"Hello, friends." the yellow pegasus said. Opening the front door to her little cottage, the animals inside all replied with a telepathic message of: "Hello!"
Fluttershy trotted past all the animals, and settled next to a dormant fireplace. She found a quill, and a piece of paper. Every day, since she was a little filly, she would write a letter to Samuel L. Jackson, detailing her various exploits of badassery. She waited, when the mailcolt came along, for his reply. None ever came, but it both kept her occupied and happy. Gripping the quill in her mouth, she began to write:
Dear Samuel L. Jackson,
Today, my friend Twilight Sparkle and I both defeated an Ursa MAJOR! It attacked the town, and while Rainbow Dash and Applejack were distracting it, Twilight hit it with a stun spell, while I stared into his very soul, and put the fear of Celestia into him. I feel bad about hurting him, but sometimes we have to do things no other pony can.
Fluttershy.
Fluttershy's ears pricked up, as the mailbox's door opened and closed outside. Fluttershy rolled up the letter, sealed it with a ribbon using her mouth and ran outside.
"Morning, miss. You got your letter?"
"Yes." Fluttershy said quietly, handing it over, along with a bit for delivery.
"Say, weren't you up all night fighting an Ursa Major?"
"Yes. I'm going to sleep now."
"Well, thanks for saving us, I guess."
"No problem." Fluttershy said, before retreating into her home once more.
She found the closest resting place, a two seat sofa, and curled up, before gently drifting off to sleep.
A great crack of thunder woke Fluttershy, and she jumped a mile. She looked around the dark room. The animals had gone to sleep.
Taking care not to wake any up, she walked to the kitchen for a glass of water, and a sandwich.
On the counter, there was a sealed scroll. Fluttershy examined the scroll, before unrolling it.
Dear Fluttershy.
It is I, Samuel L. Jackson.
At that, Fluttershy felt giddy. It was him. It was really him. All the other foals in Basic Flight made fun of her for years, writing to an "imaginary friend". For seven years, until she was fourteen, she took the abuse, yet she always stuck to it. Now, ten years on, he had finally arrived. Fluttershy wondered how the Valhalla postal service was so slow.
I have watched you for seventeen years, as you grew, and survived, and adapted, and most importantly, kicked ass. Now it is time, dear Fluttershy.
I would like for you to become my personal student.
Fluttershy screamed in delight. All the animals in the cottage reared up, and sent her various psychic profanities.
"S-sorry." Fluttershy whispered.
However, in order to do this, you must gather the Elements of Asskicking.
The Element of Explosions, held by the Space Pirates.
The Element of Dakka, held by the one known as The Heavy Weapons Guy.
The Element of Audacity, held by the most prolific villain of the Orion Arm, Ballbreaker the Psychotic.
The Element of Glory, held by the Komato General, known only as Tor.
The Element of Style, held by a space criminal, the Boss of the Third Street Saints.
And finally, the Element of Heroism, which resides within you. It breeds from your kindness, and your loyalty, and your will. You must unlock this secret power.
Gather all six of these artifacts, and you will challenge the might of the greatest gods of Valhalla's Eternal Battlefields. You will challenge the power of Celestia Dawnbreaker, of Alduin the Worldeater, of Sheogorath the Daedric Madgod, of Charles Barkley, of Kamina, and of myself.
I suggest you contact the Shadow Broker for the details of the current possessors.
May the motherfucking Force be with you.
Samuel L. Jackson.
Fluttershy looked out the window towards the stars of Luna's beautiful night.
"I accept your challenge, Samuel L. Jackson." Fluttershy said. "If my name isn't Fluttershy Braveheart! I will gather the Elements of Asskicking and I will be the biggest badass of the Milky Way!"
At that moment, a metal band materialised around her right foreleg. As she looked at it, a brilliant blue beam shot from it, away from Fluttershy. The band had several buttons on it, but none appeared to be a power switch. Fluttershy realised she had a Jedi Padawan lightsaber. Her weapon in this quest.
Fluttershy swung the lightsaber around, before cleaving right through a tree. The cut burned and crackled, and the tree fell down, as the occupants of the tree surrounded Fluttershy.
"What the fuck, Ma?" they thought. Fluttershy blushed in embarrassment.
"Sorry." she said quietly.
Fluttershy walked through the town of Ponyville. Several ponies pointed out the lightsaber, which Fluttershy had difficulty turning off for several hours until she learnt it was activated by thoughts of violence, and deactivated by thoughts of peace. Eventually, she saw Golden Oaks Municipal Library.
She knocked quietly on the door. Eventually, a small dragon answered.
"Hey, Fluttershy."
"Oh. Hey, Spike. Is Twilight in?"
"Nah, but I can help. Unless it's something to do with anything larger than a bookshelf."
"No..." Fluttershy said. She looked around. "Do you know anything about the Shadow Broker?"
Spike's eyes narrowed, and he looked around slyly. "Depends on how much you're willing to pay."
Fluttershy activated her lightsaber.
Spike gulped. "Excellent price. Come in."
Fluttershy followed Spike into the library. She turned, and looked for any pony that could've overheard, before closing the door again.
"I don't know where the actual Shadow Broker is, but I can request information from it."
"It?"
"No one knows it's gender, or species, or even if it's on Equis. But it is somewhere." Spike said, looking at Fluttershy's lightsaber. "Anyway, what information do you need that can't be found on the Net?"
Fluttershy thought, then spoke. "I need to know where the Space Pirates are."
Spike rolled his eyes. "That's easy. Somewhere around Planet...I'll get back to you on that..."
"I also need to know where 'The Heavy Weapons Guy' is."
Spike looked at Fluttershy. "You realise that he is the most fearsome man in Teufort Station, right? He mows down every enemy he sees with a big gun. Some say he even wields the Element of Dakka."
Fluttershy sat down on the floor. "Where is Ballbreaker the Psychotic?"
Spike coughed. "You're going where!? Are you insane?! Ballbreaker the Psychotic is a vicious space warmare, and she once killed an entire refugee fleet because it spoilt her view of killing some other things!"
"Nothing I can't handle...I hope."
"Anyway, it's your painful suicide, I guess...Alpha Centauri was the FTLCV Omnicide's last location."
"Where is General Tor?"
"You're kidding me..."
Fluttershy noted all the locations of her marks down. Planet Zebes. Teufort Station. Alpha Centauri. Tadzocora. Stilwater Station. Or was it Steelport Station?
Finally, she was ready to go.
Once Twilight came back and showed her how to get a FTL Combat Vessel...