Later that night, Boyfriend and Girlfriend arrived at Twilight’s treehouse. Within, Girlfriend spotted Spike and rushed over to hug him. “Oh my gosh, you’re so cute!”
“Please, let me breath,” Spike struggled. Girlfriend let him go.
“You’re just the cutest thing ever! I don’t doubt they exist back home, but I haven’t seen a dragon there. I’m Girlfriend and I want to get to know more about you, a lot more. In purely innocent terms of course.”
“You one of Twilight’s new friends?”
“Yeah, you can say so.”
“I’m Spike, Twilight’s number one assistant,” Spike pointed at himself with a prideful smirk.
“I bet you are. I would love to have my own baby dragon. Once I get home, Boyfriend and I will look around for one.”
“You might be even more excited over meeting me than Fluttershy was earlier today.”
“Ride on my back. I am a pony after all.” Girlfriend used her unicorn magic to levitate Spike onto her back. “Not much room in here for me to give you a ride, but maybe we can do this outside tomorrow. It is getting pretty late after all.”
“You know what? I’ll take this small break over reshelving the library yet again because Twilight can’t make up her mind for more than a few days.” Boyfriend then entered the library. “Another stallion? Sweet! Finally someone else I can talk to guy things about.”
“You must be Twilight’s baby dragon slash little brother.” Boyfriend wondered.
“The one and only Spike at your service. I haven’t seen many stallions around Ponyville at all.”
“It’s cool dude. Give me some time and I’ll probably be one of the most popular stallions in Equestria, the rapper who spits fire.”
“You’re a rapper?! That’s so cool, can you teach me?”
“Maybe. If I can do that, I might not have to handle all these rap battles on my own. But I still wanna do so because they’ll prove just how great of a rapper I am. Anyway, we need to crash here tonight.”
“You’re staying here? Was Twilight prepared for this?” Spike looked around the room.
“We kinda don’t have many places to go now.”
“Makes sense. I don’t know if she has a spare bed. I sleep in a basket.”
“That’s so adorable!” Girlfriend said with one of the biggest grins Boyfriend ever seen. “It’s settled. When we get back to Earth, we’re getting a baby dragon.”
“You sure there are dragons back home?” Boyfriend asked.
“Maybe. We have demons, I should know. We got furries, robots, lemon head monsters and vengeful spirits, angels, a guy with a bomb for a head, a cloud, and plenty of others. Why am I talking like this is unusual? You think there’s an Earth out there with just humans as the only sapient species and no magic? But anyway, I want my own baby dragon!”
“Once we’re back home, consider it done babe. I won’t ever stop treating you right. Wait! If we’re going to be here for a while, we could try to get you a baby dragon right in Equestria. So, while Twilight is busy doing who knows what, I need shut eye. It’s going to feel so different, with you and I having fur while we sleep with each other.”
“Ah man,” Spike commented, “I wish I had a marefriend, Rarity in particular.”
“Hate to break it to you man,” Boyfriend started, “But I’ll be surprised if any mares other than the ones already happily married with dudes are into dudes. Even if Rarity is into stallions, she’s an adult, you’re a child.”
“Rarity has a little sister, right,” Girlfriend asked. “Maybe try with her? Far more age appropriate”
“I guess,” Spike replied, “I would ask how you two got together, but it’s late enough already. Let’s find you two a room to sleep in.”
That same night, over with the Alicorn sisters, Luna couldn’t stop noticing Celestia’s grin. “It seems much hasn’t changed with you Tia since a millennium ago.”
“I can’t help it. We lived long enough to get bored of almost everything. I had to pull some strings to get you back.”
“Pray tell.”
“Boyfriend and Girlfriend likely believe they were sent here by her parents. While it is true her dad, Daddy Dearest, tried to banish Boyfriend from Earth and Girlfriend jumped in the line of the spell, I brought them both all the way here. I have nothing but time to work out spells to allow me to view across the entire universe.” Luna gave her sister a surprised look. “Immortal hobbies.”
“Where are you going with this?”
“I needed a rapper to help clean up my many messes over the years. I could have learned to rap battle myself, but that’s what I have others do my bidding for. I’m not the ruler of Equestria to not have moments I can be lazy.”
“You sent Twilight over knowing that she would lose?”
“Call it a tactical move. I knew I would get Boyfriend over in time to rap the evil out of you. I don’t want Twilight and her friends to know the Elements of Harmony are worthless. I want Twilight and her newest friends, likely to be marefriends soon, to feel important.”
“You haven’t changed much at all have you sis? Still a troll like always.”
“I know, laugh out loud. I don’t have to keep worrying about Twilight wanting to bang me, so now instead she’ll have a bunch of other mares as options.”
“You haven’t considered any rappers in Equestria?”
“You can’t just call out holes in my plans! Consider me bringing over a rapper from super far away as more interesting for everyone else involved than just a random pony rapper. Although I must also confess, I did have two other candidates in mind, a paper-thin rapping dog named PaRappa the Rapper who is in love with a walking talking sunflower. But PaRappa’s too wholesome for my amusement. My other option was Supa Hot Fire. But he’s well out of his prime by now. How unfortunate because he could have ended ponies’ whole careers.” Celestia pointed outside, toward Ponyville.
“Sit back and watch the show with me Luna. I’m sure it’ll make up for a thousand freaking years on the moon with nothing to do but stuff I rather not think about my own sister doing. Watch as Twilight, her friends, and our new guests handle my problems I don’t feel like dealing with myself.”
“Now that I’m back, I’m taking control over my night sky again. I’m sorry, not sorry, but your night sky looks like shit.”
“Well, excuse me for controlling both times of the day because you were mooning on the moon.”
“Although maybe tomorrow night. I’m rusty.”
“We need our own place Boyfriend,” Girlfriend said annoyed, “It’s been a whole week since we arrived, and Twilight can’t keep the noise down whenever her and Pinkie get it on.”
“I agree. I just need some performances here and there for the ponies to drown us in bits.”
“That’s the spirit! Look at the day, Friday, your favorite. And you know once come tonight, what that means.”
“Some asshole to rap against?”
“As per usual.”
“Actually I had a lot of rap battles take place during the day or not on Fridays.”
“We’re so far from home and yet, not all that much has changed.” As the couple went outside, they noticed several ponies were gathered around in the middle of town. The two went to investigate and they spotted a Griffon. “Look!” Girlfriend pointed her hoof. “How cool is that? A Griffon!”
“I noticed,” Boyfriend commented, “I think it’s safe to say there are no humans here. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy are also here. What’s happening?” The two entered the crowd.
“Should have known I’ll find you here Rainbow Dash,” Gilda said.
“What’s my ex-marefriend doing here?” Rainbow questioned her.
“What’s wrong with wanting to catch up?”
“Because I never wanted to see you again. We’re over, through!”
“I see. You’ve grown soft especially due to pusses like Fluttershy.” Fluttershy started to tear up.
“You shut your goddamn mouth, Gilda! Fluttershy is my closest friend and I’ll be dammed if any creature so much as hurts her feelings.”
“You hear that Fluttershy? Too weak to defend yourself without needing your new marefriend to speak up for you. “
“We’re not that close.”
“You expect me to believe that? You already got a taste for mares. Oh look, it’s the rainbow tomboy into mares. How stereotypical.”
“Not this again. So, any other mare can be a lesbian, but I do so and suddenly it’s a problem? Like any of us are freed from stereotypes, like how non-pony species are usually assholes who don’t understand friendship or kindness like you.”
“Yeah, whatever. You still can’t rap yourself out of a paper bag can you? I thought so.” Rainbow then noticed Boyfriend in the crowd.
“I can’t, but he can.” After witnessing what happened, especially Fluttershy crying as a result of Gilda’s actions, Boyfriend stepped in.
“Hey, bitch! You made Fluttershy cry!”
“Oh please. It’s not my fault she’s soft. You’re defending that doormat?”
“Yeah, actually. Come on, it’s time to throw down!”
“A rap battle? I’m going to crush you kid!”
“I’m nineteen for crying out loud!”
“Whatever dweeb.” At that point, without using her horn, Girlfriend magically materialized big speakers for her to stand on and bop to the beats coming out of them. The other ponies surrounded Gilda and Boyfriend in a circle.
Three, two, one, go!
“Rainbow Dash only needs me. I’ll satisfy all her desires!”
“She’s the Element of Loyalty. She won’t abandon her friends.”
“Ponies, always so soft. I could destroy you in an actual fight easily.”
“My new friends wouldn’t allow it. You think yourself better because you’re bigger?”
“I can’t believe Rainbow would choose these lame ass ponies over the sexy times we had.”
“You ever thought about being less of a bitch? Probably why she ditched yo sorry ass.”
“What could the pink or yellow ponies have over me, huh?”
“Pinkie is funny and Fluttershy is just the kindest soul ever.”
“So, she have chosen weakness.”
“She chose family and friendship.”
“Just when you really think you know some creature, they go and prove you wrong."
“You ever looked in a mirror? Your very own logic would slap you right back.”
“So, you’re saying I’m the one that’s changed?”
“I wasn’t there, but perhaps think on it.”
“I didn’t change, Rainbow just got soft.”
“And that is why you’ll remain alone.”
“What do you know about me? Coming up in here like you can ‘fix’ me.”
“You shown me more than enough in that public display of Being a Bitch 101.”
“Good luck getting me to see the error of my ways by insulting me."
“Start acting like how you would like to be treated. Then we’ll talk kindness.”
“Screw this! I just wanted Rainbow back, but I can now see that’s a lost cause.”
“It’s not too late to change. If you can’t stand ponies, at least don’t harm them.”
“As I said, I can take you on in an actual fight,” Gilda threaten. “And there’s nothing stopping me from doing so!”
“I can,” Girlfriend said in a deep otherworldly voice. Her coat turned pink, demonic wings materialized on her sides, her eyes had a red glow, and claws formed on the tips of her hooves. Her horn did not glow during this transformation. “Touch him and I will unleash hell on you.”
“The fuck kind of pony are you?! I’ll find some other creature who gets me. I’m outta here.” Gilda took off flying at speeds close to rivaling Rainbow’s. Moments after Gilda left, Girlfriend reverted from her transformation. Pinkie smiled while Fluttershy looked very afraid.
“I guess I should have mentioned earlier that I’m a demon,” Girlfriend explained, “But you don’t need to fear me.” She reached a hoof out to Fluttershy. “It’s going to be okay. I would never hurt you. I’ll only do that to protect myself or others. I process inherited demon magic that’s not a result of my unicorn form.”
“So that’s what your cutie mark means,” Pinkie noticed, “You got any other tricks? I can transform too if I want, by my mane going flat and losing a lot of my colors, although ponies think I’m some kind of secret killer if I do.”
“I’m still learning the extent of my demonic powers. Maybe I’ll even come up with powers to suddenly solve new problems that no one else can. I do love me some deus ex machina.” There was much cheering from the surrounding ponies on Gilda’s exit. Rainbow Dash flew in.
“That was awesome! Maybe you were a bit harsh on her, but I think she deserved it after how she treated Fluttershy. I can take it, but Gilda had no business targeting my friends.”
“You think there’s a chance to reform Gilda way later on?” Pinkie asked. “Friendship will pull through and failing that, a stay in Tartarus, a trip to the moon, being turned to stone, or blown the hell to dust from the power of friendship are all options.” Fluttershy, Rainbow, Boyfriend, and Girlfriend looked concerned at Pinkie. “What?” Fluttershy walked over to Boyfriend.
“Thanks for defending me.”
“What can I say? Friendship is funkin’.” There was a brief pause. “Yeah, that sounded cooler in my head.”
“More like friendship is magic,” Girlfriend added, “Sounds much better, doesn’t it?” Girlfriend magically made the speakers disappeared. “I’m kinda getting uncomfortable with all these ponies around, especially after I went demon mode. Let’s go.”
“I hear you Girlfriend,” Boyfriend replied, “I’m not unused to drawing crowds, but there’s usually more space between them than this.”