Celestia could not help but chow down on a very nice-looking piece of cake. Whoever cooked this deserved a raise! While she was eating, a very strange creature appeared, looking to be a mismatch of several creatures.
“Why hello Celie. I see you haven’t aged a day.” He spoke.
“Discord, you escaped? But how? I personally saw to it that you were stoned.”
“Would you believe a little filly whose wings don’t work broke me free by mistake?”
“Scootaloo! I’ve should’ve known the Cutie Mark Crusaders would cause more trouble than fillies their age usually do. I really need to idiot proof anything related to past foes.” Celestia followed up with a smirk. “While you’ve been stoned, I only gotten stronger.”
“Funny you say that. You really haven’t changed a day, have you? Your rump looks the same a thousand years later. You’re still ever so predictable. Did you think to question that cake?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why it was created by yours truly. I know you would just put me back in stone right away, so I got a little creative.”
“My magic, it isn’t working!”
“You always did think too highly of yourself.”
“Luna will deal with you!”
“Oh, her? Yeah, she’s far from full power after that whole Nightmare Moon phase. Maybe I should convince her to become Nightmare Moon again. The most powerful ponies are useless to stop me. I think your little ponies can use some... excitement in their heavily curated lives.”
“Twilight Sparkle will stop you! You have no idea how powerful she is.”
“Sounds fun. You just stick around for a while; not like you’re going anywhere anytime soon. I thought you liked trolling. Anyway, lemme make some adjustments to what you very carefully built over your lifetime. I’m gonna love it!”
“I would challenge you to a rap battle, but I feel too weak right now.”
“Oh, how sad. Those silly things are still used? Equestria sure hasn’t changed much at all in my absent.”
As Boyfriend and Girlfriend woke up the next day, they noticed something very strange was going on outside. The sky looked an orange checkboard pattern and houses were floating. “BF? What madness is in store for this Friday?”
“Shit. This town is crazy. Not even Pinkie Pie could have caused this much mayhem. You know what? Let’s just get this over with. Whatever the hell caused this I’ll just rap battle. No reason it shouldn’t work now.”
“Let’s go check up on our friends, maybe they’ll know what’s up and I don’t mean just the ponies floating around in a panic.”
The two arrived at Twilight’s house. Upon entering, they saw Twilight in a panic, with a mane and tail that looked like they weren’t maintained in weeks. “What in Celestial’s mane am I supposed to do?! I’m used to overpowering magic with my own magic, but not this time!”
“The power of friendship,” Boyfriend answered.
“Of course, except trying to find my friends out here has been frustrating.”
“Kinda hard to do so when you’re here.”
“I couldn’t find them so I came back home to try to find books that might offer another solution.”
“Relax Twilight, you know I can rap battle whoever is behind this.”
“I sure hope so, because I’m not seeing any other way we can resolve this. I hate it when I’m not the most powerful pony just behind the princesses. No creature is going to show me up in magic! I’m going through more books so I can find one that will help me solve this issue.”
“You can’t find everything in books.”
“By Zacherle, I must try.”
“Right, I’ll just go outside and... oh look, your friends are here.” Twilight turned to attention right away and noticed they looked very grayscale.
“I was so worried about you... where’s Pinkie and Rainbow?” Twilight asked.
“They’re right at around the corner sugar cube.” Applejack replied.
“You suck Twilight!” Fluttershy insulted. “If you love books so much, why don’t you just marry them already?” Fluttershy then took on a mocking impression of Twilight’s voice. “Books, god I love books. Dear Celestia, I’m so lonely.”
“You better pay me with something valuable for our supposed friendship,” Rarity demanded.
“Hey, what is wrong with you three?” Boyfriend asked, annoyed.
“Ain’t nothing wrong,” Applejack answered.
“Can’t you tell? Even I can tell you’re lying.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“You know Twilight, even Trixie is more tolerable than you,” Fluttershy hinted.
“You’re Celestia’s number one student, so you must have plenty of bits. Pay me!” Rarity ordered.
“No, no, no! This is all wrong! My friend are not such jerks... at least not to this extent.” Twilight frowned. “Come on Boyfriend and Girlfriend, we’re going to figure out what weird magic is making my friends act so out of character.”
“I told you, I’ll settle it with a rap battle,” As the three began making their way further outside, they saw Rainbow fly above. She stopped on a cloud for a moment.
“Ditching you dorks was the best decision in my life. Later!” She then took off at high speeds.
“Okay, who did this?!” Twilight yelled. “Show yourself!” A moment later, Discord appeared in front of Twilight. “I... read about you before, you’re Discord! But then how did you break out of your stone prison?”
“Because Princess Sunbutt was careless like usual. If she put in half as much effort of sealing creatures away as she did stuffing herself with cake I wouldn’t be back so soon.”
“Well, you were locked up for at least a thousand years.”
“Time is very relative when you can’t feel anything.”
“Cease this madness.”
“Really? Considering your friends are the opposite of their Elements, I doubt they’re going to help you.”
“I am the Element of Magic, that means I can stand against you!”
“How cute. In just a moment I can render you powerless. I don’t know where Pinkie Pie is, but I guess she also ditched you even without my help.”
“No, she’ll come through!”
“As if.”
“I’ll take you on!” Boyfriend challenged. “One vee one me in a rap battle!”
“A rap battle?” Discord asked. A microphone appeared in his right hand, although upside down. “Oh sure, I’m getting bored anyway.”
Go, one, two, three!
“Chaos is my thing.”
“What?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you used to being on the right side?”
“Yeah, you’re already messing with my perception.”
“Sadly for you, I don’t play fair. Ponies, more like phonies!”
“...”
“Look who doesn’t have a mouth now. I wonder how that happened. I can’t lose if you can’t rap. This was all too easy.”
Boyfriend dropped his microphone. In fact, Discord decided to make Boyfriend looked like he was being viewed through a x-ray, showing Boyfriend’s now blue balls. Discord then returned Boyfriend’s mouth. “Looks like I won. Now why don’t you join my fun?”
“You cheated!” Boyfriend protested, looking very upset.
“Yeah, so? Who can stop me?”
“The rap gods!”
“The what?”
“You’ll know it. So, what are you going to do now that you won, kill me?”
“Why would I do that? I’m the God of Chaos, not a God of War.”
“But I’m so used to facing opponents who would literally kill me if I lost.”
“It’s almost like nothing changed in a thousand years. Anyway, I’m gonna make you better now.” With a snap of his finger, Boyfriend and Girlfriend became gray scaled. This only left Twilight as maintaining her full colors. Discord then disappeared.
“Rapping isn’t for me, I’mma gonna take up painting,” Boyfriend announced. Girlfriend transformed into her demonic pony form.
“Why am I’m pretending to be a good human or pony, hiding my truth demon self? To please a human? We’re through Boyfriend. I think I’ll have my fun with these weak little ponies first before I go back home and find a man who at the very least isn’t shorter than me.”
“Fuck you too bitch.” Boyfriend walked away and Girlfriend set her sights on Twilight.
“I’ll start by taking down this self-important unicorn who doesn’t know her own limitations.” Twilight formed magical shields and barriers to protect against an onslaught of Girlfriend’s attacks. Twilight was looking very tired afterward.
“Please, it doesn’t have to be this way. Discord done this to you. You’re a good pony, Girlfriend, demon or not.”
“A good demon... are you listening to yourself? You of all ponies should be smart enough to know there are no good demons, just those who pretend to get closer to their pray.” Twilight started to turn gray. “On second thought, you living with your own failures is a better outcome. Your friends are no longer so. Not even a rap battle saved you this time. I’ll also leave Boyfriend alive, alone and broken.” Girlfriend then flew off. Not moving from her spot, Twilight set there, alone with her head down. Discord then reappeared.
“Looks like Celestia was wrong about her so-called number one student stopping me. You’ve nothing left Twilight! And if you try to go see your family like Shining Armor, I’ll give them a makeover too.” Twilight’s horn started to glow and grew in intensity.
“You can’t win, I won’t let you. Take this!” Twilight fired off a purple beam of powerful magic that hit Discord directly. “How’d you like that?” The smoke cleared and Discord was yawning.
“Just a weak unicorn as I’ve expected. You don’t need this anymore.” Twilight’s horn disappeared from her head. “And you get none of the perks of being an earth pony. Have fun!” He disappeared again. Before Twilight could react further, Spike came running outside to her.
“Twilight, all isn’t lost, you have me!” Twilight slowly turned around to face Spike.
“But what can you do? Discord has won.”
“No, he hasn’t, not yet. I know you, Twilight. You wouldn’t give up so easily.”
“I’ve lost my horn! I don’t even have earth pony strength. I’m useless!”
“Snap out of it! Look at me. I’m the butt monkey of Ponyville, even ahead of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I often fail at basis tasks when I’m in the spotlight. Rarity is in a romantic relationship with you. I’m not interested in Sweetie Belle. The world is stacked against me and I keep on going. And despite all of this, I haven’t left you. Even if I’m your only friend left right now that’s still more than zero friends.”
“You’re right Spike. Even if I must read even more books, we’re going to find an alternate way to defeat Discord.”
“Friendship is the way. We haven’t seen Pinkie Pie, so maybe she’s planning something right now that isn’t throwing Discord a party.”
“You know, you’re right. I am Twilight Sparkle, the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria! If this mismatched creature thinks he can stop me, he’s wrong!”
“Not where I was going with, but I’ll take it. But you still have no horn.” As Twilight’s self esteem rose, her colors returned and soon, her horn. “Nice deus ex machina.”
“I’ll get the Elements of Harmony and restore my friends!”
“How will you save Boyfriend and Girlfriend, who don’t have those Elements?”
“One problem at a time, Spike.” As Twilight gathered the Elements within her own home, she poured magic into them that then caused them to seek out their owners. A few minutes later, her friends shown up except for Pinkie, Boyfriend, and Girlfriend. They apologized for their earlier behavior. They then heard Discord screaming. They went outside and saw him as he felt massive pain in his head and he even started to fade away.
“Why is this happening to me?!”
“Because rap battles are serious business.” Twilight answered, with a smirk. “Don’t try to cheat them or bad things happen.”
“What is this?!”
“Not even you can stand up to the rap gods.”
“Okay, fine, just... whatever, make it stop! Don’t let me die!”
“I could, but I’m not that vengeful, yet. Bring back Boyfriend and Girlfriend, as they were before you cheated.”
“Oh phony. Fine, but I’ll still win anyway.” With a snap of his fingers, BF and GF returned with their normal colors and GF not in her demon form. “Okay Boyfriend, I’ll play fair this time, as much as I hate that. But if it means the rap gods won’t end me, I’ll do it.”
Three, two, one, go!
“Think you can stand up to DJ Discord?”
“I’ve faced godlike beings before. You are on!”
“It seems Celie didn’t do a very good job of cleaning up her messes. Who knows what else she left behind. All the more fun for you ponies to deal with.”
“Yeah, it’s sure looking that way. Almost like I’m the clean up boy. But regardless, you’re my current opponent and that means dropping sicker beats than you. I do the impossible.”
“Although we just met, you don’t seem like the other earth ponies. It’s almost like you were originally not a pony.”
“You’re right. I’m not even from this world. But you rap against enough opponents, and you end up anywhere against anyone.”
“Equestria is mine now! Nothing is more powerful than chaos! Get used to it kiddo.”
“Except the power of friendship and I guess in Twilight’s case, lady boners for mares.”
“Friendship? Please, I don’t need friends, I got all the entertainment I need from these ponies.”
“With no one else to share it with? Just force the ponies into whatever this is?”
“Actually, all the ponies are in on it, rather they want to be or not.”
“So, this is what a bored god does, dicks around. I’m ending your fun Discord!”
“Like Celestia hasn’t had her moments. Even that troll can’t match up to me.”
“But I can. Feeling the pressure yet? Can you handle a mere earth pony”
“Of course, I should be winning, except... you play by different rules. Normally you just copy opponent verses accurate enough and you win. Mess up enough and you lose right then and there. Lucky you.”
“I can free style when I need to. A thousand years and this is the best you come up with? Something that even Pinkie Pie would think is tame? You want utter randomness, meet her.”
“So, you’re depending on someone else to bail you out boy? And I thought you were supposed to beat me with your own spits.”
“Not bailing out, just pointing out even you’re beaten at your so-called chaos. No pony understands Pinkie. Even you can’t account for her randomness.”
“No pony can out chaos me! You’re still backing on your friends.”
“Yes, I am, because I’m not alone in saving Equestria from you.”
“Fine then, you think she’s so good? Let’s see how she raps against me. What, getting cold hooves? What, she can’t rap? Too bad you just gave me the upper hand! And this time, you invited me to replace you, so it’s not cheating if I seal your lips again.”
Pinkie appeared next to Boyfriend while his mouth went missing again.
“You, out chaos me? Bring it on Pinkie!”
“I like what you did with the town.”
“Why thank you.”
“DJ Pinkie up in here! I have chocolate milk for breakfast. I slide up slides. I swim in thin air. Gravity obeys me! Wait till you get a load of my cupcakes!”
“You could have made a good student of mine, if only you sided with me instead.”
“I love tricks, pranks, and parties, but not as much as my friends. Do you really think you can keep this up mister? In fact, I have a dare for you.”
“Ah, go ahead. I can win easily.”
“Go into my mind.”
“Gladly. And then you’ll experience my mind. I promise you cannot handle the chaos.”
When Discord did so, he was overwhelmed with what even he could barely put into words. He quickly pulled out and looked tired as a result. “Fine, you win the rap battle, Boyfriend and Pinkie,” he then restored Boyfriend’s mouth again.
“I’m so glad you won Pinkie, but where were you? And how did you learned to rap?” Twilight asked.
“Call it a backup plan. Between now and week one, I’ve been practicing. But Boyfriend is still better at it, so I’ll just leave the future rap battles to him. I’m sorry you thought I abandoned you.”
“How did you know?” Twilight asked.
“I read back in the script... I mean, I know my marefriend well enough to know what would have happened.”
“Now let’s banish Discord before he recovers from his rap battle loss.” One rainbow beam later, Discord was turned back to stone. Boyfriend and Girlfriend apologized to each other for their earlier behavior.
“I would never abandon you Boyfriend, not of my own free will. That was the disharmony magic talking earlier.”
“We’re apologizing for stuff we didn’t do on our own. It’s been a long morning.”
“Yeah, Ponyville is already returning to normal. Let’s just relax the rest of the day, along with our pony friends.”