I'm Gonna Zap Everypony with my Horn Lasers!

by ArDee

I'm All Evil and Stuff!

If anypony were close enough to the Maretime Bay lighthouse to hear what was going on inside, they'd probably have ample reason to be concerned.

With Sunny Starscout in town selling smoothies at her cart, Izzy Moonbow figured it was high time somepony went through and had a look at Sunny's dad's collection of artifacts. Unfortunately, that brought with it a fair amount of bashing and crashing, as the precariously stored collection had been shoved into a closet to clear space and had...settled while Sunny's house was getting thrashed by Sprout's big dumb robot.

"Hmm...cracked old bell...big creepy staff...ooh, what's this?" The ever-vivacious Izzy Moonbow muttered to herself, moving various uninteresting artifacts to one side until a particularly pointy, red-and-black amulet caught her attention...

The four-pointed, blood-red gem at its center shimmered under the light, reflecting brightly in her eyes as they twinkled with wonder and admiration. She wasn't quite sure why, but...something called to her to put it on, like a whisper in her head. Slipping it around her neck as it fastened itself with an innocuous little click, Izzy was enamored with her looks as she noticed her eyes begin to change color. "Woooah. This would look great with my next Nightmare Night costume! It even comes with contacts! Izzy the Vamponicorn, mwa-haha!" She fake-cackled to herself, rearing up on her hindlegs as she posed adorably frighteningly for the mirror.

"I have gotta show this to Sunny! She'd totally get a kick out of it!" Izzy cheered happily to herself, trotting towards the front door of the lighthouse as she captured the doorknob in a cloud of blood-red magic.

The moment she applied the tiniest amount of force to it, the door exploded off of its hinges, catapulting onto the front lawn with a tremendous crash as it shattered into splinters.

"Oops! Guess I don't know my own strength, heheh. Deeefinitely gonna have to pay Sunny back for that door. But if I can do that...hmm...I wonder what else this thing can do...?" She mused, eyes flashing red under the amulet's influence as she glanced down at the wicked artifact around her neck.

---

"Thanks for the smoothie, Sunny!" A stallion thanked the mare cheerfully, the two of them sharing a brief wave as he trotted away from her smoothie cart.

As her next customer trotted up to make their request, the low rumble of an explosion can be heard in the distance. Thick smoke billows into the sky as an oddly cheerful cackle echoes down the streets. "U-umm, sorry Sunny, suddenly I'm not thirsty anymore!" The stallion excused himself as he began to sprint away from the towering column of smoke.

As her eyes pan across the plaza, she notices everypony beginning to run away en masse, whipped up into a full-blown panic...just like that fateful day when she first met her unicorn friend.

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Sunny grumbled to herself as she faceplanted the counter, "Oh, boy. What is it this time? A dragon?"

Loud, feminine cackling in the distance, combined with a massive burst of...confetti?!...rising above the skyline, made Sunny gasp in genuine surprise and bolt upright. "What the hay...?" She started to ask herself, though Hitch running up to her with a look of genuine panic on his face interrupted her before she could do anything more.

"S-sunny! You've gotta come to the center of town, quick! I-Izzy is going totally-" He began to say, though another loud explosion - this one accompanied by a frighteningly large quantity of glitter, of all things - sounded out as the mysterious, unseen assailant cackled loudly, her voice amplified by magic.

"I'M GONNA ZAP EVERYPONY WITH MY HORN LASERS! MWA-HAHAHAHA!" The source of the voice was unmistakable, though Sunny could scarcely believe who was saying it.

"...Crazy." He finished lamely, his ears flopping down as he grimaced in sympathy with the assailed populace. "Crazier than, well, usual."

"Oh, that mare...alright Hitch, lead the way!" Taking a moment to close up her cart, the two foalhood friends shared a nod of conviction as they sprinted towards the source of the bizarre explosions.

---

"Hiiii Sunnyyyyy!" Izzy shouted, waving furiously down at her marefriend from her ominously levitating position. "Check it out! I found a really cool magic whatchamajig in your closet! Wapow!" Her horn fired off a brilliant blood-red beam at a nearby food cart, which erupted with a rainbow of floral life as the added weight caused one of its wheels to crumple. "Ta-daaa! Beee-yeautification!"

"Izzy, please! I don't know what's got you in such a tizzy, but you need to stop this!" Sunny exclaimed back, gesturing around at the scenes of mild (but spectacular) inconvenience that Izzy had caused the townsfolk so far. A nearby fountain was filled to the brim with confetti, its drains clogged to the point that water was overflowing into the street. A nearly-blinding coating of glitter shimmered in the sun in another area, making Sunny and Hitch shield their eyes whenever they so much as glanced in its direction. "You may think you're helping to make the city more beautiful, and I know you mean well, but this method is just causing a whole lot of inconvenience for everypony!"

Izzy giggled to herself at Sunny's statement, pausing in her horn-laser-zapping as she felt deep laughter starting to build. "H-hang on, Sunny-bun, did you j-just say...t-t-tizzy?" As her giggling evolved into full-blown laughter, Hitch launched into a fresh tirade.

"Not to mention you're breaking about fifty different "public disturbance" bylaws right now!" Hitch added sternly, his brow furrowing in frustration as he thought about how long this mess would take to clean up once they calmed Izzy down. "We're gonna have a long talk about how much community service you're due for, little lady! Starting with cleaning up all this freakin' glitter! Gah, it's on my hooves!"

"I'm Izzy and I'm in a tizzy! AhahaHAHAHA-w-whuh...?" Izzy's hysterics died down as she felt a tug around her neck, the black-and-red amulet seemingly pulling itself away from her neck as far as it could possibly reach, frantically jerking back and forth as the red hue in Izzy's eyes began to flicker. With a faint tink, the clasp finally shattered to pieces, and the amulet slid off of Izzy's neck and lifelessly fell down to the street with a clatter of metal.

Having lost the magical motivation keeping her floating, Izzy barely had time to cry out before she found herself falling towards the unforgiving cobblestones.

"IZZY!" Sunny and Hitch shouted in unison, scrambling to get underneath the unicorn and catch her.

"Oof!" The catch-ee ended up being Sunny, the two of them collapsing heavily into the hard, rocky surface as both of them moaned in discomfort. "Mmf...gonna be feeling that tomorrow..." Sunny groaned to herself, though her attention was drawn away from her predicament beneath Izzy as Hitch's shadow cast upon the two of them.

"Oh, thank the stars you two are okay!" Hitch said tiredly, breathing a sigh of relief as he saw that his two friends were fine...save for a couple of bruises. As brief as his relief was, he cleared his throat and started using his "sheriff voice" as many very incensed-looking earth ponies began to re-enter the area, glaring angrily at Izzy. "Alright, everypony. Everything's under control now. We just had a bit of a...mishap with Sunny's unicorn friend, here. She touched a magical artifact she shouldn't have. Won't happen again, fillies and gents!"

After a moment of Hitch frowning down at the blessedly innocent Izzy, who smiled and waved at the surrounding crowd (some of whom, with looks of absolute bewilderment, waved back) from her prone position beneath Sunny, the sheriff sighed and shook his head before offering his hoof to each of the mares.

The two of them let out groans of pain as Hitch helped them both up, cracking their joints uncomfortably from the fall they'd taken. "Alright, starting tomorrow, community service on this mess for you two 'til it's all cleaned up!" Hitch announced loudly enough for the surrounding ponies to hear, much to their satisfaction. He shot a brief apologetic look to the two of them as he continued, "Sunny, please don't leave Izzy home alone again. I do not want to think about what other crazy stuff in your closet she might dig up and go on a rampage with next! And Izzy..." He trailed off as she gave him a puppy-dog-eyed look, before awkwardly continuing. "J-just, don't touch any more crazy old artifacts you don't know the function of, alright?"

"Aye aye, captain!" Izzy saluted, nodding affirmatively as Sunny sighed, laughed, and shook her head next to her.

"Never change, Izz." Sunny giggled.

---

"...And so that's why I'm not allowed to go in Sunny's closet anymore!" Izzy finished her retelling over MuzzleTime, much to Pipp and Zipp's slack-jawed confusion as the two of them shared a bewildered glance. Before either princess could even respond, Izzy glanced off-screen for a moment and rolled her eyes before abruptly ending the call with a wave of her hoof. "Agh, more community service, gottagobye!"

Author's Note:

This idea popped into my head and just wouldn't let me go unless I started writing about it immediately...

Hope you guys enjoyed this short little oneshot of mine, haha. This was a lot of fun to write.

Comments

[OP Omni God-Emperor Doom]

"I'm Izzy and I'm in a tizzy ! AhahaHAHAHA- w-whuh...?" Izzy's hysterics died down as she felt a tug around her neck, the black-and-red amulet seemingly pulling itself away from her neck as far as it could possibly reach, frantically jerking back and forth as the red hue in Izzy's eyes began to flicker. With a faint tink , the clasp finally shattered to pieces, and the amulet slid off of Izzy's neck and lifelessly fell down to the street with a clatter of metal.

Well this is a first?! If Twilight is still here. She should be interested in Izzy's goodness.

[spikls]

"Izzy, please ! I don't know what's got you in such a tizzy, but you need to stop this!" Sunny exclaimed back, gesturing around at the scenes of mild (but spectacular) inconvenience that Izzy had caused the townsfolk so far.

I'm not upset I'm just very disappointed

[Shrinky Frod]

11006082
I don't think it was goodness, I think the amulet just spontaneously decided that death was better than making everything *pretty* instead of subjugating the lands.

That's the Inspiration Manifestation Book's gig!

[Shrinky Frod]

Really though, kind of unfair to put Sunny on community service too, all she did was catch Izzy while she was falling! Hitch, honest, it isn't *always* her fault!

[OP Omni God-Emperor Doom]

11006210

You don't think that this amulet itself has enough dark magic "power" that it is sentient?

[Shrinky Frod]

11006369
Heh - oh, I think it has more than enough. Like I said, it realized it was going to be spending all its time prettifying and bailed.

[OP Omni God-Emperor Doom]

11006390

True. This is the first time that the Alicorn Amulet actually abandon the user. And it was pretty funny.

[Starkice]

Wow Izzy traumatized a magical artifact so badly it noped right off her

[ArDee]

11006213
Hitch put Sunny on community service because she left Izzy home alone with unsafely stored, potentially hazardous artifacts. (Which is a violation of Maretime Bay's don't-leave-unicorns-home-alone-with-artifacts bylaw...which Hitch wrote following this incident the moment he got back to his office.)

11006126
*wheeze*

11006507 11006210 11006400
One of my main reasons for writing this was actually that scene, it was so perfectly "Izzy" that I could never pass up on the idea. glad y'all agree

[Boltstrike58]

Well, that was fun.

[n3k1dsk1llz]

Well that was fun.

Hahaha the alicorn amulet couldn't corrupt Izzy so it detached itself.

[SixLeggedHorseOfOdin]

This is what happens when you date a princess!

[Sir Starshine]

The portion where you switched from past- to present tense was kinda jarring. Otherwise, this was cute!

[Angel Midnight]

This is just cuteness.

[StormLuna]

Record for the Alicorn Amulet:

With Trixie, it made her pure evil and thus, Trixie had to remove it herself....by being tricked into doing so.

With Izzy, it increased her cuteness so much it had to get away from her....ONLY IZZY could cause that thing to want to run off.

[Snowdrifter]

And when Sunny put it on, she used it's powers to teleport her journal over, opening the bok and announcing, "Wow, 222 questions for an evil artifa... Did it just jump into the bay?"

"Well, maybe it has never seen the sea?"

"Hey, no littering, especially not in the bay! And especially not items of corrupting magic!"

"Bing-bong! Ok, kidding, we'll fish it out."

[Lulamoon-Crystal]

[NovemberDragon]

It's a pity that Sprout wasn't around - he would have seen his childhood story firsthand) Really nice story!