To Each His Own
The atmosphere in the Ducal Hall was joyous, reminiscent of that night before the Elements bade each other farewell. Twilight had been busy for the past week, as attested by the multitude of garlands, levitating candles, and fine tapestries adorning every beam and column. It was slightly garish, but all the same, a testament to how seriously Twilight took the occasion.
Rarity took advantage of the pre-Council chat to present her new creations. “Oh, I do hope that all of you enjoyed the emblems I made!”
“Are you kidding me? This emblem is unquestionably cool! Thanks, Rarity!”
“Darling, we should all be thanking you! if it weren’t for your actions, I shudder to think what state our poor Fluttershy would be in right now.”
“Heh, I guess. Maybe next time you’ll act a bit quicker, huh, Applejack?”
“Hay! It ain’t ma fault that I ain’t a pegasus! Plus, I arrived only a day after ya!” The orange mare, her saddlebags noticeably loaded, playfully stuck out her tongue at Rainbow Dash before beginning to unpack.
“Alright, settle down, all of you!” a smiling Twilight, sporting a velvet cape and wearing the Golden Crown of the Outer Lands, stopped the prismatic mare before she had a chance to respond. “To all the Countesses of the Duchy, I bid you welcome to our first Council! I trust that everyone had a good journey? Yes? All good and perfect then!”
“Now, before we actually begin, let’s have a moment to remember all those who have sacrificed so much -” Twilight began to feel warm, involuntary tears rolling down her cheeks, “- so that Equestria could be safe from the enemy. And, of course *sniff* that includes our dear Spike.”
A moment of silence followed.
Twilight continued with her speech. “Our deeds indeed seem minuscule before their actions. However, in a way, we can honor their memory through diligent work. Every life we improve here, every ill we purge here - that is a debt that we will have repaid to the noble dead. And so we gather here, in order to preserve and extend the ideals of those who have preceded us.
“And with that, official business! Are there any issues up for discussion? Actually, how about I start first? I’ve been trying to codify the laws regarding ducal succession, and I was wondering whether we should institute a rotating system of leadership. Or would absolute cognatic elective be a more stable arrangement?”
The purple unicorn looked around to see five sets of blank stares.
“How about we talk about something we all can understand,” Rarity said at last. “I, for example, can report that the gems in my county are simply to die for! I mean, not only are the rocks absolutely overflowing with rubies and sapphires and emeralds, but I've even struck quartz! Quartz! And I think we’re on the brink of discovering a large feldspar deposit as well! I…I…I get so dizzy just thinking about it!” To drive the point home, the fashion pony entered into a dramatic swoon.
Pinkie Pie couldn’t resist giggling. “Oh Rarity, I can’t believe you spent your whole time working! Being a ruler is so fun! I just went around the small villages throwing parties for everybody! It was sooo amazing I met so many people and -”
“Uh, Pinkie, don’t you have to, like, govern your county?” a skeptical Twilight asked.
“No, silly! Don’t you know how ‘that government is best which governs least’?”
Twilight sniggered. “What a ridiculous thing to say! Are you saying that Princess Celestia is a -”
“I’m sure y’all get a kick out of fancy sentences n’ all, but I actually have somethin' to report here,” Applejack's backwoods drawl rang across the room. Having gotten everypony's attention, she cleared her throat and hauled a thick tome out of the stack of books surrounding her part of the table. “County Agricultural Report, Chapter One - Ryegrass. This month, as a result of the county’s Ryegrass Development Initiative, we’ve expanded acreage by 16.4%, mostly through drainage projects. We estimate the crop to be ‘round twenty-three thousand bales, up marginally from last month but still below the monthly target of thirty thou’.
“The county ryegrass demand estimate increased to twenty-four thou’ this month as higher domestic consumption and reduced imports from the Griffin Kingdom are projected to keep our ryegrass demand high. As a result of the latest supply n’ demand estimates, county endin’ stocks were revised downward to ‘round six thousand bales. The stocks-ta-use ratio’s forecast at ten percent…hay, what y’all lookin’ at? Who did y’all think did the ledgers and reports back in Ponyville?”
“Uh…wow, that was...informative, Applejack,” Twilight’s mind was still reeling. “Um, Flutter-”
“Ah. Ain’t. Done yet!" Applejack slammed her hoof onto the open book, eliciting a startled yelp from Fluttershy. "All right, I’ll put it to you straight. We keep on missin' our monthly targets, and the gap is gettin' wider with each month! And the reason why we keep fallin' short of our targets is because of -” the orange mare mustered as much venom as she could for the following words. “stinkin’ bandits. And gophers. And rabbits. Comin' from the southwest.”
Fluttershy cringed and sank below the table horizon. Applejack, not noticing this, pointed a hoof in the yellow pegasus’ general direction.
“Now I ain’t assignin’ any blame to Fluttershy for this. But her folks need to get their barn in order! If I’m gonna feed mouths, them farmers gotta be able to grow stuff without havin’ to deal with pests and thieves, y’know?”
“Applejack,” Twilight said, “couldn’t you convert some of your other land for farm-”
“No way, no how!” Applejack pulled out another short pamphlet from the stack. “You gotta see it for yerself, Twi’, most of the county is as dry as Canteray gin! It’s worse than Appaloosa! And ‘cause of that, more than three-quarters of our crop comes from the southwest, includin' the entire apple harvest!”
The orange mare turned towards Fluttershy, trying to see where the pegasus was. “I don’t wanna be mean ta ya, sugarcube: I can live with the gophers, the rabbits, even them caterpillar swarms, but I just can’t deal with yer thieves! Just last week, they burnt down the barn at New Sweet Apple Acres! A-gain! You gotta…”
Twilight desperately scoured her mind for a suitable compromise, as Fluttershy began audibly hyperventilating amid Applejack’s criticisms. Maybe establish a March between the two? Turn it into a demesne? Permanent magical barrier? Permanent physical - her eyes shifted back into focus - oh great, this is not what I need!
Rainbow Dash was speaking. “- to be honest, yeah, Fluttershy, we’re good friends and all, but you really need to pick up the pace. I mean, no offence, but your forces are absolutely awful. I mean, rabbits and mice and squirrels as your soldiers? Where are all the ponies? I mean, at least use bears? With soldiers like yours, no wonder you almost lost your city to that bunch of losers. You really -”
“Sto-o-o-p!” Fluttershy, curled up under her seat and with hooves over her ears, could stand it no longer. The Hall immediately fell silent, punctuated only by the sobs of a broken pegasus.
Applejack, somewhat expecting this but still more than a little remorseful, tried to make the best out of the situation. “Um, sugarcube, I- we didn’t mean to hurt ya like that…” she looked at Twilight and wilted even further under the unicorn's death stare. “It’s only a…minor problem, r-right? Minor problems, they’re, um, easy to solve…”
“Uh, yeah, Fluttershy, it’s not really a big problem, really; yeah, we’re of course going to help you with this, it’s nothing, really -”
“No,” Fluttershy’s faint voice emanated from below the table. “No, Rainbow Dash; no, Applejack, you’re right…I’m useless at looking after ponies…”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack were now by her side. “No, Fluttershy, that’s not true -”
Fluttershy temporarily lifted her head out from under her hooves and yelled at the top of her voice. “It. Is. True!” She then sank back down again, her wails growing in intensity. “Oh, I should never have taken this offer up in the first place…all I want to do is to be with my critter friends…I don’t want to deal with taxes. I don’t want to deal with policies. I don’t want to deal with soldiers. I just want to be with the animals! I don’t even -”
“Fluttershy,” Twilight, now also by the pegasus' side, put a comforting foreleg around her. “it’s just a phase, all of us are learning here too.”
“No, Twilight, it’s not that. I’m just no good at this, I’m just not! I should just resign…”
Applejack let out a muffled groan. “Sugarcube, don’t be like this. Please.”
“Fluttershy, you can do this,” Twilight pleaded, “you just have to believe in -”
“No, I can’t, I can’t!” With a final cry of despair, Fluttershy bolted out of the room. Her panicked galloping echoed across the silent hall.
Twilight was not amused. “Great job, girls,” she said as she turned her back on them. “I guess we’d better adjourn the Council for the time being. You two really should have known better.”