Chapter 2
In the Ponyville Library, chaos was arising.
"I'm telling you guys, there's simply no way that Pinkie would just not show up to a party without telling us something was up!" Twilight barked. Applejack stood to her side, her eyes narrowed in frustration. Rainbow Dash and Rarity opposed them in a similar matter, setting aside their usual differences for the time being. Fluttershy and Spike cowered on the sidelines, wincing as their friends laced venomous words at each other across the battlefield. Spike was especially torn, seeing as his best friend stood on one side and his crush on the other. As a result, he constantly looked to the ground, twiddling his thumbs nervously, hoping that nopony would ask of his opinion.
"Look, I know this is Pinkie Pie we're talking about," Twilight continued, "but we can't just sit around and do nothing!"
"Says who?" Rainbow Dash objected, drawing in a deep yawn. "The whole 'do nothing' thing sounds just fine to me. If we leave and Pinkie shows up by herself, who knows what'll happen? She might freak out or something!" Beside her, Rarity nodded rigorously. "Plus, I could use a break. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be interrupted in the middle of a nap because some rookie doesn't know how to handle their rainclouds? I'm exhausted!"
"Exhausted?" Applejack scoffed, temper rising. "Exhausted! All you ever do is sit around on your flank all day while the rest of us actually work to make a living! Try buckin' apples for a whole day with the sun beatin' down on you and then tell me what exhausted feels like!"
Rainbow's wings flared. "Hey! I make sure to find time to practice my tricks, too!" she retorted, flying within inches of Applejack's face.
"That's not work!" Applejack countered. The two ponies lowered their heads, appearing as though they were bulls locking horns. "That's bein' selfish and spending all your time for yourself!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is—"
"Oh, we are not starin' that argument, Rainbow Dash," Applejack interrupted. The pegasus backed off and crossed her arms in a huff. "Now listen here. I know you work hard doing your weather pony job and whatnot, but some of us are working our tails off day after day and not complaining about it."
"Hmph!" A snooty voice rang through the air, drawing the attention of everypony watching. Rarity, who had previously been silent, flipped her mane to the side, as if to demonstrate her superiority. Then, with her nose still in the air, she gave a smile. "As if a country pony would know what real work is like."
Then, the room was silent. Fluttershy and Spike had moved their hiding spot to behind a balloon-covered couch, where they bit their lips in anticipation. The other ponies stood rooted in place with their mouths open, save for Applejack, who gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes in an expression of sheer fury, and Rarity, who still wore the same smug little grin on her face.
Finally, Applejack broke the silence.
"Y'all did not just say what I think you just said," she threatened. Her voice was cool and nearly silent, the anger bottled up inside her ready to explode at any moment.
"Uh... you think you might have gone a little too far there, Rare?" Rainbow Dash quipped as she backed away from the southern pony. Nopony payed her any attention, however, as they were preoccupied with watching the standoff in the middle of the library.
Out of seemingly nowhere, the two ponies suddenly sprung at each other in a bound of fury, screaming at the top of their lungs as they hurtled towards each other...
... and a force field stopped them inches from collision.
"Girls!" Twilight yelled, standing beneath the two hovering figures. If the situation had been different, she might have chuckled at the sight of her friends struggling to escape their purple prison. "Come on, stop fighting! We've got a different problem to worry about now! Pinkie might be in trouble, and here you are, exchanging petty insults!"
"Hey, I'm not the one who—" Applejack began before scolding look from Twilight silenced her. "I'm sorry. You're right, Twi." She looked to the posh unicorn in front of her. "And I'm sorry I snapped like that, Rarity. That was out of line."
Rarity sighed, admitting defeat. "And I suppose my... ehm, comment was out of line."
"You suppose?" Applejack deadpanned.
"Er, it was very out of line. And unladylike."
"That's better," Twilight said, lowering the pair to the ground. Reluctantly, Rarity and Applejack shook hooves, the bitterness still in the air around them. "Now, we need to think of what to do. Applejack and I think it's best to go look for Pinkie..."
"... while Rainbow Dash and I think it's best to wait," Rarity finished.
Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement. "Remember, it's only been fifteen minutes since the party was supposed to start. Give her time, and I promise she'll be here."
"Yes, but in Pinkie Pie time she's nearly an hour late," Twilight explained. "So Pinkie might really be in danger!"
The arguing once again rekindled, with all four of the ponies throwing points back and forth at each other, refusing to see the logic in the other team's side. It seemed that Rainbow Dash and Rarity would win, if only because they would argue for so long that they would never reach a verdict.
And then, a breakthrough.
"It would seem we have reached an impasse," a calm voice stated, silencing the argument. All four of the debaters turned to see Spike standing in the middle of the room, tapping his foot and crossing his arms in annoyance.
"The dragon is right," Applejack said. "We need a tiebreaker of some sort to settle this here rodeo once and for all."
"You're right," Twilight agreed, then addressed her assistant. "Spike, what do you think we should do?"
Spike's eyes widened. "Oh, no no no no no. No. There's no way I'm getting into this argument," he said, waving his claws and backpedaling. "I don't know Pinkie that well, anyways."
"Hm, good point," Twilight said, scratching her chin. And then, an idea.
"Fluttershy!"
A small squeak came from one of the potted plants in the room. Slowly, the group made their way to the source of the noise.
"Fl... Fluttershy?" Twilight asked incredulously, examining the plant. "Is that you in there?"
The plant rustled and produced another 'eep!' before returning to silence.
"Fluttershy."
"Oh, no. Don't mind me," came the eventual response. Puzzled looks and raised eyebrows were exchanged between the group. "I'm just, um... making sure these plants have healthy roots so that they get enough water so that they become big and strong. Yes, that's it. So please leave me alone."
Rainbow Dash groaned and turned the pot upside down. Along with the plant (and plenty of dirt), a dirty pegasus tumbled to the ground.
Spike scowled and groaned, knowing the mess would become his responsibility to clean up.
"Spike, get a broom!" Twilight instructed.
"Like clockwork," Spike mused to himself. He grumbled and stomped his feet, but ultimately did as he was told and began his search for a broom
"What do you have to say for yourself, Fluttershy?" Twilight questioned.
"That, um... your plants have very nice roots," Fluttershy said, grinning sheepishly. "Very healthy, indeed."
Twilight promptly facehoofed.
"How did you get in there, anyways?" Rainbow Dash asked. "This pot is tiny."
"It's a trade secret," Fluttershy explained. "You see, I—"
"Enough!" Twilight shouted. "We have to do something about Pinkie, guys! If we don't she might—"
"I might what?" a voice interrupted, startling the confused ponies. Slowly, the ponies turned their gazes to the sound of the voice, where they were met by the sight of a familiar pink pony.
Although perhaps familiar wasn't exactly the right word in this situation.
"Hello everypony," the pony greeted politely, an unfamiliar refined sort of tone present in her voice. She smiled as she walked—rather than hopped—towards the rest of the group. Her curly hair was styled into what Rarity would later call a 'fashionable bun,' and it bobbed up and down with each careful step. The black dress that hugged her figure swung back and forth with her hips, the designs on it making Rarity gawk with admiration. As she neared the group, the clop-clop of dress shoes could be heard upon the library floor. As she neared the group, she stopped and turned to the side, batting her false eyelashes seductively. "Sorry to keep you waiting."
Everpony was silent, their faces contorted into a look of complete shock and disbelief.
... all except Rarity, that is, who held a hoof to her open mouth, barely contain her admiration of Pinkie's ensemble.
"P... P..." Twilight began.
"Don't stutter, please, it's impolite," the pony suggested.
"Pinkie?!" Applejack finished.
The pink pony chuckled. "Much better. Though I prefer to be called 'Pinkamena' these days, dear. Oh, and do take off that ugly hat, please, we are indoors at a social event."
Applejack growled, her anger rekindled.
"Is that really, you, Pinkie?" Twilight questioned.
"It's Pinkamena!" the pony shouted, sending everpony reeling back. "Oh, how unladylike of me. I must apologize."
"You don't gotta apologize as long as you brought snacks!" Rainbow Dash said, smacking her lips. Her friends looked upon her with disapproving looks. "What?"
"No no, it's quite alright," Pinkamena said, much to the surprise of the others. "Miriam is right; it was my responsibility to bring snacks, and bring snacks I did."
There was a long silence.
"Um... Miriam?" Fluttershy spoke, much to the surprise of the others. "Don't you mean Rainbow?"
Pinkamena scoffed. "Hardly. Miriam is her proper name, and I shall address her as such." Gasps and whispers were exchanged between the other ponies, save for Applejack, who bit her lip in an effort to restrain her laughter.
"Pinkie!" Rainbow screamed, blushing profusely as she hovered over to her friend. Then, in a whisper, she said, "I thought you promised that you would never tell anypony about that!"
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, I assure you!" Pinkamena insisted. "Miriam is a beautiful name for a lady! Just listen." She put her arm around Rainbow's shoulder and raised her hoof in a dramatic fashion.
"...Miriam."
Applejack, unable to resist the ridiculing of her rival any longer, collapsed to the ground in a fit of laughter. Tears poured from her eyes as she clutched her sides and gasped for breath. "Miriam! Ah ha ha ha! Miriam Dash! Who'd 'a thought it, honestly! Miriam!" She pounded on the ground with her hooves and snorted, causing Pinkamena to wince as if she had come across an insect. The other ponies also stifled chuckles, while Rainbow Dash had shrunk to little more than a ball in the middle of the floor.
"My life is ruined..." she lamented.
"Ahem... now, if you'll excuse me, I must go to the little fillies' room," Pinkamena announced, raising her chin. "Twilight, could you please point me in the right direction?"
Twilight did as she was asked, and the pink pony trotted up the staircase after giving a simple thanks.
"What just happened?" Spike asked, who had recently returned with a broom and dustpan in hand.
"Miriam happened!" Applejack said, sentencing herself to another bout of uncontrollable laughter. Spike, however, simply raised his eyebrow as he looked upon perhaps the strangest scene that he had ever seen. Rainbow Dash was curled up in a ball on the ground. Fluttershy was coated in dirt. Rarity had a look of awe and wonder on her face, and was seemingly frozen in place. Applejack was laughing and snorting on the floor as if some sort of invisible force was tickling her relentlessly. Twilight seemed to be acting as if she was late for an assignment, as she was talking to herself endlessly, her mane becoming more and more disheveled as she rambled on.
Spike heard the running of water and the opening of a door, and soon a familiar figure appeared at the top of the staircase.
And then, as they locked eyes, the figure shrieked with such a volume that Spike thought it could be heard from Fillydelphia.
Except for the musings of one purple unicorn, the room grew silent once more.
"P... Pinkie?" Spike stammered.
And then, with that simple word, Pinkamena snapped.
The nearly unrecognizable pony's demeanor changed from pleasant to an expression of seething hatred. "It's Pinkamena!" she screamed. Spike jumped, having had the misfortune of catching Pinkamena at the height of her boiling temper. "How many times am I going to have to say it?" She growled as she ran down the stairs, her dress shoes clicking with each step. "You!" she said to Applejack. She poked the southern pony's exposed underbelly, then reeled back as if she had touched a sticky substance. "Take a bath and learn to act like a lady! You!" She pointed at Twilight this time, drawing the unicorn out of her rant. "Shut up! And fix that mane while you're at it, will you?"
"I..." Twilight tried to speak, but for one of the only times in her life, she had no words.
"You!" Pinkamena continued her rant, pointing an accusatory hoof at Fluttershy. "I don't even know where to start! Get clean! Toughen up! And for the love of Celestia, quit whimpering!" With a stamp of her hoof, Pinkamena turned to Rainbow Dash, leaving Fluttershy a blubbering, crying mess. "And you!" she said to Rainbow Dash. "Get off of your self-centered flank every once in a while and do some work!"
"Told ya," Applejack said. A look from Pinkamena silenced her once more.
"You call yourself a flier? A slacker is more like it! Honestly, you're a disgrace to honorable pegasi everywhere!"
"Says who?" Rainbow challenged, standing up to her full height and spreading her wings.
"Says me, Mariam!" Pinkamena retorted. Embarrassed once more, Rainbow retreated back to her cowering position. "You!" she said, pointing a hoof into the open air. The ponies exchanged confused glances, as it appeared as though she was addressing a speck of dust. "Get a life! Honestly, do you have nothing better to do besides sit in front of a screen all day and manipulate the lives of all of us ponies?"
Twilight and Applejack exchanged a look of confusion.
"And finally, you." Pinkamena addressed Rarity, snapping the dressmaker out of her self-induced trance. "Don't you know it's rude to stare?"
"Oh, Pinkie, I'm sorry!" Rarity apologized. "I just thought your dress was so spectacular that—"
"Pinkamena!" she roared. "Pinkamena, Pinkamena, Pinkamena!" Rarity was stunned. "And of course you would find this" —she gestured to herself— "spectacular! You wouldn't know fashion if it hit you across the face! I mean, honestly. That eye liner with that mane color? Tacky! That manestyle? Ugh! It's as if a dragon schooled you in fashion!"
Rarity's lip quivered, unable to come up with a single thing to say to the horrible creature that assaulted her very way of life. It was as if Pinkamena had taken her heart, stomped on it, laughed at it, and then returned it to her as a crippled mess without any purpose.
"Get out."
"Hm?" Pinkamena said. She turned her head to the voice, which belonged to a stout yet determined-looking dragon. She smiled. This dragon, f all things, thought he could challenge her? The very thought was laughable.
"You heard me. Get out," Spike said coolly. He pointed a claw to the doorway behind him. "The door's over there."
Pinkamena chuckled once more as she slowly trotted to the dragon. "And on what grounds, pray tell, do you think you have the authority to tell me what to do?"
"I'll tell you, Pinka... whoever you are." Spike drew in a deep breath. "You come in here after worrying everypony to pieces without an explanation for why you took so long."
"Oh, how rude of me," Pinkamena sarcastically responded.
"I wasn't done," Spike said. Pinkamena smirked, awaiting the young dragon's reply. "You act like you're better than everypony else, which I don't think you have the right to do, the way you're treating us all." Pinkamena scowled. "You order us around like we're drones in some sort of Changeling hive or something."
"What are you—"
"But worst of all," Spike interrupted, a tear streaming down his cheek, "you feel like you have the right to insult all of us in the worst way possible. What did we ever do to you, Pinkie?"
Pinkamena growled as she neared Spike. And then, in a howl, she pushed the baby dragon to the ground and leered over him.
"Don't you tell me what to do!" she yelled. "And don't. Call. Me. Pinkie!"
A backhanded slap from a pearly white hoof silenced the mare, and two pairs of blue eyes met.
"Leave," Rarity said.
"As if I'll—"
"Leave," Rarity repeated, sterner this time. Pinkamena looked behind the dressmaker to see four other ponies that nodded in agreement.
Pinkamena straightened herself up and harrumphed. "I guess I should get going. I'm almost late to my spa treatment, anyways." She fumbled around in a pocket and produced a roll of mints. "Here's your snacks, by the way. Not like I would ever use them." She threw it towards the crowd of ponies, where it rolled to a stop in front of Twilight.
"What the..." Twilight said, reading the packaging as she levitated it in front of her.
"Before I leave, remember one thing," Pinkamena said, drawing the attention of everypony around her. She grinned a mischievous grin. "This is just the beginning. Pinkamena always gets her way."
And then, with a flourish of her dress, she was out the door and gone.
The silence that followed seemed to last for eons.
"What just happened?" Rainbow Dash finally said.
"I'm not sure, exactly," Twilight said. "But I think you should all look at this." Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rainbow went to her side, while Rarity stayed with Spike, whispering comforting words to the shaken baby dragon. Twilight opened her mouth to protest, but thought it better to leave them be when she saw the tears coming from Spike's eyes.
"What's so special about it, Twi?" Applejack inquired. "It's just a packet of mints, nothing special."
"Yes, but don't you find it weird that Pinkie brought these instead of something sweet and fattening?"
"Pinkamena," Fluttershy corrected. The others gave her an angry stare. "Sorry."
"No, you might be on to something, Fluttershy."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Look." Once again, Twilight pointed at the mints that hovered in front of her.
"For Celestia's sake, Twi, won't you just tell us what's so special about—" Applejack paused when she read the fine print that Twilight was gesturing at. "Oh."
"This is bad," Fluttershy said.
"Very bad," Rainbow Dash agreed.
Twilight simply nodded, reading the two words over and over again in her head. They were such simple words, but the implications made her fear for the safety of herself and everypony else involved.
Sugar free.
-- -- --
Pinkie's eyes opened slowly. Above her, a lamp hung from a string, its light shining around her in a perfect circle. As she slowly stood up, she looked around herself, only to be met by a blackness that seemed to extend to infinity. It was just her and the light, a beacon in the never ending sea of black.
For the first time she could remember, Pinkie felt afraid. And this time, she knew, laughter wouldn't help.
"Hello?" she said quietly. "Is anypony there?" She moved to the edge of the light and reluctantly set a hoof outside of the circle of light.
"Hello?" she said again, louder this time. When no response came, she sighed and set another hoof in the endless darkness. She bit her lip. She knew that she couldn't just sit there; she wouldn't get anything done that way. It was either that, or keep moving and search for something.
She chose the latter, stepping completely out of the circle of light, leaving behind the comfort she had had, even if it was only for a short time.
As she hummed a catchy tune, she began her journey into the darkness. Hopefully, she would find answers to her many questions somewhere out there.
Opposite to where Pinkie exited the circle, a pair of bright blue eyes watched her every move. A grin crept onto the being's face, and it began to follow.