A Demon in Ponyville
Ch. 31: She Drives Me Crazy
Disclaimer: I do not own the right to MLP or any of its related mediums.
“You got this. You got this. You’ve spent the last three weeks for this night. It’s all about her. And she’s going to feel the love tomorrow. You just have to get through today,” the long gold fur stallion said into the mirror of the hotel’s crystal mirror.
Today was the day they group would leave. It might have only been a single day in the Crystal Empire, but the nerve of some people. Celestia had Twilight and her band of merry misfits travel all the way here, just to have Twilight unfurl a banner.
She better appreciate this, he grumbled thinking about all the work he had to do. He didn’t believe Twilight understood how difficult it was not to punch Shining Armor. The burden of seeing that pale ass-hat would make even Atlas weep at its weight.
Taking a deep breath, the stallion affirmed his thinking, knowing that they would be back in Equestria and Twilight would have the night of her life after a full day at the spa. They would go on a romantic trip around the glowing streets of Canterlot on a luxurious carriage to end up right in front of ‘Top of the Mountain,’ one of the most exquisite restaurants in the city.
Each piece of this master plan was set in exact accordance to Twilight’s diary. She would swoon and feel such an amount of joy at all the hard work her stallion was going through just to make her happy. Then there’d be the sex. And Matthew was looking forward to it.
A knock at the door interrupted the male pony in the bathroom and the female still lying in bed. She groaned in annoyance, “Matthew, please grab the door.”
With swift steps, his golden hoof threw open the door to reveal a shiny pony. Any other physical traits didn’t matter outside of the fact that he appeared to be made out of living crystal. The guard’s eyes widened as a golden head appeared in his face, sleep heavy in his voice and eyes “What do you want?”
“P-Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Princess Cadence requests Princess Twilight Sparkle for an emergency meeting,” his voice was a confident as it could be, but the gold stallion in the doorway made him uncomfortable especially after what happened to his Prince.
He could still hear the screams as the white unicorn ran through the palace halls last night, a pair of red underwear pulled over his head and horn. The worst part about the whole thing was the fact that the underwear was once white, but the magic of hot sauce can turn an ordinary wedgie into a Mexican Hot Chili Bowl.
Twilight was furious, but Matthew didn’t care. He didn’t care. It was all in good fun. Plus after the insult Shining was throwing at him, the purple mare just groaned and asked if he could try to grow up soon.I’m gonna have to give you a No on that.
From her sleeping position, said princess responded with a tired, “Tell those three to shove that request straight up their plot holes. I’m still mad about not being part of the diplomacy efforts! I took a train all the way to the Crystal F***ing Empire and all I get for it is a banner!”
Her coltfriend called to her, “Sweetie, how you doing this morning? You need anything? It’s not nice to frighten the help unless it’s for a laugh. Than that is okay in my book.” His dark eyes turned back to the guard, the poor pony was visibly shaking in his armor at the venom in the purple princess’s voice.
“I am nauseous, bloated and hormonal… He is right to fear me.”
“You want some orange juice?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, I’m gonna go get you some breakfast while I’m at it,” the gold pony slowly moved out of the room.
“Oh you’re so sweat… Also keep an eye out for Shiny. I don’t want any more trouble from either of you,” the voice from the thick covers called, the tone held between annoyance and sweat love.
“I’ll do that,” he slid the door shut before turning on the guard.
Before he could say anything, her voice yelled through the door, “You had better. You’re kid’s making this trip the worse.”
“How come he’s just my kid? You’re vagina was a part of the equation too,” he called back.
“When he’s a pain in my flank, he’s your son! Now go!”
He could only shrug good naturedly. The guard was stuck between horror and disgust as he stood before the false alicorn. “Oi! You!” he snapped, “Where’s the grub in this place?”
“What about Princess Celestia-“
“If you want to deal with that,” Matthew cut off the guard, nodding towards the door, “Be my guest.” The guard was having second thoughts about his life choices as he lead the gold pony to the kitchens.
0 0 0
After getting some food in her belly, the newest Princess of Equestria was a little more reasonable to the demands of her fellow princesses. Her coltfriend was not by the fact he could not go into the secret meeting.
“It’s good to see you Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Luna said, taking the time and effort to pronounce each word to ensure she did not lap into the old tongue.
“Hmmmmmmm,” she responded, holding a cup of tea between her hooves.
“Hi Twily,” Cadence smiled happily towards her sister-in-law. The pink alicorn nearly squealed at the sight of the baby bump slowly developing in Twilight’s midsection as the baby just passed four months. In her eyes it was a bundle of joy.
To the actual pregnant mare, the kid was turning out to be just like their father.A real pain in my flank,she internally grumbled, knowing full well she loved the little basket of trouble with all her heart. The dad was another thing.
“Hi Cadence,” she smiled at the Princess of the Crystal Empire.
“Twilight we have distressing news,” the tall white alicorn began, her visible eyes tense with worry.
“Wait, wait,” she held up a purple hoof in annoyance, “Let me guess… An ancient evil has escaped their imprisonment and is trying to destroy Equestria?”
“Yes his name is Tirek…”
“And you want me and my friends to either reform Tirek or seal him again while the rest of you are dead wait,” the purple alicorn continued as if her teacher had never spoken.
“Actually we have to call on another to solve this problem,” Celestia said, noticing the tired looking pony sitting at the table. “Twilight, dear, are you alright?”
“Oh yeah,” Twilight began with a false impression of good humor. “I just love traveling across Equestria to unfurl a banner for dignitaries that I’m not allowed to join for REASONS while my child has suddenly found the most amazing way to keep me up at night. To top it all off all of these occurring while I have to deal with crying, screaming, laughing or all of the above for no apparent reason.”
The blue princess of the moon leaned towards Cadence, “Is that sarcasm? I never knew Twilight was capable of sarcasm with my sister.”
“Oh,” for the first time Celestia felt her cheeks warm at the sudden assault of her intentions, “we thought you would want to join us for these diplomatic meetings. I’m sorry we couldn’t find you a… better job to perform.”
“Princess… you pulled me away from planning my wedding and my husband’s plan to give me a romantic evening to propose,” the purple pony was not amused.
“I thought he already did,” the pink alicorn of love held up a hoof, “I already got your wedding invite.”
“No, we agreed to marry when we found out I was pregnant,” she explained, taking a sip from her glass. “I however wanted to have a real proposal and Matthew said he’d work something out. You should see my ring.” In a flash of purple magic, Twilight pulled her engagement ring from a pocket dimension to show the rest of the royalty.
“Oh my goodness,” Cadence blushed. It was the perfectly matched to her sister-in-law’s color pallet and cutie mark. “How much did he spend on it? It looks fantastic.”
“A lot and several days just to find the gem,” the purple mare returned the jewelry to its safe place with a smug smile.
“Yes, I’m still trying to figure out how you are pregnant,” Celestia muttered under her breath her mind still racing at the fact an alicorn was pregnant. It had to be something about the genes. She never conceived a child with any pony or the other races over her thousands of years of life.Maybe alicorns are not directly connected to ponies in terms of genetics. Hypothetically, one would have to be close to the genetic markers of an alicorn to actually conceive. Just like how Twilight was so close, she was able to survive the transformation… Hmmm. Since Shining Armor is her brother, therefore he would be the closest pony to an alicorn outside of Matthew, he should be able to conceive a child with Cadence. I’ll need to wait and see.
If so, maybe I can have one.
The Princess of the Sun had to tear herself from the dark hallway those thoughts lead too. Far too years had passed and she did not want to dwell on such dark tidings in this time of crisis, “Tirek is an old enemy. He steals the magic of others to become stronger. Thankfully, from his long stay in Tartarus he’s week and can be captured. Our best bet is to have someone who can sense distortions in magic waiting to act, then Tirek can be captured and imprisoned once again.”
“Who is it?” Twilight asked, interested in who could be powerful enough to sense such distortions.
“Disord.”
Even from outside, Matthew could hear the breaking of Twilight’s patience. “Oh this is gonna be good,” he muttered, moving closer to the door to hear the conversation. When one of the guards asked him to step back, he threw him down the hall.
The silence in the room stretched, until the purple alicorn asked, “Alright, I get why he’s being picked. But are you going to send Fluttershy to keep an eye on him? I don’t imagine she’d like going on something dangerous like this.”
“No Twilight,” the Sun Princess said, “Discord should be enough for this mission.”
Twilight rubbed the area between her eyes in concentration, “Celestia, sweetie…. Have you been drinking the crazy juice this morning?”
The two other princesses gasped at such disrespect. The oldest of the four took this sign of irritation with great humility, “No Twilight. I have not, though I will appreciate if you didn’t use Matthew’s callus words. They are unbecoming of a princess.”
“You right,” the purple alicorn had to really resist rolling her eyes, “Except for the fact that Discord could just as easily turn on us and help Tirek.”
“Why would he do that?” Luna asked.
“He’s a spirit of chaos,” she slowly explained. “He can literally do anything and by the fact he’s immortal, he will do everything. Doesn’t him turning on us seem very likely?”
“When you put it like that-“ Cadence began.
Celestia was quick to respond with comforting words, “Don’t worry Twilight. Discord has changed and I’m sure he will rise to the occasion.”
All the Princess of Friendship could do was sigh and wave at the rest of the group before leaving, “I’ll catch you later. Make sure not to get kidnapped or beaten too badly before I see you next time.” With a flick of her magic, the purple terror opened the double doors to find a rather amused stallion with his ear where the door was. “Come on Matthew, we’re heading back so I can take another look at the library of the old castle.”
Cadence, Celestia and Luna watched in shock while Matthew groaned, “How have you not read every book in that library? You’ve grabbed books from that place like every day since I’ve known you.”
“And I still don’t’ know what’s in the box?” the irate pony’s voice became softer the further away she got.
“Oh… that box you and your friends released after you returned the Elements of Harmony right?”
“Wow, you were listening. I thought you were sleeping when I told you.”
“I try to listen to you, but your lectures are so boring. It’s not my fault you’re a boring teacher.”
Smack!
“Ow.”
The three princesses turned to look at each other, truly at a loss for words. Then the pink one had to make a comment, “I’d ship it.”
0 0 0
The recent few weeks have given the titled Princess of Friendship a lot of perspective on her life. Such wonderful facts like how ponies just love to touch the belly just to feel the baby move. That her soon to be husband was really trying to be good and for the most part succeeding, but is still an alcoholic.
Now, she stood before the three only alicorns in the world locked in Princess Celestia’s personal living space. “So let me get this straight,” the purple alicorn said, really trying to hold the anger building inside her, “After I spent a day going through even more scrolls in your old castle, I get pulled away from my romantic carriage ride with my husband and all you have to say to me is that Discord betrayed us.”
“Yes,” the ancient white alicorn said in a tired tone, “Tirek has swayed Discord to his side and now they are traveling across Equestria taking the magic all everypony.”
Twilight took a deep breath, “I want to say I told you so, but I really told you so.”
“Yeah,” the pink alicorn rubbed a hoof behind her neck, her face heating up, “You were right.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. Tell Matthew that,” the youngest princess said, “he’s the one that’s had to get reservations at ‘On Top of the Mountain.’”
“That’s so sweet-“ the Princess of Love began only to get interrupted by the raised voice of said fiancé.
“Where is Celestia? SHE OWES ME FOR RUINING THOSE RESERVATIONS! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SPENT OF THOSE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU PONIES I HAD TO THREATEN TO GET THOSE?! I HAD TO TRACK DOWN TWELVE JUST TO GET THAT OPENNING?! I HAD TO READ TWILIGHT’S DIARY JUST TO GET THIS NIGHT TOGETHER THE WAY SHE WANTED!”
“How much did he spend on those reservations?” Cadence responded.
Her sister-in-law could only shake her head, “You don’t wanna know. He worked dozens of odd jobs. Though that last part does explain why he was gone those nights. Also, Celestia, you’re going to want to send the royal accountant with bits to Matthew. He’s a little angry our dinner didn’t happen. He even had a bottle of wine specially recommended for the occasion.”
“It is a romantic start,” Luna said, “But did my ears deceive me, did Matthew read your diary?”
“Oh I left it out for him,” she waved her purple hoof off handedly. “I didn’t want him to ruin my day.”
“Right,” the Princess of the Sun began, “Since the change of events, our next course of action would be for us to prevent Tirek from taking our magic. One of us will have to bear the others magic.”
“I’m more than willing to offer my magic,” Twilight raised her hoof acknowledging the weight of such a situation.
“You misunderstand,” her teacher placed a hoof on her shoulder in comfort, “We are giving you our magic. You will have to guard the fact from everypony, even you friends.”
They are not making this easy on me, her mental thoughts continued with a sigh. “Alright, but first let me get rid of Matthew,” the purple pony turned to the door, calling out loudly, “Head home Matthew! I’ll meet you there!”
“WHAT ABOUT YOUR NIGHT?! IT WAS GOING TO BE PERFECT!” came the petulant response from her stallion.
“WE’LL TRY AGAIN LATER! THE FATE OF EQUASTRIA IS AT STAKES! AND I WILL GET YOU YOUR REFUND! JUST HEAD HOME AND DON’T BRAKE ANYTHING!” His fair lady shouted at him. A loud smashing rang through the halls of the palace.
“Too late! And fine, I’ll see you home. And I’m gonna drink cause I was about to cry when you said yes,” the very angry stallion stormed off. He didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t like. He was sure going to make the big wigs in this city know that. “I’m taking this guy with me as collateral until I get my bits back!”
“Please don’t let him,” came the worried voice and sound of scuffling reached the ears of the Royal Guards Princesses.
“Matthew please don’t,” called Celestia. However, the enraged male did not hear her please. She turned to her faithful student, now noticing the developing bump in the purple furred belly. “Will you do something about him?”
“He’s not going to listen to me,” her faithful student answered, “I’m sure that guard’s fine. Matthew won’t hurt him too much.”
With no other options, the Princess of the Sun, Moon and Love relinquished their powers onto the youngest of the alicorns. The light show was bright and fantastic. Twilight felt like she would explode from the sheer amount of magic coursing through her veins. Then she left with a polite, but irritated, bow teleporting away to her library knowing that a very irritated lover was waiting for her.
The power was too great for the pony, finder herself halfway across Equestria.This is going to be a long night.
0 0 0
The sun swiveled in the sky, acting as if a three year old was having fun with the fiery ball of gas. The erratic shifting light flashed in front of the sleeping stallion’s eyes.Screw you sun,the stallion tried to roll over, but the legs of his purple mare blocked him. The strange part were the random sparks of electricity launching from her coat to his sleeping form.
“Twilight,” he began, the flashing of sun and move making his pounding head feel worse, “I think the Princess is drunk. Also, close the blind the light hurts us.”
After raising the sun and lowering the moon for the first time, Twilight just wanted to relax. So much power coursed through her, driving any tiredness from her brain. She just wanted to rest. A knock on the door and the scared muzzle of the royal guard proved to the worn out pony that she had a lot to do today.
“Princess Twilight, I’ve cleaned the kitchen and library like Mr. Matthew said. Can I go home now?”
“Yeah,” she lightly leapt from her bed to deal with the day.
While Twilight dealt with her friends and the pressure of holding such power, Matthew slept off those five bottles of wine he shouldn’t have drunk, but he was determined too and he did it plus that extra bottle he found in that one person’s house.No clue who that was.
Normally after a full night of binge drinking to the point of blacking out, waking up in the late afternoon when the light was low help with the pounding rage of such a hangover. Instead of a steady, slow waking from the depth of sleep he expected, the gold pony in the library was rudely awoken by an explosion of fire and splintered wood.
“Oh God! Natural Light!”
Pulling himself from the crater of his impact, Matthew found the library a black smoldering wreckage of twisted wood. Burning pages fluttered through the air, twisting at whims of the winds. Standing on the outskirts of town was a giant, steroid abusing centaur with the most righteous set of horns and white goatee. The coloring of black and red were a good choice. His face reminded the former human of Rafiki.
The corners of his eyes wrinkled as his eyes widened in shock at who stood before Tirek, Twilight Sparkle.