“I really think this is a bad idea,” Anon pouted as he walked alongside Celestia through the suburbs of Canterlot.
Without breaking stride, she adjusted the strap of her shoulder bag. “Might I ask why?”
“Babysitting, seriously?” he lamented. “This is the kind of gig that high schoolers or college students take.”
She slowed, if only just, and cast a questioning look down at him. “Are you saying it’s beneath me?”
“I mean, yeah, it kind of is,” he admitted. “Looking after a bunch of snot-nosed kids or teenagers is a waste of your talent - not to mention how much of a headache it will be.”
“I presume you’re speaking from experience?” she quipped.
Shivering as several memories from a very short-lived stint in childcare reared their head, he nodded. “Actually, yeah. Don’t get me wrong, kids can be great, but that’s if they’ve been raised right and know how to respect adults. For all we know, these little booger-eaters will think they can run amuck as soon as their parents are out the door.”
“Would it shock you to learn that I actually know their parents?” she countered.
He stopped and squinted up at her face. “Wait ~ really?”
“Mm-hmm,” she hummed. “Mrs. Lucerne and Mr. Jimmies, her husband, have been employees of the Canterlot Castle for well over a decade. They’re both ponies of the highest caliber, each being quite polite and courteous, and I’m sure their foals are just as well-mannered as they are.”
While it wasn’t that mind-boggling to think she was familiar with the family they were going to see, not for the least of which reasons being she seemed to know everypony in the capital, her assertion raised a question. Every other job she’d found for herself had been advertised in some way, typically through the classified section of newspapers signage in storefronts, but that was the issue - she’d somehow heard about this gig seemingly from nowhere. Sensing foul play, he caught back up with her and cleared his throat.
“Just out of curiosity,” he mumbled, “how did you get wrangled into this?”
Her wings eagerly flapped as she turned and wandered up the walkway leading to a house. “Twilight told me! After hearing about that the incident outside of Baltimare last week, I believe she wanted to help!”
Anon bit his tongue at her claim. Help? Help? How was babysitting helping anypony other than the youngsters’ parents? He may’ve been wrong, but his gut told him that this was some sort of payback for Twilight’s getting a dent egg-headed ego from the damage done to the Shirenano. Neither wishing to sully Celestia’s mood or ensconce himself in what would ultimately be a fruitless debate, he looked up when the front door of the home swung open.
“P…Princess Celestia,” the stallion who must have been Mr. Jimmies stuttered, sinking to one knee and bowing his head in supplication. “I c…can’t believe Princess Twilight was -”
“Come now, there’s no need for such formalities,” Celestia giggled, stepping to him while offering a hand. “I’m retired now.”
“Honey?” a second, feminine voice inquired. “Who’s at - Celestia?!”
Stopping her from kneeling, Mr. Jimmies grabbed his wife’s shoulders and held her upright. “Sweetheart, Princess Twilight wasn’t kidding! She got Prin - Cough - Celestia to come and look after our precious little colts!”
“Wonderful,” Anon hissed under his breath.
He didn’t have any real worries about Celestia minding a few young ponies, seeing no reason to fear her spontaneously committing acts of negligent destruction or doing anything foolish, but the notion of having a pair of hormonal colts ogling her or pawing at her rubbed him the wrong way. It was generous to say she was a bit naive, at times being woefully ignorant to the lust-filled stares or tented pants around her, and there wasn’t a remotely straight teenager on the planet who wouldn’t be drooling over the mere thought of having her as a sitter. Begrudgingly trailing along behind her as she was shown inside, he inspected the home’s interior.
The place wasn’t anything all that fancy, having a tiny foyer that opened into a living room, although it had a comfiness that reminded him of home - his old home on Earth. While Celestia chatted with his former employees, he looked around for any sign of his would-be charges. The duo, twin’s he’d been told, were likely hiding and salivating at their curvaceous and oversized guest, much to his chagrin.
“Everything you’ll need is in the kitchen, I left some bits on the table for you to order pizza, and we’ll have a hefty tip for you after we get back,” Mr. Jimmies said with a grin as he donned a coat. “I’d love to stay and catch up, but the missus and I have a show to get to.”
Throwing her arms around the pair, Celestia gave the couple a hug. “It’s quite alright. You two have a splendid evening.”
Anon forced a smile and waved at the pair as they saw themselves out. The pair had basically ignored him since he and Celestia had arrived, but that was pretty normal. When faced with an ageless alicorn who’d ruled over a kingdom for generations and a weird, hairless ape, the overwhelming majority of ponies would pay more attention to the latter instead of the former. He turned his ear toward a darkened hallway and listened for any sign of the siblings that were lurking somewhere in the house.
Turning his focus up at Celestia, he struggled to maintain his cheerful facade. “So where are the little guys?”
“Mrs. Lucerne said they’re in their room,” Cele responded, looking down the same short corridor that had caught Anon’s eye. “Do you want to go say hello to them?”
Seeing as how they were going to be stuck there for the entire evening, and that the parents had been in too much of a hurry to introduce them, he saw no reason not to seize the initiative. As he stepped back and motioned for her to lead the way, his thoughts darkened. He didn’t consider himself a violent man by any means, but he might just throttle one or both of the idiots if they were brazen enough to cop a feel on Celestia.
Slowly and cautiously opening a door and peeking inside a room, a move that was borderline moronic to pull on a teenager, Cele beamed. “Hello, my babies - I mean, you’re not my babies, but you are for tonight!”
Anon had braced himself for the mother of all reactions, screams of horror or for Celestia to be out-and-out accosted by the duo, but all he got was the faintest noise - almost like a coo of some sort. Whoever was inside must have been stoic as all get-out - that or they were stoned out of their mind. With his curiosity getting the better of him, he crept to the doorframe and peered within.
All his anxiety was defused in an instant. Babies - they were going to be taking care of a pair of babies. Partially swaddled within a spacious crib, the pair of foals softly babbled and looked over with wide, inquisitive eyes. Unprepared for the adorable onslaught, his heart quivered as one of the two foals smiled in his direction.
“They’re so small,” Celestia breathed, clutching her hands over her chest. Walking over to the crib, she waggled her fingers at the pair. “Hey, little ones!”
The duo must have been supernatural judges of character, because they gleefully fidgeted and reached for her. Bending forward at the waist, she loomed over them. The differences between the twins and her was so stark that it was jarring, yet the tenderness and care radiating off her as she scooped them up and brought them to her bosom was palpable.
She held the duo to her chest and turned to face Anon. “Aren’t they just precious?”
“Yeah,” he faintly agreed, drifting closer and reaching up with hand. “What’s your name, little guy?”
“He’s Jasper, I think,” Celestia quietly answered before looking down to the other foal, “and this one’s Garnet.”
The colts were identical, both having a vermilion coat and twinkling, azure eyes, so Anon could forgive Celestia for getting their names mixed up. Delicately stroking one fingertip against Jasper’s cheek, he snickered when the tiny pony clutched his digit. He’d seen more babies than he could count over the years, although this was one of the few times he’d gotten the opportunity to interact with them outside of a public setting.
Lifting the duo up to her face, Celestia nuzzled her snout against them. “You’re gonna have lots of fun tonight.”
She gave one a raspberry on the belly, earned herself a delighted squeal, then repeated the process with his sibling. The spectacle of a Princess, a veritable goddess, displaying such compassion was humbling. Though the colts couldn’t have realized or fully appreciated it, they were being granted a gift that few if any would ever experience.
Anon cocked his head and swung his focus upward. “You know, I’m surprised you don’t have any yourself.”
Her expression wavered and her eyes lowered to the floor. “I…I’ve - careful,” she sighed, repositioning the twins slightly. “Let’s get you two somewhere more comfortable.”
Rising to her full height, she strode into the hallway and toward the den. If for no other reason than to not stand around by himself, Anon gave chase. It had been slight, the sort of thing that could have slipped by somepony who didn’t know Celestia as well as he did, but her reaction to his innocent question led him to believe he may have struck a nerve.
Walking through into the living room and seeing her moving to the sofa, he altered course and headed to the kitchen. “I’m gonna check on the snack situation. You want anything?”
Celestia eased herself down and shook her head. “I think I’m good for now.”
Nodding, he waited until his back was turned to her before he let his smile fade. While he was very familiar with her, having almost intimate insight on her routine, favorite foods, and her innumerable quirks, she still held a great many secrets that he’d yet to puzzle out - chief amongst which being her lack of heirs. She’d always shown a fondness for foals, going out of her way to visit schools or even breaking protocol at formal events to play with somepony’s baby, yet she didn’t have one of her own.
As he passed the kitchen table, his attention was snagged by a number of items that had been left out. Alongside a small stack of bits, there was a note, pack of diapers, two baby bottles, and a can. Shit - he’d been so caught up with his thoughts that he’d nearly forgotten the less pleasant aspects he’d be contending with that afternoon. Having picked up and quickly read the letter, finding directions for how to make formula, he looked back to the doorway.
“Should I make some milk for them?” he called out.
After a moment’s pause, Celestia replied. “There’s no need.”
“What do you mean?” he shot back. “They’re going to need to eat something, and the recipe here says it’ll take at least twenty minutes to mix and heat the -”
“No need,” she blithely repeated. “I’ve got - Ah.”
He spun and bolted back to the living room. It was a little weird that she insisted he wouldn’t need to whip up a batch of formula, but the sound of her startled cry set him on high alert. She wouldn’t ever intentionally do anything to hurt anypony, although he was keenly aware that her slip-ups, even tiny ones, could lead to tragic consequences.
Seconds from asking her if everything was alright, he came to a screeching halt. She was right where he’d left her, seated on the couch, and nothing in the room was out of place - well, no, almost nothing. With her shirt removed and placed on the cushion beside her, she addressed the issue of feeding the pair in an extraordinarily unexpected way.
“What?” she asked.
Picking his jaw up from the floor, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works.”
“Anon, I’m disappointed in you. For all the things you’ve seen me do, and the many things you haven’t, did you really think inducing lactation would be that difficult of a task?” she mused.
“So you can just turn yourself into a dairy cow on a whim?” he groaned as he marched over to a nearby recliner.
Keeping the foals latched to her bosoms, she rocked back. “I’ll have you know, I could have you sent to a friendship gulag for likening me to a bovine.”
“Back when you were a Princess, sure,” he confessed, “but that doesn’t mean I’m not right.”
She glowered then winced and shivered as one of the tykes whined around her teat. “T…touche, Anon.”
“Really though, I had no idea you could do that,” he noted, looking over at her with amazement. “So is that something anypony can pull off?”
“For unicorns and alicorns, yes, it’s a simple spell,” she affirmed, “and there are potions available that yield the same result for earth ponies and pegasi.”
Sagely nodding, he watched her breastfeed the pair. There was nothing sexual about the scene, merely a surrogate mother nursing two foals, yet a primitive portion of his brain was enthralled by the sight. Her motherly aura was captivating, elevating her beauty beyond the pale, and it evoked a sense of curiosity and arousal within him.
“I’m still surprised you don’t have a few kids yourself,” he remarked. As she shot him a questioning look, he reclined and motioned at the twins she was holding. “It’s obvious that you got a soft spot for them, I don’t think I’ve ever seen foals who weren’t instantly head over heels for you, and I’d bet everything I own that you’d be a fantastic mother.”
Looking down at the pair, she wistfully smiled. “Maybe someday…”
He leaned in and propped his chin on one hand, unable to resist. “Waiting for that special somepony to sweep you off your feet and make an honest mare out of you?”
Her eyes lingered on him, almost as if she was appraising him, while her face went beet red. Though she didn’t say a thing, her reaction spoke volumes. He tried to hold her gaze, playing a game of chicken with her, until he could bear it no longer. As she rubbed her thighs together and stared him down, he looked away.
“I’m - uh - I’m gonna see what they’ve got in the fridge,” he grumbled.
“Alright,” she murmured.
Stopping as he stood, he held onto the arms of the chair. “So you do want a drink?”
She shook her head and tranquilly smiled at the foals in her arms. “To answer your question, I am waiting for that special somepony.”
He went to make a joke, if only to lighten the mood, but then he locked eyes with her. There was something in her gaze he couldn’t describe, and it robbed him of his voice. Steeling himself, he summoned the courage not to bow out and flee. Of all the difficult things he’d done in Equestria, from adjusting to his life there to the trials of tending to a Princess, not backing down from her at that moment was one of the most grueling.
“I hope you find him someday,” he whispered.
With the trace of a grin on her lips, she lowered her eyes back to the twins. “Me too…”
Hope could be a fickle mistress, the sort of thing that could lift one up or tear one down, and Anon hated that he’d come to rely on it so fiercely. He hoped he wasn’t wrong about her, he hoped she cared about him the same way he cared about her, and he hoped for a bright future for the both of them, although he hated that his life had come to this. What had started as a friendship was changing, budding into something he longed for more than anything, and he was terrified that he might be wrong about it…