Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXII · 10:49pm Mar 7th, 2019
Last week was a bit hectic. I had a long-planned visit from family going on, which included a day off work to go to the Houston Rodeo and see Brooks & Dunn on the Star Stage. Which was great! But on Monday I get a surprise meeting on the opposite side of town that keeps me on the road until 7 PM (Houston traffic be a pain, yo). Then that Tuesday (the day before my vacation day) my boss pops in and says “Hey, guess what? My boss just handed us this big project out of nowhere and it’s due Friday.” So I got that day off, but ultimately still worked the full 40 hours while having to find time to entertain my parents and aunt as much as I could.
So yeah, last week was rough. But hey, got to see a concert, family left happy, and I finished my part of the project at work. Busy, but successful. I was going to post some videos I took of the Rodeo, but alas, my iPhone isn’t cooperating for some reason. A shame, I was hoping to show some of you yanks and city folk how country people have fun. Thought it might interest a person or two.
At any rate, things have calmed down and it’s back to business as usual. An important LoP chapter will be out this weekend. I’m guessing there’s only two left, maybe three. And once it over I think I’m going to focus on getting that Aria story finished, because it’s been more of a struggle than I anticipated.
But for now, reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Bing Bang Zam! by Pegasus Rescue Brigade
Mark Misconception by scifipony
Let Me Cry by jkbrony
Pillow Talk by Pale Horse
Twilight Sparkle Gets Stabbed in the Back by AShadowOfCygnus
The City That Breathes by Pearple Prose
Requiem by NaiadSagaIotaOar
The Fires of Friendship by Ponydora Prancypants
Trust This by ThatOneWriter
Meeting The Family by Harmony Charmer
Total Word Count: 73,738
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 4
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Bing Bang Zam!
14,303 Words
By Pegasus Rescue Brigade
I seriously expected there to be a musical number in this one.
The supposedly greatest chef in Equestria, Chef Emerald, has her own special catchphrase to make her television show more interesting. Imagine the surprise of the Flim Flam Brothers when they first hear it! They realize there is only one recourse: take the super popular culinary star to court for stealing their intellectual property. Chef Emerald might have the best lawyer in Equestria, but the brothers have something better. The best thing about it is that they don’t even know it.
This was a silly little story featuring our favorite con-artists. But surprise surprise, it also happens to feature Derpy and Golden Harvest as members of the jury! Derpy was in many ways the highlight of the story thanks to her regular insistence of interrupting court proceedings. Poor Golden Harvest was must just her disagreeable foil, and even had the insulting misfortune of the author calling her – and this is their mind-boggling choice of spelling, not mine – Carrot-top. No wonder she spent the whole story grouchy.
My only real problem with the story, however, is that it has no sense of presence. The events just… happen, more or less. The reason I liked Derpy was because she kept livening things up. Even Flim and Flam’s verbose banter failed to pull me in much, although I’ll give credit where it’s due: the author captured their voices quite well. I think the signature problem here is that the story never seems to shift in pacing, always being told at roughly the same speed from beginning to end. And that’s just… uninteresting.
The story’s not bad, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly lacks staying power. The sheer fun that could be had with this concept gets boiled down to an unfortunately average trial setting, even with the Flim Flam brothers’ improvised prosecution and the criminal activities of the defense. With a bit more flare and – dare I say it? – pizzaz, this could have been golden. As is, it’s…
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Infallible — Pretty Good
Kilowatt Hour Builds an Industrial-Sized Pet Hairdryer — Worth It
Mark Misconception
3,372 Words
By scifipony
Now that the Crusaders have their cutie marks, they've noticed Twilight acting really strange. It’s not like she’s avoiding them, but she always seems anxious around them. They decide to investigate, and come upon two interesting revelations. First, Twilight thought they weren’t interested in Twilight Time anymore. And second: Twilight has no idea what her cutie mark is actually for.
A big part of me wants to say “duh, this was obvious” regarding the conclusion of Twilight’s cutie mark. But then I think about how little people tend to recognize about themselves, even things other people might find obvious, and it doesn’t seem like such a huge issue anymore. Regardless, it was nice to see the Crusaders get a bit of friendshipping in with Twilight, I really like their dynamic when together. And it helps that scifipony has a good grasp on all four of their voices, such that I had no trouble hearing the characters themselves as I was reading.
The only thing that bugs me in the whole story is the beginning. The story’s description – you know, that thing you read before you even see the first words of the story itself? – tells you exactly what this story is about. So why is it that the first half of the story is spent setting the scene as if we don’t know where this is going?
There’s nothing wrong with the opening scene, not really. It works just fine, and is better than I see a lot of people do. It’s just that the description’s reveal makes the entire opening half feel unnecessary, with the reader asking “why am I going through all of this?” instead of enjoying a well-implemented opener. This isn’t something you fix with the story itself, it’s a problem that stems from the description. If scifipony hadn’t revealed the entire point of the story before we even cracked it open, that beginning would have had significantly more value.
But I digress. This is a great friendshipping story in which the Crusaders help Twilight realize her purpose. Again, I feel the answer is blatantly obvious to anyone who pauses to think about it for two seconds, but perhaps it’s not so obvious to the pony it’s directly affecting.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Let Me Cry
3,941 Words
By jkbrony
Set immediately after Amending Fences, this story has Twilight and Spike arrive back at their castle only for Twilight to fully grasp how terrible a friend she was before she came to Ponyville. She promptly collapses into a wave of guilt-ridden grief, which Spike desperately tries to help her recover from.
I can see some people having trouble accepting the basis of this one, the first issue being that Twilight blames herself for Moondancer’s isolation and friendless state. Which is rather silly considering it was Moondancer who blew the entire situation vastly out of proportion. But then again, this isn’t really about Twilight’s personal grief. It’s more about Spike and his need to protect her from things like this. The choice of situation seems to me as little more than a setting decision. An unfortunate one, perhaps, but still not the crux of the story.
As far as the purpose of the story goes, I felt the author was trying too hard. Chunks of the story are devoted to jkbrony browbeating us over the head with descriptions of Spike’s personal torment at Twilight’s behavior, which does little more than make them both seem to be overdramatic, emotional wrecks. I think the story would have benefitted from a lot less tell.
jkbrony’s idea of showing Spike’s protective and loyal feelings towards Twilight is sound, I just feel they approached it in the wrong way. Still, not a bad story on the whole.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Pillow Talk
4,400 Words
By Pale Horse
Twilight and Celestia are having some, er, alone time one night. Then they start talking. Nah, that’s pretty much it.
Taking in the setting, the characters involved, and the topic discussed, there’s not much new to this story. There’s no new angle of approach, no grand revelation that hasn’t been made before. In order for a story like this to succeed, it needs to have something to differentiate it from the pack.
Pale Horse tackles the problem with vivid visuals and a constant eye on the atmosphere of the piece. This is most obvious in the opening, which depicts Twilight’s gradually recovery from a… ahem, ‘high’. It’s slow and steady and gets into Twilight’s head to great effect. The narrative is playful, flitting along with the mood of the two alicorns who are themselves at play. It shifts as the topic of discussion does, but always maintains a descriptive fullness most authors struggle with.
I came away pleased. The story may not offer anything remotely original, but its writing quality is such that I didn’t mind. Well done, oh pale one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Insomnia — Pretty Good
Destination Unknown — Worth It
Twilight Sparkle Gets Stabbed in the Back
1,851 Words
By AShadowOfCygnus
Alternative Title: AShadowOfCygnus Has No Idea How Tags Work
Discord comes by Twilight’s Castle to find the princess lying on the floor with a knife in her back. Oh, he could help her, but he’d much rather have a pleasant monologue about why Twilight is a naive coward while she bleeds out.
What? Spoilers? I think not. No, AShadowOfCygnus doesn’t tag Discord as the narrator. Doesn’t matter. Why? Because only one MLP character speaks in the way the narrator does, so it was silly and naive of the author to assume that nobody would figure it out before the second paragraph. So there’s the first failure at tagging. On the other hand, kudos for perfectly capturing Discord’s voice, even with the blatant lack of randomness.
Then there’s the fact this story is tagged as a comedy. Yeah, there’s nothing comedic about this story. Nothing at all. If you go in expecting to find some humor and a maybe a joke ending – which is what literally everyone who sees that tag and reads the first few paragraphs expects – you’re going to be confused by the ending. This isn’t some silly tale where it all looks horrible and sad and then Twilight remembers she’s immortal. This is about a pony in the last few minutes of her life having to listen as chaos incarnate explains why she is a horrible failure of a mare. AShadowOfCygnus, seriously, explain to me why you thought that tag was appropriate.
Ignoring the blatant misconceptions invited upon us, how does the story fare?
Not bad, all things considered. It’s a dark little piece that points out the cold reality of the world and what happens to ponies like Twilight who are so willing to trust that reformation is the guaranteed solution to all things equine. That’s clearly what happened here: Twilight offered a villain redemption, and they faked acceptance until her back was turned. For any place other than Magical Pony Land, this would have happened ages ago. It’s never said who is responsible for this one, but my bet is on Starlight Glimmer.
But the story goes beyond the obvious and into the philosophy of it all. The overarching how and why of Twilight’s failure, the potential lost, the glory never to be gained. It’s a hard, sad comparison of the Equestria of the show where everything goes so miraculously right and reality where a few words and earnest intent won’t save your life. I like the message a lot, and the way it was delivered.
Granted, this story won’t be well received by those who let their headcanons regarding alicorn physiology and immortality get in the way of appreciating a fic of this nature. Or those who have faith in Discord’s reformation. But ultimately, that may be the point: this is a story about reality, not fanciful fantasy.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hang — Pretty Good
The City That Breathes
1,521 Words
By Pearple Prose
In this atmospheric piece, Pearple Prose introduces us to the real Dragonlands. Which, in a sense, aren’t ‘land’ at all.
Not so much a story as a prolonged description, this takes us deep into the earth beneath the Dragon Lands to reveal a great collection of caverns and passages that seem to have a life of their own. Reflections and hints of battles long lost, scavengers passed on, and precious cargo forgotten in modern times. Pearple Prose does a wonderful job utilizing vivid imagery to carefully explore and describe a dark, ominous world with potentially dreadful repercussions for the future.
This easily qualifies as one of the better pieces I’ve seen by this author. If you’re interested in reading something full of atmosphere and detail, you can’t go wrong here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tenebrae — Pretty Good
Gods-In-Law — Worth It
The Tree on Top of the Hill — Worth It
Requiem
4,037 Words
NaiadSagaIotaOar failed to provide cover art.
Set right before Rainbow Rocks (I think), this story has an extremely bored Sonata looking for something to do on a day when Adagio is out and Aria is being a grumpy, introverted shut-in who would rather drink acid than emerge from her dark, locked room. What does she discover to alleviate her boredom but a book Adagio’s been writing in that she refuses to let her sisters see? Of course, it is a sibling’s honor-bound duty to do exactly what their sisters don’t want them to, so…
This was a lovely little story of a Sonata who is a far cry from her more introverted, antagonistic sisters and yet still wishes to help them when she can. Requiem also does a fascinating job of depicting Adagio as someone with loads of self-induced stress and a fierce drive to keep that hidden under a mask of superiority. Aria’s… just Aria, and doesn’t get much attention this time. Which is fine by me, as most Siren-related material I read tends to focus on the two A-listers (if you will) and leave Sonata in the background.
It’s a pleasant bit of friendshipping between Adagio and Sonata and a look into both of their heads. I liked it overall, even if it doesn’t have the presence of the last two stories I read by this author. It does make one feel for Sonata, seeing such an adventurous and seemingly friendly individual being saddled with Grumpy McGrumpipanties and Dr. Superior von EvilLaughter all her life. I so rarely see people trying to get into Sonata’s head, so this was a nice change of pace.
Perhaps not NaiadSagaIotaOar’s best work, but still a strong one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lost in Paradise — WHYRTY?
Who We Are in the Dark — WHYRTY?
The Fires of Friendship
9,937 Words
By Ponydora Prancypants
Look’it that, Ponydora Prancypants made a brief appearance on FIMfiction this past November. My concerns for their ongoing mortal existence have been alleviated. A shame they didn’t do anything.
When Rarity and Applejack were fillies, they were the closest of friends. But then they grew apart, and one terrible incident destroyed their friendship entirely until Twilight Sparkle showed up. Now they merely tolerate one another, unable to get over their past and differences. But then the Crusaders do something that calls them into action and may force them to finally deal with their underlying tension.
This was a pleasant story that builds upon what certain early episodes of the show gave to create a more refined relationship background for the farm horse and the fashion horse. Ponydora Prancypants does a great job taking elements from Look Before Your Sleep, Bridle Gossip, and The Cutie Mark Chronicles for this purpose. I especially like how AJ and Rares were basically a CMC duo as foals, even if it is a little predictable.
There were times when I felt the dialogue was rushed (Apple Bloom’s and Sweetie Belle’s introduction scene in particular), and I’m not sure I like the way the author handled the flashbacks, which often seemed more jarring than helpful. Even so, this was a nice bout of friendshipping with plenty of drama and a dash of adventure (no pun intended). By all means, give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Flight of the Alicorn — WHYRTY?
Giant Enemy Carb — Worth It
Que Sera, Sera — Needs Work
The Ties That Bind — Needs Work
Trust This
2,008 Words
By ThatOneWriter
It’s their one-year anniversary, and Twilight is waiting for Applejack to show up for their date. But AJ is late, and Twilight’s doing what she does best: panicking.
There’s not a lot to this one. It’s a quick romance written for the romance enthusiasts, and not much else. The premise promised in the description lasts all of 1/10 of the story then moves on to Applejack describing the reasons Twilight is special to her. Typical fare, really.
There’s nothing wrong with the story in general. I feel it leans a bit too heavily on dialogue and not enough on visuals and atmosphere, but it’ll do for the target audience. Anyone interested in anything other than romance, however, should probably steer clear.
A pleasant little fluff piece. Read it if that’s your thing.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Silence — Pretty Good
Icky-Sicky Pinkie Pie — Worth It
Meeting The Family
28,368 Words
By Harmony Charmer
Sequel to The Not-So-Normal Adventures of King Sombra and Pinkie Pie
True to what the cover art and title suggest, this story is about the newly-engaged Pinkie Pie and Sombra going to the rock farm to meet Pinkie’s family. Better late than never, amiright?
There are a few hurdles the reader has to get through in order to enjoy this story. The obvious first one is that it’s about the extremely unconventional SombraPie ship. You’ll just have to accept that these two are together, as the previous story established that they only are because the author decreed it be so. If you can accept that, then it should be smooth sailing. The good news is that all the worst drama bits have been dealt with already, so at least in this story they seem like a proper couple.
The second hurdle is that this is a sequel and it references a lot of events from previous stories (and possibly some I don’t yet know about). It doesn’t lean too heavily on this – I mean, we all know Sombra used to be the Bad Guy™ (EDIT: And apparently still is. I have mixed feelings about this.) – so I don’t consider it a dealbreaker, but the uninitiated can expect a little confusion from time to time. Especially when Conscience comes up.
The third hurdle, and the one that tripped me up, is how Harmony Charmer gets pretty much everything about the Pie Family wrong. To be fair, I doubt this is the author’s fault. Given when the story was written, I’m thinking there was precious little established information regarding these ponies beyond their names. For that reason I give the whole issue a handwave. But when you hear that somehow Limestone and Marble are twins, or that Limestone somehow isn’t the eldest Pie filly anymore, or that Marble isn’t Neo-Fluttershy… I can see some Pie FamFans going through some righteous indignation.
Anyway, much of the story surrounds Sombra’s hesitation to begin a family with Pinkie and Pinkie’s fears of how he’d react if she became pregnant. Which, at their apparent stage in the relationship, are perfectly reasonable concerns. Also, Pinkie’s pregnancy signs are quite amusing if you ask me and perfectly in-line with her character, so kudos on that bit. The story is 2/3rds lighthearted and 1/3rd familial drama, particularly in the form of Igneous and his protective instincts. It all plays out fairly well.
Still, the story is mostly uneventful, especially when compared to its predecessor. Maybe that’s a good thing; Harmony Charmer really struggled with the adventure and high-stakes conflict format. It’s not the most interesting plotline in the world, but arguably a necessary one for the continuation of these characters’ stories.
Of course, that all depends upon whether you’re interested in exploring an AU of SombraPie in the first place.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
First Date — Pretty Good
Hidden Voices — Pretty Good
I Prefer Show Tunes — Worth It
The Cake Batter Incident — Worth It
What's This? — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
A Fork in Time by Pav Feira
The Truth Hurts by Metool Bard
City of Monsters by Georg
Letters by Coronet the lesser
A Dinky Little Problem by CoffeeMinion
Where Earth Meets Sky by Cloudy Skies
Forward Always by Justice3442
Vogel im Käfig by Mikleo
I'm Happy for Her by Cyrano
Initiation by Raugos
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLVIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXI
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXLXVII
I really wanted to enjoy Twilight Sparkle Gets Stabbed in the Back. Truly, I did. But it's just not my cup of tea.
From the tag, I was expecting some morbid comedy from Twilight, narrating her own demise as she bled out on some cold crystal. What I got instead of derision from the narrator towards Twilight, as well as not really being descriptive at all about the current situation, instead waxing on about philosophy and how she was utterly foolish. This wouldn't be a problem for some, but I didn't like it all that much, personally.
I think a combination of the tags making me go into it with a different mindset, and a narrative style I just didn't like all that much kind of ruined the story for me. Maybe I would have gone in more open-minded had I known what it would be like, but alas.
Oh god, A Fork in Time c.c
Only one I've read is "Mark Misconception," and my main impression of it was that it had fine enough character voices, but the plot and character motivations were all over the place. I didn't understand things like how Sweetie Belle was compelled to sing, or why being good at math was linked to being good at magic. Plus those are just put out there as Things without using them to make a point or explore the characters. Plus it disarms the tension when the CMCs solve Twilight's problem in a very quick and straightforward manner. Neither Sweetie Belle nor Twilight struggles for the answer. And since this is supposed to be Sweetie Belle's special talent, I'd think she'd be more invested in the outcome, but she doesn't react as if she's particularly happy about it.
Thanks for the review! I completely agree, it's not the best thing I've written, but it's perhaps one of the stories I've learned the most from writing--I'd technically written fanfiction, both pony and non-pony before, but never had anything even close to finished or good enough I was comfortable telling anyone about it--so I'm satisfied with just a Pretty Good.
Alternative-Alternative Title: Cygnus Knows Exactly How Tags Work and How Best to Fiddle With Them to Get the Intended Result.
It amuses me no end how married people are to that little row of character portraits and vague, genre-shaped words. I've always understood them to be there as a rough guide for the site-search algorithm, and have never really treated them as anything else, so the . . . ardour with which people believe they ought to be clung to -- frequently in defiance of the potential to do more than just the face-value with them -- confounds me no end. Black comedy is a thing; black comedy abounds in the narration; black comedy hath no tag here. Should I therefore not post black comedy, or tag it appropriately?
Good Lord, why? That's half the point! Discord wasn't tagged simply because you weren't meant to know that it was him before you started reading -- just as you weren't supposed to know what you were getting into in terms of tone, gut-punch intensity, or outrage before you started reading. Don't confuse bait-and-switch for lack of care.
To be abundantly clear, it is also a story about outrage, in and out of universe. Whether or not you agree with the perspective that DIscord presents here, it's certainly one that's been bandied about in the community . . . well, I'd say since Discord turned up on the scene, amusingly enough. It's also a deconstruction (which I love) of blind faith (which I loathe), and of the fact that this style of thinking isn't limited to the pastel-horse brigade -- there are people out there, right now, who truly believe this is how the world works.
And if you think this was soul-crushing and/or overwrought, wait till you get to Peaceable Kingdom.
5024713
On the other hand, it did leave you with something you felt strongly enough to want to write down. Frankly, I value that far more as a writer than any number of Internet Caesar thumbs.
5024758
I enjoy black comedy. I saw nothing funny whatsoever in that story. I might have to read it again and see if I can figure out what was supposed to be interpreted as comedic, aside from Discord's general wit, which was largely drowned out by the seriousness of the subject matter. I didn't read any of it as Discord trying to be funny, I read it as him being intentionally and unnecessarily cruel by mocking Twilight's situation and entire life. That's not black comedy to me.
Nor would I call this a bait-and-switch. Bait-and-switch implies you intended everyone to expect something specific and gave them something different. Then again, I suppose a lie-by-omission could count as a bait-and-switch if squinted at sideways. Yet while I disagree on your choice of terminology, I agree that I might have been overzealous when I jumped you for not tagging Discord if you didn't want the reader to know in advance it was him. Hiding who Discord is in the description/tags does nothing whatsoever to benefit the story itself, so I had no idea why you'd bother.
I suppose if this is meant to be a story about outrage, and you're actively trying to be outrageous, then you succeeded just fine. It's trolly, but it makes sense. Had I realized your entire goal was to troll, I would have reacted differently (whether that reaction would be positive or not, I can't say for sure). And I did enjoy the deconstruction in general, even if it felt heavy-handed.
I shall keep this story in mind, particularly so that I'll recall how you will use tags to trick readers into expecting all the wrong things.
Honestly, I read Twilight Sparkle gets stabbed in the back as an... annoying response to the post-Season 3 MLP, and got the impression that it was just another revange fic that was also horribly mistagged. Separated from that it reads much better, even if it might be heavy handed.
5024936
No, that'd be it.
Interpretation being what it is, the caustic wit with which he delivers Twilight's . . . protracted verbal beating might weight the story more towards the funny end of things for some than others; neither yours nor the story's fault if that's not what you took away from the proceedings.
Are people funny only when they're trying to be? Or would an inherently funny (or at least, cock-eyed) individual, angry as they may be, let humour leak into what they're saying regardless of intent?
Again, this might fall under the heading of 'difference of interpretation', but what would tagging him add? I would argue that, between the title and the description, the careless reader would be more inclined to think he was the one -- as I put it so eloquently in a comment to someone who did make that mistake -- 'making with the stabby.' And again, my intent was to do as little to colour the reader's perception as possible before they started reading. Which brings me to . . .
Again, I find your terminology frustratingly reductionist. There is a substantial distinction between trying to invoke (as opposed to provoke) feelings of outrage and frustration, and merely shitposting to aggravate. To characterise it as something as throwaway and one-note as 'trolling' is to discount the validity of philosophical presentation you yourself pointed out.
The intent was leave the reader thinking by appealing to their outrage at the situation; not outrage for outrage's sake.