And who’s that?”
“The instructions were to deliver the message without question.”
“Hmph. Well alright, push it under the door.”
Applejack picked up the piece of parchment. She unfurled it and began to decipher the chickenscratchings.
Coming over, day after tomorrow. Be there or be mule bear. RD
“Uh-huh,” Applejack murmured. “Real important message.”
*
Well… fine. Applejack's mind was still in a daze. So that message turned out to be real important after all.
“So what’cha think, AJ?”
Applejack mental dialogue came to an abrupt halt. "Uh... oh! Um... " she stammered.
Trying to buy some time, the orange mare turned and peered out of the bedroom window, making sure not to keep eye contact. “Rainbow, I- I can’t believe this. Take over Fluttershy’s county? What the -”
“What’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem!?” Applejack gawped incredulously at her prismatic friend. “Are you nuts? You want us to divide Fluttershy’s county? You want us to invade Fluttershy's land?”
“AJ -”
“Rainbow Dash! Are. You. Outta. Yer. Goshdarn. Mind?” Applejack reached over and started violently shaking Rainbow Dash.
“AJ, stop!” Rainbow Dash pushed the orange mare away. Both ponies collapsed back into their chairs, staring wide-eyed at each other, breathing heavily.
After a prolonged pause, it was Applejack who regained enough composure to speak first. “Rainbow Dash; I’ll just pretend this never happened, and we’ll just -”
“Seriously, AJ, just listen!”
“Rainbow, there ain’t anythin’ to discuss here.” Applejack crossed her forelegs, voice betraying an increasing annoyance.
“AJ, aren’t you mad that your farms are always being attacked?”
“Well, course! But -” Oh no.
“Weren’t they always being attacked by bandits coming from Fluttershy’s place?”
“Yeah, but that ain’t -” Oh no, no, no.
“And Fluttershy can’t stop them, right?”
Beads of sweat were forming on the farm pony's brow. “No she can’t, but -”
“And did she say she didn’t want the land?”
“Yes, b -”
Rainbow Dash leant in and went for the jugular. “So where’s the problem?”
Applejack flinched. Her mouth opened but nothing would come out. Her eyes widened with that realization. “Well… b-but… you didn’t ask Fluttershy!” she blurted out, desperately finding straws - any straws - to grasp at.
Rainbow Dash broke out into a victor's smile. “Oh come on, she’ll definitely say yes.”
The farm pony deflated. “W-well, what about Twi'? What about the others?”
“So you’re saying they want Fluttershy to suffer, huh?”
“No, but… !” I can't do this! She'll know! They'll know! They'll -
The look on Twilight’s face was one of utter disappointment. “Applejack, how could you do this? Fluttershy was so good to you… ”
Rainbow Dash looked on with some satisfaction as a hyperventilating Applejack drew her Stetson over her watering eyes. “No, no, no!” she moaned. “I can’t - I can’t do this!”
The farm pony shook uncontrollably with every gasp; her mind, for all intents and purposes, had collapsed under the weight of its emotional contradictions.
Enjoy the moment, the pegasus thought to herself. Total victory for R.B.D!
And yet, after a silent cheer, Rainbow Dash couldn't help but wonder how she had managed to avoid Applejack’s by-now-so-obvious breakdown. Shouldn't it be obvious how her answer was the only right answer - the only loyal answer? Why would Applejack feel so bad about this? Wouldn't everypony do the same thing as I did? It’s so obviously the best thing for Fluttershy, for Applejack, for all of us!
Okay, enough Rainbow Dash for now; I’d better see how Applejack’s doing. Only then did Rainbow Dash realize that Applejack was blubbering to her, her speech punctured by hiccups and sobs. “… aan’ so I was reeally *hic* angry an’ everythin’ at her, I- I couldn’t face myself, ya know? *hic* Element. Of. Honesty,” Applejack snickered and picked up a glass, “MA’ FLANK!” the goblet hit the wall and shattered into a thousand crystalline pieces.
“AJ, calm down!” Rainbow Dash rushed over to Applejack's side, gently stroking her blonde mane. “Hey, I know how bad you must feel… you looked so awful the day after... it’s not your fault; I guess it’s not anypony’s fault… we can make this better for everypony, alright?”
Applejack looked up at her and sniffed. “I- I guess I can’t deny it *hic*… I’m mighty sick of all the stuff that’s comin’ over from her border… I suppose... *hic* I suppose I can’t say I don’t agree… ” Please, dear Celestia, please never make me regret these words.
“Uh, what?”
Applejack couldn't resist a smile. “Oh, Rainbow, I guess *sniff* I agree with you.”
“Oh! Thanks you so much, Applejack -”
“But please promise me, RD; promise me you’ll ask Fluttershy and Twilight.” Applejack said, putting her hoof on the pegasus' foreleg.
“Yes, AJ! Pinkie Pie promise! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my - OW!”
Applejack, for the first time in a long while, burst out laughing at her friend's expense. “Oh, Rainbow… ”