Is- is this thing on? If so, hello! I'm Screwball... or what I am right now. I was formerly a Human male. And now I'm a chaos magic embedded Earth Pony Filly. Yay? Ahem, on to the point. So want a short story or a long story of me before I got here? Bah, screw it. Short story it is. Hmm, lemme remember about who I am... Ugh, so many chaotic imaginations in my brain that I cannot think strAaaaAaaAa-
*WARNING: SCREWMEMORY.exe has stopped working...*
*INITIALIZE: SCREWBOOT.plox...*
*REBOOTINGass...*
-aight. Wait, did my mind just crashed? Ah, buck it. Logic no longer exists for me. Now, what do I do again? Oh yeah, my human life before I got here. My name is... Is it Greg or Shaun? C'mon brain, work with me. Ah! My name is Shaun Bradberton... what? Why is my first name that drowning kid and the last name that fictional soda founder? Meh. Moving on, I have a basic job, a basic life. Nothing important, just minding my own business. If I remember correctly. It's been maybe 1'234'347 years since I last remembered my former human life, that means it's dusty as heck.
*POP*
Alright, now here's the tv and a couch. *PLOMP* Ah, much better. So, onto the show of how I got here and my last adventures! Hey, is that a remote? Sweet! Now, c'mere you *Fumble* and- AHA! There it is! And now, onto the show of my former life!
*CLICK*
Shaun Bradberton's POV
Well, here I am. In my room, it is a mess. Like a typical teenager type mess. Clothes strewn around the room, papers scattered everywhere with posters about random junk and stuff. And there's a boy sitting on his office chair, typing words on his keyboard with a focused look on his face. And that boy is me, well formerly.
I am a mix-toned teen with a lanky frame and my height is below average, like 4'8 height. My brown hair is short and slightly combed. I am wearing a light red t-shirt depicting a baseball, my white shorts and finally a pair of lilac crocs courtesy by my friends as a dare. And why do I give you this information? It's only a former glance and never to be seen again in a future chapters. Character development I guess?
I am now staring blankly at the screen of my computer as I'm sub-consciously biting the back end of my pencil with a little pressure until the pencil now have bite marks on it as I was still looking at the monitor in concentration as it display an interesting writing of things on my library. It's my old writing, ok!? My... fourth-grade, personal writing... That I wrote when I was young and impatient. It's... embarrassing to read.
The Adventures of Kahigatuzatooga, the Toogening
"Fauul beets, I will end you with my pointee wepons!" the mighty hero said as her shewts out hisede wepons towards his erch-nemasis, JukaBata."
"BLLLAAM! BLAAAM!*
The moltipal wepons then hit teh jaient hoomangaus Bet as eet screaming very loudly in boo-boos and its in pain.
*BAT PAIN SCREEMING!*
"AAAAH!!!11 MY BEK, AGH!!1 MY LET! AAAH! IT HAS A VERY PAIEN!!!1" the bat screaming wail crying as it tehn flai towards the hero with its wings and tail. It then has a meenaaacing faec on its face. Until it fell dwen and turn into nothing butt red food.
The hero then twerls his migthy speer with grace and awsamness and epicnicess and heroically. He then points the dead smelly bet with a smeel o nhis f ace "I then have now difeetad yu!" he said with his tewthy smile as he throw his arm into the skai as lhigtnig appears behind him for his aewsomenass
TEH AND!? FIND OUT-
I then closed my desktop after reading my bad writing. After the monitor turns off, I then slumped down into my chair and leaned back as I rubbed my face with both my hands as I sighed. I then let my arms hanged limply at the side of my seat's armrest as I glanced up at my room's ceiling with an expressionless look. Then I get out of my chair as I began walking in circles around my room with my right hand stroking my shaved chin in thought.
"What do I do, what do I do?" I muttered as I am still pacing around in circles to the point the carpet starts to make roads for me to walk through.
Until I stopped as I saw a small glimmer right outside my window. Curiosity then get to me, as I walked towards my window and opened it as I oversee the city of [REDACTED]. Then I saw it, at the edges of my vision is I slowly looked up to see a small... blinking star. And it looks beautiful as it outshines the city's light as... it. Coming. Straight. Towards. Me... and its actually screaming.
"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
My eyes widen as the incoming screaming star actually IS heading towards me with enough speed to destroy my house. Before I have time to run away from the window, the screaming star just hit the back of my head with full force.
*BONK*
I then blacked out and die. Simple as that.
*CLICK*
A floating, boxy tv screen flickered to black, as the small occupant on the couch shuffles uneasily as 'she' witness that weird event.
"And that, folks. Is how I died on my 21st birthday." I said to you as I'm getting REALLY comfy on my couch "And now, time to watch my awakening. As an Earth Pony filly you see right now."
*CLICK*
Darkness is what I'm seeing right now. And I'm alive somehow. As the throbbing pain at the back of my head is still there. With a grunt, I then planted my arms onto the ground as I then began to sit up and opened my eyes. I was then greeted by a shitty looking colored forest, I swear it wasn't this colorful- wait never mind. It was suddenly bleak, somehow, to maybe show how dark and creepy it is? I don't know what the purpose is. The only thing I can conclude is that it's shitty, end of story.
"Wow, this is new. Wait, why is my voice so, girly?" I asked with a high-pitched feminine voice as I saw that my hair looks a bit longer than I expected.
I then look down to see, pink fur. I then slowly brought my 'hands' to my vision, only to see hooves. I suddenly started to breathing hard through my nostrils that I cannot bring any form of proper analogy to describe what was happening right now. My eyes dilated, my mouth forms into a massive frown and then I summoned a beanie cap and plopped it onto my head as I can only say is.
"Huh." I blurted out with a monotone, lack of interests and a blank look on my face "I'm a pony... ok, what now? Something gonna pop out soon?" as I said that, a massive figure then pops out of the bushes beside me and I looked at it with the same blank expression. It looks like a wolf, but made out of wood. Big deal, I don't care nor give a shit to describe it. It's a white wooden wolf with blue eyes.
It then snarls at me and licks it's muzzle as it starts to creep towards me. While me, I just lied down on my back, forelegs behind my head and I then stare at the sky, letting the sun cooking my eyes. The wolf then barks at me and I lazily looked back at it, it gave me an annoyed look. Like, as if it wanted me to scream, run away, or beg for my life... but I don't care.
"What, want a fucking medal?" I asked in annoyance and it jerks back in surprise and it tilts it's head to the side in confusion, and suddenly a gold medal poofed from existence and pinned itself to the wolf's chest "There, here's your medal. Now leave me alone." I then looked back at the sky and closed my eyes.
I then heard a small thud beside me as I glanced to my side to see that wolf again, and it looks at me in confusion. It then moves it's head closer to my face and gave me a sniff. Then retreats back as it look at me with a curious expression. My expression of annoyance was lost as it then was replaced by something else I don't know, maybe questionable look I guess?
"You need something?" I quietly asked and the wolf slightly nods "Then, tell me something. What DO you actually need?" the wolf then play a game of charades as it points it's wooden paw to it's throat. Thanks to my average IQ and a good education about hand- or paw signals, this wolf is intelligent and requests me that it wanted to speak "So, you wanted me to give you powers to talk?" it nods enthusiastically. I slightly shrugged "Okay then."
Warning: After you've read this note; be prepared for the amount of 'darlings' pass this point. And also multiple 'B' words
Then a purple glow surrounded the wolf's neck, and for a few seconds, it then disappeared. The wolf suddenly coughs in a slight feminine tone? "H-hello?" the wolf speaks in a posh lady-like tone "Do you- do you understand me?" 'she' asked and I nod. Somehow she smiled and suddenly, my vision was nothing but white as I felt like I was being crushed by a very clingy panda bear, except its a wolf. The bitch then barraged me with multiple 'thank yous' over and over while I almost losing consciousness by her bone-crushing hug. Fortunately, she then let me go and I was then greedily breathing huge amounts of air into my lungs.
The wolf bitch sheepishly smiled "Hehe, sorry... darling." she apologized.
After I get my breathing under control, I looked at her with a slight smile "No *WHEEZE* no problem... Um, *ahem* whats your name then?" I asked.
She then makes a lady-like posture and with her right paw onto her puffed chest with her head held high "My name is Leafwood, darling. A Timberwolf bitch whose sole purpose is to attempt to make friendly contacts with the ponies and also make leaf dresses." she introduced herself. She then hung her head low in shame "Unfortunately, us Timberwolves are very aggressive if we don't control our taste for flesh. Thus, the ponies feared us by our endless hunger." she then sits down on her wooden butt and flail her forelegs with a crazed look on her face "I mean, why do we even need to eat meat? We can sustain ourselves with sunlight and water and that's it!" she then sighed and regained her composure from a frantic w- bitch, to a proper lady... bitch "Sorry if I make myself doing these. Unlady-like things, darling." she then looks at me "So, what is your name, little one?"
I scratched my head to think about my name "Um, my name is-" suddenly, I got a good name popped out of my head "GriffBall." I introduced myself with a smile on my face. Only physically, but mentally, I slapped myself countless times for choosing a wrong name.
'What a great name, jackass. Should've pick "BessyBall" instead.' I mentally scold myself for choosing Griff instead of Bessy.
The Timberwolf Bitch lightly smiled "What an interesting name, darling." she then moves her face closer to mine "Now tell me, GriffBall. Why are you here?" she asked with slight interest.
'Huh, tell the bitch the truth. Or tell the bitch about me bitching about my bitch-ful life.' I thought.
With an awesome answer, I shrugged "Oh, ya know. A magical metal 8-ball smashed my skull and sent me here." I nonchalantly said. And somehow the Sun goes down, replacing it with the Moon. Then it goes back up again. Is the orbiting system got fucked in the ass? Or was it natural here?
Leafwood jerks her head back and looked at me with horrified look "Oh my, darling. Such tragedy, I feel like I'm about to- Ugh" she then suddenly summoned a wooden... couch? And laid there on her back with her paw on her head in a drama queen fashion. "Such horror awaits for you, little one. What horror." she then suddenly sit up from her couch and looks at me with a cheerful smile. "Aha!" she exclaimed "I know just a thing, darling! How about you follow me and I will show you a nearby town of your kind?" she asked while fluttering her blue, pupil-less eyes in a seducing look. Is she hitting on me right now?
I placed my little hoof below my chin as I hummed in thought. Then I shrugged "Sure." I replied. After agreeing for her guidance, I managed to catch a glimpse of that wooden couch running away into the woods before disappearing completely. Huh, magic is odd.
The Timberwolf then suddenly squealed with excitement "*Squee* Wonderful darling! Now, come come. I will show you the way" she slyly winks "darling." she finished with a husky tone as she then walks back into the forest with the new me in tow. And she's swaying her hips for some reason, there's got to be a reason that she's trying to seduce a stranger she have met for a few minutes. Am I really that eye-catching for her? I hope this isn't going to be a Ho-Yay drama for us if it happens.
*A few minutes later*
"So darling," Leafwood strikes up a conversation as she looked at me while we're trekking through the forest "What should you do when we've reached your kind, darling?" she asked.
"Screaming like a little twat I am. Causing panic in the vicinity, and eating a mountain of Hazelnut Cakes with salt frosting." I replied with a sly look. Hey, it's true. I eat Hazelnut Cake with salt frosting when I was thirteen. Call me a liar then, I have higher salt tolerance rate than sugar. Don't look at me, blame genetics!
"Oh." Leafwood's face gone blank as her ears flatten onto her head, then she lightly chuckles "What a. Erm, a wonderful presentation for you to introduce yourself to your kind, I guess... darling." she said with slight hesitation and a nervous smile.
I shrugged as we're getting close towards the edge of the forest "Trust me, Leafwood. That's my specialty of introducing myself." I said. As we are getting closer to the civilization. What blocking us from our exit to the town, is a large, single bush. With a annoyed look on my face, the bush then spontaneously combust and disappeared completely, showing us a wonderful civilization of- oh...
Forget wonderful, what we're seeing right now. Is now under my second checklist of weird shit for today. What we're actually seeing right now: is a giant Red and Black Centaur stomping the town with a giant smile on his face. Except his back is turn to us, so I just assumed he's smiling.
He threw his arms into the air "NOW, PITILESS PONIES. YOUR PRECIOUS PRINCESSES AND ELEMENTS ARE USELESS AGAINST ME AS THEY ARE NOW LOCKED IN TARTARUS!" he bellowed as he point his finger into the sky and shoot Fancy Lasers like he's going out of style "NOW, BOW BEFORE TO YOUR MIGHTY LORD TIREK! HAHAHAHA!" he cackles as he then turns around and- oh my god... he's ugly. Like Momma wants to throw him out ugly. But that was justified by that beard and horns tho.
I then looked at 'Lord Tirek' with a blank and uninterested look on my face "Wow, what a jackass." I deadpanned as I looked at Leafwood, who was shaking with obvious hint of fear on her face "Do you believe this guy?" I asked.
The Timberwolf bitch looked at me "Y-yes, d-d-darling." she shakily replied "He's Tirek, a centaur who eats magic to gain power. And now, he's escaped again. But now, the princess of friendship and her friends are now helpless to stop him. Without anyone to stop him, he will enslave all of us."
I slowly raised my eyebrow by that explanation "Okay then?" I then looked at the baboon abomination, who was inhaling colorful smoke. Is he inhaling drugs? "Now, what do we do now?" I then narrowed my eyes and rubbed my chin in thought for ideas. Then suddenly, I put my hoof down onto the ground and then raised it towards my face. To see a very familiar item in my grip, my mouth etched into a wicked smile "I have an idea..." I muttered to myself in a sinister tone as I looked at Tirek, who was doing a can-can while randomly firing lasers everywhere because he can-can. In a shit-eating grin and with a shrunken, purple-spiraled pupils which I have a look of a crazy murderer. Leafwood looks very frightened by my sudden manic expression.
"A wonderful, banging idea." okay, I hate myself right now for that.