Story Reviews » SA Reviews #96 · 11:51pm Jan 11th, 2017
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
"Plum, do you have the reviews yet?"
Plum glanced at Ferret before returning his attention to the enormous projector screen on the far wall. "No. Table fell on me."
"That was weeks ago!"
"I bruise easily," Plum shot back, then swore at the projector. "Oh come on! Really? An all-lurm Kodiak?"
"What even is that?"
"I was going to ask the same thing," said Plum. He waved at the screen, on which a scrum of giant robots stomped about a curiously crystaline world. "Assault mechs are supposed to lead, not lurk at the back of the map and plink at things with long-range missiles. Or PPCs," he added sourly.
Ferret frowned. "I have no idea what any of that means."
"It means we're going to lose another round because our team couldn’t find their arse in the dark with both hands and a map."
"Well then perhaps you should take a break and do the reviews," Ferret muttered. "You've been playing that game for three weeks without a break."
Plum glanced at a clock, then at a calendar. "Oh," he said, and turned back to the game. "After the next round."
"Just get Arch to help when he's done arting," said Ferret. She looked over at Archonix, busy at his own computer terminal. "I wonder what he's drawing. Maybe it's more donkeys!"
"It isn't donkeys," Plum sang. Then he swore again.
Leaving Plum to yell at his teammates, Ferret scampered over and up onto Archonix's shoulder to peer at his screen. Then she closed her eyes and sighed.
"Arch, is that what I think it is?"
"Er," said Archonix. "That's Derpy. And she's climbing into a mech called Derpy. It's a work in progress."
Ferret put her face in her tiny little paws and sighed again. "Just do the reviews."
ROUND 96
Cranky Doodle Donkey has spent years searching Equestria for that special jenny he lost at the Grand Galloping Gala. He's been to cities far and wide, and searched from the peaks of the tallest mountains to the floors of the lowest valleys. He's seen it all, or so he claims. The roads are his and his alone, and the solitude is something he's simply grown used to.
Until one night, he discovers a filly hiding in a snowy hollow, scared, alone, and freezing to death...
Well, you should’ve seen this one coming. Arch and me on a round, so donkeys and worldbuilding aplenty. It’s happening. You could have prevented this.
We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine and the machine is bleeding to death.
Ahem.
Yes! Cranky Dodle Donke is back at it again, and this time, it’s not about his bad asssssss day. He’s off adventurin’, looking for the lady love he lost, when he just so happens to find someone along the way.
If I’m not mistaken, 24th has explained that this story originally arose from a conversation held in Bronycon’s (in)famous Quills and Sofas room, where someone asked “Who taught Daring Do how to adventure?” And who else but the donkey that travelled the world searching for his heart’s desire?
A simple (if unusual) concept, well executed, and full of top notch character/relationship building between this unlikely duo. Recommended for all fans of adventure stories. And donkeys.
To quote a certain steroid-popping linebacker/soldier: “This my kinda shit.”
BRING IT ON, SUCKA
Adventure! Excitement! Daring Do!
... Donkeys!
Yes, it's my favourite Equestrian citizens and their exemplar, Cranky Doodle Donkey. And Daring Do.
This one is a little out of left-field in its concept, but it works in spite of that. Or, as the cliché goes, because of that. The idea that Cranky might adopt a pegasus on his travels is odd, yet because of what we know about his his history it works. It works very well, in fact, and it scratches that itch I know a lot of people have to find out just what Cranky got up to over the years.
His mentor/father-figure relationship with Daring is cute, with Cranky's world-weary grumpiness contrasting with the reckless adventuring of the young Daring Do, while her adventurous nature is set on its path to fame and fortune by the steady, plodding discipline of his wandering lifestyle.
A hearty and heartwarming tale.
On a diplomatic mission to the Zebra lands, Princess Twilight learns something about communication.
I hate this story. I hate it I hate it I hate it I HATE IT
I felt like punching a kitten after finishing this story, and I cannot recommend it enough.
Seriously, go read it. There’s not much else to add. It’s quite short, grammar is perfectly fine, characters are all decent, there’s some good worldbuilding in there. Short, sweet, and goddamn infuriating.
I love this story.
Alright, so let's just get out of the way, right at the start, that it's a set-up for a joke.
It's a joke told in a way that establishes a mystery, sets up a bit of a worldbuilding frenzy and then ends on a high note – so to speak. It's simple, but in its simplicity it introduces and makes real a whole raft of concepts that would take other, less-experienced authors thousands of words and an adventure with a dozen OCs to impart.
Which is why I laughed so much at the end.
Beyond the Equestrian borders lies a frontier filled with magic and mystery, history and treasure, but also incredible danger. A young Pegasus named Dusty dreams of making his name and fortune by scouring these lost lands for ancient artifacts. But Ivory, his childhood friend and stalwart companion is always at his side—even if her magic isn't exactly what one would expect from a unicorn.
When their escapades run them afoul of the royal fleet, Princess Celestia sends one of her old guards with them for a mission that, unbeknownst to them, may change the world forever. Some remnants may be better left in the past, and others are timeless gifts, waiting to be rediscovered... but one thing is for certain: the friendships that these ponies make will last forever. If fortune is on their side, it will be enough to save them.
WOOOOOOOORLD BUUUUUIIIIIIIIILLLLDDDIIIIIIIINNNGGG
Plum briefly exploded at this point, so another reviewer has stepped in.
Forgive my classic PoV review style. Or don’t. This is the kind of style you’d have seen if you ever had the misfortune to get me as you EQD Prereader (back when EQD stories were something of a big deal - good times).
SO! First note is something of a clunky writing style and a few grammar issues.
Okay, damn - what this tale lacks in any fine-tuned pretentious standards it makes up for in emotional immersion. Honestly, a just a few paragraphs in the writer (who wrote this thing again… oh, yeah, Starsong) has craftily surrounded the reader with narrative hints that lead to one singular conclusion: Celestia is a scary-ass beast. And not in that crass ‘power of the sun burns them all to cinders’ way - but in gravitas, in presence, in the weight of authority unquestioned. Very nicely done, in fact.
And then, what does he do? What’s the first thing Dusty does? Questions her. Wtf Dusty.
Huh… the flow of the language suggest that English may not be the author’s first language, but contrary to most time we run into this, this author actually makes it… endearing. I mean: “He coaxed a wing at her” - odd an all yeah, but honestly, how cute is that imagery? It’s damn cute, is what.
And these characters. Honestly, OC is not always the easiest thing to pull off. But these two, Dusty and Ivory? They actually fill in well and quickly. The easy banter underlaid by Ivory’s sharp and slightly-ominous banter really draws the reader in. Even when the pacing seems to lag a bit, the dialogue carries the day.
In all, this is an exceptionally well-rounded tale that shines in creating an engaging setting woven along with a genuinely adventurous theme.
Cheers Starsong, keep writing!
–Seattle
This one left me cold.
That is to say, the latter half of the fic, set in the frozen, desolate wastes of the Old World (or was it old kingdoms?) of Ponykind's past, was written such that I could almost feel the ice and mist pinching at my skin and chilling my breath.
To get to that point, though, we have to follow the misadventures of Dusty Dreams and his friends as they are commissioned by no less than Princess Celestia herself to recover ancient artefacts and treasures for the betterment of Equestria.
The alternative being prison, Dusty goes along with it.
I will say from the start: there are technical issues with parts of this fic, but the strength of the story is such that I didn't notice them for long. Instead I was caught up in the world that the author had crafted, not to mention the intrigue of a plot that stretches back to before the very foundation of Equestria.
With the successful opening of her Manehattan boutique behind her, Rarity has decided on her next challenge: To bring fabulous fashion enlightenment to a hostile, foreign market—one that demands absolute perfection.
Predictably, last minute problems get in the way. With Rarity stuck in bed with pony-flu, it's left to Coco Pommel to oversee the grand opening of Rarity's Fashion Alman-yak in Yakyakistan.
Coco Pommel hasn't even seen a yak before.
This story is an unusual one, to say the least. The story itself is a good story, but I find myself more drawn to the supplementary chapter, which consists of nothing more than newspaper clippings in a scrapbook. And yet I find them nothing short of fantastic. But I suppose I should probably talk about the story, first.
Coco Pommel, the timid Manehattanite mare, is told to pack her bags and head of to Yakyakistan, as she’s been tasked with handling the opening of Rarity’s brand new Boutique. The very same Yakyakistan that is currently embroiled in the Yak-Ibex war, and filled to the brim with belligerent half-ton behemoths. Not exactly the best place to send a small, quiet salesperson, and yet…
A character exploration for Coco, it handles ponies overcoming their social anxieties at least as well as the show does, and is genuinely funny to boot. Give it a shot.
What happens when you take this:
and mix it with this:
Coco Pommel always seems to get stuck opening Rarity's boutiques. It's a wonder the poor dear hasn't collapsed in a nervous wreck already.
This fic calls into two parts, with the second being arguably the better of the two, as it explores the aftermath of Coco's decisions in the first. Yet without the first, it couldn't exist. A conundrum.
Suffice to say, if you want lots of Yaks and lots of Coco showing that quiet, hidden spine that we all know she's got lurking under that carefully brushed coat, you'll want to check this one out.
Red was just closing the door to his workshop when he spied Ferret bounding toward him. "Hello, Ferret," he cried. Or squeaked. Do squirrels squeak?
"Hello Ferret, are you here to speak the vows of holy matrimony yet again?"
"Oh, um, not this time." Ferret twisted her tiny paws together and sighed. "It's about Arch and Plum. They were up for reviews this week, but I had to drag them away from something called mechwarrior and threaten to bite their toes before they would actually do it."
"Oh, the obsession," Red said darkly. "I know it well. They've been crazy about that game for a while. It's always Timberwolf this and Inner Sphere that, and the way they keep trying to rope everyone else into the game as well! It's disturbing. I never met anyone so into a game before."
"Yeah," Ferret replied, frowning at the way Red's paws gripped his workshop door handle. "I just hope it doesn't take over their lives. People with obsessions like that can do crazy stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if they start building their own robots soon."
"Battle Mechs. And on an entirely unrelated note," Red replied, "maybe you shouldn't look in on this engineering project of mine just yet."
Ferret looked at Red, and Red looked at Ferret. Then, before the silence could draw out too uncomfortably long, Ferret sighed once again and turned to walk away.
"Maybe I should get one of these mech things," she muttered.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US!
NO RUN WHILE YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFF.~Skeeter The Lurker
....haven't you guys reviewed Rarity's Fashion Alman-Yak before? Or am I just remembering wrong?
Ferret no
don't do eet
4379436
They did. Round 89, done by T.O.M. and Red (special thanks to the SA archive and resource thread for providing me that info, and double thanks to whoever updated it most recently).
As for Plum and Arch, y'all fucked up.
4379478 Bah, we clearly noticed how none of y'all read it and decided to show it again.
hoh my god, did Seattle himself do a review?
Ah an Archer and King crab mechs.
4379587
A Mad Dog, actually, but close enough
I was aiming for "tar-and-feather the author", but close enough.
I've actually played using the full cockpit version in Dave and Busters back when they still had them. Epic game.
4379478 nah, that's all on me. I was sure I checked the archive thread, but apparently I only checked for the others.
I tried to read Fashion Alman-Yak but the first few paragraphs just put me off. I think there were two wrong-word errors right there at the beginning, and not enough interest to keep me from abandoning it.
If I'm not hooked by the first three paragraphs, I give it up - absent a very strong recommendation.