When a spaceship crashlands in Equestria , it's up to Doctor Whooves to analyze the ship remains and contact the aliens in charge.
Rated Teen for implied owl death
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 29th Dec, 2022
- offline last seen 14 minutes ago
Reily
She/Her | Lover of cute content | Advocate for trans rights
Reily
Joined 29th Dec, 2022 ·
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Who? (I kid)
Since you seemed receptive to spell checking comments in previous stories:
Suggestion: Remove space before ',' or ';' in the story description/contents ("Equestria , it's", "the ship remains" -> "the ship's remains")
LOL, missed that the first time. Capitalize starting with T?
11904164
Thank you for reading. I had written this for Sci-Fi Contest Three. I appreciate the feedback though, and will apply it after judging has finished. I don't wanna have the results be contaminated.
11904164
As soon as I saw that line "implied owl death," I promptly scrolled down to see if you or Drowned Owl had commented yet. Hoot! 🦉 🦉
As for the story, not bad. It feels a bit rushed, and the punctuation needs work, but you earned my upvote. And a Spikestache.
As has been said, I also feel like it was a bit rushed. The resolution is somewhat easy and not too engaging (at least for me). It's not a bad story, and the idea behind it is interesting.
For example, the introduction is decent (although you could have make the owl's fear grow instead of going from "that's curious" to "I need to wake up the elder now and evacuate". And, nitpick : how can the owl see the thing forming an arc then see it heading straight for them? unless it turned) but then we get to a report of the discovery, then someone being put in charge, then that someone coming, in just a few sentences. Some people like when a story gets to the point quickly, but I feel like this is too quick.
I look like I'm focusing on the bad part, but again, I like the idea. And the fiction wasn't terrible either, don't worry.
Hello, fellow contestant! This is your friendly neighborhood Hat Man, and I'm here with a quick review!
The story contains some interesting ideas, and it features Time Turner/Doctor Whooves in a manner that isn't tied to the usual Whoovian tropes, which is refreshing. I also liked the specific reference to Equestria's (Equus's?) solar system as being unusual, something that doesn't appear in sci-fi stories anywhere near enough.
The flaws, others have already hit on pretty well. It's rushed, it's a little sloppy, especially at the end, and doesn't have a terribly clear resolution, which leaves the reader a bit unsatisfied.
A good concept, but it needed a little more time in the oven.