Flurry Heart is the baby alicorn that everypony adores. But on her Birthday, a mysterious pony shows up claiming to be from the future. And he has a dire warning. He says that Flurry Heart will grow up to become a ruthless tyrant, and that she must be stopped now. By any means necessary. Most believe this pony to be crazy, but the more Twilight investigates, the more she learns about a possible dark future.
A collaboration between myself and Deadpansparkler. He will be handling the even chapters and I will be in charge of the odd chapters.
Chapters (4)
Yes yes yes yes Don't Stop Love It
Interesting to see how this one does... Crosses fingers
I didn't hate this fic, but it has some issues. For one, you're really taking away from the creative potential of your work with lines like
>The entire crystal palace had been decorated for the special occasion.
This is generally known as telling instead of showing. For this particular line, you could give your introduction more oomph and capture the reader's attention better by expanding your descriptions. Try to paint a picture with your words that sets the scene you're trying to create instead of blandly telling the readers what's going on.
>“Why did you attack my niece?”
This line could be greatly improved if you use it to show Twilight's confusion and anger. Without describing Twilight's reaction, the line lacks any real emotional impact.
Also, the way that the future pony just immediately tried to murder Flurry Heart was a little bit too much. Perhaps he could be a raving madpony on the brim of attacking someone, but straight up attempting infanticide really takes away from any reader sympathy that might be generated for him from the scene.
With that said, this is pretty far off from being the worst fic on this site. The concept is interesting and has the potential for a great story in it, but your mechanical execution of that concept and the way the fic reads is lacking. I'd give it a 4/10 as it currently is, but it could be a 5 or even a 6 with better editing and enhanced descriptions/prose.
I don't like Flurry Heart but a baby is a baby but it does leave an important question, what is the worth of one future tyrant over the countless lives of those who will suffer from there birth? Also I look forward to seeing The Denial of her parents and the possibility that this event only made it worse!
When will the next chapter come out?
10030904
Ask deadpansparkler. He was supposed to write the next chapter.
10030995
Could you give me a link to his Fimfiction account
I bit rushed, I feel like Twilight and Higs could have talked more, or at least he could have shown her more. Still I’m happy to see this story brought back to life! I always loved the rare “Evil Flurryheart” series.
I wouldn't say Flurry "deliberately ruined" the pudding. It looked more like she was just mimicking her beloved aunt in adding things to the cooking pot, with no idea that it could mess things up.
8209647
True, it's like The Ethics of Killing Baby Hitler all over again