"Trust me, if my mom hates it, it's got to be awesome."
"Isn't your mother a renowned food critic?"
"Yeeeeah, she used to be, but she's gotten kinda set in her ways. Subtle tastes over substance. Artistic flatness over atmosphere... I think getting old has done things to her head and her tongue."
Sunny Flare flinched. "And now I'm picturing an old woman's tongue. Why do you do this to me?"
"Ah-ah-ah! I was not the least bit saucy!" Lemon poked her in the shoulder. "YOU, my blue friend, went there on your own."
"You've spent a good half of our meetings talking about sex and sexuality. Forgive me for associating the concept with your incessant repertoire of linguistic mangling."
Lemon laughed as she held the door open for the other girl. "Well, I do have a reputation to maintain."
"Yes, yes, you're Crystal Prep's resident gadfly." Sunny gave her a pointed glare. "You should at least vary up your material."
"But the societal taboo on discussing sex always provokes hilarious reactions!"
"Not if the listener is expecting it."
"Oh, so you're saying that since you expect--hold on." Lemon turned to the register. "I'll have the beef burrito with extra lettuce and what do you want, Sunny?"
"I think the chicken salad sounds good. Oh, but hold the dressing."
"Yeah okay, and a pair of waters to drink."
The brown girl behind the register absently pulled a lock of blond hair over her short, dark horns. "That'll be eighteen ninety seven."
"You got it, Strongheart." Lemon swiped her card into the register and plucking a number token off the counter. "We'll be in the corner. Anyway, where was I?"
"I believe you were about to attempt to refute my assertion that since I expect you to discuss sex, you discussing sex earns a non-funny dismissal from myself."
"Ah, yes." Lemon slid into the small booth, putting the token in front of her. "Be tee dubs your parents had sex."
"Oh don't I know it." A faint smile passed over Sunny Flare's face as she sat across from her research partner. "I remember walking in and finding them half naked on the coffee table--very awkward all around, but after the fifth time I stumbled on the two of them making love I sort of figured out how to roll with it."
Her eyes drifted out the window. "I miss them sometimes..."
Lemon blinked, her mouth opening and closing for a moment or two.
"Um. Wow. Okay, that... was a reaction... just not the one I was expecting..."
Sunny Flare turned to face her with a wry smirk. "What can I say. I'm chock full of surprises."
"Well... hmm. Now I don't actually know what to say." Lemon shrugged. "Congrats, you have successfully rendered me speechless."
"An accomplishment worthy of the history books, I have no doubt."
Another number dropped onto the table, a pair of sharp-nailed hands slamming down. "Nice try, but dressing in my colors isn't going to convince me to go easy on you."
Sunny Flare and Lemon Zest shared a confused look, before turning to look at the blue-haired girl leaning menacingly over them.
"...do we know you?" Sunny asked coldly.
"Do you--? Okay, look." The girl crossed her arms. "I don't want to cause a scene, but this is my table, and if you Canterlot High shepeyrri aren't going to clear out--"
"Actually, we're from Crystal Prep."
The girl blinked. "...what?"
"Crystal Prep," Lemon Zest repeated. "Not Canterlot High. No clue what your issue with them is. We're a rival school."
"...Oh." The girl's blue fingers rapped against her spiked bracelets. "Well... you're still at my table."
"The tables are unclaimed," Sunny Flare deadpanned.
"But this is the best table for people-scanning!"
"Kind of why we took it," Lemon acknowledged.
"...Tliirupeyvri mmriv bli roiish shieeiimm blr siichiiri..." The girl took a breath. "If you're not from Canterlot High, you won't mind if I sit here, right?"
Sunny glanced at Lemon, who shrugged, before turning back to the other girl. "I suppose we can endure your presence."
The girl slid in next to her. "Great! So, what's up with you two?"
"Well, at the moment, I'm wondering what your name even is," Lemon replied.
"Oh, right. I'm Sonata Dusk."
"Sonata... wait. Are you working with uncle Discord?"
Sonata blinked. "Wait... you're Discord's niece? I thought he only had two!"
"I'm his ex-wife's niece, technically, not his sister's daughters. He's talked about you--you're that fish girl that came from Equestria way back when, right?"
"One of three, yeah. And honestly we were more... tossed through then let in." Sonata shook her head. "I guess we're kind of responsible for all the magic happening in the first place--the portal wouldn't have been made if that weird unicorn hadn't opened the way first, and he wouldn't have tossed us through if we hadn't been feeding off of that pony town."
Sunny inched slightly away from her. "Feeding off a town... what, ah, what do you mean by that?"
"You know how magic is affected by emotions? How being angry gives it a dangerous vibe, being happy makes it brighter, that sort of thing? That's what we Sirens evolved to incorporate--the impact of emotions on magic, stored and enhanced tenfold." Her earfins drooped slightly as her fingers rubbed a small space on her sternum. "It's the only reason we survived in this world for so long..."
"I... see. So you fed off their emotions?"
"Heh. Fed. We absorbed them, used the power to truly consume... before Adagio came along, we would be lucky to land a sunfish, but with her leadership we became... more. We started taking down whales... great singers... and then that unicorn." She shook her head. "It was so much easier to sing on the other side of the portal. Here... the song was loud, and then it was quiet for so long, and now it is louder again, but with the old song supporting it, and it's still not..."
Sonata gestured vaguely. "There are... words, in Wavetongue. Words for what I'm saying, that Wranglish does not have. You're only just beginning to understand the concepts. The... feel, of magic. The flow. The waves..."
Sunny Flare cleared her throat. "As it just so happens, Lemon and I are working on a paper describing the sensations magic has when in use by a transformed individual. Maybe if you assist us, we could... expand our vocabulary to describe what you are saying."
Sonata looked at her. "What are you saying?"
"We're saying we want to learn wavetongue." Lemon shrugged. "Or at least enough to understand the concepts you're attempting to communicate so we can communicate it clearer."
"...Really?" Sonata tilted her head. "That's... wow. Discord usually just asks for assistance, not for knowledge."
"Have you ever offered knowledge?"
"No."
"There you go then."
"...huh." The girl tapped her fingers on the table. "You know what... sure. Why not."
Sunny cleared her throat. "So... we arrange a get-together every friday at five?"
"Oh, sure. But you'd better be super smart," Sonata added, "I'm not sure I know how to teach this sort of thing."
"Probably start us off with basic grammar and then we work from there," Lemon suggested. "And--oh! Hey there Strongheart! What's up?"
Strongheart rolled her eyes. "Here's your food. Burrito, salad, taco." She gave Sonata a wary look. "You're not going to do anything... off, are you?"
"Not like I can anymore."
"Well... good." Strongheart looked at her for another few moments, before walking briskly behind the counter.
"...what's her beef?" Lemon asked.
"Heh. Beef." Sonata shook her head. "She was one of the few that could resist... ah, well, days long gone."
She brought her fingers together and began to chant. "Shoo be doo, leyblu shuroo vhi leyku woo. Leyku shuplii mmriie blu."
Lemon and Sunny stared in shock.
"...what?" Sonata gave them a look. "You never see anybody thank their god for food in public?"
AHHHHH!!!!! Awesome!
I don't think I'm going to continue reading this story. I wasn't grabbed by the first chapter, but I read on. The second chapter failed to capture my interest, but I read on. This chapter, however, is where I'm stepping off. I'm having a difficult time putting my finger on exactly what makes me dislike this story, but I have a few ideas. First, neither of our main characters has struck me as very interesting. Second, I'm not enjoying the setting, with its poorly-exposited re-writing of how the human world works, and all sorts of unnecessary references to strange relationships and characters that don't easily fit in the setting. Discord? I could see it working, but only if he got some sort of introduction, rather than a quick name drop by one of the characters, and little more.
The final nail in the coffin, however, was Sonata. It feels very strange that she's agreed to take time out of her schedule to teach a language to two strangers that she was hostile to just seconds before. It reads as a decision made out of literary convenience by the author, rather than one made for in-universe reasons by the character. Maybe later the reasons behind her actions will be provided, but right now, they feel sorely lacking. If this were canon Sonata, I could imagine it being fairly easy to convince her to teach our main characters the language, but this story's Sonata is not the one we know from Rainbow Rocks. Her dialogue feels bland, without any sort of personality to set it apart from any of the other characters in this story.
For that matter, let's look at this line to see the sorts of questions and problems it brings up:
Sonata has earfins? Okay, that could work, but that seems like something that one of the other characters would react to! Instead, this detail is hidden in the middle of an expository monologue by Sonata, a full page after we were introduced to the character. Did the other girls not notice until now? Have they noticed at all? Sirens don't seem to be a common sight in this world, but are earfins somehow common enough not to warrant notice or comment? Even if it's rude to comment on things like this, wouldn't that have been a pretty big clue to, umm, whoever said—"Sonata... wait. Are you working with uncle Discord?"—that she was a siren, and therefore maybe working with Discord, before the name provided that hint? (I'm guessing that Lemon said this line, but it's hard to tell; the dialogue from all three characters sounds the same, ignoring Sonata's wavetongue gimmick.)
It feels like the author knows exactly how this world that they've created operates, but that the reader is supposed to sort of know how it works. There are certainly lots of clumsy statements where a character tells us about some specific of the world, but I haven't seen much in terms of their behavior that shows me how people are supposed to act in this world. And when this exposition is crammed in the mouths of whatever character happens to be convenient, it only adds to the problem where dialogue from different characters all sounds the same.
Phew! That went on for way, way longer than I meant it to! So, good luck with your story, and I'm sorry if this comment feels like an overly dramatic, "Pay attention to me, for I don't like your story!" sort of comment. I simply thought that it would be more useful for you to get the negative feedback, rather than for me to just stop reading.
BRILLIANT!!!
...remind me, can the sirens breath underwater again?
Sonata teaching... That's going to be interesting. A bit like Rainbow Dash explaining how to fly; she'll be trying to put instinct into words. At least the language itself will offer some structure.
8174806
Oh dear. It seems you aren't aware that this story is part of a larger continuity. That "part of the Oversaturated World" in the decription—and, for that matter, the sequel line—are there to alert you to that. Click the link in the description for details.
8174829
Yup. A second epiglottis arranged like organic French doors can seal off either gills or lungs depending on whether it's open or closed.
8175071 Sigh. Yep. Not sure how I missed that. It only just starts to address my complaints, but I really do feel dumb for missing that.
8175728
Eh, to be fair, this is one of the less "plotty" stories I write. There are points I want to hit, but no arc.
Goddammit.