“Alright Star, ready for practice?”
My daughter nods, beaming as I pick her up and hold her above my head. It’s a bright sunny day outside with decent winds; the perfect time to teach a baby pegasus how to fly.
Fiddly is just behind us, setting up the picnic blanket. “Okay Star, start flapping!”
She straightens out into an optimal flying position and starts flapping quickly. I lean back a bit, “Ready for takeoff?”
“Yes momma!”
“Okay, going in 3…”
I extend my wing to feel the wind currents. “...2…”
I adjust her trajectory just a smidge, “...1!”
I fling her forwards and she whoops in excitement, adjusting her wings to catch the current and…
She’s flying.
I can’t tell if mine or Fiddly’s cheers are loudest, but it doesn’t matter. Star swoops upwards in an elegant curve and heads back to me. She’s still smiling, but as she gets closer my smile lessens. “Might want to slow down a bit Star!”
Her smile disappears and panic enters her eyes, “I, I don’t know how to! Momma! Catch me!”
I jump up and she crashes into my chest. Instinctively, I cover her with my wing as I fall on to the grass. I feel a little dizzy as Fiddly rushes over, fretting over the two of us.
“Oh goodness! Are you two okay? Dusty, Star, say something!”
I groan, but also can’t help a laugh slipping out as I look down at my daughter, curled against my chest. “That was one heck of a crash landing kid, you okay?”
She’s shaking a bit, but that beautiful smile she got from Fiddly comes back as she gasps. “That was so much fun Momma! DId you see me? I, I went zoom, and, and then I swooped up like whoosh! And I was going so fast and then I crashed into you! Oh, are you okay Momma?”
I grin and ruffle her mane. “I’m okay, it’s gonna take more than that to really hurt me.”
Fiddly sighs in relief and shakes her head as she picks up Star. “I may not have wings, but it seems to me learning how to brake might be something to learn before getting tossed up in the winds like that.”
I shrug and sit up, “Eh. Every pegasus has a different teaching method. My mom threw me off our backyard in Cloudsdale.”
Fiddly’s eyes widen in horror but she doesn’t make a comment. If anything, she’s probably grateful I can’t fly to a cloud and do the same to Star. Not that I would...Probably.
I stand and nod towards the picnic basket. “Anyways, let's take a break for snacks and try again after.”
Star cheers and begins a chant of, “Snacks, snacks, snacks!”
~~
“Momma, Momma! Guess what!”
I look up from the weather reports spread across the kitchen table and smile at my daughter as she skids into the room, her eyes sparkling and wings puffed out in excitement.
“Well what’s got you so excited little Star?”
She trots in place, her smile wide. “We had a special guest at school today! A Wonderbolt!”
My heart stops, but thankfully the smile is frozen on my face. I blink, trying to stay calm. “O-oh?”
She nods rapidly, oblivious to the drop in my mood. “Uh huh! He said his name was…”
Her smile fades a bit as she screws up her face trying to remember, a look she picked up from Fiddly. “Thunder...flash? No, no that wasn’t it. Thunder strike? No that doesn’t sound right either…”
My lips twitch. “Thunderlane?”
She gasps, “Yeah that was it! Thunderlane! He came and talked to us allllll about the Wonderbolts and the flying they do. We even got to do a Wonderbolts training course and-“
I know it’s probably rude to tune out your own daughter while she prattles on about something exciting that happened to her, but I can’t help it.
“-and then I had to go around these poles without touching-“
It’s been forever since I thought about the Wonderbolts, er, rather that I let myself think about them.
“-flew up higher than I ever have! And then-“
It tends to put me in a rather nasty mood…
“- I got first place! Thunderlane said that when I’m older, I can be a Wonderbolt too!”
I stand suddenly. “WHAT?!”
Star freezes, her eyes slowly widening. “M-Momma?”
I stare down at her, my sides heaving as I try to process what she said.
She whimpers, “Momma, are you mad?”
I growl and turn away from her, sweeping my hoof across the table and scattering all the papers. My blood is boiling, but somewhere is a flicker of rationality, that I need to get out of here.
Why? Why did she have to bring that up, why did they have to go to her school?!
I need to get out, away from her.
I scream and kick a cabinet. It’s not fair, it’s not bucking fair!
Lightning stop this, you are scaring Star!
I whip my head around and grab my wing in my mouth, screaming around the feathers and the pain as I bite down. Stupid, stupid useless body. Tangy copper fills my mouth but still I scream and bite.
“Lightning!”
Something clips my head and I stop, blinking in confusion. I realize I am mutilating my wing again and quickly spit it out, looking around to see what was going on.
Fiddly is glaring at me, cheeks red with anger and eyes glistening with tears. There’s the sound of someone crying, but Fiddly isn’t…
I bring my hoof to my mouth in horror, my ears flicking at the soft sobbing of Star. My child.
“W-why is Momma so m-mad? Did, did I do something wrong?”
My heart breaks and I open my mouth but Fiddly interrupts me, turning her head to nuzzle Star. “No, no baby, Momma isn’t mad at you.”
“Then, then why is she-“
“Hush baby, it’s okay.”
Fiddly turns back towards me and, almost hissing like a rattlesnake, “Momma needs to spend some time alone and think about what she did.”
I am left utterly speechless by the venom in her voice. But there’s nothing I can say right now to even try and make this right. I lower my head and shuffle out of the back door.
The wind is cold and howls around me. I lift my head and scream into it.
~~
“Do you think she could make it?”
My daughter slices through the air above me, flying an invisible course. She’s good, almost as good as I was when I was her age, but there’s still room for improvement.
I snort and glance sideways at Fiddly. “On the weather team? Of course she could. She’s easily captain material.”
My eyes return to Star as she flings herself into a corkscrew. Fiddly sighs beside me. “You know that’s not what I meant. She wants to be more than a weather team captain and you know it.”
I grit my teeth, “Fiddly, we aren’t getting into this right now. We are on a nice family picnic, let’s keep it that way.”
I know there’s more she wants to say, but she keeps it to herself for now. She’ll probably try again later, but hopefully Star will be in bed before we start arguing again.
I know Fiddly is sympathetic to my position and she doesn’t want to bring up bad memories but she’s been getting more insistent since Star expressed an interest.
That day from when she was just a foal plants itself into the forefront of my mind, and, unfortunately, that was only the start.
Apparently there was some sort of ‘national outreach program’ implemented, where ‘everyone can be part of the next generation’.
I’ve been...better about managing my outbursts, but I’ve always been a hotheaded mare. I know some ponies mellow out with age, but I’m certainly not one of them.
Neither is Fiddly.
Star swoops down and lands on the blanket, panting softly as a sheen of sweat glistens on her coat. She frowns for a moment as she picks up on the tension between me and Fiddly, but it is replaced with a smile as I toss a towel at her.
“I hope you worked up an appetite from all that flying, mom made her special hay fries.”
She grins at me, “Are you kidding? I’m always hungry for mom’s food.”
Fiddly chuckles as she passes around the containers, “Glad to hear it, I made plenty.”
~~
I wince as the door slams closed, my hoof held out in a half hearted attempt to touch the pony that just stormed out.
Fiddly comes up beside me and pulls me into a hug. Her voice is tired, “You have to let her live her dream Dusty. I, I know how much it hurts you, but please, haven’t we fought long enough about this?”
I can’t even cry. All my tears about...that...ran dry long ago. Instead, I sigh and sag against her.
“I...I know, you’re right. I just need time.”
It hurts, it really hurts, but I know what I need to do.
~~
Fiddly squeals loudly from the other room and rushes in, waving around a letter. “She sent us tickets! She got in!”
I am frozen as she shoves the letter in my hooves, my heart is heavy as I read the words but…
It’s okay.
I feel a weight I have carried around my entire life slowly fade away, just a little bit. I...I didn’t get to be a Wonderbolt, I am never going to be a Wonderbolt, but that’s okay.
Cause my daughter is.