It was a fine Equestrian morning. The sun had just begun to tip its brow over the clouds in the east, and yet, business was booming in the town square as shoppers strolled into the Sunday market, peddling for goods and services, and enjoying the beautiful weather.
One such shopper was wearing a breathtaking headdress on this wonderful occasion, outfitted with the tail feathers of a peacock, which were delicately sewn into the handiwork that was the patron’s own design. A slight breeze passed through the stalls, and the bright azure-sage peacock feathers fluttered gently. Carefully, she adjusted the hat, before continuing on her way.
Two stalls away, another mare had also been shifting her hat. This one, however, had been made with rough leather, and had been patched a multitude of times. Although not entirely mundane, many a pony had already become accustomed to the apple farmer’s attire. It contained much historical value, as it had once belonged to generations long past. It also had been designed for practical uses, such as blocking the rays of the sun during noon time, when she was most likely to be bucking appletrees.
Today, however, was not one of those days. No, today was the day that she would be selling her hard-earned apples. And what a fine day to be doing so! The sun was not too hot, the air was slightly humid, but not wet, and the breeze... the breeze was fantastic!
As if to complement the sublime climate, the mare with her fashionable headdress stepped out in front of the stall, letting all admire the spectacular sight that was her hat. The apple seller poked her head out from behind her selling point and whistled.
“Why, in mah time I haven’t seen anything quite as fancy as that doohickey ya got there on yer head, Rarity!”
The shopper turned her head quickly, although not so fast as to lose control of her lovely coiffure, and spotted the mare that had spoken to her. Recognizing her, she considered barking at her friend, telling her that it was not a doohickey but rather a fabulous new headdress, but then considered the uncouthness of such a derision, and instead smiled politely, and replied with grace.
“Why thank you Applejack!” she sang in a voice that one could liken a bird’s, and trotted over to her friend. “It’s my latest design!”
“And what a design it is!” Applejack eyed the feathers that protruded from the lavender surface. “Sure seems rather fancy for all that it does.”
Rarity ignored the remark, and tried to reignite friendly conversation. “So what are you up to this fine morning?”
Applejack face hooved, and then pointed to her stall.
“Ah.” Rarity coughed, and proceeded to adjust her hat again.
“Rarity, I should be askin you: why’re you here, of all places?” Applejack asked. “Can’t just be for totin around that hat of yers.”
Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “Well, if you must know,” she said. “I am currently on my way to Twilight’s library to pick up some books for Sweetie Belle on... parkour.” She said the last word through gritted teeth.
Applejack nodded. “Yah, I hear ya. Last night Apple Bloom was tellin me all about their next big idea...” On idea, she rolled her eyes.
“I can’t wait to see how long that will last,” Rarity said with little enthusiasm. “I don’t see why they could be cutie mark bakers, or something of the sort. Something less rough and tumble...”
“Well, for one, ah don’t really care so much for their antics as long as none of them git hurt,” Applejack turned her eyes back to her stall, where she had yet to make a sale.
Another breeze wafted up, and passed through the stalls. It moved along until it had reached a certain headdress with a certain amount of feathers on it, and decided to take it with itself on its journey through the market. Rarity’s sensitive hooves were trained for this, though, and she deftly snatched her hat back with a vengeance. The breeze surrendered its hostage, and carried on listlessly. With a snort, she tipped her headdress back on, found it to be lopsided, and redressed it again.
“So...” Applejack scrutinized the hat again. “What does that thing do again, other than get caught in the wind?”
“Darling, what in Equestria are you talking about?” Rarity recognized a mare influent in the language of fabulosity when she saw one, and had come prepared with a speech to educate her naive lessers when the time came. “Fashion is not about doing. It is about showing.”
“And... what’s that supposed to mean?” the apple seller’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Mah hat don’t show nuthin. What it does is keep the sun outta mah eyes!”
“Oh, but that can’t be the only reason you carry that piece of leather on your mane with you all the time!” Rarity retorted. Applejack frowned at her friend’s remark towards her family heirloom. “There must be an ulterior motive, a reason behind you keeping it with you all the time!”
“Well, that’s not important...” even as she talked, Applejack began to reminisce about her hat’s predecessor. Shaking her head, she reminded herself not to think about him when Rarity drove the point home.
“Of course it is! Why else would you stay with that... thing, when you could have something as extravagant as this?”
And with that comment, Rarity struck a chord. Despite all her attempts to remain as polite as possible, nopony could possibly ever grief Applejack the way Rarity just had.
“Why you... don’t you go insultin mah hat like that!” Applejack growled, “it was mah papa’s!”
“I did nothing of the sort!” Rarity retaliated, shocked at Applejack’s implications. “I was simply saying that you should embrace the possibility of finding a new accessory for your mane! I was not spitting on your father’s image...”
“Of all ponies, Rarity, I wouldn’t have imagined it from you! He was uh good stallion Rarity! A good stallion! Ya hear me? A good stallion!”
Rarity was now confused. “I... uh... erm... what?”
But Applejack would hear none of it. She began to sputter and stammer, and soon forgot her friend was even there.
“...he was NOT a drunk! Apple Bloom was NOT a mistake! He... he... he was simply experimentin and tinkerin with new recipes for cider, and everypony should GIT off his back, because he is not...”
As her ranting slurred into half-sobs and trailing words, the fashionista decided it was better to let her friend calm herself down before interacting with her again.
-----
“Good, Spike. We only need to finish the Astronomy of Comets section, and then we can take the books out and dust them again!” Twilight paced phlegmatically across the floor. “Sound good?”
“Sounds great,” the purple dragon muttered. “But can RD and Pinkie Pie please help? They’re just sitting there reading!”
A pony with poofy, curly, pink unkempt hair was sitting behind another pony with a similarly unkempt rainbow maned mare, who had been sitting on a staircase, reading the newest installment of Daring Do: The Legend of the Lost Zebra.
“Yeah, yeah, after I’m done with this chapter.”
Her eyes scanned the pages, going from the left to right, then sliding over a line down to the left, and heading right again, in a quick, voracious manner, intending to finish the chapter as soon as she could to learn how Daring Do could possibly escape this next elaborate trap. Somehow, her reading intensity made it so that she did not notice that her pink friend had been behind her until her face was on the page she was trying to read.
“Hello!”
“Wha... Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash slammed the book shut, and Pinkie maintained an innocent, playful smile. “You know I hate it when you’re reading over my shoulder! Not cool, dude!”
“Hey!” Pinkie’s smile quickly turned into a frowny face of unknown proportions. “I was just at the part where Daring finds the secret trap door! Why did you close the-”
Unbeknownst to Pinkie Pie, she had just given away the ending to the story. Rainbow Dash froze up for a few seconds, and her left eye twitched.
“Uh... Dashie?”
“PINKIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Rainbow yelled at the top of her lungs, frustrated that her best friend had ruined the plot. “YOU RUINED THE BOOK!!”
“Not really,” Pinkie’s frown now became more of an innocent filly’s. “its still in pretty good reading condition. I don’t see any tears or holes or bends in the page. Except for the one that you made when you slammed the book.” She pointed to the bend on the page with a hoof.
“I mean, you gave away the ending!” Rainbow groaned.
“No I didn’t!” Pinkie’s frown became a pout. “I didn’t even tell you the part where Daring Do meets up with her long lost father and they make their way back to Barn College while being attacked by giant ferocious cats with bi-planes!”
Rainbow’s head was about to explode off of her neck. Steam shot out from her ears, and her hair threatened to burst into flames. She leaped into the air, legs stretched as far out as possible and a conflagration lit her mane and tail to flames, wings splayed out threateningly.
“Wow,” Pinkie commented as the heat radiated around the room. “The only other pony I’ve ever seen do that is Twilight!”
“Me too,” Spike said in awe, watching the spectacle unfold.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes rolled into her head, and the fire dissipated as quickly as it had spawned. Falling onto the floor, she croaked softly.
“It’s useless...”
“You’re such an egghead, Dashie!” Pinkie giggled. “C’mon, it’s just a book!”
“Just a book?” Dash repeated, incredulously. “JUST A BOOK?”
She tackled Pinkie to the floor. “It was the second last chapter of the newest book of Daring Do! DARING DO! How could you do this to me? And you’ve ruined it!”
Although Spike and Pinkie had no idea what had befallen their faithful friend, Twilight herself had experienced moments such as these, when the ending of a book should not have been so blatantly stated in public, but had, ruining the enjoyment of a reader’s lifetime, and found herself compelled to step in in this emergency situation.
“Girls, girls!” she repeated sternly. “Just... calm down. RD, you’re gonna be ok!”
With that, she stood up tall, and pointed her horn at RD’s head. A shiny blaze of light emerged from the tip, and connected with between Dash’s eyes.
*KAZAM!!*
Her body fell off of Pinkie’s, and Pinkie stood up.
“WHAT THE HAY?!?” Spike yelled.
Dash’s eyes rolled around for a second, then realigned as she shook her head.
“Ugh... what just happened? I was reading, and then...”
“You were reading a Daring Do novel,” Twilight said quickly, but calmly. “And you were almost done with the chapter-”
“Well, actually,” Pinkie interrupted, “I just ruined the Daring Do book for you by telling you she finds the trap door that lets her get away from all of the bad guys and then I ruined the rest of the story by telling you that she meets up with her long lost father and they go back to the college she works at while being chased by bad guys and then you go all super fiery Ponyta on us and then you tackled me to the ground like this!”
Pinkie Pie threw herself into the air, and then was struck to the ground by an invisible force, and she began clutching her neck forcefully, and tried to gulp breaths of air, with no noticeable effect... Twilight planted a hoof onto her forehead.
“Uh, Pinkie,” Spike put a claw to his mouth, deep in thought. “I don’t think you were being choked.”
“Oh, right!” Pinkie giggled. “I was just doing that for cinematic effect!”
What the other ponies failed to notice, however, was RD’s swelling head. Steam once again shot out from her ears, and she leaped into the air, legs stretched out, a pyre lighting her mane and tail on fire.
“PINKIE!!!! I’M GOING TO-”
Before she could set anypony on fire, however, another beam of light struck her between the eyes. She fell out of her suspended fiery flight, and hit the floor with a CRASH!
“Holy Guacamole!” Spike yelled.
“Pinkie!” Twilight grabbed her pink friend’s head. “You can’t tell her anything...”
Dash was already beginning to stir again. “What’s... going on...” she slurred.
Twilight brought Pinkie and Spike into a tight huddle. “Pinkie, Spike, I wiped all of her memories from the last minute. Please don’t do anything. Don’t tell her-”
“Wait, you wiped her memory?!?” Spike whispered back intensely. “Why would you do that?!?”
“It was the only way!” Twilight hissed. “How else can I keep from spoiling the ending to the story? If she doesn’t know anything that happened in the last minute, then Pinkie never spoiled the ending of the chapter for her!”
“Ah...” Spike nodded slowly, and then paused. “That’s genius!”
“I know,” Twilight grinned, “I do that to myself sometimes when I really enjoy the endings to some of the better novels.”
“Wait... then...” Spike was absorbed in his own thoughts suddenly, and his words drifted away.
“Urg!” Twilight gave up on her assistant, and turned to Pinkie. “Ok, Pinkie Promise that you won’t tell Rainbow Dash anything that just happened?”
“Sure!” Pinkie, who had surprisingly been quiet in the huddle (although that probably had to do with playing along with the whole secret huddle thing), went through the motions of a pinkie promise, and finished it off by plunging her hoof into her eye, and then pulling it out. “Done!” She beamed.
The three left their huddle and turned to see a very confused Dash.
“Hey guys, why’re you all huddled with each other and stuff?”
“Oh! Um,” Twilight’s eyes shifted from left to right, then back to left, which was customary for all readers, but only if they were reading, which Twilight was not. “You were reading... and then you fell asleep.”
“I was?” Dash scratched her head. “I could’ve sworn I was trying to get revenge for something...”
“Oh, no no no no no no no,” Pinkie smiled, “You were definitely reading. Yes. You were.”
The three looked at each other, and then to Dashie, and then to each other again, and then burst into laughter.
“Seriously guys,” Rainbow chuckled along nervously. “If this is a prank, then ya got me.”
“Oh, it’s a prank alright!” Spike giggled. Pinkie Pie fell onto her back, tossing her legs into the air with abandon, giggle-snorting all the while.
“Hmm hmm. Ok then. Girls, would you mind helping me pick up-”
Twilight was interrupted by the door swinging open, and the sound of hooves on wood.
“Good morning, everypony. I am here to-”
“Rarity!” Pinkie squealed. “You won’t believe what just happened!”
As Pinkie tackled Rarity to the floor, Dash continued to look on with a befuddled expression. “This is... am I... what?” Rainbow murmured.
Spike leaned over to Twilight and whispered into her ear. “Hey, Twilight, are you sure it was a good idea to erase her memory? She’s acting all funny.”
“It was for the greater good,” Twilight whispered back. “Nothing is more evil than ruining the plot of a story.”
“Nothing!”
---------------------------
Daring Do pressed her neck against the rope that had been binding her to the wall. Struggling, she could barely even shift her hooves around.
“Nnngh! Ahuitzotl, you won’t get away with this!”
“Oh, but I already have...” the strange blue ape-monkey menace approached his rival. He let out a long, rancorous laugh that echoed in the dimly lit hall.
“And now, to perform the greatest evil that has ever befallen the world of Equestria,” he took two dramatic steps back.
“No!” Daring’s irises grew wide as she realized what he was going to do.
“Ruining every plot twist in existence!” He let out another evil laugh, and Daring screamed.
“NO!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THIS!!! AHUITZOTL!!!!”
Ahuitzotl took a deep breath, and then let it loose.
“Snape kills Dumbled-”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”
[Many Spoilers Later]
“-rose bud is the sled, there is a District 13, and GlaDOS is Caroline’s essence trapped in a robot body.”
“-OOOOOOOOOOO...”
Daring could only whimper as the the last words penetrated her mind, and she succumbed, losing all remaining facets of curiosity, imagination, and hope.
With an evil, gargantuan laugh, Ahuitzotl took his leave.
------------------------------
“Excuse me, Twilight, but could you help me find the Novice’s Guide to Parkour?”
Twilight shook herself out of her stupor.
“Of course, Rarity!” she immediately ran through the Derpy Decimal System. “Hmm... would it be under Applied Sciences or Recreation?” She finally decided on recreation, and slid down to the 700’s section. From there it was a simple matter of going through the alphabetical order (a skill she had often neglected, at least, until Pinkie Pie insisted that it was how she located her books) to find the requested title.
“Found it,” she muttered, still trying to remove the last thoughts of the imaginary Daring episode out of her mind, and slid it out of the bookcase. “Here you go, Rarity...”
Rarity was still on the floor, and Pinkie Pie was still on top of her, rapid-fire-talking to explain the whole situation of what had happened (although just out of earshot of Rainbow Dash, who was being tended to by Spike). This was certainly uncomfortable for the fashionista, who was busy trying to detach herself from her bubbly, bouncy pink friend.
“...and then Twilight was all like *KAZAM* and then Dashie fell over and then its basically like I never told her anything about the ending of the Daring Do book! It’s so amazing an-”
“Now, Pinkie, could you please remove yourself from me? Please?”
It seemed to get her attention, as the voluble pony stopped chattering, and cocked her head. “Oh! I’m sorry Rarity!”
She hopped off of her friend, who proceeded to dust herself off.
“Pinkie... I don’t understand why you need to be so.... loquacious all the time!” She focused on her horn, and her hat brought itself back onto her head, a bluish glow surrounding it temporarily. “Now the feathers are all... ruffled. Oh!” With a groan, she attempted to fix the hat, tipping it this way and that, and poking at it with tendrils of magic.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Loki what?”
Twilight coughed. “Loquacious. It means talkative, excessively communicative, etc... Basically you in a nutshell.”
Pinkie seemed to consider the word for a beat. “So... you’re saying it’s bad for me to be myself?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, darling, but you sometimes need to learn to calm yourself down...” She continued brushing herself off, pruning, and realized that there were still curls of Pinkie’s mane trapped in her hair. “And you should comb your hair... It’s so messy, bouncy... and soft... and... fluffy...”
Her eyes widened. Bouncy... soft... fluffy... it was too good to be true. She shook her head and stared at the wispy curls on her hoof.
“Um, Rarity?” Twilight asked, but she had lost her.
Why... this was quality fabric material! The softness, the comfortable touch it provided, the sheer excitement of each strand... It was impossible, and yet... It was amazing!
Rarity hovered over to Pinkie’s mane, and stuck a hoof deep in. Gasping, she found it just as she had expected... soft... strange... warm... but very, very quality indeed! She ran through her current inventory in her mind:
She had linen and cotton for much absorbency and comfort, less static build-up and better dyeability, and silk for luster, luxury and comfort. Wool gave warmth, increased absorbency, increased shape retention and wrinkle recovery. Camel and Cashmere also for warmth warmth, luxury, improved drape ability, soft smooth texture.
Acrylic for improved softness, wool-like qualities.
Rayon for lower cost fabric with better absorbency, lower static build-up and added luster.
Nylon for increased strength, abrasion resistance, wrinkle resistance and lower cost.
Acetate for improved drapes ability, more luster and shine and lower cost.
Polyester for wash and wear qualities, wrinkle resistance, shape retention, durability and is a lower cost fabric.
Spandex for comfort and elasticity.
As she repeated her selection through her mind, she realized: Pinkie- rather, her mane, had all of the qualities that were needed: it was absorbent, long, comfortable, warming, had luster, shine, very strong, retained the strong curls... it was everything a fashionista needed for the perfect fabric!
A bright lightbulb emanated from the top of her head, and light up suddenly as her eyelids raised, her mouth curved into a brilliant smile.
“IDEEEEEEEAAAA!!!!”
“Oh! An idea!” Pinkie grinned. Then she scratched her head with a hind hoof like a dog. “What kind of idea?”
“A FABULOUS IDEA!!!” Rarity squealed. “And I’ll need you to help me the whole way through!”
“Okie dokie Rarity Darity!” Pinkie beamed. “Let’s go!”
Before Twilight and Spike knew what was going on, two ponies had left the treehouse that was her library.
“Um...” Dash asked, “what just happened?”
“I’m even less sure than before...” Twilight muttered. “First a book on parkour, now hanging out with Pinkie? It doesn’t seem very Rarity-like.”
“Yeah!” Spike growled. “Why would she pick Pinkie over me?”
After a passing thought, Twilight dismissed with the wave of a hoof. “It’s probably nothing. Oh, and by the way, Dashie, that’s not how you read a book.”