Soarin was getting old. He could fix that. But should he?
Speedwrite from the Quills and Sofa Wonderbolts Contest
Written for the Wonderbolt's Contest.
CW: Body Horror
Preread by The Sleepless Beholder
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Feb, 2015
- offline last seen 54 minutes ago
daOtterGuy
Open for Art Commissions. I write horror. I write gay. I write gay horror. GAAAAAAAAAAYYYY
daOtterGuy
Joined 18th Feb, 2015 ·
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Oooh, very nice. MLP lovecraft is an interesting plot
Damn that's creepy.
Honestly, wouldn’t mind if this got expanded
Parasitic immortality is a pretty damn creepy thing.
This was really nice! Just a lot of cool concepts tied together with plain old fear of aging. The portrayals of the founders here was interesting, and Dash's scene was a good way to use her.
Well! When I wondered during my initial comments on your original draft about "what happened next", I definitely didn't expect the part with Soarin unpeeling into a serrated mouth, lol -- it definitely adds a lot of weight to that last flashback conversation between Hurricane and Pansy! (And how very appropriate it would be if, in swearing to prevent the thing's vengeance, they have instead become its vehicle.)
I enjoyed following the interplay between Hurricane/Soarin and Pansy/Spitfire throughout the story, and I think Pansy's arc is particularly compelling -- from the most reluctant out of all of them, to being the one who is telling Hurricane that no, he doesn't get to chicken out and ruin their hard work, not now, not after everything. I also liked how earlier in the story, I wondered if maybe he would decide enough was enough, but by the end it was very clear from how you characterized him that, yeah, Hurricane was always going to make the choice he made; everything else was just trying to assuage his qualms by feeling bad about it.
Good stuff, and I'm glad to see the expanded version now out in the world! :D