I am a proud high school drop out of the OKC public school system, a part time brony and a chain smoking asshole; I wouldn't recommend any of them to a kid.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Intrigued, hope it continues.
looks good so far.
6491646 Thanks bro.
6491720 It only started.
Oh my gosh! I wanna crossover but I don't have any openings! WHY!?
6491952 No problems? Darn, PM me.
hmm colour me somewhat interested, a short little bite, but let's see if you get a hook.
6492229 Challenge accepted.
*Puts on horse mask* I love it!
6493271 Thanks!
This chapter was a good one. The only problems I see are, we as the readers don't know who Mister D is so you may wanna go back and elaborate who exactly that is. Half way threw the chapter it switches from Mister Cee's POV to the little sisters POV without any warning.(I cant remember names so ya) And the last complaint I have is that you switch between ADAM and ANAM. We as the readers have no idea what you're talking about when you say ANAM. All of these things are easy fixes with a little more dialogue between the characters in the second half of the chapter. Other than that this story has me hook line and sinker and I cant wait for it's next installment.
I have to agree with Sir Quill, here. There were even a few grammar issues, but nothing major. So with that said, I'd like to extend an offer. What if I were a proofreader/editor for you? I'd work for free.
Finally! A displaced that doesn't seem too overly cliched and has good English!
........... Is that really so much to ask, people? I mean, really.
6495293 Thanks, I'll check those as soon as possible. Anam is mana spelled backwards, basically means the magic in a pony's blood. I also thought I outlined where it changed perspective.
6495590 Sure! I just got Gdocs, and don't know how to use it yet.
6495691 For the first part, I'll admit, most just want superpowers for their displaced, so I guess that's what traps most displaced in a cliche, that and they don't think "Hey, when should this story end?", and for the second, well... let's say that if the other Displaced Big Daddy story had a similar storyline and good grammar, I would've not posted this story.
6495729 I can show you around, although I don't know everything. PM me if you have any questions.
6495818 It'll be more then I know, and I should take all the help I can get.
6492229 Did I hook ya?
okay i'm tugging at the line, but if this turns out bad next chapter i'm out, if it turns out good, i'll stick with you. as long as you put in more shenanigans.
6516507 Hmm... More wacky shit is practically a guarantee with the people who've offered to crossover with me... Let's just say that of the crossover offers I've gotten, not a single one of them could be considered, or even imagined, as sane-functional. Lumen could also be considered one of the tamer ones to visit. Also, Bronyparasite will have his chapter up soon, I think he'll also explain some of what happened after Mr. Cee went upstairs. From what he told me, one of the guards will be recovering from the experience for years to come.
referencing one of the YHaY fics? Nice.
6518889 Thank you, glad someone caught it.
6518980 Sorry it took so long to comment, but for god-knows-what-reason, every few fics I fave, I'll get some that don't notify me when they update.
I only found out about this chapter while seeing what recommended fics would be attached to it.
6518997 Still happy that someone read YHaY:IanS
6519051 That line in it, you can just picture filly Twilight pouting and saying, "It's a moth!"
...
I wonder if I know anyone who'd be willing to make an art of that.
...
I don't know, it's 2:38 am here, too tired to brain.
6519129 Heh, yeah. Tell me if you do?
6516507 Tell me how I did, enjoy the show of force.
6549655
Well, now he's got me worrying even more if I did a good job or not.
A man chooses,A slave obeys.
6550098 No worries, the only thing I would/might change, would be adding a a line for Theresa to say to Luna when they all bailed out of the window.
Some of those "references" felt a bit too on the nose, but I suppose such are the risks, not every joke always hits home. Still, I'm always a little disappointed when a story is thought to exist in a continuum of "infinite-universes", it just depreciates the totality of everyone's lives to less than nothingness, though, on the plus side, only Reference said it, so it doesn't necessarily make it true for the story, just another reference.
And, a question, for little Theresa:
Do you believe in the Boogeyman?
I FOUND A FUTURE RAMA JOKE!
AND HIS NAME IS SCRUFFY also
HOW LONG ARE YOUR BLINKS! and
THE MEMES ITS A LITTLE OVER 9!
6551101 I'm tempted to answer now, or maybe I'll wait till the next chapter. Decisions decisions...
6551577 The whole character was a Futurama joke. I hope you read it in his voice and I'm only a little sad that we couldn't have added a toilets and boilers reference. As for the blinks, cartoon logic. The last one was also a reference to a FiMfiction fanfic by the same name. Finally, cool name.
Tell that to my Jack. As a being FROM the Void, to him it IS magic and power. If ANYTHING short of the last Archon, armed with the Sword of Aeons, faces Jack in the Void, they're dead without realising it.
Loving it !!!
Big Bioshock fan
6558796 Thanks! Any questions for them?
6559223 Will Scruffy make a reappearance later ?
YAY! Icommented forst. It has been awhile.
I kind of what to see them gain a second life of there lives in rapture like seeing dual life like how uncle became a big daddy and the her a sister
6652485 I got plans for a sequel and a prequel, the prequel will be about their days as little sister and big daddy, the sequel will be about not telling anyone.
The colloquial term is boogeypony, at least in Equestria, in case you were interested, doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, no, but the funny thing is, is that it doesn't take much effort to get them to shift the wording once you put in a little effort to get them, going, as it were. That is to say, I know of a particular grey-skinned individual who might drop in, were you so inclined as to invite him, to put to rest any remaining doubts Theresa may have on that subject.
6654390 Neat, next chapter will be a info chapter about Mister Cee and Theresa, Plasmids and Tonics and other fun stuff including a joke I planned from the beginning.
Fak wasn't able to read it! ERBKGERG Damn filming :/ anyways I'll read it when I get back >:3
6664954 Oh-Kay. Tell me what you think when you do or ask them a question.
6665231 ;P lol k
Hmmm... Solid beginning so far. Let's see how the rest is so far.
6668431 What do you think?
*reading reading beats bioshock infinite* M8! Anywayyysss lets read on c:
6671127 Be sure to tell me how I did.
Crashing The Party.
Crash Bandicoot, all around awesome guy, decides to take a vacation from his island home and visits Equestria, what happens when the Mane 6 try to force him home? Chaos, that's what. Short, possibly one shot.
Ever Been So Mad?
A guy gets sent to Equestria, blah blah blah, blatant racist mini horses, blah blah blah, he gets mad and blows up one day after dealing with everypony being afraid of him for several years. Oh, he also kicks a manticore in the balls while playing a guitar while a magical nuke goes off in the background. One shot.