Displaced from time and no longer the villainous Pony of Shadows, many in Modern Equestria know Stygian as a thrice renowned author. This, however, is a partial truth.
After a chance encounter with Stygian at a local antique shop, Sunburst comes to learn that his publications aren’t all that he expected. Feeling Stygian has not been truly represented by his books, Sunburst offers to aid in translating his revised autobiography — a task that just might liberate Stygian from an oppressive past and show him a kind future is possible.
However, the rewards of acceptance can only come at the risk of being known.
A story about stories, self-authorship, and the endurance of love.
Winner of the M/M Shipping Contest III!
CW: themes of historical homophobia, child abuse, unsettling imagery, and the depiction of a past suicide attempt and implied self-harm (as indicated by the suicide/self-harm tag), as well as a non-explicit scene of sexual intimacy
The use of Old Ponish in this story was aided by this lovely dictionary.
Cover art illustrated by me.
(As well as the bonus drawings featured at the end of chapter 10).
This is a very fun read so far, I very much like the exploration of Stygian past and how it explored. Looking forward to see the rest. Keep it up.
The story is progressing pretty naturally.
Absolutely love that little exchange. Warms the heart.
God damn that's a line.
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Thank you so much. I'm glad to know it made its impact.
Always love to see a competent Trixie.
I kinda suspected that scene was going to happen when Stygian's scar was off-handedly mentioned a few chapters ago, but not the context. That was a great scene.
And also they're adorable.
Oh, that was just so damn cute. Absolutely wonderful. Well done.
Well this was a very good read, top quality too. I really loved how you developed it and mix it in with some literature and history mingled with the Romance. Great work dude, keep it up.
Loved this story, the writing was immaculate as well.
oooooh its getting really riveting now! im doing excited wiggles i cant read fast enough!
i hhave goose bumps rn oh my luna
im actually crying rn its so beautiful and i see so much of myself in stygian and my boyfriend in sunburst
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Thank you for your exceptionally sweet comments. I'm so happy to know this story really resonated with you!
This may be my favorite love story ever told in fanfic. If not, it's certainly the best I've read in quite a while. I can't recall a fic that has brought so many earnest tears to my face when the outcome was never in question. I want to rave about so much that I loved: the slow revealing of emotion, the dedication to language and translation - how one word can mean many things, the callback phrases used in contrasting situations, the racing interiority of Sunburst's thoughts, the well-paced struggle to reveal their true emotions. Not to mention an outstanding ship cameo in chapter 4!
Thank you, truly, for this well-crafted work. I treasure it and expect I will return for a re-read when I need another few happy cries.
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I am overjoyed more than I could express to know how much this story moved you. This is an incredible compliment to receive and truly embodies what I hoped for those who read this story to feel as I was typing it all out!
I'm also grateful to know the little details I worked to weave into this story were appreciated. I absolutely love stories with recurring motifs and recontextualized passages and try to incorporate them into my own writing when I can.
Thank you so much.
love the Old Ponish analogue of Old English
given all the magical artifacts Equestria has lying around in antique shops i am surprised this doesn’t happen more often
love this description! it would swell a lift in my chest as well
ahaha, Sunburst still not making the connection that these items aren’t antiques to Stygian, very on-brand
oof, ponies really do live in a society
aww!
augh love it
great way to square Stygian being a bestselling author while also clearly keeping a lot of his past close to his dark and brooding chest
augh yeah, that touch of Stygian in how Sunburst describes things, it is so perfect
gottem
aww i love them
oof, the both of them are very good at blaming themselves! though in this case Starlight actually did the awful things she regrets, so i guess Sunburst is even better
oh that does definitely sound like Stellar Flare
heteronormativity bleh
conflicted between my love of linguistic worldbuilding and it hurting my heart to think of Equestria’s past as this way
so beautiful and true
augh that is so wonderful
oof this is the story equivalent of the chewiest scenery i’ve ever seen
loooooove this! it is such a great point, and so much nuance gets lost since we moderns associate archaic dialects with pomp and stodginess, robbing them of the full range of emotions and register that we reserve only for ourselves
hehe that is quite humorous
love this great touch of detail! even hewing as close to the old methods as possible, old materials exactly as they were would require rebuilding that old version of the industrial base from scratch
augh too adorbs
augh i want this! it sounds so much better than the sodas i have available here in the h*man world
hehe love how this works as a meta line as well, in which case the canon show would be Stygian’s book
oof, symbolism!
Sunburst’s tendency to infodump like a NERD really is helpful for diegetic exposition
yeah that is interesting, isn’t it?
oof, bringing to mind the previously mentioned modern ponies’ assumptions of what ponies from Stygian’s day were like
just like the Pillars as a group really makes you think
oof, this is so much sadder than my assumption that Stygian wasn’t writing the books simply to be able to afford to live
ooh that is indeed a cultural difference that got me. i totally assumed it was how Sunburst described it!
oof that must be quite a nerve that was struck
aww that is nice!
that line definitely raised an eyebrow of mine when i first read it as well
yay GallBar’s in this! and yes, figuring that part out is always tricky
ahaha, love Sandbar’s gaydar
oof! character-based reasons to be never having a long-term relationship
how dare you make Sunburst so relatable
augh love it! and that stallion is totally gonna turn out to be Stygian isn’t it
the florid Stygian-ness of all this does make me wonder again about the previous thing about Old Ponish tending to be translated more floridly than their originals
again, just love all these little decisions that come with translations popping up naturally in this story, it is so refreshing to see
relatable
and again, the cultural drift in how biographies are self-conceived and told between ancient times and now is also a thing i think about and i love to see it here!
oof and so true
also oof. it would have been so much more common in the old days, of course Stygian would say it so matter-of-factly…
oh wow! this being Stygian’s cutie mark story is just so Early Middle Ages in contrast with the idyllic, sanitized, modern Equestria i love it
now this is definitely coming up again!
love this bit of worldbuilding, which i stick to as well!
the contrast with most ponies being nude all the time and this carrying a very charged air of intimacy and trust is just great stuff
nice callback
love this
this brings to mind Sunburst asking if Stygian ever stabbed any monsters with that blade…
love this bit of pony physiology
ahahaha the florid prose ending up being a description of someone eating one of those very modern super-sour candies, oh that is good
augh yeah! Sunburst definitely stands out as a modern pony who is clothed all the time and this is a great explanation why
auauaugh love it
dangit Sunburst why must your anxiety be so relatable
hehe i’d bet!
that is indeed an ironic metaphor, love it. also this biography style feels very modern!
ah, that would explain why it felt so modern! and oof, Stygian’s internalization here is too real
too relatable as to be painful almost
and oof, well-observed moment here
my heart
as awful as this is, there is the painful irony on top of it
getting a bad feeling from the fact that i had never heard of Turning Page before this…
this line will definitely come back later
i love this line
augh, my heart breaks for them both. i like to think this as well, but given how Stygian is phrasing it, he doesn’t think it’s very likely…
and given everything about his upbringing and how he has been describing it, i imagine this to be the very first time he has allowed himself to grieve over any of it, augh
ahaha a nightmare of a note to get
hoowee
definitely have to square the depiction of Starswirl’s place in modern pony culture in the first season with the seventh season material!
ooh that is good! Sunburst is right to write that one down!
augh poor Sunburst’s self-esteem! just want to give him a hug
hell yeah he did
i love this
ahaha nice save!
ahahaha! yeah, no more being the fifth wheel for Sunburst!
aww love that there are things like this to bridge the centuries between their times
such a romantic way of describing someone at a state fair, love it
this is a perfect Trixie thank you i love her and i love reading this paragraph
this is a perfect Mudbriar thank you i do not enjoy his presence
augh i love it! i, too, feel the warm center in my stomach grow
these two dorks really are perfect for each other
oof, really feeling that survivor’s guilt. really great to have Turning Page’s story earlier to bring its weight to this moment as well
just the perfect way to bring that canon detail in! the way Stygian is so genuinely impressed by it even after everything he’s seen in his life is just so cute
this swerve keeps happening and i keep loving it somehow
rude, Trixie! i thought it was good!
augh so true
absolute perfection zero notes
oh this is so good, weaving together all the parts of Sunburst’s canon life like this! just wow, masterfully done
love this response
augh and of course the final one of these moments in the chapter would be the heartstoppingest of them all in buildup
my ears would also droop like senescing leaves. so, so close!
beautifully put
haunting
i’d say! (but also, been there, oof. okay not quite bad as this in retrospect but still)
oof, Sunburst is just rappelling off the cliff here
perfect
with Stygian’s background and the society he grew up in and his experiences leading him to this, i see how it is all converging with the Pony of Shadows and wow, i am in awe of this story
just beautiful
symbolism!
hehe somehow just imagine Sunburst brandishing a gun here
and everything in this scene makes that two feet feel like a chasm, augh
i can just taste the bitterness on my tongue i love it
augh, this connection as well! so good!
author, i love you
ok, this reveal, i just love this reveal that those were not the words Stygian originally wrote. there are so many layers here, and if this is one of those things where two intentional lies somehow stack on top of each other to reveal a truth i am going to lose it
i love this both on the level of it being melodramatic and on the level of it being, yeah, i can see why Stygian would think that given his whole life
and yes, though the children’s TV show ends Stygian’s story with that line, it would certainly not be so easy…
augh, the charcoal…
you really are mining that episode to the bedrock and i love it
absolutely love that this is what Sunburst took away from that event
ooh, definitely a happier Starswirl than i expected, so i guess i am with Sunburst here
and there is something just so dang real about this. Starswirl being free to get old and rich and happy and pleasant, free to grow and learn and regret the wrongs that he had done, while Stygian still lives with his scars and misery from those wrongs
the contrast with Stygian’s reaction is a great character note again for the ease that Starswirl lives in, but also makes me think of this being the climactic scene in a journalism movie
and oof… though now thinking back, this is the only way this conversation could have gone
as painful as it is for me to see Equestria’s past as homophobic as our own, truths so well-observed make it more than worth it
augh what a beautiful end to this chapter!
the way each of their pasts informs this present, just a beauty to behold storytellingwise
and this! augh i wish i could write like this!
ah, the growth! the healing starting to begin! i love it
love this as well! calling back to Stygian’s self as a strategist, and Sunburst’s initial seeking of Stygian’s truth now heavier with meaning after all he’s learned and grown
bars
and augh. the what was foreshadowed well, and the how is just so poetic in its execution
aaaaaa i love it! Stygian’s assumptions about what happened being upended in multiple ways, the open loop of Turning Page’s story being closed, augh this is so good!
so beautiful and perfect
also so beautiful and perfect
ahaha that really got me
they are such disasters i love them
so beautiful and true
i imagine sunglasses falling from the sky and onto Stygian’s face right after he says this
i love
auauagh
hell yeah
augh you are good at this
just powerful, and lovely, and wow
love that the story Stygian writes is the same title as this very story
and augh, this is just so full circle in the most beautiful of ways
ahahaha i love this
so relatable damn
oh this is just perfect. you do not miss with any single one of these characters
gottem
aaaaaa
so as i was reading this story, i wrote on Discord that, regarding the foreshadowing of Stygian being the one to have written those words,
it's foreshadowed so much i hope that's not what happens and the reveal kills me
and this? this is the reveal killing me. i literally do not know how you do it
augh the last name. also augh the metafiction
and a wonderful way to end it, with the last words of the book-within-a-book being the last words of the book, Stygian speaking to Sunburst and through Sunburst to all the rest of us, all the layers wherein, wow
this was one of the best stories i have ever read on this site. i wish so very much that i could write like this. all i can say is thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for writing this
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Thank you, Bike, from the bottom of my heart for these incredible comments! I had the biggest smile on my face reading through each one and know I’ll be back to read through them again from time to time when I need a boost of good feelings.
Also, these two in particular made me laugh out loud, thank you:
In regard to the epilogue and tying together the refrain of the Old Ponish phrase in Sunburst’s office, I’m so glad to know how much it worked to bring you through the story and that its payoff was just as emotionally meaningful as I hoped it would be! (And it’s also very exciting to know this story was generating so much robust discussion among you and the other judges, haha).
As a “thank you” of sorts, I’ll offer a little bit of “behind the scenes” in my writing process in terms of how these narrative developments came to be:
The phrase “In another age, the world will liberate our love” took direct inspiration from the fragment of Sappho’s poetry that translates to: “I say, someone in another time will remember us.” This historical quote has reached across time to mean so many things to so many modern-day gay people and very much embodies the heart of how I rendered its analog in Reward Prefers Risk: if not now, then in the future, there will be a place for us. Gay love has always existed and will always exist. But, I know this needs no explanation from me.
I anticipated those who read this story might predict Stygian to have been the one who wrote that line (and recall considering it somewhere in development), but felt that was a little too on the nose, as lovely as it may have been. Instead, like its inspiration, the credit goes to the lesbians! Turning Page’s unknown fate sat at the center of Stygian’s guilt for all of his life because while he believed he was able to escape the systemic oppression of his hometown — she didn’t. But while things weren’t easy for her, they weren’t hopeless. She was still loved, and that was powerful. Once again, I know it needs no explanation from me for how this resonates within the story’s themes.
I could easily write thousands of words on this big heartfelt story that’s occupied so many of my thoughts and feelings and just hope I’ve expressed my gratitude enough! Seeing your response to it and those of the other judges has made all the work I put into it feel all the more worthwhile ♡
Hello! I'm one of the heads of the Old Ponish project. I had no idea this was getting used this way! This is wonderful! I'm sharing it with the group. Feel free to share any thoughts with me or on the Discord https://discord.com/invite/NxerkEy
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Hello! Thank you so much for your incredible work in developing the Old Ponish Project dictionary! I'm so glad you found this story and am very appreciative you've shared it with the rest of the group. Discovering the Old Ponish Project as a resource was instrumental in bringing in a lot of life to this story and was incredibly comprehensive and easy to use.
As an example of how I worked with it: the longer passages of Old Ponish that appear in the letters Sunburst and Stygian write to one another were written first in English (or diegetically, New Ponish), and then retroactively "translated" to Old Ponish. (The process therein involved me using the PDF version of the dictionary and the search function to find the equivalent word I was looking for, haha). This allowed me to play around with how modern translation might come across differently based on the writer, with the Old Ponish passages being written rather objectively, and the New Ponish passages containing a unique sense of tone and voice.
There were also a few instances where I couldn't find an exact Old Ponish equivalent to an English word I wanted to use and was able to essentially "make up" an Old Ponish word using a similar root and an appropriate suffix or prefix -- which all credit goes to the incredible detail in the Old Ponish Project that I was able to do that! I also especially appreciated how many words had multiple meanings and connotations as any language does and had a great time playing with that in the context of the story.
I'm genuinely surprised that I haven't seen much Old Ponish used in other fics when the Old Ponish Project exists. I hope I contributed in my own way to inspiring other authors to incorporate it into their writing. I think so much can be done with it to add that extra bit of life to characters who are fluent in the language!
Alright, coming here from Miller's blog post and before even opening the first chapter you have two exceptional high points:
- Reward Prefers Risk is a fantastic title. Taking an old turn of phrase and turning it into something new and fresh is a huge win in my book.
- This line from the long description, "However, the rewards of acceptance can only come at the risk of being known." is equally exhilarating. Wraps up the need for connection and the fear of vulnerability in a much more poetic package than "The Hedgehog's Dilemma."
I'm legitimately stoked at how good these two things are by themselves. I'll chow down on the rest as soon as I can manage.
Finally getting around to reading this one and I must say as one of the fellow writers in the MxM contest that I am glad to have lost to such an earnest love story. I wish I was in a better state of mind reading this as my current, medicine-addled brain probably missed details here and there, but even in my haze I could tell the quality was off the charts for a fan fiction.
The characterization here is superb and found myself relating to both Sunburst and Stygian with their kindness and self-worth issues respectively. Bike mentioned how much you mined the source material for this one, and it was great to see what canon bits you were able to take and craft to give deeper meanings to. I love it when writers like you take characters I barely remember because I didn't care to remember it and give me a desire to go back and watch the show to see how you expanded what was presented in that two-part season finale. And the way these two slowly came together? So lovely. I love it when there is a spark of attraction that grows from places other than the physical, but that's my ace-ness showing. Coming together over healing and becoming a better you who feels worthy of love hits me right in the feels.
Thank you very much for sharing this story with us. It's worth every like, favorite, and watch. Speaking of, let me hit those buttons. I look forward to reading more from you when everything's not so fuzzy.