Music is everything for Octavia but, one night when she visits a café run by Princess Luna, she may find she wants more in her life.
Entry for the Random Romance contest: Octavia and Luna
Chapters (1)
Late_To_The_Party
Joined 15th Sep, 2012 ·
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It was only into the first two paragraphs that I already loved this story.
It's nice to see all four members of the Gala quartet in a story. The Cadanceverse has Beauty/Bluenote as the Element of Laughter now, but Parish and Frederick don't get much written about them.
ok... More of stuff like this... please?
this was a very sweet tale and an enjoyable read. more storys like this must happen.
This is one of those storiesthat when you reach the end you say:
"That's it!? There has to be more! You need to write more!"
Very well done. That is all I can say.
SUH-WEET! You didn't let me down home-slice
This certainly feels like the most complete of the other entries, but the ending feels a little arbitrary—more slice-of-life than shipping. Somehow it doesn't come together in an entirely believable manner. Yet, it's still a good read: well paced, voiced, described, and constructed.
To my mind, The Gentle Nights just pips you because it has the best overall flow as a story, but it's a close thing. This is probably written slightly better, after all, but that isn't everything.
Hope to your your views on my story as well.
-Scott
P.S. Watch those semicolons! Some of them were decidedly iffy in application.
On the one hand, Luna running a cafe strikes me as so ridiculous it's almost criminal to take it seriously. On the other hand I strongly believe that any idea, no matter how ridiculous, can be effective if used correctly. And I think you've achieved that, so very well done indeed.
The love at first sight concept has always been my least favorite kind of romance. It always strikes me as entirely too unrealistic, but you managed it without turning it into pointless, so I wave that issue.
Put another way: this story had a number of things that, normally, I have issues with, but your style managed to counter most of them very effectively. As such I think this might be my favorite entry in the entire contest.
2785096 The first two paragraphs are my favorite part of the whole story.
2785503 I can't think of any time I've seen the other three at all. It's always just Octavia, often with Vinyl Scratch. I figured that if the four of them play music together, they'd probably spend time together outside of work as well.
2785966 2786150 Time will tell. It depends on how many more of the Random Romance contests I enter, but I expect to enter more; I need a lot more practice writing romance.
2786283 Either I ended it very well or very badly for that reaction... Thanks.
2789271 Glad to hear it.
2789609
2790954 I'm not particularly happy with this story. Had I more time and motivation, I could have made it a much better thing. I feel like this is more of an outline than a finished story, but with the deadline being what it is (something I'm not used to working with), I had to stop here.
Unfortunately, I had another story to finish before I started this one this month, and so with that combined with my job I had about a week to work on this story. I also got hooked on The Mentalist just before I started, so most of the time I should have been writing I was watching that. Also a night which could have been used to improve the story was dedicated to making the cover art. I prefer not to use others' artwork for my stories. I either do it myself or get a screenshot from the show. The one exception being Avoiding Clichés, which is still screenshots from the show.
Iffy semicolons are the best kind! Seriously, though, I'm working on that. It wasn't too long ago I didn't use semicolons at all; I'm trying to get the hang of using them.
2791756 The idea for the story came from work where I saw a display of sunglasses with the words Café Luna at the top. As soon as I saw that I knew I had to write about a café run by Luna. I tried to make it somewhat believable.
As for love at first sight, it didn't happen here. It was a crush at almost first sight, and I can personally vouch for that. For me, it was a couple days after I met her when she let down her hair. I literally stood there like an idiot and watched her walk away. In Octavia's case, it was when Luna looked into her eyes.
I'm glad to hear you liked it.
2792990 That sounds like a fair description. Besides, The Mentalist is freekin' awesome; I can appreciate your level of distraction.
If you ever need help with the punctuation stuff, feel free to ask for assistance. My time is variable but I love to help out. I personally think that semicolons are wondrous things that do the world of good for flow and voice. Used correctly, they make prose feel much more like actual speech, but without breaking the rules to achieve it. American standards seem to be sliding towards minimalism on the punctuation front, and that makes me sad.
-Scott
2792990
I would like a continuation of the story.
2793032 Thanks, I may take you up on that. I also find the trend away from punctuation to be sad, but it's difficult not to follow that trend without proper instruction. I have a copy of Eats, Shoots & Leaves and that's been some help.
2793036 I may continue it when I find proper motivation and time, but if I do it will likely start with a rewrite. As I said in my last comment, I feel like this is more of an outline than a finished story. For example, I wanted to have Octavia take Beauty up on her offer to talk, but due to time constraints I didn't.
I'd love to see Luna running a Cafe in the series. I've never really read Octavia fics and i've never imagined her with Luna, but this was a sweet little read.
Most excellent.
I LOVE IT, GIVE ME MORE!
It.Is.SO. AWESOME. I would love it to see this story developing into a series, by that I mean into a book. You got me interested into this short story instantly, if you could, can you write more about this story. You got a really good way with both dialog and scene descriptions. Keep on writing AMAZING stories like this one.
p.s You are so AWESOME
Cuuute!
I know this story is fairly old and this comment is way late to the party but if the writer does see this, then I wanted to tell you that this was one of the first stories I read on this site and now hundreds of stories later I can honestly say this is still one of my favourites. It's probably the only early story I read that I can still come back to without it feeling like a hero dying when I reread it, and as such I have done so several times. The core concept is just so cute and I can't get enough of it, I love this fic as much now as I did when I found it however long ago.
Thank you for your contribution to this site and the fandom.
Still one of my favorites. Wish there were more to the story though.
Edit: Jan. 15 2020. Back again, still good. I figured this would be better than posting another comment.