“Is that what I think it is?” asked Twilight Sparkle. Kevin nodded eagerly. “You’re making your foci a baseball bat?”
“Yep,” Kevin began, “it’ll work, won’t it?”
“Well, yes but-“
“No buts,” Kevin interjected, “never know when you’ll need a good bat.”
“Yes, well, you never know when the police will decide that a monster carrying around a baseball bat means danger,” Twilight shot back. “Ponyville is a strange place, Kevin. We see things here that other places in Equestria just don’t. Didn’t you notice how quickly the townsponies got used to you? In Manehatten you’d get thrown in jail or worse for walking around with a weapon.”
“Nope,” Kevin replied happily, lifting up a small badge that Luna had given him the previous night. “I outrank ‘em. Apparently my job is considered part of the Royal Guard. My ass is sanctified. They can’t touch me.”
Twilight frowned. “Rely on that too much, and any Other in disguise will know you’re coming.”
Jiminy laughed from his perch atop Kevin’s shoulder. “He’s a hairless bipedal with the teeth of a predator who stands almost eighteen inches taller than your average pony. They’ll know he’s coming. Even if he was equine, they’d know that I was coming. I can sense them, they can sense me. He can’t surprise them any more than they can surprise him.”
Kevin nodded. “Listen to the cricket. He knows his shit.”
Twilight’s frown grew. “I don’t like it. If that’s what you want I’ll make it, but I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have too,” Kevin said, “you aint using it yourself anyway.”
“At least let me explain a few things before we start.” Kevin nodded. “The shape of a baseball bat is going to limit you. It’s not a delicate instrument, and so delicate magic will be difficult.”
Kevin laughed. “I don’t need delicate, I need to stuff to explode. Big fuckin’ boom.”
Twilight’s frown grew somewhat venomous, but her tone was carefully neutral. “What kind of spells do you want to channel through your foci then? Wind, fire, water, ice, force, earth, grass, spirit, mind, darkness, light, sound. Pick two.”
Kevin thought a moment. “Does it really have to be that specialized?”
“If you want your spells to pack the maximum punch.”
Kevin nodded, and sat thinking for almost five minutes. “Earth and force,” he eventually answered.
“Alright,” Twilight began, “with that kind of set up, you’re looking at a huge amount of defensive ability. Earth is hard to use offensively without some serious power to throw around, but it’s the best bar none for shields. Stone stops heat just as well as it does kinetic force, and a magical stone will stop pretty much anything. Force is more offensive, you can throw things at your target or you can throw your target at things. If you need to, you can even use a force spell to make the bat itself hit harder.”
“How much harder?” Kevin asked.
“Two or three tons of force,” the unicorn answered.
“Well,” Kevin began, “one would suppose, then, that the bat would break.”
Twilight shook her head and levitated a scroll full of odd runes beside her face. She jerked a hoof and pointed at several dozen in turn. “All of these are for structural integrity. As long as these are carved correctly, the bat will be the next best thing to unbreakable.” She pointed at a few runes. “These are for specialisation. Earth and force are these ones. I’ll throw a few others on too, fire ice and wind. That’ll give you two big strengths and some extra options. Wind will let you use lightning, fire should be pretty obvious, and ice is very useful for immobilising something. Those spells won’t be a strong, and they’ll be a lot more limited, but they’ll be potent enough to make anything mortal worry.”
She moved on to another scroll, and nodded at the sheet of runes in full. “These are the rest of the runes. These are just for basic magnification of power. Magic still follows the laws of physics, of course, but it does act differently from what you would expect. Each of these runes will focus whatever power you put through them. The end result is the exact same amount of magical energy, but it’s purer. More potent.”
“So it works kinda like a still?” Kevin asked.
“Yes,” Twilight responded in a somewhat surprised tone, “a very apt comparison Kevin. These particular runes are the best. Literally. They’re so powerful that they’re illegal for civilians. You get them because you do dangerous work for the government.”
Kevin raised a single hairless eyebrow. “Do I get to do anything else illegal?”
Twilight sighed. “If at any time, in commission of your duty or otherwise, lethal force is used against you, you may disregard any and all Equestrian law, including the rules of magic. Assuming, of course, you survive said lethal force. If nonlethal force is used against you, any non-lethal countermeasures are open to you without risk of punishment.”
Kevin smiled. “I like this,” he began, “I like this a lot.”
Twilight levelled an impressively forceful glare at the human. “I am also a government employee,” she stated in a matter of fact tone, “and I have the same lee way. This entire town is legally my protectorate; I am the technical leader of the Royal Guard here even if I don’t use that authority very often. On top of that, I am Princess Celestia’s personal student. I get a lot of wiggle room.” Her tone abruptly turned threatening, and her eyes seemed to shine a little brighter. “If you respond to any assault or slight with what I believe to be excessive force, I will stop you.”
Kevin, at that moment, didn’t believe her in the slightest. He laughed.
Twilight narrowed her eyes, and suddenly Kevin did believe. He could feel the power radiating off her, more than a slight tough of anger darkening it. “You started a fight with Rarity last night,” she said in a very quiet voice, “ponies got hurt in that fight Kevin. Two ended up in the hospital. One of them had a broken leg. I’m not sure how much you know about pony physiology, but that’s a serious injury. He’ll have trouble walking for a few years at least. Another poor stallion went through a window. He ended up with extensive lacerations all over his body and relatively major blood loss. If Luna hadn’t been right outside to take him to the hospital, he would have died. If you think I won’t ,or can’t, stop you from doing something that again, I’ll gladly disabuse you of the notion here and now. Try me, Kevin. I dare you.”
Jiminy chirped nervously. “Kevin,” the little cricket began, “let’s leave and let Twilight work on your foci. Let’s not come back until later tonight. And for the love of all you hold holy, let’s not get in any trouble, okay?”
Kevin lazily flicked the little cricket off of his shoulder. “You just said I could fight back without risk of punishment,” he began. “You coming after me would be punishment.”
Twilight grinned. “Allow me to explain, then. Nopony could press charges against you or anything like that; you’re protected against legal threats.” The grin went away, replaced with another steely glare. “But if I were to throw you through a brick wall by accident...”
Kevin gulped, picked up an indignant Jiminy, and rushed out the door.
Twilight laughed a little to herself.
“Operation Scared Straight is a success! I need to report this to the Princesses.”
“You idiotic little mortal! Flicking me off your shoulder like that! I hit the wall! That hurt!”
Kevin sighed as he walked through the streets of Ponyville, exploring. “You’re a cricket. Crickets don’t weigh jack shit. You couldn’t have hit the wall hard enough to hurt much.”
“Well no,” Jiminy conceded, “not in a physical sense anyway. But that library is warded. Twilight, as mortals go, is power with a capital P. Put those two facts together and you get walls that cause a great deal of pain to anything of the Other. Go stick your hand in a fire for a few minutes, and you’ll get an idea of how little physical force has to do with pain.”
“Okay then. Question time. The fuck do you mean by warded?”
It was Jiminy’s turn to sigh. “You want this in proper terminology or preschool talk?”
“Proper but basic.”
“Warded means wards are set up, obviously. Wards are security measures. They sit latent until something they’re designed to react too comes in contact with them, and then they react in various ways depending on the ward itself. The one I hit is just a deterrent; if an Other or anything else she doesn’t want around comes in contact it gets a nice little dose of pain. Nothing too serious and fairly simple to tear down if you’re determined enough. Just keep in contact with it and it’ll break after a few seconds.”
“Doesn’t sound all that useful,” Kevin muttered.
“Not on its own,” Jiminy began, “but on a bigger scale, quite helpful. Think of that ward as a warning. Past that one was the real show. If something breaks it down, there’s one right behind it with enough to punch to send anything I’ve ever heard of for a loop. Celestia or Luna might be able to take that one, but it would do some serious damage to them. It’d probably throw me out of this world, back to where I come from.”
Kevin whistled lowly.
“Indeed. Big time power there. There’s another layer past that one too. The third ward is even bigger. Much bigger. Big enough that it would probably hurt The Creator.”
Kevin coughed. “You’re telling me that little unicorn can go toe-to-toe with a god?”
Jiminy chirped a negative. “Hardly. In a straight up fight, she’d be erased from reality before she so much as knew she was in danger. That’s the best thing about wards; you can fuel them over time. She’s probably been funnelling power to that library’s defences for years.”
Kevin thought a moment. “So if it stops anything Other, how can you and The Creator get in?”
“The Creator bends the rules a little. He has power over this universe Kevin, and a lot of it. He can go wherever he wants without actually going there. He wants to be there, and he is. Side steps the wards. I can get in because she lets me in. I was summoned the first time, which bypasses the wards and the threshold. I can get through the doors and windows because she told the wards to let me in. I’d be able to go through the walls, but she didn’t trust me enough to let me.”
Kevin nodded. “Makes sense. Threshold?”
“She lives there. It’s a home. Homes have a magic all their own that stops anything too nasty from getting in without an invitation. A strong enough being can muscle right through, but they’ll leave most of their power at the door. Quite helpful, really, and not even The Creator can get past that unless he’s summoned.”
“Sounds it,” Kevin agreed. “So Jiminy, not that I’ve got you talkin’, anything else you think I need to know?”
“Yes,” the little cricket replied, “you should know a little bit about me and what I can do.”
Kevin nodded as he turned down a small ally and found a box to sit on.
“Most important thing is to know what I am and what I’m capable of. I might have the body of a cricket, but it should be patently obvious I’m no such thing. I am a half breed, a lesser spirit of knowledge and power. The only things you’ll see that are stronger than I am, magically speaking, are old dragons, beings like the Princesses, and greater spirits of power. I can’t use all of that power here, but I can use enough to stand up against most anything mortal. However, I am bound to Luna to not use this power to injure anything mortal. I can help you with shields, illusions, healing, and a thousand other things and everything I know is at your disposal, but you’re on your own for anything offensive against anything I might kill.”
“Spirit?” Kevin chirped up, “I thought you were Other?”
“I am, fool. Other is a broad term, encompassing everything from spirits like myself to entities like The Creator to the little shades all around you right now.”
Kevin looked around, and saw he was alone.
“Ah, right, you can’t see them. Just a moment.”
Kevin felt something odd fall over his eyes, and then he could see the shades. Everywhere he looked, there were things flitting about, some of them beautiful and some of them nightmares. Kevin blinked, and sat very still. The shades ignored him completely.
“They can’t hurt you,” Jiminy began, “at least not directly. These little guys are responsible for what you call luck. They’ll see something, and on a whim they’ll change it a little. Make the dice roll double sevens ten times in a row, or maybe they decide that the weak branch over your head should break a little early and kill you. They’re not all that strong individually, but a big group is borderline unstoppable when they decide to do something.”
“And these things are everywhere?” asked Kevin in a quiet tone.
“Mostly. There wouldn’t be any in Twilight’s library or any other properly warded building, but they’re pretty ubiquitous everywhere else.”
The shades faded from Kevin’s view, and the human relaxed slightly. “So I could be fightin’ anything from you to the Princesses when an Other comes to town. Aint that just fuckin’ dandy.”
“Technically yes,” Jiminy responded, “but not likely. The Creator specifically said he would just let the Other he’s been holding back come to Equestria, right?” Kevin nodded. “That limits the options a little. The Creator doesn’t waste time holding back anything less than the strongest of the Other, beings the Princesses would have trouble fighting. A very few of the oldest greater spirits of power and what most ponies would call True Others, like the Princesses. Little half-born like me aren’t restricted from coming here, the Princesses can drive us off easily.”
Kevin blinked. “And I can fight something like that how?”
“With help. You have me, and I’m a rather useful resource. Other aren’t mortal, so I can attack them too. I might not be the strongest being out there, but I’m a spirit of power for a reason. To speak on your terms, I can get shit done.”
Kevin laughed. Little cricket with a British accent was amusing to him, but little cricket swearing in a British accent was hilarious. A man of simple pleasures was Kevin.
Jiminy, however, took the laughter in a demeaning context. “A demonstration is in order, I think.”
Kevin saw a bright flash, and suddenly he was in an empty desert. Jiminy was on the ground in front him.
“Observe, mortal.”
And then the little cricket called down fire and lightning. There were no ritual movements, no spoken words, the little cricket in fact looked relaxed as he summoned the heavens wrath.
Kevin gaped, slack jawed and wide eyed.
All around him lightning struck the ground, ribbons of searing white flame winding around the arcing electricity. Wherever the lightning touched sand, it left long streaks of glass in its wake. The heat was tremendous, sucking the air from the human’s lungs and searing his skin. Kevin abruptly decided that his cricket advisor was utterly and completely terrifying when he used his strength.
Another flash, and Kevin was back in Ponyville, all of his minor burns healed and Jiminy perched safely on his shoulder. “I can get shit done.” He sounded very smug.
Kevin slowly nodded his head once. “I am a mouse surrounded by cats. I am so fucked.”
“A realistic and admirably concise description of your scenario.”
Kevin, after a bare moment of thought, flicked the little cricket off of his shoulder again. Jiminy landed on the ground and gave an indignant chirp as Kevin stood. Kevin grinned down a little bug as he spoke. “You’re strong enough to walk yourself then?”
“I have the body of a cricket, Kevin. Your pinkie fingers are longer than my legs. You know as well as I that I can’t keep up.”
Kevin giggled. “The little spirit of power outmatched by the idiotic mortal?”
The cricket chirped a sad chirp. “Alas, I am not all that I can be here in reality. I must beg your favour in this matter, so that I may best serve you as I am bound to do.”
Kevin stopped grinning. “So this binding thing is serious is it?”
“Oh yes,” Jiminy began, now sounding slightly annoyed. “A bound creature is compelled to do what they’ve been bound to do. Luna bound me threefold; I have to assist you to the best of my ability, I can’t use magic to directly attack mortals, and I may not abandon you at any time for any reason. I’m essentially a slave until something kills you, you release me, or Luna releases me. You were told that you could trap an Other in your foci and use their power, correct?”
Kevin nodded.
“That’s a version of binding. In metaphorical terms, doing so would chain the being to your will. Whenever you wanted to use their power, they would do exactly as you wanted them to do. It’s not something done lightly, and very difficult to do to a being against their will.”
“Were you willing?” Kevin asked.
“Not really,” Jiminy sighed, “but I owe Luna my life, such as it is, several times over. She’s kind the little fish, so to speak. She protects us and offers sanctuary. It wasn’t all that long ago one of the True Other decided it didn’t like my tone and tried to eat me. She fought the thing, killed it. I couldn’t, in good conscience, walk away from her when she needed me. Besides, she’s beautiful and I’m a sucker for a pretty face.”
Kevin thought of the good natured if slightly odd winged unicorn he had met. He tried to reconcile that with something that fought what could pass for gods and won. He failed.
Jiminy chuckled. “You’re quite new to magic, aren’t you?” the cricket asked.
“Yep,” Kevin replied, “why?”
“You’re doing a little glamour right now, probably unconscious. There’s smoke coming out of your ears.”
Kevin turned his head, and he did indeed see little wisp of grey smoke. He sniffed, and it smelled of burned electronics. The human chuckled this time. “Brain.exe has experienced fatal error code four-oh-four,” he mumbled, then exploded in a deep and harsh belly laugh. “How come it didn’t happen before now?” he managed to choke out between guffaws.
“Because you haven’t had all that much power I’d guess,” Jiminy said, “but now you’ve had a full night and part of a day to gather some in. I’d let it happen if I were you, it’ll tell you when your low on power.”
“A gas gauge, helpful,” Kevin agreed. “How much boom juice do you figure I’ve got?”
The cricket was silent a moment, and Kevin felt something wash over him. “About as much as your average unicorn,” Jiminy said, “at this rate, you’ll have the strength of a talented unicorn in another day. Leave it a week and you’ll be at Twilight’s level. Leave it much longer and it’ll start to vent itself. If you use magic, it’ll take longer, obviously.”
Kevin thought a moment. “You’re telling me I can match a skilled unicorn after two days, but it’ll take a week before I can match Twilight?”
“Talented,”, Jiminy corrected, “there is a difference. Twilight is both skilled and talented. That mare is hell on wheels for damn near any spell if you give her an hour to learn it, and she’s got the brute power to back it up. She’s a heavyweight in every sense of the term.”
“She’s that good?”
“Better. I had my doubts, but after feeling out those wards I wouldn’t cross her.”
“Is that respect I’m hearing?” Kevin asked in mock shock. “Out of you? The little lecher cricket?”
“Well deserved respect,” Jiminy shot back. “Seriously Kevin, that mare is something else for a mortal. I could take her, but she’d definitely get some good shots in herself. Let me put this in terms you can understand; the lightning and fire I called down? She could do that in her sleep. I shudder to think of what she’d be capable of if she learned some real war magic. She could raze a city by herself without too much effort.”
“How does she stack up to the Princesses?”
Jiminy laughed. “She’s a forest fire. They’re a pair of suns.”
“And I’m a candle?”
“More like a match flame at the moment.”
Kevin snorted. “Behold the great and powerful Kevin.”
Jiminy chuckled a little. “On the plus side, you’re a lot better physically. Ponies aren’t made for a fight, you are.”
Kevin shot the cricket a doubting look. “A unicorn kicked my ass pretty solidly last night.”
“I heard. I also heard you were drunk. Ask her for a rematch, if you can fight at all you’ll win.”
Kevin looked almost insulted. “If I can fight? I’m a scrapper you little bastard. I can fight all right.”
“Go for that rematch then. Give me her Name, and I can find her. If what I was told is true, she’ll gladly give you a fair fight sans magic.”
Kevin thought a moment. “Rarity,” he eventually said, trying to get the prim and proper inflection and tone the unicorn had used.
Jiminy hesitated. “White unicorn? Blue eyes? Purple mane?” Kevin nodded. “Wow, Kevin. You don’t get in trouble by halves, do you? I know where she lives.”
“Hop on up then.”
The cricket bounded his way up to Kevin’s shoulder, and under the crickets guide the human stalked out once more into the streets of Ponyville.