(Twilight’s library)
Oh boy, wow, where am I? He woke up, dazed, and looked around the room in order to identify some sort of clue as to where he was. In his dizzy state he clumsily fell out of bed and stumbled around. His instinct told him of one or two potential possibilities of what had happened; One, he was captured and drugged by the enemy, or two he was drunk and Shining had put him to bed in a hotel. He guessed it was the latter, as he had a pounding headache, and he felt like he wanted to throw up, but he had nothing in his stomach TO throw up. As he made his way down the stairs, he tripped and fell all the way down, finally resting at the hooves of his mentor, Princess Luna.
“Woah, Princess” he slowly whispered, “How drunk was I last night?”
Princess Luna sighed, “You weren’t drunk, you fainted”
He took a better look around at his surroundings, now that his head wasn’t spinning as much, and realized that he was in some sort of wooden library. He then identified two other ponies aside from Luna and some purple lizard thing. One of them he was either too dizzy to identify or he didn’t know her, but the other one he confirmed was Shining Armor. That prick, he never gets hangovers like I do. Shining walked over and splashed cold water on Kal’s face, which quickly shocked him awake.
“Gaaah!” He exclaimed angrily, “What was that for!?”
“To wake you up, you need to eat something, Kal” Shining said bluntly.
Kal took a second to process the information laid out to him, before he pieced together what had happened. He was clearly overwhelmed by the pressure of the conversation.
“Oh…right, you’re that one lady…Twilight, right?” He said slowly, clearly piecing his thoughts together as he went along.
“Yes, I’m Twilight Sparkle, pleased to meet you Brass Kalibur” she said happily as he extended one of her front legs to hoof-shake.
“Oh, right, we kinda had a bad start, didn’t we?” He said as he hoof-bumped her, slowly understanding the awkwardness of the hole he dug himself into.
He realized once again that Luna was in the room when he asked, “Wait, Princess Luna? What are you doing here?”
“Well, I was here because I thought something had happened to you, but you just slept for a day and a half and woke up” she murmured, with a slight hint of annoyance in her voice he was just catching as the cogs in his brain slowly cranked back into their normal routine.
He realized a few seconds later that the reason she was annoyed was because she hadn’t slept in a day and a half after rushing here. Once these thoughts floated through his mind for a minute, he instinctively started apologizing. Whenever he did something wrong, even if it wasn’t his fault, his first instinct is to apologize to Luna.
She sighed, “Its fine, Kal, I’m just glad you’re alright”
Shining cut in before more apologies inevitably came, “But anyways, Brass, you’re the talk of the town now”
Kal’s eyes widened, “Talk of the TOWN?”
“Yes,” Shining said with an amused grin, “everypony knows about the colt that arrived here on a fancy chariot and lost consciousness in the middle of town square”
At that comment, Kal face-hoofed, “So much for being subtle…has the mission been jeopardized from it?”
Shining smirked sadistically, “Quite the opposite, the town is curious and wants to know more about you now”
Kal’s heart sank, “They…they want to know more…about ME?”
“Yes,” Shining’s eyes flashed evilly, “and this is something we couldn’t have PLANNED better”
He chuckled slightly at the now confused look of crisis on his friend’s face, “Now you’ll be able to talk to everypony, and you can spread around the story of how you’re a fisherman from Trottingham, whose life was changed for the worse after bandits stole his boat. Don’t you see? This could be the big opportunity to have you blended in with the rest of society!”
Kal was clearly appalled at his friend’s enthusiasm, “But if I couldn’t tell Twilight my name without fainting, what makes you think I can tell the rest of the town a false story?”
Shining’s eyes turned dark, “Kal, I’ve known you long enough to where I can safely say you’re the best liar I’ve ever met. If you put your mindset in the mission as opposed to the social struggle, you can pull it off”
Kal’s terrified expression changed to drastically to where it was apparent that he was deep in thought, “Well, I suppose if you look at it that way, I’ll just have to tell anyone who I get into a conversation with…”
Confidence renewed, Kal proudly started striding for the door, “HA! You know what Shiny, you’re right! I just have to-”
His growling stomach cut him off mid-sentence, when he realized he still needed food. They all decided to go to sugarcube corner, which had recently started serving mealtime items and, much to Kal’s delight, alcohol. Luna decided she would go back to Canterlot, as it would not help the mission if the talk of the town suddenly started walking with a princess. Twilight led the way, as neither of the other two knew the layout of the city. Kal still wasn’t comfortable near Twilight, but he kept in mind that he might be able to bear her if he just kept his head in the mission, and the mission only. Twilight, on the other hand, was secretly curious to see how far she could push him before he had another meltdown. Although definitely not out of spite, she attempted small talk with him, knowing full well the consequences if he was overwhelmed again, but attempting nonetheless.
“Sooo…you’re Princess Luna’s student then?” She said in a partially curious manner.
He didn’t notice she said anything until a few seconds later, “…Huh? Oh, right, yes, I am. And you would be Celestia’s student, then?”
“Yes,” she said suspiciously, “but she’s never told me of you…”
Shining cut in, “Yes, Twilight, I’ll talk to you about that…later…”
The realization hit Kal that Shining hadn’t told Twilight he was a trained assassin. He facehoofed, and wondered about his friend’s intelligence sometimes. Are you BUCKING WITH ME Shiny, you forgot to tell our own sister that she’ll be spending her nights with a trained killer? The conversation stopped at that, as Twilight was trying to understand what was going on that couldn’t be said in public.
(Sugarcube corner)
They arrived at sugarcube corner and Shining opened the door for them. Kal was suspicious of his friend’s politeness, and grew slightly concerned when he entered a dark pastry shop. Is Shining going to take me out? Is this all some elaborate scheme of Luna’s to have me killed? Kal panicked internally, and cautiously stepped into the room. The lights turned on and he heard a large “SURPRISE!” causing him to jump back in alarm and reach for his knife. He stopped himself from grabbing it when he realized that assassinations didn’t take place with colorful party decorations and banners saying “Welcome to town” It was a good thing he had not drank anything for several days, or he probably would have pissed himself from shock, reliving the horrible memories of his elementary school. He walked into the room with an annoyed look on his face, cursing himself internally for thinking that his best friend would kill him. It took him a few moments to actually acknowledge the party itself and the fact that there was a room full of ponies staring at him. His heart sank as he saw Pinkie Pie from earlier hop towards him.
He face-hoofed, “Oh buck my life, Pinkie Pie, you threw me a party?”
Pinkie wore a massive smile on her face, “Well of COURSE I did silly!”
Twilight, noticing her new acquaintance’s distress, whispered, “Don’t worry, she does this for everypony, you won’t draw any attention from it”
His eyes went wide as party guests curiously shuffled towards him, all intent on learning about who he was. Well, at least I have my friends to back me up on this. He glanced behind him, only to find that his “Friends” had abandoned him to socialize. He cursed Shiny for what he did, took a big gulp, and reassured himself that it was all for the mission. He turned back to the horde of partygoers, the first being identified as Colgate.
“Hi there stranger! What’s your name?” she chirped excitedly.
Remembering his experience with Twilight, he had made a point not to forget his name, “Oh, my name is Brass Kalibur, pleased to meet you!”
A solid start, and best of all, his cheery demeanor had caused the other curious ponies to gather around him.
Trying his best to think of this as a professional matter, he utilized all of his lying techniques to help him conquer his social dilemma, “I just moved here from Trottingham! Is there good fishing here?”
He was pleased with his line, as it would hint at the fact that he was a fisherman. His confidence was damaged, however, when he saw confused looks on their faces.
“Well…there’s a pretty good pond around here, sure, did you not get to fish much in Trottingham?” Colgate inquired, curious as to why he brought that up.
Oh buck my life, I forgot, Trottingham isn’t near any major source of water, is it? He made a mental note to get Shiny back for his blunder, but Kal quickly compensated.
“Yes, I do so LOVE fishing! I used to fish with my grandfather, but he passed away recently, along with my parents” he lied with a near-perfect facial expression.
Why exactly did I add the ‘parents’ thing? Their faces fell, as they felt sympathy for him. He realized he could utilize this to establish himself as a tragic figure, who had to fight through his problems, which might get ponies to pity him more, and would ultimately win him some easy social points. As the conversation went on, he dominated it in almost a strategic way, taking advantage of his thorough knowledge of psychology, making up lies off of the top of his head, and impressing the other ponies with his stories. The crowd was content that he was not only a normal pony, but extremely handsome and socially competent (Ironically). After a while, he slipped out of the crowd and tried to find Shining armor, he identified the faces of the crowd, confirming that he knew each of them, when he suddenly came across a face he hadn’t memorized. He glanced at her face, then, realizing his blunder, looked over at her AGAIN. She was a greyish light-bluish mare with a blonde mane, who interestingly enough had her eyes facing in opposite directions. She was eating a muffin happily on the sidelines, which was most definitely suspicious in his books. Hmmm, not joining in the festivities are we? I’ll have to ask around about HER. He then suddenly realized that if he didn’t know her, she had to have come out of town, and therefore he couldn’t inquire about her, as nopony else would know about her either. He grew incredibly suspicious of this pegasus, so he watched her from across the room, in an attempt to see if she was doing anything else that was worthy of noting. Another pony came up to him from behind and surprised him.
“Oh hey, are you that new pony from out of town?” a mint green unicorn asked him, who he identified as Lyra.
He fumbled for words as he realized that she could be an accomplice of the blonde one, “Oh, erm, yeah”
She smiled warmly, “Hey there, I’m Lyra h=Heartstrings, what’s your name?”
Why is everypony in this bucking town so friendly? “Oh, my name is Brass Kalibur”
She noticed that he was looking at Derpy and grinned, “Yeah, I’ve always wondered about Derpy’s eyes too, they’re just not natural”
He was slightly taken aback from that statement, “Derpy? You know her?”
Lyra chuckled, “She’s pretty much the comic relief for the town, but she can be annoying sometimes”
“Oh really, how?” he inquired, curious to learn more about her.
As he listened to her, it started to dawn on him that this was Bon Bon’s best friend. If he could get close to her, maybe he could-
“Hi!” he heard a cheerful voice behind him.
“Gah!” He jumped up in surprise and turned around, standing face to face with Derpy.
Wow, Lyra just left me here…that was a bit rude. He then saw Lyra snickering as she watched him from across the room, she was either setting him up so Derpy could kill him, or she was pulling some weird prank on him when he had spaced out.
He didn’t feel completely comfortable with the fact that this pegasus could stab him if he got too close. In truth, though, a part of him WAS wondering about her eyes, to be completely honest. She looked so playful and childish, but he knew he couldn’t talk to her informally until he made sure she wasn’t going to try to kill him. Besides, he had a mission; he had to find Bon Bon here, and- Bon Bon! He remembered that he should look for Bon Bon in the party! He was about to find Lyra in an attempt to strike up a conversation with her, when he realized that he was right in front of the pegasus, and she was looking directly at him. Well, at least one of her eyes was looking directly at him; the other was facing a different direction. Oh buck my life; am I really going to talk to her? The two awkwardly stared at each other for a moment, until Kal broke the silence.
“Er, um, ahem, he-hello, ummm…” he vocally flailed, cursing himself for not being more discreet about watching the mare.
Derpy didn’t know why he was speaking so silly, but she decided that she liked him, “My name’s Derpy! Lyra said you wanted to talk to me!”
He realized that Lyra was just bucking with him for fun, and quickly deduced that Derpy probably wasn’t a counter-spy, although she at least had the potential to be at this point, “Oh, did she? Well, er, my name’s Brass Kalibur”
Well if I don’t attempt conversation with her, I won’t know where she’s from and what she’s doing, I must know about her, for the sake of the mission! A civil war raged in his head, as he briefly remembered learning about the “Fight or flight reflex” in biology. He really wanted to run, but of course he couldn’t do that, he was so close to getting information out of her!
He took in a deep breath as he braved inevitable sentence failure, “Wh-what’s your n-name?”
“I already told you silly! My name’s Derpy!” she chirped cheerfully, not realizing his nervousness. This silly pony talks worser than I do!
He stammered awkwardly as he wished for death to free him from this curse, “I, um, d-don’t underst-stand” She’s an assassin, she’s here to kill me, she’s onto me!
He started feeling light-headed, and then shook his head a bit; I know I can do this!
“Do you like muffins?” Derpy said through a bite of her own muffin, blissfully unaware that the colt in front of her was facing extreme internal conflict at the moment.
“Muffins? Oh, right, muffins, uh, sure I like muffins! Do you, er, like muffins?” he was getting better as he talked, but he still wasn’t very good in this scenario.
He didn’t know it at the time, but he was extremely lucky that he was slipping up in front of Derpy, as she was one of the few ponies who wouldn’t notice something like that.
Derpy’s face lit up as she yelled loudly and excitedly, drawing the eyes of a majority of the party, “Do I like muffins? Of COURSE I like muffins! Who DOESN’T like muffins!? Whoever doesn’t, there should be a law against them, they should go to JAIL!”
Kal’s eye twitched he realized that she probably wasn’t an assassin, because one of the basic rules of being an assassin is being subtle, and she was most definitely NOT being subtle right now, “Er, I’m glad to hear that”
Much to his dismay, she didn’t hear him and continued frantically talking about muffins. He glanced over at Lyra who was laughing hysterically. He glared at her sharply, only causing her to laugh at him more. He sighed and slipped away from the one-sided conversation easily without her knowing. Derpy would make a great distraction for his escape from the party. He snuck out of the party without anypony noticing, and was about to walk away when he realized he didn’t know where he was. Through the stress of everything he had forgotten practically everything, including his patrol route, so he would have to go to the library to look back at his papers to remember everything. He then realized how bucked he was, as he didn’t know where the library was either. He sighed quietly. I guess I’ll just have to wander around to see if I can find this place. He walked through town in a terrible mood. He couldn’t find Bon Bon, the whole town is curious about him, and that Derpy filly is probably gonna bother him more.
(Ponyville)
“Hey! Who are you?” a voice called from behind.
He sighed, Oh great, more of these bucking stupid locals, will this ever end? He turned around and saw some cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane. He identified her as Rainbow Dash; he knew it was her because of her distinctive mane.
“Oh, me? My name’s Brass Kalibur, what’s your name?” he asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could about it all.
“My name’s Rainbow Dash! I’m the best flyer in all of Equestria!” she proudly stated.
“Fan-bucking-tastic, now if you’ll excuse me there’s stuff I have to do” his eyes narrowed slightly to match his annoyed and sarcastic tone of voice.
Rainbow Dash was angered slightly by that, “Hey, you shouldn’t talk to ponies like that!”
“And you shouldn’t randomly stop people you don’t know on the street asking who the buck they are. What are you, law enforcement?” His anger was growing slightly, but he knew he could deal with it if he could just get his hooves on some alcohol.
Rainbow opened her mouth to speak, but found no words came out. She shook her head and angrily said “I was just trying to know who you were! There’s no need to be rude about it!”
“Oh joy, a lecture from the narcissistic butch, how fantastic” when he got angry he got sarcastic, which amused Shining but not ponies he had just met.
“Grrr, you think you’re so cool! I bet you wouldn’t last five seconds in my world!” she snorted, trying to get back at him in any little way she could.
He chuckled and rolled his eyes, “Right, because I’m sure you’d survive what I do. Just shut your mouth and leave me alone”
Rainbow flew down and got in his face, “Or what wise-guy? You think you could take me?”
He facehoofed and sighed as she punched the air with her hooves to show how tough she was, he knew he could kill her in a back alley and nopony would find out it was him, but shook that thought from his mind, he was supposed to be helping civilians, not killing them, “Look, maybe we’ve just gotten off on the wrong hoof. I’ve had a bad day today and I find that pretty much everypony I talk to I end up regretting getting to know them. So if you’d kindly just-”
He was interrupted by Twilight and Shining who came running up after him from Sugarcube corner, “THERE you are, we wondered where you went!”
“You know this guy?” Rainbow quirked up an eyebrow, “He’s kinda rude, Twi, is he a friend of yours?”
“Well, kind of, he just moved here, he’s living with me in the library for a while” she explained.
“Oh, well what’s he doing in Ponyville?” Rainbow inquired, now curious about the confusingly rude stranger.
“I’m an a-” he clopped his hand over his mouth and looked around nervously.
After a few awkward moments of silence, Shining finished his sentence for him, “He’s an athlete. He takes part in the Olympics every year”
“Oh, you’re an athlete? Well how about a race then!” Rainbow Dash smiled evilly, knowing full well she can beat this new pony in town and teach him a lesson for being rude.
“Oh, well I don’t do flying in the Olympics…I do…um…” he looked over at Shining with a pleading look that would get him out of racing her, he knew it was inevitable he’d lose.
Shining rolled his eyes, “He does marksmanship with the Olympics”
That was a smart thing to say, as Kal was an excellent marksman, and could easily have passed off as an athlete in that field if he ever had to prove it.
“Funny…I don’t think I’ve ever heard of you before…when’s the last time you competed?” Rainbow was REALLY curious now,
“O-oh, right, erm, I’m not in the real Olympics, I do…the PRIVATE Olympics! The upper-class in Canterlot has to pay a lot of money for it! It’s not something that a lot of ponies know about, though, because we don’t want anypony to feel bad about it” he lied his flank off.
“Wow, I’ll have to apply for that! How do you sign up?” Rainbow asked, liking this stranger more and more by the minute.
“You have to live in Canterlot to apply” Shining added.
“Aaaw, just my luck! Well, I have to go, I’m on a tight napping schedule today y'know! You and I should work out together sometime, what did you say your name was again?” Rainbow yawned loudly.
“Brass Kalibur, but my friends call me Kal” he stated, happy to have avoided another social crisis.
“Right! Well, I’ll see you later then Kal!” Rainbow said cheerfully as she zoomed away.
Kal sighed, “She certainly had something to prove, didn’t she?”
Twilight frowned, “She said you were mean to her, what did you say?”
Kal looked away, knowing they would be angry at them if he continued on, so he decided to change the subject, “Hey, wait a minute, where ARE we? I was just gonna go back to the-”
Kal was suddenly cut off as a pink blur came flying at him, ending the assault with a tight glomp, “Ohmaigosh why did you leave the party!?”
Kal sighed, he had dealt with enough whack-jobs for today, but he decided he would genuinely TRY to be nice to the ponies he met from now on, “Oh, uh, Pinkie, right, I was feeling a little bit sick so I decided to go home”
Pinkie pouted, “Aaaw but I still have to show you all my friends!”
Kal looked desperately towards Shining, who grinned sinisterly, “I think you should do it Kal! It would be a great way to get to know your new neighbors!”
Twilight giggled as Kal glared at Shining menacingly and searched for words, “But…but…”
“Well then what are we waiting for!? Come on silly, we need a plot device!” she grabbed him and dragged a confused pegasus by the tale.
He gave Shining the infamous ‘I’ll-get-you-back’ stare, to which Shining replied with the smug ‘I’d-like-to-see-you-try’ grin. Kal cursed himself for not coming up with an excuse in time. He made note to put hot sauce in Shining’s breakfast.
As they passed by ponies along the street, Pinkie quickly introduced them to Kal, “Hi! Have you met my new friend, Brassy!?”
They passed the town’s DJ, the town’s school-teacher, and the mayor, before coming up to the town market.
Pinkie Pie gasped dramatically, “Ohmigosh, have you met Applejack yet!?”
Kal gasped, mimicking Pinkie Pie sarcastically, “Omigosh, I haven’t met applejack yet!”
Pinkie Pie was overjoyed, not catching his obvious sarcasm, “Ooh, you’re so excited, I’m sure you’ll be bestest friends!”
(Ponyville marketplace)
He groaned, realizing he was with one of the weirdest ponies in Ponyville, before he was dragged up to the apple stand, “Howdy Pinkie! Who’s yer friend?”
Pinkie bounced with excitement, “This is Brassy! He’s the absolute bestest assassin in the world!”
Kal froze in his tracks, How did she know I was an assassin!? “Heh, you’re SO funny Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkie didn’t notice the goofy grin on his face and lit up like a firework, “Oh thank you! I’ve always liked to be funny, I have so much fun, I-”
Pinkie continued on, speaking at such a fast rate Kal had given up on trying to listen to her, “Does she always do this?”
“Heh, well, most of the time, yeh. I’m Applejack, what’s yer name?” she asked politely.
“My name’s Brass Kalibur,” he replied, “but my friends call me Kal”
“Glad to hear it! What’re y’all doin’ here in Ponyville?” Applejack was as curious as anypony else, but what differentiated her and every other brain-dead pony was that he actually LIKED her.
“Oh, I’m living with Twilight and I, uh, was sent by my, er, mom to study with her. My mom’s a good friend of the princess” He said, knowing that he was kind of lying as Luna wasn’t technically his mother, but in reality she pretty much was.
“Glad to hear it! Me an’ mah family run Sweet Apple Acres, an’ we sell these here apples in the market! I’ll give y’all a free sample” she offered him one.
He chomped on it appreciatively, not having had any food (Or alcohol, much to his dismay) at the party.
“Hey Applejack, how long is Pinkie gonna-” Kal was suddenly interrupted.
“Ohmigosh! Kal, there’s my other friend Rarity! We gotta go Applejack, buh-bye!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.
“See y’all later! An’ good luck Kal” she winked at him, causing a grin to grow on his face.
He really respected country-folk like Applejack, he was bunk-mates with a stallion similar to her when he went through basic training, his name was Braeburn. He was the only pony other than Shining who he had actually liked. It was a shame when he was sent off to South Coltea; the CIA (Celestial Intelligence Agency) wouldn’t let him send any messages after that. He had no idea where he was now, but to be honest he kind of missed him. As he was dragged up to Rarity he realized just how much this was going to suck. He knew Rarity was going to be one of those prissy girly-girls, and he HATED snobs like that.
“Rarity! This is my new friend, Brassy!” Pinkie chirped excitedly.
Kal sighed, “Pinkie, just call me Kal, I don’t li-”
Pinkie didn’t appear to hear him, “And Brassy this is my friend Rarity!”
“Charmed” Rarity said in a posh accent.
I can already tell I’m not gonna like her.
He decided he was going to try to be as polite as he could possibly be, even if he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to stand this mare later, “Erm, hello”
“Rarity owns a dress shop in town! And Brassy here is an ass-” Kal shushed her mid-sentence.
An awkward silenced followed for a few seconds, before Rarity responded, “Oh, he’s a foreigner is he? And yes, now that I look at him more, he DOES look sort of like a donkey. Are you pure bred?”
Wow, that was rude, calling me a mule, what the buck is she talking about? Oh right, she heard ‘ass’ from Pinkie.
“Say Pinkie, is there anypony else in town you wanna introduce me to?” he tried to get away from Rarity before he insulted her like he did Rainbow Dash.
“Ooh yeah there’s a bunch! C’mon, let’s go!” She excitedly bounced around before grabbing his tail again and dragging him farther along.
As they got farther along, he realized that he should probably ask Pinkie how she knew about his line of work, “Pinkie, who told you about…me?”
“Mmf, mm mmf, mfmff, mmf” she said through a mouthful of Kal’s tail.
Kal sighed, “Could you please let me go for a second, we really need to talk about this”
They stopped for a moment by the side of the road as Kal asked, “How did you know I was an assassin?”
Pinkie giggled, “Well it’s pretty OBVIOUS when you think about it!”
Kal was flabbergasted, how could this dumb filly see through his disguise so easily? “How did you…what…huh? Actually, you know what, I don’t even care anymore”
Satisfied with his answer, she grabbed his tail again and dragged him off, “Woah, hey, let me go; Celestia gave me hooves so I could WALK!”
Pinkie didn’t seem to hear him and kept on dragging him. As they moved through town, greeting the various ponies who roamed the streets, Pinkie took him to a road leading away from Ponyville.
Getting nervous, Kal started to wriggle a little, “Woah woah, where are we going NOW?”
Pinkie answered his question with a cheerful “Mffshm!” and continued on.
(Fluttershy’s cottage)
After a few minutes of Kal’s ignored protest, they finally reached a small cottage near the Everfree forest. They saw a yellow mare with a pink mane watering her flowers in her small garden. Pinkie spit Kal out and approached her.
“Hi there Fluttershy! Have you met my new friend Brassy!? He’s the generic protagonist in our fanfic!” She bounced around her friend excitedly.
Kal sighed, knowing full well that this mare was probably insane, “Er, pleasure to meet you Fluttershy”
Fluttershy, realizing somepony else was there besides Pinkie Pie only blushed and avoided eye contact, “Oh, um…hello…”
"Apparently he's a Mary Sue!" she put emphasis on those last two words and bounced around, confusing Kal and Fluttershy in the process.
He was slightly insulted that the crazy one thought he was female, "Um, Pinkie? I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a COLT"
She giggled, "Oh I KNOW"
Fluttershy looked away awkwardly as Kal expected her to be just as crazy and stupid as every other pony in this Celestia-forsaken town. He sighed in relief, realizing that she was probably antisocial just like her biography said, so he wouldn’t have to stress so much about her.
After a few moments of awkward silence Pinkie Pie grabbed his tail again and they were off, “C’mon, we have to advance the plot!”
The only time Kal or Fluttershy made eye contact was when she gave him the “Just-ignore-her-she’s-crazy” look.
(Ponyville)
As they moved back towards the library, he saw Bon-Bon and Lyra hanging out together. Lyra sneered at him and pointed as he was helplessly dragged along by the pink Earth pony. Bon Bon giggled a little to herself after having seen countless ponies being in the same predicament he was in. Wow, buck you too, lady. A little while after Kal realized who that was and his heart stopped.
He went wide-eyed, “Pinkie, stop stop STOP! You have to introduce me to Bon Bon and Lyra!”
“Mmffmmfshm, mm, mfmsh” was all she could reply through a mouthful of his tail.
He sighed, “Buck my life, everypony in this town is crazy”
As he was dragged along he noticed some shady looking ponies in a back-alley, filling a cart with some bags. Hmmm, I wonder what they’re up to. He made a mental note to set up a stakeout there after this. Maybe he could find out where they were going and what they were doing.
(Twilight’s library)
As they arrived at the library, he noticed Twilight and Shining holding back laughs at the sight of his bemused face. He glared at them both, only making it harder for them to stop giggling.
Pinkie Pie spit out his tail, “Oki doki loki! I brought him back! What are we gonna do next!?”
“I think he’s had enough for one day” Shining giggled like a little filly.
Kal rolled his eyes, “Shining, we need to talk”
“Oh lighten up Kal!” Shining grinned mischievously.
Kal sighed at his friend’s immaturity, “It’s not about that buck-face, I’m setting up a stakeout”
Shining’s light demeanor changed into a stern, business-like one, “Why, what’s the matter?”
“I saw some shady looking ponies putting bags into a cart in a dark alley as Pinkie was dragging me from Fluttershy’s cottage,” came the response, “and I personally think that we should watch them”
Shining nodded, “Roger that, lemme go get some stuff, I have some beer in the kitchen, oh, and we brought you back some lunch from sugarcube corner”
“Oh, wait, Shiny, I have something to ask you real quick. Did either of you tell Pinkie that I’m an assassin?” he asked, still wondering how exactly Pinkie knew.
Twilight and Shining shook their heads as Kal looked over to Pinkie who appeared to be reading something, “Pinkie, how did you- Wait, what were you reading?”
She looked up and noticed the three were staring at her, “Oh, uh, nothing”
As she quickly put it away, Kal read aloud “SCRIPT: The soci-”
They all stared awkwardly at Pinkie, who ran out the door and away from them all, "Gotta go, buh-bye, seeya later!"
Kal quirked up an eyebrow, “That was weird…well, we don’t wanna miss that cart, come on Shiny, go get the stuff for the stakeout, I’ll eat lunch while you do”