Octavia sighed for the umpteenth time in the last two days. Lyra and Bon-Bon had stopped by whenever they could, but their words fell on deaf ears. Octavia was just numb to the world. Sure she took care of her basic necessities (mostly thanks to her friends), but most of the last few days had been spent either laying in bed staring at the ceiling or rereading the brief letter from Vinyl.
Octavia had become well acquainted with the ceiling in the last few days. Staring upwards afforded her the ability to memorize every chip and crack in it's surface. Each time she looked up she found new ones. Flaws in the structure that could only be seen under close scrutiny.
"I wonder if our relationship was like that." Octavia said to the empty room. "I suppose so, considering." Octavia rolled onto her side, determined to ignore the analogy she'd created. "I wonder what she's doing?" Octavia asked her pillow, as if the object would answer. The pillow, of course, remained silent.
She supposed that was a good thing. Her depression hadn't progressed to the point of hallucinating. Did depressed ponies hallucinate? Octavia had no idea. She hoped not though.
The mare's bladder started to complain, reminding her that she needed to use the facilities yet again. Octavia ignored it, tracing mindless patterns in the empty sheets next to her instead.
Her bladder, however, would not be ignored. After insisting for a while, Octavia finally gave into it's demands, rising and trudging to the restroom. After relieving herself she moved to return to her self-imposed solitary confinement, only to stop in the doorway. The room looked hollow. Not empty. That would imply that it just needed furniture or something. This was more like the room had something in it once that was no longer there. A vitality that had simply withered away.
Octavia turned away, unable to set hoof in her bedroom any longer. Instead she unceremoniously flopped onto the couch in the living room, letting a hoof dangle off the side. She wondered if Vinyl felt this way.
"Of course not." She told the room angrily. "She's probably out doing some show somewhere like Fillydelphia. Why would she mope around, anyway?"
Octavia moved a hoof forward and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. There was a single vase sitting at the center. Octavia decided on a whim that she no longer liked the vase. Sliding her hoof along the surface of the table, she gently nudged the object until it fell backwards, rolling along until it fell from the table and onto the carpet.
"I can't even do that right." Octavia grumbled. At least she now had a completely unobstructed view of the wall, so that was something.
Octavia's ear swiveled as the sound of a lock turning reached it. She didn't need to look to know who it was.
"You've moved up front." Bon-Bon stated from the doorway. "I didn't expect that."
The cream mare made her way inside, closing the door behind herself. She carried a brown bag on her back, moving straight to the kitchen with it. "Lyra's coming over in a bit. She's got some errand or something." She wandered back into the room. "I was gonna make some sandwiches, maybe some steamed veggies to go with them. Have you eaten?"
Octavia mumbled something vague and indecipherable.
"You have to eat something, Tavi. Its not healthy to starve yourself." Bon-Bon sighed lightly. "I'm making you eat every bite of this meal."
"Fine." Octavia acquiesced. "Can we have chips instead of steamed vegetables though?" Octavia asked without looking at her friend.
Another sigh escaped Bon-Bon, this one accompanied with a faint smile.
~~~
Lyra showed up about an hour later, conveniently when Bon-Bon had just about finished making dinner. Lyra and Bon-Bon sat at the table, while Octavia munched on her fries from the couch. At least she was sitting up. Lyra and Bon-Bon were making small talk, doing their best to keep Octavia involved.
"I got invited to do a music thing next week." Lyra mentioned. "A charity event in front of Twilight's castle. One of the colts in town is sick and they're trying to raise money to pay for his medicine."
"Whose idea was that?" Bon-Bon asked.
"I think it was Rarity's idea. She was asking about you, Tavi. She said it'd be 'absolutely fabulous' if you showed up and played a piece." Lyra gave a dramatic impersonation of Rarity, complete with a coy toss of her mane.
"I don't know, Lyra." Octavia replied hesitantly.
"Come on, it's a good cause. The colt's adorable, too. His name's Pipsqueak. Sounds like he's from Trottingham, too." Lyra added.
Octavia chewed her sandwich thoughtfully, mulling the idea over in her head.
"Come on, it'll be good fun. Besides, you need out of the house- ow!" Lyra found herself interrupted by a painful nudge from Bon-Bon, which was accompanied by a look that told Lyra to shut her mouth.
"Of course, if you're not up to it, you don't need to force yourself." Bon-Bon hastily amended.
"I'll think about it." Octavia said after a few moments of quiet. "I won't promise anything though."
"That's the spirit! It'll be great. Fresh air, music, sunshine. You won't regret it." Lyra chimed in, grinning widely.
"She didn't say yes, Lyra." Bon-Bon gave a flat stare to her friend.
"Well, not exactly. But Tavi always comes through for others."
"I am right here, you two." Octavia rolled her eyes, the faintest touch of amusement in her voice.
"We know. But its fun talking about you like this." Lyra stuck her tongue out at Octavia playfully.
"I missed dinners like this one." Octavia gave a weak chuckle. "Funny, isn't it? I can't remember the last time Vinyl and I sat down and ate a meal together like this." Her voice trailed away, leaving an awkward silence hanging over the trio. After a few minutes of silence, Octavia spoke again. "Do you think it's my fault?"
Lyra dropped her fork in surprise. Bon-Bon, however, was the first to answer.
"What?! No, Tavi. Of course it wasn't your fault. Sometimes... Sometimes ponies just drift apart." Bon-Bon placed a hoof upon Octavia's. "You can't blame yourself for that."
"But what if I could have done more? What if the signs were there and I didn't see them?"
"So what? You guys gave it a go and things didn't work out."
"Lyra!" Bon-Bon stared wide-eyed at her friend.
"What? I'm just trying to say that it was good while it lasted. Octavia, do you regret your relationship with Vinyl?"
"No, but-"
"There you go. You have your memories of the good times. Don't let the bad stuff outweigh the good." Lyra nodded emphatically with her front legs crossed.
"That," Bon-Bon looked at Lyra in amazement. "Was actually a surprisingly profound thing to say."
"Thanks. I read it in one of your books."
"And just like that, the illusion is gone." Bon-Bon gave Octavia an earnest look. "She's right, though. And you can't blame yourself for what happened. You'll drive yourself nuts."
"I know," Octavia admitted. "But I miss her. I can't help but think about the little things. Arguments over trifling things, times spent apart because we were caught up in work or some such thing, evenings spent quietly reading at home rather than doing anything. It hurts, knowing that we let what we had die simply because we didn't care for it."
Lyra and Bon-Bon exchanged glances, uncertain of what to say. Truth be told, neither of them knew if there was anything they could say to cheer up their friend.
"I should get her back." Octavia said with a surprising amount of determination.
"How?" Lyra pointed out bluntly.
"I don't know yet. I'd have to find her first. But when I was with Vinyl those were the happiest moments of my life. I'd trade anything to have her back."
Bon-Bon gave Octavia a melancholy smile, squeezing her friend's hoof lightly.
"Then we'll help any way we can."