Rebirth of the DamnedMonths after his death, Arthas Menethil, long known as the Lich King, is given another chance. In a world populated by talking ponies, of all places.by Borsuq
801,322 words
· 3,333 · 200
Past SinsCan Nightmare Moon, reborn without her hate, ever escape her past?by Pen Stroke
201,810 words
· 12,559 · 381
Past SinsCan Nightmare Moon, reborn without her hate, ever escape her past?by Pen Stroke
201,810 words
· 12,559 · 381
Oskar Osäker: True Omnivore[Prototype 2]/MLP crossover. One of Alex Mercer's Evolved gets sent to Equestria, stricken with an obsession with security, can this untrusting being ever find peace if he does not allow himself to?by Legionary
228,902 words
· 1,806 · 61
Iron Hearts: Book 1 - PlanetfallMLP/Warhammer 40K crossover. Chaos Space Marines from the piratical 38th Company have engaged Tau forces around a planet rich with alien life, magic, and... friendship? I guess? Weird.by SFaccountant
119,997 words
· 925 · 24
2675616 I also want to mention that you did the same type of scene rather well in the first chapter. you immediately made clear that Berry wanted sex, was drunk and clearly cared for little else then sex at that moment. intentionally or not you completely wrote around the gripe I had in the second chapter when writing the first one. This made things progress more naturally in that scene. It also made it a blast to read, in more ways than one. Honestly I just wanted to tell you I enjoyed the first chapter a lot and am looking forward to chapter three.
2675593 I personally enjoy the transformations and well the bimbo-fication. I am mostly a fan of mind control and, as is here the case, mind bending abilities that cause things such as bimbo-fication. I particularly enjoy reading about the more specific mental changes that the effected characters experience. As such I would love it is you spend a bit more time describing the mental changes caused by the pony becoming a bimbo then the physical. But that is just my preference. In regards to just the sex-scenes, they are good. I personally don't enjoy the amount of swearing here but I also know other do enjoy that, so just ignore me there. Though I do have a bit of a gripe with the second chapter, specifically the scenes with Red Heart in them. Red Heart was a bit too accepting of becoming a bimbo before she turned, it just feels a bit unnatural how quickly she goes from being surprised by a request, to being groped willingly to sucking Daydeamer off and becoming a bimbo. As reader you just don't get why she would want that. In all honesty the entire hospital scene feels a bit off, not quite sure why though. Maybe you could add something like, now that Daydreamer has activated his 'powers' he excretes some form of musk that causes mares to have interest in having sex with him. It is something that would make it seem more natural if you want ponies to just start sucking him off the first time they meet him. Or you could just make pony society really accepting of sex and open sexual relationships. Doesn't need to be a long explanation. Just something that tells the reader, "in my world ponies just fuck people they just met if they feel like it". Would at least make things easier to write, I think. If you just want to go like you are now that is okay too, might just be off putting to some.
Thanks for the follow!
2675626
Thank you and chapter 3 will be our favorite mailmare Derpy Hooves!!
2675616
I also want to mention that you did the same type of scene rather well in the first chapter. you immediately made clear that Berry wanted sex, was drunk and clearly cared for little else then sex at that moment. intentionally or not you completely wrote around the gripe I had in the second chapter when writing the first one. This made things progress more naturally in that scene. It also made it a blast to read, in more ways than one.
Honestly I just wanted to tell you I enjoyed the first chapter a lot and am looking forward to chapter three.
2675615
Okay thank you for the idea's.
2675593
I personally enjoy the transformations and well the bimbo-fication.
I am mostly a fan of mind control and, as is here the case, mind bending abilities that cause things such as bimbo-fication. I particularly enjoy reading about the more specific mental changes that the effected characters experience. As such I would love it is you spend a bit more time describing the mental changes caused by the pony becoming a bimbo then the physical. But that is just my preference.
In regards to just the sex-scenes, they are good. I personally don't enjoy the amount of swearing here but I also know other do enjoy that, so just ignore me there.
Though I do have a bit of a gripe with the second chapter, specifically the scenes with Red Heart in them. Red Heart was a bit too accepting of becoming a bimbo before she turned, it just feels a bit unnatural how quickly she goes from being surprised by a request, to being groped willingly to sucking Daydeamer off and becoming a bimbo. As reader you just don't get why she would want that. In all honesty the entire hospital scene feels a bit off, not quite sure why though. Maybe you could add something like, now that Daydreamer has activated his 'powers' he excretes some form of musk that causes mares to have interest in having sex with him. It is something that would make it seem more natural if you want ponies to just start sucking him off the first time they meet him. Or you could just make pony society really accepting of sex and open sexual relationships. Doesn't need to be a long explanation. Just something that tells the reader, "in my world ponies just fuck people they just met if they feel like it". Would at least make things easier to write, I think.
If you just want to go like you are now that is okay too, might just be off putting to some.