Chapter 1 – Flirting
One of the great things about no longer being a child… was the right of passage of dating. Snips and Snails at Eighteen, were no longer in primary school with Miss Cheerilee, but had chosen to attend Princess Twilight’s School of Friendship afterwards as something of a ‘college level education’ on a part time basis. While having just recently hit that coveted adult status, they had nearly all the boxes checked to be considered independent of their parents. They both did still live at home, but they were rapidly fulfilling society’s expectations for what they needed to take a partner and get married… and they had a plan.
Snips and Snails were milling around the courtyard waiting for the targets of their affection. School had let out for the day at the School of Friendship, and they had nothing better to do than to try their luck.
Again.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders exited the schoolhouse into the courtyard and just stared at the duo.
Apple Bloom sighed. “Ah guess we should just get it over with.”
The smaller blue unicorn, Snips, walked up to her with gusto. “Hi cuties…”
Scootaloo huffed. “For the last time… we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders… not cuties…”
Snips raised a hoof to his chest to defend his statement. “But you’re all so cute…”
Apple Bloom got red in the face with barely controlled rage and Sweetie Belle excused herself from the imminent confrontation to stand next to Snails.
She whispered to him. “So… you got dibs today?”
Snails sighed. “He’s tried flirting with Scootaloo a few times now, but never with Apple Bloom. To be honest… I’m surprised he’s trying this with both of them at the same time… I’ve been practicing my flirting, and I think you’ll like it… but I don’t think he’s got it yet. He thinks he does though… still… I think Apple Bloom will stomp him.”
Sweetie Belle suppressed a giggle while watching.
Apple Bloom recovered herself and retorted. “Ah’m not cute! Ah’m a hard-workin’ Earth Pony!”
Snips didn’t back down from his assertion. “Maybe I think a hard-working Earth pony is cute?”
Apple Bloom glared at him. “Would ya think it was cute if ah bucked your face?”
Snips seemed to get stars in his eyes… “You would do that?”
Apple Bloom was taken aback. “What?”
Snips also replied. “What?”
Sweetie Belle was trying not to cry from the laughter bubbling within her while Snails sighed and Scootaloo face hoofed.
Scootaloo rolled her eyes while whispering to Apple Bloom. “Remember… ‘buck’ has two different meanings in this context…”
Apple Blooms eyes widened as she blurted out… “What were ya hopin’ for?”
Snips rubbed the back of his head as he replied… “Well… I was hoping that was an offer for you to sit on my face while I licked your teardrop. That would be ‘bucking my face’… technically.”
Apple Bloom’s muzzle went red with a creeping blush but her only response was… “Eww.”
Snips sighed… “I guess that’s a no?”
Apple Bloom shook her head. “Even if… and that’s a big if… I was interested in trying that… you’re a unicorn! Your horn would be poking my behind.”
Snips grinned. “Yeah… it should fit perfectly into your tail hole while I’m licking you.”
Apple Bloom huffed. “Ah wouldn’t sit on your face if ya were the last stallion in Equestria…”
Snips seemed sullen but didn’t reply to her statement. Even he had to admit that the last suggestion might have been a bridge too far…
Snails sighed. “I guess I lost since she didn’t hit him…”
Sweetie Belle was still containing her giggling. “Well… it’s your turn. What flirting do you have for me today?”
Snails sighed again but also snarked. “I’m not sure I even want to try. Being turned down over and over again isn’t mentally healthy.”
Sweetie Belle pouted… “But turning you down is the highlight of my day…”
Snails perked up, willing to fulfil an odd request even when he knew it wouldn’t benefit him. “I was just going to say that your mane and tail looks extra good today, Sweetie Belle…”
She huffed at the obvious compliment. “I didn’t do anything extra to it. It looks exactly the same as it always does…”
Snails smiled sweetly. “Well then. You must be an angel to wake up so beautiful…”
Sweetie Belle’s muzzle creeped red with a growing blush… “That’s… sweeter than I expected.”
Snails gave her a weak smile. “I’d like to take you out on a date, or even a double date… but I don’t expect Apple Bloom or Scootaloo to return Snips’ affection. I know you wouldn’t want to leave your friends behind, and while I can afford to take all three of you out… it wouldn’t be a date at that point. I’m not trying to form a herd.”
Sweetie Belle relented on opposing his flirting but still had to turn him down. “I can’t date you without a job of my own. I feel like I should pay for my half of the date… that way we don’t feel as bad if it doesn’t work out. The fact that you have a job, and I don’t… Diamond Tiara would tear us both apart… and while I’m used to her abuse… I don’t think you deserve it. I’m sorry.”
Snails sighed. “That is fair, although, not fair at the same time. Diamond Tiara is a better pony than she used to be, but she still has her moments. Jealousy over stallions can be a sore spot for her… rich and single isn’t something that normally happens but a lot of us stallions remember what she was like as a filly and she’s going to have to work hard to overcome her past. Maybe I don’t care if she teases me? My job pays more than the average Ponyville job, and I don’t mind covering the full cost of at least one date… I think I love you and I’d like to explore that…”
Sweetie Belle’s heart fluttered but she had to stand resolute. “I’m sorry. I really can’t.”
Snips and Snails walked away from the Cutie Mark Crusaders defeated but willing to explore other angles to get better into their good graces.
Snips sighed. “That could have gone better…”
Snails huffed at his friend. “Mine went fine. She was concerned about what Diamond Tiara would say about us dating. It’s yours that fell apart. I know we can’t date all three of them at the same time, but we need at least one of them to like you.”
Snips grumbled. “Okay… so what should we do?”
Snails was lost in thought. “I don’t know… how have you been practicing your flirting?”
Snips looked at him. “In the mirror. I practice what I want to say and try to come up with retorts they could use against it, and I plan a counterstatement. What do you do?”
Snails sighed. “I do the same thing… although I seem to have better success with it. We need a new plan… but what?”
Snips seemed to consider the question and then brightened. “Maybe we should practice on each other! That way we can see the reactions and make adjustments. I don’t think it would be too weird. We just have to be honest with each other.”
Snails considered it… “Yes… that could work. But we won’t want to be seen or overheard doing it… so where do we practice?”
Snips shrugged. “My house or yours. It doesn’t really matter.”
Snails agreed. “My house is closer. Let’s go there.”
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After arriving at Snails house, they ate a snack and then went to Snails bedroom. This was going to be awkward but they both knew they needed real practice with real ponies.
Snips and Snails faced each other. Snips started. “Your horn is extra-long today…”
Snails barely avoided face-hoofing. “It’s the same length every day. That was ridiculous. Come on… you can do better…”
Snips sighed and refocused. “This isn’t coming naturally to me… what do you recommend?”
Snails considered what it took to flirt. “You said it yourself… Just be honest. Find an attractive quality in your target and compliment it. We aren’t looking for a one-night stand so really open your heart to the process. It really isn’t that hard unless you’re lying to yourself too.”
Snips looked at his best friend. Really looked at him. The orange coat and green mane looked good on him, though, he could use a mane and tail cut to smooth out the rough edges. His horn was really long, which unicorns adored… but his smile… and his eyes…
Snips gulped. “Your eyes… they look so kind. I can tell that you’ll be a good partner to whomever you end up dating and marrying.”
Snails felt a blush creep up his muzzle. That was more than I expected.
Snails cleared his throat. “I think your short stature is endearing. I know that being small isn’t fun but your so cute that it’s hard not to like you.”
Snips blushed as well. “I have to get to work at the Ponyville Day Spa… my shift is starting soon. You should come with me though… I think that you could use a mane and tail cut to smooth out the rough edges of your current style and really get inside a certain mare’s heart… For that matter… I need a cut too, but at least I get the employee discount. Should we go get a mane cut today?”
Snails grinned widely. “That’s a good idea! Let’s go!”
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Snips and Snails arrived at the Ponyville Day Spa and queued in line. The spa wasn’t that busy, so it didn’t take long to check in with Aloe.
“What can I do for you two stallions today? Snips? Your early for your shift.”
Snips smiled at her. “We would like to get a trim on both our manes and tails. Just clean it up and give us some smooth edges.”
Aloe looked them over. “We can probably do that, but your tail is already fairly short, Snips. Are you sure you want it shorter than it already is, even to ‘clean it up’?”
Snips shrugged. “Well… it’s not like I need a long tail to hide certain things like a mare would. It should be okay as long as you don’t cut it completely off.”
Aloe smiled warmly at her young employee and his friend and showed them to the mane cutting part of the spa. Snips and Snails sat side by side while getting their manes styled and cut. It took less than 20 minutes for both the mane and tail to be done and they looked at themselves and each other in the mirror.
Snails grinned. “Wow. Very nice. Its smooth and even and the style is simple enough for us to fix it up like this again ourselves for class at the School of Friendship.”
Aloe looked around the spa and sighed. “We are less busy than we normally are… maybe you should just go ahead and take the day off, Snips. Enjoy the day with your friend.”
Snips smiled at his boss. “Will do, Aloe. If you need me for anything, just send a message and I’ll come right away.”
Snips paid the bits for both of them, and they returned to Snails’ home to regroup.
Snips was energized by the mane cut and the earlier flirting practice. “So… should we keep practicing or call it a day?”
Snails considered it carefully. “I think we’ve done enough for one day. We’ve gotten to the heart of the issue and fixed part of our appearance. We need to keep up the practice for a few days or even a few weeks before we try to flirt with the girls again. Maybe giving them some time away from our flirting attempts will make them miss it while we are getting better at it. We also probably need to practice other things too, to help us get more comfortable with dating and courtship so we can really blow them away when the time comes.”
Snips frowned. “What else should we practice?”
Snails thought about it. “Buying gifts for certain. Mares like gifts. We need to get better at understanding ourselves and our friends so we can buy a gift that really attracts their attention… and affection.”
Snips nodded his head, impressed with Snails’ insight on this. “Okay… let’s buy each other something small tomorrow as practice and maybe we can practice other things too. Let’s just take this one day at a time and maybe… just maybe… we can hit paydirt.”
Snails pulled Snips in for a friendly hug and then walked his friend to the front door of his house.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Snips smiled back. “Yup. Tomorrow.”
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