This story is a sequel to You Are What You Paint
Have you lost a dear one long before their time? Accidents, monsters, foreign attack... they can all leave you with a hole in your heart. We can fill it, and give your loved one another chance.
Twilight's little spell does not remain as secret as she would have liked it. Now another, less scrupulous, soul has it and means to make good use of it. There are aliens that are not only willing, but eager to step into the hooves of a pony. Matched up with a pony in need, and everyone wins. Right?
Do you know me, the author? I don't tend to wallow in darkness, but the theme of the story, the central conceit, is pretty dark, so there's the tag.
Chapters (14)
Poor Applejack she doe Know what she has unleashed into the world.
This sounds like something Flim and Flam would come up with. I guess they can't be the only conponies in Equestria.
She blue a black - She blew a black
cieling to start - ceiling to start
air ripplling - air rippling
he said outloud - he said out loud
It's an interesting premise. It seems ethically questionable, but we'll see where that goes and what forces come to bear in the spinning of the tale.
5
Sorry, force of habit.
7784617
Not technically a con. She's delivering what she promised, exactly what she promised, in fact. There's some skillful circumlocution going on here.
7784668 Typos stricken from the experimental notes. So, you vote, but incorrectly :D Do you want to follow Big Mac or onwards to another case study? If move on, which pony?
A charming tale of alien abduction and grief exploitation.
It's all sunshine and rainbows until Fetlock pulls through the wrong human...
7784671 She may have avoided technically telling a lie (although I don't think she did) but she was definitely going out of her way to mislead Applejack into thinking it was really her brother. It's a con.
Question: is the FNAF Puppet involved somehow? Because I can totally see him doing that. But, if not, I can live with that.
7784763 Not being marked crossover, that would be a sudden and jarring twist that would probably get more people angry at me than not.
O my god another story from david silver dont burn yourself out man!
7784810 The stories continue forever!
Before I read, What's the Dark tag for ?
7784850 Personality and mind alteration. Kidnapping of innocent humans. Implied pony death (off camera and before the story).
7784673
It's difficult to say, I don't really have a feel for any of the characters yet (Applejack notwithstanding), this being the first chapter and all. So I can't say that I want more than to learn a little more of what's going on here, what the stakes are and where you're going with it all.
Oooh, this is so wrong and twisted! It's brilliant.
Well it seems good Granny that is calling out AJ for her actions. Now how will our family handle the "returning" Big Mac?
on que - on cue
No more dissapearing - No more disappearing
feel wierd - feel weird
Two chapters in one day! I think the ratio of likes to dislikes will grow to be something you're more comfortable with as more readers discover your latest work.
Things started off decidedly dark and uncertain in the first chapter and there was no indication where you would take it next. It could have gone much darker, but in this second chapter you're bending it into more bitter-sweet territory than into evil born of greed that preys on a family's despair.
This could have easily delved into Pet Semetary types of themes, after all.
Where did you get the cover art?
7785513 Google. I tried to find the artist and failed, to my annoyance. I prefer to have a link to their stuff and to at least inform them and give them the option of telling me to bugger off. Do you know who's it is?
7785489 It's a dark theme. Not marking it dark seems like it would be a gross lie to any reader. Typos fixed! Thank you dear chronicler.
7785558
Found it, Boss!
http://www.deviantart.com/art/Vinyl-Face-TF-577937917
7785562 How did tineye miss this... Thank you!
7785560
Well, there's dark and then there's DARK and while the themes we've seen so far are on the dark side, they are not the abandon all hope ye who read past this warning type.
Suits me just fine.
7785563
Tineye missed it for me too, I used Google's reverse image search. Just click on the camera icon to the right of the search bar and enter the url or upload your unidentified image.
This story is both excellent and creapy as hell.
I can't wait to see what happens!
7785513 In case you missed it, the art now has a source properly attached to it. You can mouse over it to find it.
Ehhh....
This is too wrong, y though its evil. slavery, submission, forced change, rising the dead, stealing people accrose time and forcing them into the role of another.
7786677 Yes. Yes it is.
7786677 I don't see any dead being raised, however?
7786713 thats what the apples think is happening
7786677
To be fair, raising the dead, if it were indeed possible, is only considered a bad thing in fictional works when people come back wrong. If there was nothing wrong with the process, no hidden or sinister cost, and they were the same as ever, what is so wrong about it? It's like restoring a corrupted file on a computer. You think nothing of it, and in fact welcome that feature.
Glad to see that Chris was able to sorta fuse with Big Mac! Now let's see where this unscrupulous stallion goes next and who gets resurrected next. It would be funny if he tried it on the Time Turner/Dr. Whooves and it turned out he was really the Doctor.
Well, this is disturbing on several levels. We're assured that the subject wanted to become Big Mac, but that feels more like an informed attribute than anything with evidence behind it. The fact of the matter is that this is effectively a sacrificial rite, a life for a life. The fact that it's going so slowly, that we get only glimpses of the subject as he loses more and more of his mind and body, only makes it more horrifying. The protagonist of You Are What You Paint had a choice. This poor soul never even had a chance.
being her sister - being her brother
bigger then they were - bigger than they were
hopped up on a stool - hopped up onto a stool
for this to bare - for this to bear (Not 100% sure on this one. If you mean 'expose or reveal' then bare was the right word. If you mean 'carry or hold' then it's bear.)
Yikes, this was something that was kicking around in my head until the previous chapter. It made it sound like they knew for sure that the original Big Mac was gone, as in "we found the body" sure. If he's only 'missing' does that mean he could turn up again? Why on
earthEquestria would the Apples not initiate a search until they knew for sure?I'm enjoying this series and hope, despite your misgivings over the initial response, that you continue until you're satisfied that you've explored it fully.
7786877 It's pretty wrong, yes. As an aside, I, the author, do not claim this is 'right'.
But stories often delve into what is wrong, and what could be. Come, explore with me.
7786882 Of course they tried, and held out hope. The fact that they didn't have a funeral is a hint of that, or other ponies would be quite startled to see Big Mac, instead of just the Apples.
I found another typo while I was in there, so bonus!
Now what will the next case be? I have an idea...
Conclusion: He's a duck.
Wait...
In any case, the third chapter definitely does a good job of recontextualizing this. I'd come here to offer an explanation on why this was met with such hostility, but now I find myself looking forward to see where you go with it next.
thiiiiis
Fetlock is gonna have so much fun before they drag her down to Tartarus.
Fetlock sure picked a doozy of a first customer. If I were her, I'd have taken some customers who weren't the Elements of Harmony, especially not Honesty, before trying to tackle a tough cookie like Applejack. Help a lot more ponies that way, and Twilight would be on much shakier ground with a lot of ponies and their loved ones angry at her for calling them a bunch of fakes. Maybe the doc is constrained by the show since nobody
except mewould want to become Sunny Daze, for instance. But she could at least take care of Nurse Redheart, Lightning Dust, Archer, Ditzy Doo, Sunset Shimmer, and other conspicuously absent well known ponies. And hiring a good artist to do a little fanart might work wonders for background pony awareness....Oh, that makes sense...
Fetlock is operating under the bounds of her beliefs. Unfortunately we doubt she will be able to hone the spell to prefer dying individuals, which is one of the more pressing moral concerns. If she could do that maybe it wouldn't be quite so dark...
Keep going! ;)
Find somebody like Raven, forge a resignation, and hide the body. Then remake them while filling the new pony full of lies!
jk
I am quite interested on where this story will go. It's awesome you're going all out on writing it.
7788787 Thanks for reading. I've got two more chapters ready to go up. They're not as long as the Big Mac opening case, but do a decent job of showing another angle, I think, two even!
Hi again!
Only caught one error-
You forgot to remove the first lines of the intro.
Glass seems to have an interesting approach to the domination kink.
7789274 Oops!
Yes, foals would be a better target the indoctrination...
Hmmmm. The Early Modern English feels a tad off.
I can't quite identify WHAT is wrong with it, but something is wrong.
So this is how man becomes ponified not by potions but by stupid clicks.