Fallout Equestria: Ashes to Ashes

by Tango

Chapter 1: Memories

“Mommy?”

“It’s okay sweetie, everything’s gonna be okay. Now remember, we’re playing a little game ok?”

“Yes mommy, hide and seek.”

“Good girl, now why don’t you hide under the bed? I bet nopony would ever find you there.”

The filly smiled and snuck under the bed. She had a bright red coat and an orange mane. Everypony always told her she looked like a little flame. She pondered about what her mommy had said. She was right, nopony would find her under the bed, especially not the new ponies in town. She was a bit sad that she couldn’t join the party outside, but her mother had insisted on playing the game when she had seen them. And since mommy controlled the sweets, the smartest thing to do was to listen.

Besides, the filly thought, it seemed as if the party would be coming to her! The sounds from outside were getting louder by the minute. It was a bit weird that the sounds weren’t from cheering ponies, as one would expect at a party, but rather lots of bangs. She mentally shrugged, maybe they had firecrackers. That would be great! She loved firecrackers, even thought she had seen them only once. But judging by the sounds, the party ponies had lots of them!

Her mother, who had a similar colour scheme as her filly, only darker, had also noticed the sounds getting closer.

“Stay here honey, mommy’s going to take a look downstairs real quick.”

The filly nodded and crept deeper under the bed.

While the mare was away, the foal noticed that the party ponies were running out of firecrackers as the sounds from outside died out. She was a little upset about this, she had really wanted to see the fireworks. Silently she hoped that they had saved some for her.

The filly bumped her head into the bed when suddenly there were a couple more bangs, these ones were much louder then before.

She was rubbing her head when her mommy came in the room, locking the door behind her.
The mare looked differently: her own red colour was mixed with a darker shade on her haunches, like somepony had thrown a bucket of paint over her.

When she saw the confused look in her fillies eyes, the mare made an honest attempt at a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry sweetie. Now, do you remember the new ponies we’re playing hide and seek with?”

The filly nodded.

“Well, they have found me and they will be here soon. So when they get here I want you to stay hidden as best as you can, do you understand?”

The filly nodded and chuckled, her mom obviously wasn't good in hide and seek if she had been found so soon. It was a perfect opportunity for the foal to prove herself to be better then her mother.

“That’s my filly, I love you so much. Now remember, whatever happens, make sure they do not find you. So no moving or talking, okay?”

Once again, she nodded.

From the other side of the door, muffled stallion voices sounded.

“Where did that bitch go? Search every room!”

The mare grabbed something in her mouth. The filly didn’t know what it was called, but she did know that her parents had gotten upset when she had tried levitating it. She was told that it wasn’t a toy and that it was very dangerous for her. This made her wonder why her mommy would be holding it in her mouth. She was about to ask her when somepony tried to open the door. Remembering her promise, she crept back as far as possible. As the mare saw her filly crawl under the bed, a tear escaped her eye and she gulped.

More voices turned her attention back to the door.

“Boss, this door is locked.”

“What are you waiting for? For her to open it? Fucking shoot it open!”

The filly heard a loud bang and saw the door slam open. They had saved some firecrackers after all! She saw lots of hooves on the other side of the door opening. Then she heard lots of bangs and screams. From her position underneath the bed she saw several bodies, belonging to the hooves in the door opening, fall down on the floor.

One of the party ponies had leaped into the room and had fallen just in front of the bed. The filly panicked when she looked directly at his face. Surely he would spot her from the floor. She held her breath and made herself as small as possible while she kept staring at the stallion. His eyes were wide open but didn’t move.

The trance broke when a familiar voice’s shriek pierced the air.

“Mommy?” The filly whispered as her attention was turned towards the hooves of her mother.
Soon the hooves were joined by the rest of the mare’s body as she fell on the floor. There was even more red paint smeared over here and she was breathing funny.

The rest of the hooves trotted closer towards the mare.

“Not so tough now huh?”

“Too bad you didn’t surrender, you’re pretty though. You would have made a good slave.”

“Boss, what should we do with her?”

“Whatever you like, but make it quick, we gotta round up the rest of the slaves.”

One set of hooves trotted back towards the door, the rest closed in on the mare.

“You gave us a hard time, allow us to return the favour.” One of the voices chuckled.

With her last strength, the mare turned her head towards the bed and looked at her daughter. She cried as she looked at her filly underneath the bed.

“Mommy? What’s wrong?” The filly forgot to keep her voice low at the sight of her crying mother.

Instantly all sets of hooves turned towards the bed. One of them stepped closer and stopped right in front of it. A tar black stallion’s face appeared, half covered by a snow white mane and sporting a wide grin.

“Well well, what do we have here? A straggler?” He turned his attention back towards the mother. “No wonder you kept on going so long, you’ve been trying to keep this little brat safe. Too bad you died for nothing, how does it feel, dying while knowing you’ve failed?” He let out a loud laugh.
The dark red mare tried with all her might to glare the black buck to death. It didn’t work.

“Now now, don’t be upset. We’ll take real good care of the little brat.”

The filly felt herself being pulled away from under the bed. That wasn’t fair! She started screaming and kicking in order to make her point clear. The only thing she accomplished was making the buck laugh harder. She was floated out of the door. The stallion stopped in the opening.

“Now say goodbye to your mommy, you won’t see her again.”

Confused she looked at her mommy. Her mother’s eyes were wide with fear. Her beautiful, tear-filled, amber eyes. The filly didn’t want to go away from her.

She screamed.

I screamed.

I opened my eyes and looked around me. It took my eyes a couple of seconds to adjust to the darkness. Next to me, several ponies were laying on filthy mattresses, covered in all sorts of dirt. All of them were wearing metal collars, slave collars, I remembered as I rubbed my own. For years it had been chafing, itching, choking and cutting me.

I hated it.

I hated being a slave, being nothing more than a tool to everypony else. Just something they could use and then discard. I’ve had many masters but in the end I always ended up here again, Old Appleloosa. The things they’d made me do were sickening but there was one thing I hated more than all of that.

I hated myself.

If I had just listened to my mother and stayed silently under the bed, nopony would have ever found me. My mother’s sacrifice wouldn’t have been in vain and the last thing she would have seen wouldn’t have been her filly being carried away screaming.

That is why I hadn’t spoken a word since that day. I owed it to her. The only sounds that came from my mouth were the screams whenever I had another nightmare. My earlier masters sometimes would test me to see if I really was mute, at first they would get a reaction from me but as I grew older, I got used to the pain and humiliation. The last time somepony provoked a reaction from me was a long time ago. This little act of defiance kept me going.

“Are you all right?”

The voice came from the mattress next to me. I realized I was still sitting and quickly laid down again, ignoring the question.

“That must have been a really bad dream. Or perhaps a memory.”

The voice was from a stallion, probably the new buck. A dark blue unicorn, a couple years older than me. Most of the other slaves minded their own business. Occasionally one would try to approach me, attempting to start a conversation. They would first say something like ‘I know how you feel’ and then start about how you shouldn’t be facing your problems on your own. Then they would explain how they could comfort me. When I wouldn’t respond, they would get frustrated and reveal their true intentions of ‘stress relief’. After swearing at me for a while, most would just give up. Unfortunately some took my silence as a challenge and would try to force themselves upon me.

The way my masters tested to see if I really was mute was most often by heavy beatings. This gave me a lot of first hoof experience on pony anatomy. I quickly learned what my vulnerable spots were, how a quick punch in a specific location could make you curl up in pain.

I was always happy to share those lessons.

After a while, only new arrivals bothered to speak to me. Usually I would just ignore them until the other slaves told them about me.

This guy was different though. For the last week he had been trying to start a conversation with me. The only reason he wasn’t curled up and crying right now was because he was always polite and never tried to approach me. The others had told him to give up but he was stubbornly going on. I had of course stubbornly kept my mouth shut, trying my best not to acknowledge his existence.

My scream had been the first sound I had made this week. I cursed myself for showing that sign of weakness.

“You know, you remind me of myself when I was younger. After I lost my father I locked myself into my room and didn’t let anypony in. I just laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling.”

I turned around to face him.

“The next day my mother came in. She didn’t say anything, she just trotted over to me and gave me a hug. I let all of my pain come out and cried. After crying for what felt like hours, I felt better. I know how difficult it is to deal with sorrow, but you have to find a way to let it go. And the best way to do that is to talk about it. My name is Stargazer, what’s yours?”

I looked at him and noticed my vision had become blurred. I brought a hoof to my eyes and was surprised to find out I had been crying. The last time I had cried was... um... long ago. So long I couldn’t even remember.

After several seconds of being completely stunned I realized Stargazer was still waiting for an answer. Looking back at him, I felt my cheeks grow hot. On the one hoof, I had promised myself to never speak again. But on the other, he wasn’t my enemy, and I felt that I owed him an answer after trusting me with his story.

“Ember” I muttered before bringing my hooves to my mouth. Wow. Did I just? Yes I did. Does my voice really sound like that? I remembered it more... fillylike. Well of course it sounded different now, I wasn’t a filly anymore. Wait, why did I just talk? I hadn’t even made a decision yet. Were was my self control? What was I thinking? I found myself breathing hard and fast, the collar cutting in my neck at every gasp.

“Well, pleased to meet you Ember.” I focused back at Stargazer as I managed to get my breathing under control. Then a sudden realization dawned on me. Since I hadn’t spoken in all those years, Stargazer was the only pony alive to know my name. Even the slavers didn’t know nor cared for what my name was and simply called me all sorts of names, none of which really flattering. And there was the breathing again.

My thoughts were interrupted by Stargazer waving his hoof in front of my face. I realized I must have looked like a complete foal then and tried to bury my head in shame. I quickly turned around and curled up again. By focusing on my breathing I finally managed to get it under control again.

Without warning, Stargazer touched me. I lashed out at him when I suddenly realized he was hugging me. I tried to stop halfway and the result must have looked pretty funny for anypony watching us. Looking around, I saw several slaves observing us, amused and surprised expressions on their faces. Embarrassed, I curled up again. When Stargazer laid his leg on my shoulder again, I instinctively winced, but I kept lying. Once I got used to the feeling, it actually felt kinda nice.

I closed my eyes and relaxed a bit. Slowly I drifted of to sleep.

“Wake up you useless pieces of shit!” The unpleasant voice of a slaver mare pierced my ears.
“Try to at least look like you’re worth something. We’ve got important customers today!”

I tried to stand up but was thrown off balance by an unfamiliar weight on my back. Panicking I threw it off and jumped up. When I looked back I saw Stargazer waking up. The events of the night before came back to me and I felt my cheeks blush at my panic attack. Stargazer gave me a reassuring smile when he came up though.

Our attention was drawn towards the door as a dozen of slavers entered. They arranged us into several lines. Once we were all neatly lined up, a griffin entered, who I assumed was the customer.

My assumptions were proven to be correct when she spoke up: “So, this is the merchandise? I do hope they are in good condition. Red Eye doesn’t like to pay for broken ware.” Even though I was used to it, I still hated being talked about as if I were an object.

The lead slaver responded: “Of course they are. I would never try to sell anything of poor quality. You know what, I’ll even give you a receipt.” He chuckled at his own joke but quickly stopped when he saw the glare from the griffin. “Heh-heh uh. Right, um, if you would follow me miss.”

They went on to inspect the slaves, stopping by everypony while the lead slaver told the griffin about any ‘faults’ they had. Several minutes later the two arrived to me.

“This one doesn’t talk but she will follow orders no problem.”

“A mute? We already have one of those. Oh well, as long as she follows orders” She inspected me carefully. “Well, well, you don’t see that everyday. A fully grown pony without a cutiemark.”

 I twitched at the mention of my blank flank. Being a slave didn’t give much opportunities to explore ones talent so I had never gotten mine. Sometimes I fantasized about what cutiemark would have been if I hadn’t been a slave. Of course, my previous masters had seen my flank as well and some had tried to ‘help’ me find it. It often involved humiliating tasks and every time I completed the task I was glad to not have a permanent reminder of it on my flank.

They moved on to the next pony, who happened to be Stargazer. I listened carefully, curious about what they had to say about him.

“And here we have a new arrival, not too bright, considering we caught him trotting about the wasteland on his own, but he is tough though. Perfectly suitable for some heavy labor.”

I heard the griffin stopping for a second, before continuing to the next one. What had Stargazer been doing, all alone in the wasteland?

After completing the round, the griffin stopped by the door and addressed all of us: “Okay you lot, from now on, you’re all workers for the great Red Eye. Now get ready, in an hour we’ll be on our way to Fillydelphia.”

Oh well, it was about time I got to stretch my legs.

An hour later I was outside together with about twenty other slaves, neatly in a two pony thick row. We were guarded by a dozen guards, some at the back, some at our flanks and a group in the front. I could make out the silhouettes of several griffins flying above us.

A shout from the leader was our cue to move, so we walked out of the town. I didn’t bother looking back.

Okay, I take the thing about stretching my legs back. After two days of walking, I had grown thoroughly tired of it. Luckily it was almost time to stop for the night.

Half an hour later we set up camp. The slaves were driven into a small circle, surrounded by the guards. The strongest slaves had been carrying several tents, which were set up around a campfire. After getting some grey sludge for dinner I lay down next to Stargazer.

In the last couple of days, we had grown closer and I had started to trust him. He was like a big brother to me. Every night he told me stories, it didn’t matter that I never said anything back, he was happy to talk, and I was happy to listen. He had told me about his past, how he had been interested in science and left his home to join the steel rangers as a scribe, how he hadn’t been comfortable with the way they treated innocent wastelanders, which ultimately led to his desertion. That was when the slavers had found him. He told me to always follow my own heart, and that he respected it if I kept silent. During a story he would hug me. It felt safer with him around and I hadn’t had any nightmares anymore. Exhausted from the long day of walking, I was already falling asleep when an unpleasant voice violated my ears.

“Hey you two, lovebirds, no cuddling between slaves!”

Annoyed, I looked around for the source of the sound. It turned out to be one of the guards, a green unicorn mare with spiked hair and, more importantly, a shotgun which was pointed at us. Grudgingly I stood up and walked to the other side of the circle, where I laid down. The wasteland made an uncomfortable mattress and I had gotten used to Stargazers leg around me. However the exhaustion from walking all day long caught up with me and I was fast asleep in no time.

I woke up screaming, waking everypony in the camp. They weren’t very happy that I had interrupted their sleep and I got the opportunity to learn a whole lot of new swears. I was about to lay down again when I suddenly found myself staring into the barrel of a shotgun. I gulped and looked at its owner whom I recognized as the guard from the previous night.

“I was having a really nice dream.” She sounded angry. “Watch. Your. Step. Lovebird.”

Shotguns can be either fun or terrifying, depending on which end you are standing. Since I was on the wrong end, I acted very carefully. Sure there were times when I wished the slavers would just kill me, but right now my brain told me that it preferred to stay inside my skull. With my eyes fixed on the barrel, I slowly nodded. She took the shotgun and trotted back to one of the tents. I let out a sigh of relief and laid down again. Once the adrenaline wore off, I quickly fell asleep again.

In the morning everypony was a bit more grumpy than normal and a lot of them, slaves and slavers alike, shot me glares. After the slavers had gotten their breakfast, we were herded towards a large pot. An earth pony with the remains of some dead bug as cutiemark was handing out bowls containing our 'breakfast'.

Truth is, when something broke, the slavers would use the same stuff to hold it together. But hey, we were about to walk for a whole day so I had no right to complain. I grabbed my bowl (the slaves weren't allowed to use magic) and turned around, only to bump into a familiar green face. the collision made me drop my bowl, spilling its contents in the dirt. The upside of the grey sludge being so sticky was that it stayed together when spilled. That is, until a hoof stomped onto it.

“Oh, was that your breakfast?” The guard mare smirked and trotted away. I stared at the remains of the food. Right on cue, my stomach grumbled. Great, just great.

Halfway through the day it had started raining. Now it was nearing nightfall again and we were setting up camp in the small puddles that had formed. Somehow I had managed to survive. Counting rocks had taken my mind off of my stomach even though it had made me nearly trip several times.

After everything had been set up and the slavers had gotten their dinner, it was our turn to eat. I nearly choked on my glue-ball but my stomach was thankful. Walking to the circle in the centre of the camp I hesitated: should I go to Stargazer, sleep without nightmares but disobey the bully guard. Or should I sleep by myself, obey the guard but risk having another nightmare and waking everypony up again. I decided that the slaver mare could go buck herself and went over to Stargazer.

I was already falling asleep when I heard a click just behind my head. Turning around I was greeted with a familiar sight: the barrel of a shotgun. Really, this was getting old.

The slaver mare glared at me. “What did I tell you about not sleeping with him? Now get up and walk!”

Stargazer stood up next to me. “Hold on, if she sleeps alone, she’ll get another nightmare and wake everypony up again.”

She turned the shotgun towards him. “You stay out of this. If your mare-friend screams again, she will be punished accordingly.”

“First of all, she isn’t my mare-friend, she is my friend and she needs me. Secondly, why are you picking on her? She hasn’t done anything wrong to you!” That’s it Star, you tell her!

“Oh really? She is not your mare-friend? Then get your flank up and follow me to my tent so you can prove it.”

Wait what? She was hitting on Stargazer? Why didn’t she just order him to come with her? Was she actually jealous of me? I couldn't help but snicker at the last thought, but was interrupted when Stargazer did something completely unexpected: he spat in the mare’s face.

It took my mind a while to process that. Years of being taught to be obedient had taken away the very idea of such an act of defiance.

Clearly the slaver mare was also taken by surprise. She blinked a couple of times and made some incredibly funny faces. Then she tried to burn Stargazer to the ground with her stare, I swear I saw steam coming from her ears. She was about to say something when I heard something land right behind me.

Startled, I quickly turned around. It was the griffin boss and the look on her face said: I am not amused. She was looked at Stargazer, then at the guard mare, the spit still dripping from just below her right eye.

“I do NOT tolerate disobedience or disrespect and neither does Red Eye!” She boomed. “You will be used as an example of what happens to workers who do not know their place!”

She pointed at Star and several slavers escorted him to the center of the circle. This was not good, I had seen dozens of ‘examples’. Best case scenario would be torture, worst case...
I had to do something! I looked at the green guards mare, hoping she would speak up and tell that it had been her fault. She was grinning. She was actually grinning. I didn’t know a lot about love, but she had been hitting on him less than five minutes ago! Why wasn’t she doing something to help him? I panicked and pushed my way towards the middle, where Stargazer was standing still, surrounded by guards.

The griffin spoke. “You are workers for the glorious Red Eye! He gives you a purpose in life! Protection, shelter, food! All he wants in return is the loyalty and respect he deserves. THIS stallion.” She turned and pointed her claw at Stargazer. “Has chosen to insult his protectors. And I want all of you to know what happens to workers who bite the hoof that feeds them.” Okay, that was all buffalo manure and she knew it. Who would call their slaves workers? As far as I knew, workers were free to go whenever they wanted.

My thoughts were interrupted when she walked over to Star and grabbed him by his throat. As he struggled I saw blood dripping down from where the griffin’s claws were puncturing his skin. She lifted him in the air with one paw, crushing the life out of him. Stargazer. The first pony in years who had been kind enough to honestly care about me. He was dying in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I screamed.

It had become my usual reaction to bad stuff but at least it caught his attention. He looked up and saw me, sobbing and staring at him, and did something that only seemed to make it worse: he smiled. He gave me a reassuring smile as his trashing slowed down and finally stopped. The griffin held him like that for what seemed like an eternity before throwing him down on the ground. “They die.” She finished.

I collapsed on the ground, tears streaming from my eyes. They killed him. They actually fucking killed him. I screamed again, this time it wasn’t a scream of terror, but one of rage. How dared they. What gave them the right to treat us like toys, using us and discarding us when they grew tired of us? I looked around, most of the slaves were staring at me, a lot of the guards as well. I looked further, I saw the tents, the food pot, the campfire.

I kept staring at the campfire, my mind going blank, all of the sounds around me died out, only my emotions remained as i looked at the flames licking at the logs, consuming them. Even though I was pretty far away from it I could see every detail as sharp as if I was standing right next to it.

I stood up, not looking away from the fire. Ponies around me backed up, forming a small circle.

I stared at the flames and felt my horn tingle. I paid it no attention.

Wind blew up my mane, which was strange as it had been wind still all day.

Somepony tried to pull me away but quickly retracted his hoof.

My vision became a bit blurred as a fog appeared around me. I looked down to find the rain puddles boiling but disregarded it and focused on the fire again.

A shotgun floated in front of me. It was surrounded by a green aura which I immediately recognized. I turned to face the slaver guard who had been the cause of Stargazers death. Her face wasn’t as schmuck as I was used to, instead it was filled with terror. I saw her lips moving and I could faintly hear her. “Calm the fuck down!” She was screaming, though it sounded as whispers to me. “He wasn’t important, get over it.”

This only made me angrier. I couldn’t think straight anymore, all I knew was that Stargazer was dead and that it was her fault. And know she said he was not important. “He was important to me.” I whispered. “He was important to me and you took him from me.”
The circle around me grew bigger as ponies slowly backed up, shielding their eyes with their legs.

She stared at me in confusion for a second. “Gee, he was just a slave. Don’t need to get worked up so much about that.”

I remembered everything slavers ever did to me. I could see the faces of the slavers that broke into my room when I was a filly. I saw them laughing as my mother died in front of me. I saw them take me away, selling me to the highest bidder: an old filthy stallion who liked fillies way too much. I saw myself back in Appleloosa after I had become to old for him. I saw half a dozen other masters, each using me like I was nothing more than a tool. I saw myself a couple of days back, when I met Stargazer. A friendly face. I saw the life being crushed out of him, still smiling. I saw a green unicorn mare grinning at the sight.

A couple of things happened at once.

My vision was taken away by an incredibly bright light. I could hear several loud bangs and a lot screams. For some reason I found it very funny that for once I wasn’t the one who was screaming. Suddenly I felt very tired. It was probably for the best to lay down and calm down a bit. Whoops! Without warning, my legs decided to stop working. I was happy to find out that the ground was completely dry. Now if those ponies would just stop screaming so I could just go to sleep. Sleep would be good, hopefully it would get rid of that terrible headache. And maybe that stinging feeling all over my body. I felt myself slowly pass out as the screams around me faded.