“Well, uhm, I don’t know what this ‘America’ place is, but I can tell you that you are currently in PonyVille. Located in Equestria. So, does that help any?”
Staring blankly at this little purple unicorn I swear the ringing in my ears finally started to dull enough for me to CLEARLY make out what she had just said. Nodding dumbly I swear I just noticed my mouth was agape and I closed it hearing a very unsettling crunch in my jaw-line.
“So, E-quest-ria?”
“No, no, E-ques-tria. If you say it like that it comes out more medieval than anything.”
“Right, we don’t want that do we?”
“Oh well, I’m not sure if anyone would take offense to that. Though it would make it seem more noble and foreign, but I’m sure nopony here would like to have the old laws to adhere to. Plus there is the fact that some jobs would be almost non-existent if we were in that time period.”
Staring at her for a moment I felt my left eye twitch. “Yes, thank you Miss--” wait, what’d she call herself again? Sparkle? Dear god it sounded like one of those 80’s toon shows I grew up watching. Argh, you know for a guy landing in a place with walking, talking, colorful ponies I’m taking this rather well.
“Sparkle.”
“Huh?”
“You were thanking me and trailed off. I assume you forgot my name so I was reminding you it’s Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh yes, right. Sorry, I’m sort of well.. Wow.” I let out a hearty laugh. What the fuck am I right now? Confused? Beyond. Elated? Somewhat. I mean my limbs are fine and I’m not heavily bleeding. I’m in a world that has talking creatures. Oh fuck, either I’m still dreaming in my home or this.. This is really fuckin’ happening.
“If you don’t mind, may I ask you a few questions now?”
“Uhm.. Sure Miss Sparkle.”
She smiled gently, and took a quill and ink out of her saddlebags along with what appeared a large scroll. “Do you write a lot Miss Sparkle?”
“Oh yes, I usually have check lists I make or I feel I’ll never get anything done. I feel it is always best to be prepared and organized. But you said you would allow me some questions. So may I start asking them and you merely respond.”
Ah, in other words please shut your trap so I can interrogate you. Well at least she was polite. If that could be considered she was polite at this moment, but hey you have an alien land in your backyard and than tell me you don’t have questions for it. This is like way bizarre.
“So, you’re a bipedal sentient creature with no coat covering your skin, most of your hair seems to be focused the top of your head, some over your eyes and face? You have facial hair, that seems appropriate enough to tell me you are male, correct?”
“Right you are ma’am.”
“Uh-huh, and no claws, but you do seem to have more of an appendage found on a dragon--”
I pulled my hand back quickly and could see the somewhat shocked expression on her face along with a hint of irritation. “Excuse me, what did you say? A dragon?”
“Yes.”
“Like a fire breathing dragon, big scales, huge wing span, and possibly very irritable?”
“Well, not all dragons are short-tempered but in short yes.”
“…so, talking ponies cover most of this ‘Equestria’, do dragons talk too?”
“Of course. Dragons are a sentient race but most stick to their own communities. We really don’t bother them and they seem to have not bothered us for quite some time.”
Wow, hell in a hand basket. This lady.. Pony.. Whatever! Now we got dragons to add to the mix of this bizarre appetizer I bit into. Great, I always loved the idea of staring down something you know.. Nearly a hundred times my size. I started to rub my temples and could hear her finding something interesting in the dirt as she scraped at it with her hoof.
“I interrupted again, didn’t I?”
“I’m afraid so. It’s quite alright that you have questions, it’s just that.. I’m very curious as to your reason for being here. As well as what you are.”
“Sorry, just dragons… you know there are legends of dragons on my world too.”
…did I just hear her squeal? That sounded like a squeak.
“Oh really? Do you know what happened to them? Did you live in co-existence? Were they sentient too?”
“Ahaha--ha-haha.. Well, I don’t know much about them. The legends always becomes confused in translation as well as some people have very different opinions. Some viewed them as a constant threat, merely destructive creatures who were to be slayed for conquest. Others regarded them with high nobility, as if they were the protectors of our planet. Some viewed them as mythical creatures who shared their wisdom with only those who seeked knowledge and peace above all else.”
“Oh wow, that is very interesting. What about Gryphon‘s? And Pegasi? And Unicorns?”
“Well, I don’t know much on the subject of Gryphon‘s, but Pegasi and Unicorns? Their’s not a lot of stuff I know off the top of my head, most people view them as things of beauty. Some even believe that at one point we coexisted with them, and than it splits. I’ve heard that some believe we were ignorant so they left us and found a world for their own, others that they died off and the cause of death was a mystery.” Shrugging my shoulders she seemed a bit depressed at the news. Even I gotta say I never fancied Unicorns much but it is a bit of a woeful tell, especially since I feel like I’m delivering a message to a descendant of the unicorns from my world. Would they be this colorful though?
“Another question if I may, what exactly do you call yourself?”
“You mean species or my own personal name?”
“Both if you would be so kind.”
“Well my species are known as human. A most basic term but it’s almost universal… err, global where I come from. Homo-sapien is a more scientific term. What the definition is don’t ask me, I failed science class on biology and the like. As for me, the name is Siegfried. My friends call me Ziggy.”
“Siegfried? That’s a rather unusual name.”
“It’s.. German.” I chuckled at my usual auto-response. Yea, like she’s got a map of my world in those saddlebags. Idiot, she has no clue what the hell any of the continents on your world are called.
“Oh, well it sounds.. Nice?”
“Miss sparkle you don’t need to humor me, I get the response a lot also back home.”
“I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”
I chuckle again at her cute politeness. Damn, she is sweet. Why can’t I meet girls like this back home. UGH!
“No, it is fine. I am in no way offended, unless you happened to have an influence on my grade school classmates teasing me for the name.”
“Oh no!! I would never, I mean--- you’re teasing me aren’t you?”
I smirk gently and shrug. I can see the pout coming from her cheeks and I swear, I just want to pinch. I really would if I didn’t know that she had magic a second ago and learned how a little thing like this unicorn can pack a punch like a defensive lineman. I think I need to check my ribs later, I still feel a tingle.
“Ugh, I’m trying to be a bit serious with this, could you do the same, please?”
“Miss sparkle, if I may, I’m completely at your mercy, I’m sure you recall how far you threw me with that one spell earlier.” A light blush and a nervous laugh emits from her, cute, damn you are too cute. "But if you ask me to be not have some humor to diffuse the tension between us I cannot comply. In all honesty, I really am being as serious about the situation as possible. You must realize that I’m far from home, and from the looks of it like an intruder in your own world. I’m as nervous as you are.”
“Yes, now to really get to the bottom of this. HOW did you come to Equestria, and if you arrived by accident, what are your intentions?”
Wow, she is good. From researcher to enforcer in nearly two seconds, I can honestly say for a creature that is half my size she really is looking intimidating right now. Okay, think carefully anything could upset her and I really haven’t a clue how I came here. One minute I’m walking on a trail, alone at night, and I hear a voice, a really.. distorted voice and follow. That’s it, next thing I know I’m walking in to thicker trees, the trail begins to disappear, and I reappear before a frightened unicorn who blasts me in self-defense.
“Miss sparkle, I swear I have no clue how I got here. I was following a voice back on my own home world and the next thing I know I’m staring at you and.. well I’m sure you remember the rest. I was merely walking a trail, something I do a lot on my world when I feel like being alone with my thoughts. As for my intention, finding a way home is probably the only thing on my mind. I assume that if I walked back I’d end up home, but…”
I turn to stare behind me, trees far beyond what I could see. HOW THE HELL did this happen?! I was just walking in a park, not even that many trees and the next thing I know I’m surrounded by them, and come across a unicorn. A purple unicorn! She doesn’t even look like half the unicorns I’ve seen in pictures. Much smaller, much.. smaller and talking, let's not forget she's a talking pony. Her face doesn’t even come close to the pictures I’ve seen, it’s her muzzle, it’s way different. Her eyes are a shade of purple that compliments her coat. …wait, back up, stop, I know what I’m doing and this stops. I’m not about to check out a pony. Not today anyway, focus man!
“A-hem, so yea.. Next course of action.. I suppose I could try to head back home, you know go back the way I came?”
“Well, that is if the same method worked, from your description you walked through a.. actually I have no idea how you could have ended up here. A portal?”
“Portal through another world, like a gateway? Could that be used through magic?”
“It’s possible, but it would take very powerful magic to do that, or even a spell that is forbidden or ancient. I've read up on most spells and I've never heard of one sending a creature through another world the way you came in to my world."
“Question, how much of this forest do you know?”
“Everfree? We.. don’t venture in to it much. A lot of it is dangerous for ponies.”
Hmm.. Interesting, so an unexplored forest and here I stood at the very gates to it. Almost too surreal for me to come up with on my own. Okay, so this mostly is something I’ve never had a dream about, but hell, I’ve had crazier dreams. Talking ponies always being absent in almost all of them though. I will continue to play along, hell, if this is reality, and I freak out, nothing can be gained, only lost. Not to mention, Miss Sparkle seems to be non-aggressive. So I can almost guarantee I’m not in immediate danger.
“Mr. Siegfried? I would advise against exploring the Everfree at this time. It is dark out, and if you were to go in now, I could not in good judgment allow you to go back in there, especially at night.”
“Understandable, but say the portal or gateway was still open, it would likely be closed by morning light. No?”
“I’m afraid so. However if it is nothing more than a high-level spell that pulled you in to our world perhaps we can ask an equally powerful magic user to send you back?”
“I take it you are not on that level yet?”
“No… I’m sorry. I wish I could be more help.”
“Miss sparkle, you have been quite helpful. At the very least I know where I am, and that I should be wary of magic spells throwing me on my backside.”
“Sorry.” I sighed in exasperation, really it was self-defense. Let it go. I probably would’ve hit you with a stick had you come in to my world. Shaking my thoughts I decide that the next course of action is the one I feel a sense of dread but a necessity to basic survival. Shelter.
“Is there.. Any lodging establishments nearby?”
“What? Why?”
“Well, it is getting late, and unless you are nocturnal, I assume that you ponies sleep at night.”
“Of course, uhm.. How many bits do you have?”
“…what?”
“Bits? Oh no, I think we may have a situation on our hooves.”
“Right, hands, and yea. It’s safe to say our currency’s do not match." I take out some money from my pocket, and show it to her, a shake of her head confirms it for me. "So, it would appear they don't. Great, so even if I wanted to I couldn’t afford to sleep at a lodge.”
“Uhm.. You could sleep over at my place tonight? It’s not much and I would love to continue to discuss about our worlds.”
“Miss sparkle, it’s a very kind and generous offer--”
“Why do I feel a but coming on?”
Snickering at her ability to read my next train of thought I wonder are unicorns telepathic for a second. “BUT~, I feel it’s kind of.. Imposing. As well wouldn't that interfere with your day tomorrow?”
“Well to be honest, I may have to write a report to Princess Celestia about you. She would be as curious as me so this could help us both. I could learn more about you, having new research material and contact the princess, and we could see about getting you home. Does that sound like a win-win?”
Wow, if I had a problem with faith in humanity at least I felt like ponies were better than we were in the aspect of generosity. Still, it felt weird having to be taken care of so much, and I could not shake the feeling of that voice earlier. I know I wasn’t going crazy, the theory that this is still a dream rattled in my brain as well. Finally, I think I’ll just take the damned offer.
“Well, if you could lead the way, and do you have anything to drink? Considering it will be a long night of discussion I could use something to wet my whistle.”
“Beg your pardon?”
“An idiom, back home, just that I am parched and will be as we continue to talk in to the night.”
“Oh! Yes, we have some drinks. Apple juice?”
“Oh that sounds great. Thank you.”
With that she turned around and started to head in to PonyVille. Following I could only assume that this mess could be over soon and I’d be back home getting ready for putting this all behind me. Yea, just be back home and really not worry over anything but this being a dream or just some weird event I had the luxury of taking part in.