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After the “Horse Play” events, Twilight Sparkle felt guilty for not listening to Applejack. Then she goes to Applejack to ask for forgiveness. But will Applejack forgive easily? Because after all, she is the element of honesty, Applejack doesn't tolerate lies even when somepony hides something from others.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not bad. Though you forgot to cap a few starts of dialogue. And personally I wouldn't call this unforgiveable. Twilight just wanted to be able to give something to Celestia. True she should have been honest but she couldn't bring herself to say "You're terrible... anything" to Celestia. She looks up to her too much and had good intentions.
Good premise, unfortunately the writing style was enough to make me not finish. It was overly repetitive, stiff dialogue and some odd leaps of logic, and some odd or missing punctuation.
An editor might do wonders. Good luck in the future!
This and a few other spots kept tripping me up, but it was a nice idea.
This piece is full of potential. You can have high hopes for it. BUT! It had so many little things that it added up to a big one. Like here, above. This would sound a whole lot better if it were: Twilight was nervous, but decided to say, 'Applejack, do you remember... She hesitated, scuffing a hoof in the dirt. Do you remember when you tried to tell Celestia about her acting, and I stopped you?'
The story had these little errors that turns people away... perhaps read it through with a fresh eye, and do an edit. If the right edits are made, this story will be good. It has a storyline that not everyone can come up with, and again, with some nice edits, this would be an amazing story.
Wait, didn’t applejack lie twice?