Celestia licked her lips in anticipation, and Mr. Xanadu cracked his neck. The two, and indeed the remaining kidnappers, were locked in an epic battle of skill, wit, and dominance. The slightest wrong move, the slightest sign of weakness, and the whole thing could come crashing down as an opponent completely cleaned up.
Mr. Xanadu looked Celestia dead in the eye, and cleared his throat. "Ms. Skies..."
Celestia smiled and fluttered her eyelashes. "Yes?"
The stallion looked down at his cards. "Do you have any threes?"
Celestia looked down at her own cards, which were helpfully being held up for her by Ms. Razzmatazz. "I'm sorry, but Go Fish."
Mr. Xanadu groaned and levitated a card from the deck in front of him. He sighed and put it in his collection. "I don't have any luck today, do I?"
Celestia lightly snickered then looked down at her own cards. "Well it's my turn, I guess." She frowned slightly and scanned her opponents for a moment. "Ms. Fallow, you wouldn't happen to have any princesses in your possession, would you?"
Ms. Fallow grimaced. "Yeah, but I only have one." She slid a single card towards Celestia. Her face split into a wide grin, and she nodded to Ms. Razzmatazz, who promptly placed Celestia's four remaining cards on the table.
"That's four of a kind!" Celestia smiled and bumped shoulders with Ms. Razzmatazz as a replacement for a high-hoof. "I'm out."
Her opponents groaned in defeat and threw their own cards on the table. "I only needed one more seven and one more six!" Ms. Fallow huffed. She glanced over at the cards of Mr. Xanadu. "And just my luck, you had them both!"
"Well, ladies and gentlecolt, that was a fun game." Celestia shifted in her seat to get a little more comfortable. "Would you like another round, or would something more challenging be of interest to you?"
Mr. Xanadu gathered up the cards and began shuffling them. "What do you have in mind?"
Celestia chuckled in a manner that reminded her of a Con Mane villain. "Does poker sound appealing to you?"
Immediately the faces of all three ponies brightened and they eagerly nodded. "Yeah! We can use the money we got from you as betting currency!" said Ms. Fallow.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea." Mr. Xanadu levitated the bag of bits that the group had taken from Celestia during her kidnapping and began dealing out the stacks to the individual players. Celestia thanked her captor while Ms. Razzmatazz dealt each pony five cards.
* * * *
Princess Luna took a deep breath as she sat down in front of the cell holding one of her sister's captors. The unicorn was still passed out, and now he was resting in one of the palace's jail cells. Luna glared and a growl played at her lips. "Soon your secrets will be mine."
After relaxing her body a little more, Luna ignited her horn and closed her eyes. She let a blanket of pure magic fall over her. She reached out with her consciousness and scanned the immediate area for any life forms around her. Given her proximity to the prisoner, it was naught but a second until she sensed his presence, and she reached out to connect her magic to his subconscious. She would find his dreams there.
The instant her magic touched his mind, she felt something akin to being pulled forwards by a great force, and when the feeling ceased, she opened her eyes to find herself in what appeared to be a palace. She frowned, but mused that it was not unusual for ponies to have dreams of grandeur. Of course, he could be dreaming that he was a servant.
She extended a bit more of her magic until she was disguised as a dark blue unicorn. Given the reason the hoodlum was unconscious in the first place, it would likely benefit her cause if she wasn't interrogating him as herself. She could catch more flies with cake than promises of incineration.
Luna quickly limbered up, then trotted down the hall towards what seemed to be two large doors guarded by two stoic unicorn ponies in heavy armor. To Luna's surprise, they both smiled when she approached. "Ah, you're here," said the one on the left. "Go on in, he's waiting for you."
Luna raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You are the escort that Prince Nacarat ordered, are you not?” the second guard asked.
Luna opened her mouth to insist that she was no common mare of the evening, but she remembered that she was technically in disguise for the interrogation, so she might as well play along. She could quickly turn this dream into a nightmare if it got too out of hoof.
Doing her best to hold back the urge to vomit, she gave both of the guards her best seductive expression. "Why of course I am," she cooed. "I shall go in at once to... see Prince Nacarat."
The guards inclined their heads in a slight bow and the one on the left pushed the door open for her. Luna thanked him and walked in, sticking her tongue out in disgust once she knew they couldn't see her.
Sighing to herself, Luna began walking across the room. On the other side was a large, golden throne encrusted with every kind of gem she could imagine. On said throne reclined the hoodlum who had taken her sister. She had to hold back more feelings of disgust when she saw that he was flanked by two mares, one of whom was fanning him with a palm branch, while the other fed him grapes right off the stem. She fought the urge to facehoof as she stopped in front of the throne.
The stallion looked up when he heard her approach and grinned at the Luna. "Ah, you're here!" With a wave of his hoof, the two mares next to him bowed and exited the room. The stallion sat up in his throne and beckoned Luna a few steps closer. "So, you're the mare that they sent for my... entertainment."
Luna once more fought the urge to obliterate the insolent fool, but she forced a smile on her face. "Yes. I have been sent to do whatever it is you... desire and..." Her charade faltered ever so slightly as the stallion's grin widened with her every word. "I was... uh..." She growled to herself. "Tia, the things I do for you."
The stallion chuckled and hopped off of his throne. "You must be new." Luna grumbled something very unprincess-like to herself as the stallion walked up to her. "Well let's go somewhere private, shall we? I'll help you out."
The stallion beckoned Luna towards a back room, and Luna followed. She promised to order his execution the moment she had the information she needed, but for now the charade would need to be upheld. She rued that forcibly reading his mind would be unethical.
The stallion threw the doors of the back room open, revealing a room almost as large as Luna's room in the castle. The one defining feature, though, was that every square inch of the floor was covered in plush pillows that admittedly looked quite comfortable. Nacarat sat down on one of the pillows and indicated that Luna should do the same.
Luna placed herself two pillows away from him. "I suppose you wish to be intimate now, yes?" she deadpanned.
To Luna's surprise, the large grin that the stallion had sported to this point faded into a look of embarrassment. "Ah, yes... that." He looked uneasily at the ground and scratched the back of his neck. "See... I was kinda hoping you knew more about that." His eyes shot up and he held a hoof to forestall Luna's response. "N-not that I don't know what... that is! It's just that..."
Luna actually did facehoof that time. In fact, she double-facehooved him. "You are joking. You must be joking."
"Well, no," the stallion admitted, "but if you don't want to because I don't know that's cool too. We can do other stuff."
Luna removed her hooves from her face and glared at him. "Oh? What do you suggest, hmm?"
The stallion's smile returned full force at the question, and he bounded over to her and literally pushed her onto her back. Before she could obliterate him, he placed one of his hooves on her belly and began rubbing.
"How... how dare you place your hooves on me in such a manner?!" Luna sputtered. "I demand that you cease giving me a belly rub at once!"
The stallion chuckled, but did not stop. "It's okay, I used to be a professional masseur. I know what I'm doing."
"That matters not!" Luna snapped. "You shalt take your... your..." Luna's protests were cut off when a wave of relaxation hit her, and the condemning words she was going to say died in her throat. "Oh."
The stallion smirked at her. "Again, I used to be a professional masseur. When you get tired of this, just let me know and I'll give you one of my Equestria-famous back rubs, okay?"
"That... that..." Luna inwardly groaned as all thoughts of her mission drained away. "Me dammit."
Fastest update ever.
NO! YOU HAVE TO FIGHT BACK, LUNA!
Woohoo! New chapter!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6nmkiETKo1r7dkwy.jpg
I'm partial to either way, honestly. Regardless, the amount of lulz in this story...
Look, if anyone finds a pair of sides in the next universe, I'm going to need those back.
I love the small, fast updates personally, really adds up in the end, but I'm good either way. And I love how even Luna is not immune to the epic belly rubs of doom .
I like fast updates as long as it gets you places.
2513801 i love your picture!
and do in between medium with a bit longwait
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. OH GOD. MAKE IT STOP!
I have to agree with Celestia.
This is hilarious.
I prefer longer chapters, but whatever flips your pancake.
Update again and you get a cookie!
x42
I'm okay with the small updates.
Fast update.
.......lovely, cards and a massage......
2513879 Is that a problem?
Either or both works for me, as long as they don't stop being funny I'm happy.
FAST UPDATES ARE FASTER!
Anyway, I think you should do shorter updates quicker, that way your readers don't get impatient.
I love that line for reasons I cannot put into words at this hour.
PPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!
*Sensed (Now that that's out of my system.)
I'm loving the little updates, I'll be honest. I really prefer only two kinds of chapters:
-Really short ones that make for a quick and easy read so I can get back to what I was doing fast. (about 1,000-2,500 words)
-Really long ones that I can read when I'm prepared to dedicate a good chunk of time and really get immersed. (9,000+ words)
...and anything in between can be a bit difficult for me sometimes. So I don't mind the short chapters at all. It's up to you though.
Also, I get the feeling that Celestia's going to win all her stolen money back playing cards. You don't live for three-thousand years without doing a bit of gambling every now and then, and if she can own them at 'Go Fish' (the deep, difficult mind game that it is), they don't stand a chance against her at poker. :P
>> What do you think, lots of small updates in a rapid order or one big one with a longer waiting period?
People around here seem to like small updates, probably one every other day (or even faster if it's possible). Your story, your preference of course.
Hilarious as usual.
I can go either way as far as chapter length v update schedule. Whatever works for you.
This is wonderful... ->
Also, I'm fine with either method. I love V-Pony's Blue Angel with its huge chapters, and I love Imploding Colon's Austraeoh series with its many many small chapters(at 460 as we speak).
/)(\
For stories like this, I prefer short, quick chapters.
Celestia REALLY needs to get out of the castle more.
In addition to the comedy this looks as if it might turn into the pony version of
“the Ransom of Red Chief” by O. Henry.
Also have a little sympathy for the down voters for they are people whose inner child has
passed on because of lack of proper nourishment, ( laughter )
2513887
Uhhh... Something tells me you replied to the wrong comment.
Somewhere in between.
2514020 Nope.
x Over 9,000!
It's really your choice and whatever your comfortable with.
Though I will admit that I do enjoy longer chapters/updates (say 3K to 3.4K words), and if your writing speed remains the same and no RL problems come up then you could probably turn out such updates every 2-3 days.....that would work for me but I'm pretty patient to begin with.
That's really one of the best aspects of being a deity: Using your own name to curse.
Of course, the princess line from Celly was nice, but the masseuse thing tops it. I think Luna might postpone his execution to enjoy his services after all this is finally over.
This is too funny.
Yeah. Okay. You're on the list, this makes me happy.
Celestia plays poker, and Luna gets a belly rub. Will the lulz ever stop?
Small and fast or large and long...
(Purposefully awkward wording ftw!)
Small rapid updates are kind of closer to my writing style and as such I vote for that
I'm looking forward to seeing how the muggers will deal with their mark having won all of her bits back. "My apologies, I know it's not exactly fair play and all, but... we're going to mug you again, okay? Hoof over that money."
It says it had a new chapter added on may 2nd... its may 1ST... WHAT?!
Small, fast updates please! I think it would go better with the pace of the story.
I was giggly at almost every part of this chapter. I like short fast updates it always cheers me up when a story i'm reading gets an update even if it only last a moment that feeling is great.
Held
I hope a massage is as far as the crook goes with Luna. I may be angry if it extends further.
The quick updates are nice, but I like reading longer chapters myself.
Fast updates, I enjoy coming home everyday to read an update
2514402
I'm in complete agreement. silly stuff doesn't have to be long, cuz it doesn't have to be dramatic, I can't really see a reason to write long chapters for this.
Actually I'd like what ever is best for the stories flow. Short or long.
But honestly I like what you've done with the story so far.
as long as it is over 1000 words I am cool with small updates... I don't like reading stories with 800 or lower word chapters
2513824 Was that pair of sides mashed potatoes and corn on the cob?
I was hoping Luna would do some Inception-style dream-walking, but it seems she entered the wrong dream...she may be here a while...