So Much for Happiness.
We met back up with Cadance and Shining Armor at the suburb we had left the wagon in. Blaze was happily tippy tappy from her perch inside of the wagon. Shiny and Cadance were eating ice cream. “So, how’d your day go, guys?” I asked as I sat flopped down in the grass nearby the wagon.
“It was going great, me and Shining Armor got to see the sights, Blaze gave us some more insight into how you and she are so close to each other, I didn’t know there was a spell that literally binds your souls together!” Cadance clapped her hooves. “I’m honestly glad I learnt that was a spell exclusive to kitsunes. I bet Twilight would love to be able to make a textbook out of all the notes I’m taking!” Cadance, did, in fact, have a notebook full of notes about kitsunes.
Me, being the kitsune expert that I totally was, sat there, and hummed. “I take it this is a favor that Twilight asked?”
“No, Twilie’s been trying to get into your old bedroom in the Castle of the Two Sisters forever,” Shining explained. “To study what was in the bedroom, as nopony besides Luna had been inside of it since she was banished. Twilight wanted to study what was in the bedroom until she caught Blaze sleeping on the bed one night, before promptly getting chased out by her,” Shiny chuckled. “She wrote to me and Cadance all about how she finally met a kumiho, but couldn’t study it.”
“...I told her this when we first met, if she met a kumiho, she woulda fucking died.”
“She knows that now. Blaze has been telling us some key differences between the kitsune and kumiho… such as all the unsavory things kumiho likes to do to other sapient beings when they are bored. Kitsunes… are way more proud of themselves than even I thought.” Cadance shrugged. “Blaze’s kind has always been a bit of a mystery, and I figured for Twilight’s birthday, I’d bring her a whole sleuth of notes and facts about kitsunes. Like how she literally will not let anyone but you or Chrysalis touch her tails. And she’s only letting Chrysalis do it because Chrysalis is your marefriend.”
“Mmm, yeah. Blaze and Fluttershy do get along, but Fluttershy kept toying with her tails.”
“I tried so, so hard not to growl at her, Ostri. I like Fluttershy; she’s just a sweet little angel, so I let her touch my tails even if I would rather not let her touch my tails.” Blaze scoffed. “Luckily she did catch on rather quickly and apologized to me when we were alone.” Huh. Fluttershy might not be too bad then. I guess I kinda forgot she was there; she’s pretty fucking quiet.
That's good at least. I may seek her out if I just want some silent company.
While I wasn’t a fan of Twilight, I could admit that Cadance wanting to do something nice for her sister in law was pretty nice.
“So, how was your date, Ostri?” Cadance asked.
“I fell asleep after we had dinner,” I pointed to Chrysalis. “She held me like a baby for a solid hour before deciding to wake me up…”
“I couldn’t help it! You looked so peaceful!”
“Well, that was the first nap I’ve taken in a minute where it wasn’t plagued with horrible dreams.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow. “What kind of dreams?”
“Just small, horrible things, like back when Everfree City was a thing. Blew up a bunch of griffins, heard them scream; some of them didn’t immediately die from the explosion of fireworks. It was not a pretty sight. Sometimes I dream and I do it, and I can clearly see every single griffin that was rolling around in pain. Sometimes I am one of the griffins that survived getting hit with a firework. Recently I’ve been dreaming of the airship I blew up. Sometimes it would be just me following a random yeti, seeing what their life was like before they died. Sometimes I dream that I’m Tempest Shadow, watching her men die.
“And thinking back on it, with those dreams, I kinda feel bad for that lady. Her horn’s broken, so she clearly went through some shit that resulted in it being broken. It’s just a shame that she couldn’t find help, or anything, really. I may go back to Canterlot and break her out of jail. Yeah, she’s a war criminal, but she clearly is alone. From what I can understand, most ponies don’t even leave Equestria, so seeing a pony come back to attack Equestria says a lot about what they’ve gone through.”
“...You are a lot more empathetic, given you threatened to kill her if she didn’t surrender,” Shining pointed out.
“It was that, or let the invasion continue. I’m only sane because I tried not to think of the soldiers I’ve killed as people. I didn’t personally stab anyone during either the invasion of Everfree City, besides that one general, or in the Canterlot Invasion. If I stab a person while looking them in the eyes… Fuck. I feel like a piece of shit already, I’d feel awful if I killed somebody and watched life leave their eyes. It’s why I initially saved Cadance from that one assassin. Why sit back and watch her get killed when I could make a difference?
“I clearly can’t be happy for long periods of time, if my time in Equestria is any proof of that so far. May as well try and save people that will actually be able to find joy.”
Shining Armor smirked. “And you said you only saved everypony at the Friendship Festival for Chrysalis and Blaze.”
“That had a large influence, I won’t even lie. I hated the idea of the festival, I hated that I was basically forced into attending. But ponies were going about their day, being happy, and enjoying their lives. Then these assholes show up and try to ruin it. They were gonna ruin it and hurt people. And… knowing that I did stop a lot of potential casualties, admittedly feels really good, man. It took a lot to obtain peace, but world peace is usually, and hardly, ever obtained through everybody becoming good friends.
“Hell, back home, everyone had super weapons that could blow the world to shit six or seven times over. Nobody, the people in power at least, liked each other. We got along, though, while others were ‘lightly encouraged’ to not use their super weapons, and play nice. Less they get wiped off the face of the earth.”
“Huh…” Cadance and Shining said at the same time. It looked like as they thought about it more, I wasn’t wrong. Or they now understood how awful the human race is. Either or; it’s probably a mix of both.
“To me,” Chrysalis said, wrapping a leg around my neck. “It sounds like my special somepony is finding a new purpose in life?”
“Maybe. It’s silly to think that I can be some sorta super hero, but hey, if I can keep some people safe so that they can live another day and continue experiencing happiness that I can’t have, I’ll try it.” Blaze nuzzled me. “I know, I’ve got you and Chrysalis; I’m just so emotionally fucked right now that I don’t know if I truly can be happy.”
“I know. As your soulmate, I can see what you see, feel what you feel, and know your thoughts. It hurts feeling a void inside of you, Ostri. You were so happy when you first returned, so happy to get your life back together after it got uprooted, and…” Blaze took one, long deep breath. “I hope that this new purpose you’ve found, or at least something that makes you feel good, will bring you happiness. You deserve it at this point. Now start smiling before I tickle you.”
“Whoa, we don’t… we don’t gotta go there, Blaze.” I raised both my forelegs and started backing up.
“Ostri… You blew raspberries into my belly a lot. I think it’s time I tickle your belly.” I couldn’t get away in time; Blaze caught me in a heartbeat, and since she actually has the body of a predator, she pinned me down, but instead of going for the throat with her teeth, she started licking my neck. It slowly turned into raspberries, dunno how she was doing that with her very obviously canine face, but… it fucking tickled. Everyone else just watched as my pet kitsune did her damned best to make me smile.
God damn did she do a good job. I was a giggly, limp mess, with my lower body being pinned down by Blaze’s chest, while my upper body was held in her forelegs. She was happily grooming me. “There it is,” she said as she ran her teeth through my mane. “You’re at least happy. It’s not joy, though. It is a common misconception, but I am at least glad you are still capable of being happy. I will ensure that you feel joy… I will do my best to piece you back together, Ostri. As your best friend, not your soulmate, not your pet, your best friend, I will help you. I may not act it a lot of the time, but I still do consider you a little kit; I will be your shield from the world. Emotional or physical.”
I woke up the next day snuggled up into Chrysalis’s embrace. It seems as though that at some point, which I wasn’t too against. Cadance and Shining Armor went and got a hotel room to… invest in some favorite adult pass times that wasn’t disappointment. In other words, they wanted to go have sex. I understandably didn’t ask where their hotel room was going to be, since it wouldn’t make a dent in my own personal funds; being a princess, and ruler, or the Crystal Empire had its benefits apparently.
Blaze was sleeping outside, I could see her laying flat on her side, adorably, she was using one of her tails as a pillow, and the others as a blanket. I kissed Chrysalis, brushed my teeth, and patted my fox on the head. I kinda felt bad; I was literally dating Chrysalis and I was spending so much time on Blaze. I’m sure Chrysalis is fine with it, and fully understands why, but I still felt bad. Blaze, so far, has just been the only thing that has remained a constant for me. Constantly friendly, constantly loved me, and hasn’t done me any wrong besides tickling the shit out of me last night.
Today, however, I wanted to go spend the day on my own. I loved Chrysalis, I want to spend more time with her. I love Blaze, I would not mind spending the day with her, but I just wanted some solitude. I grabbed a small coin purse, filled it up with a hundred bits, which should be more than enough to spend on food for the day, and other small things. I made sure I had my knife, even if I probably wouldn’t need it, it never hurts to be prepared. Chrysalis reached out and pulled me into a hug while her eyes were still closed.
“Going somewhere, Ostri?” She asked.
“I am.”
“Do you mind if I tag along?” she asked.
“I… I was hoping to at least use today on my own. We’ll be spending a couple days in Baltimare, Chryssy, I promise, that tomorrow, tomorrow I will spend the whole day with you. Just you, me, and whatever you wanna do.” Chrysalis purred when I started nipping her neck. “Just spend the day with Blaze; I know you two get along well, so…”
“I know. I don’t mind spending a day with her. And…” she got up nice and close to my ears. “I know you feel bad about not being able to give me some proper one on one time, Ostri. Don’t worry, I am a patient mare; if you wish to take things slow with me, please do. I would rather wait for you to feel ready, and be happy, than force you into something at all. If Blaze can make you happy, good. We both have mutually agreed to trying to piece you back together, while Blaze is trying to piece both of us back together…
“Frankly, you need her help more than I do. As long as I have somebody to interact with, like I do with you and Blaze, I am fine. I’m a highly social creature, and thrive in groups. Now, don’t let this old lady hold you back from some time alone; you need it.”
“Hey, you’re not just some old lady, you don’t look a day over twenty.”
Chrysalis giggled. “Thank you, Ostri. Now fucking go, go enjoy yourself, alright?” We shared a kiss, I gave one more headpat to Blaze, who conveniently woke up to just nuzzle me, before passing out again. She definitely knew what I was up to if what she said yesterday was any indicator.
As I started walking back up the street into the downtown area, I started seeing just how different the road was from one I’d see in New York. There were practically no sidewalks. There was no yellow paint, no concrete or tar, it was just a dirt road. Sure, downtown did get better, upgrading to a brick road, or something way closer to something you’d see in Rome rather than a typical road. It’s pretty much walking up or down the road, and just being polite about who goes first. Ponies are pretty racist, but they’re usually pretty polite to other ponies. I stood off to the side as a wagon passed by, and the next one waited for me to walk past them before they kept moving again.
I think if ponies weren’t incredibly racist, or mean to Chrysalis, I would be more willing to stay in Equestria… just far, far away from Canterlot.
While I was walking, I picked up a newspaper from the local newspaper colt, and, I will admit. Seeing a colt wearing a little ‘paperboy’ outfit was kinda cute. Yes, he did use puppy eyes to get me to take a newspaper. I was gonna need one anyways; it was wise to stay up to date, after all. It also at least showed that my heart was capable of doing things, such as finding things cute. Though I didn’t need a colt to help me do that; Blaze sleeping in her bundle of tails was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. If I were a little more innocent, and didn't want to spend today alone, I would’ve crawled up into that bundle of tails and spent the day snuggled up under them with Blaze.
I walked into a nearby cafe to try and get breakfast. The waitress was pretty nice, she took my order, and was pretty nice. I just bought some waffles and some scrambled eggs. I asked for some water, since milk was fucking two bits. That was as much as the two waffles and handful of scrambled eggs I just ordered! Yeah, bits are pretty good, especially my older bits, which are apparently worth twice as much as the average bit. I looked up when I heard two chairs scoot. Low and behold, Cadance and Shining Armor.
“How’d y’all find me?” I asked.
“We just saw you on the way by,” Cadance admitted. “I’m surprised you don’t have Blaze or Chrysalis with you.”
“Eh,” I shrugged. “Humans have these ‘off days’ where they just want a night alone, or a day alone. Today just felt like it.”
“Oh… I feel that,” Shining grabbed Cadance. “C’mon, let’s go back to the wagon; I’m sure we can get Blaze and Chrysalis to do something with us; I’m sure you can abuse your princess-iness to make it so nopony can throw Chrysalis out.” Shining and I shared a ‘brolook’ as he pulled his wife away. I could tell that Cadance wanted to stick around and make sure I was alright, and I could appreciate that, but again, the gift of solitude. Sometimes it’s nice. I was given my plate, I thanked the waitress, and started reading the paper as I ate.
As it turned out, yeah, the Griffins did shut down the borders, but were allowing some ponies, who were fleeing the country because of the war, to come through if they needed refuge. It was just official stuff like trains, or royal chariots that weren’t allowed in. I hummed; Celestia and Luna were basically twiddling their nonexistent thumbs; they weren’t even evacuating Canterlot when that would be a main target. It was the main target during the invasion Chrysalis pulled. Hell they weren’t evacuating Ponyville when that’s where six ponies, the only ones who can use the superweapon that is one of Equestria’s main defenses, were.
Discord was doing fuck all, but Celestia said she expected that.
The guards were supposed to wear their standard uniforms, and despite what I’ve told Luna and Celestia during the Battle of Everfree City, were keeping their captains in their typical uniforms. My tactics essentially followed what happened in that Patriot movie. Kill the people in charge first, take everyone else out. Because of how absolutely archaic these ponies still were to war, I bet that would still work. Oh… the guard doesn’t fucking have battle armor; most of what the guards are wearing is ceremonial gear.
What the fuck. That’s not even a question. Just what the fuck. How did Celestia and Luna spend their whole ass guard budget on ceremonial gear? Sure, it’s normal, but most countries back home still have proper field gear. Fuck, if that was standard gear, the guards were outright fucked when it came to moving anywhere. The yetis could hide in a bunch of bushes and just jump any guard units marching to and fro. I almost laughed at how Equestria didn’t use its trains to move guards out. Gold stuck out like a sore thumb in the green hills of Equestria.
Granted, the Storm King did apparently invade Manehattan with a small unit of yetis, and were taken down by the local police force, which had a swat team consisting of highly trained unicorns, before the guard was even dispatched. I saw a photo and… holy shit, how is this one city doing a better job and preparing its own armed forces than the government?
An ancient war hero was brought back from the past to fight the war with Equestria. My eyes twitched. There I was, on the second page, standing there with a firework and match in hoof.
“We summoned him, as he was once Luna’s lover, so we thought he would want to fight for us. But… sadly loyalty is hard to come by, apparently,” said Celestia during an interview. The. Living. Fresh. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. This. FUCKING. Mare?! She has the fucking audacity to say that? She has the fucking gull to sit on her ass, after doing what she’s done, and talk shit about me? Fuck, I might join the Storm King and burn down Canterlot after mounting that cunt’s head on a fucking pike- no, no I don’t. As much as I fucking want to, Celestia is still Celestia, and Luna is still Luna. As much as I hate them now, I still don’t want to bodily harm either of them. Emotionally? All day, everyday, all day, everyway. But… These were the same mares I spent every day with. Hung out with Celestia after I tried to not be a prick to her, dated Luna.
I’m not gonna seek revenge for this. I’m going to be the bigger man in this instance, take it on the cheek, and just not deal with that shit.
“Sir,” the waitress took a seat in front of me. “I hate to bother you while you’re enjoying your breakfast,” I looked up and looked the pink mare in the eyes. She was wearing a simple hat, which had the cafe’s logo on it, and that was probably it for her uniform beyond the white apron she was wearing. “But… are you that stallion that saved Canterlot from the Storm King’s first invasion attempt? During the Friendship Festival?”
“Uh… depends.”
“Well, if you are, thank you. My cousin was at the Friendship Festival when you stepped in; I don’t care what the princesses say, you’re not a bad pony.” I blinked a few times. “So, are you Bald Ostrich, the war hero that was brought up in the newspaper?”
“Yeah. I just go by Ostri, though. Why’re-”
She stood up, and only then did I realize she was a pegasus. She draped a wing over my back, and nuzzled me. “Thank you, then. I wish you stuck around to try and fight for Equestria, but… you were never interviewed. You couldn’t give your side of the story. Why’re you fleeing Equestria?” She asked. Huh. Somepony’s trying to stay informed. I can respect that.
“I used to date Luna. Used to. She dumped me. She didn’t summon me, somepony named Starlight accidentally dragged me into the future, against my will, and Luna dumped me upon seeing me. Then she wouldn’t leave me alone, pretended like it was my fault that we broke up, and then said I didn’t deserve love. That’s why I’m not fighting anymore. Princess Cadance asked a favor from me, and since I actually don’t mind her, I agreed to smuggle her out of the country.
“Good choice that was, eh? She’s a good mare.”
“Oh… wait, Princess Luna did what to you?” She processed my very, very abridged story. “What the… so Princess Celestia lied?”
“More or less. Don’t matter; after I reach the Crystal Empire, I’m taking the Bering Land Bridge into Gilo Mono. I’ve got a friend from there and was hoping to see the sights. After I do that, I may settle down in the Crystal Empire; I hear it’s a nice place to live.”
“Good. I don’t think I’d want to fight for Equestria if the princesses did that to me.” The waitress stood up and bowed, and noticed my plate was clean. “Want me to take that?”
“Sure, lemme get my bits to-”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell my boss that I just served a war hero-”
“No you aren’t. Take my money, miss. I don’t want ya getting in trouble.” I set my bits on the table. “Sounds fair?”
“...But how else can I repay you for what you did in Canterlot?”
“Simple; forget that you saw me. I was never here.”
“Alright… I still think you should let me pay your bill.” I put down twenty five bits, enough to buy groceries for a week.
“Then take this, take however much you need to pay off the bill, and keep the rest as a tip. I insist.” I stood up. “Thank you for being a bit more understanding than I would’ve expected.” The mare just stood there, wide-eyed at the amount of bits I put down, as I walked out of the restaurant… and walked nose to nose into the Twilight Sparkle. Her friends were behind her, at least most of them looked a little sorry.
“...What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked.
“We need to talk.”
…I hate Equestria.
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And of course twilight never learns to take a hint. When the troublemaker says don't do this maybe you should consider his words.
How long do you think its gonna take till Ostrich nukes Canterlot, I give it 10, no 5 minutes tops
...I can see why now Ostri thinks that The Sisters are full on whorses, and now he has to deal with the Purple Derple.
It seems he can only have a few hours of peace before fecal matter hits the rotation oscillating unit.
I am now patiently waiting for Ostri to just beat the ever loving shit out of Twilight.
11904751
*Ostri pulls down his Ray BansTM as he watches a huge mushroom cloud form as Canterlot and Mt. Cantor are completely destroyed*
11904785
TACTICAL NUKE!!! INBOUND
Time to turn twilight into spaghett
If her friends and Discord are telling her to cool it then she should've listened.
Pop the Blade! Or mentally call Blaze to come and Screw these ponies up!
I'm so furious on Ostri's behalf. You've legitimately made me angry. That's good storytelling right there.
But seriously, all I can imagine at this point is him walking up to Shining and Cadance with those 6 following him, pull out his knives and say "you two, deal with them or I Will"
His mental state is so fragile right now. He's one small push away from changing from "leave me alone" to "I will have revenge"
Wow, princess. You didn’t even try to make it ambiguous. That’s politics 101.
Really looking forward to the team exploring the Crystal Empire with its princess’s blessing.
Way to go, Manehattan!!
What is the Storm Army doing now?
11905009
I decided go start heading a different route with Ostri with this. Let's just say an animal only has so much fight in them before they give up. I feel it would add something better than Ostri just being angry all the time.
I'm deliberately writing this so you feel like Ostri's travel group. Pissed at what happened to Ostri, and thinking he'll fight back. I'm trying to show just how much Ostri is beaten down; a man can only handle so much before he buckles.