Spitfire - Captain, lead flyer and idiot-wrangler of the Wonderbolts - has a reputation. Whether she's whipping her wingmates into shape, keeping her trainees in line or sometimes-intentionally scaring little kids, it's hard for many to imagine her not either shouting or being ready to shout at a moment's notice.
That's not to say ponies disapprove. Even ignoring the many times the job or the crowd demand that sort of display, it's not unreasonable to assume she must be under a lot of stress, so few will begrudge her a bit of a raised voice. Still, regardless of the reasons, this does mean that, to most, she is a very scary mare.
It is therefore good, on multiple levels, that no one knows about her secret meetings with one of the most easily scared ponies in Equestria or about what truly happens within her cottage.
An entry in Bicyclette's Crackship Contest that... I'm not at all satisfied with and basically shamed myself into writing. Here's hoping I didn't screw it up too badly.
I really liked this story. The idea of SpitFire x Fluttershy had never crossed my mind and I think its now one of my favorite ships so thank you for that. I love what you did with their relationship dynamics and it works really well I think. I think if you weren't under any contest constrictions you could have something pretty good here (not that you don't already). Cheers : )
This was a lovely story. I actually believed this was a good match. Spitfire the repressed overworked captain and Fluttershy the patient listener - the way it was built up was excellent.
My only desire would be that a little more from Fluttershy’s side on her interest for / falling for Spitfire.
Actually, I don't see anything that could be improved. I loved the story just the way it is. Thank you for it, making my day just a bit brighter.
This is a very convincing story about how Spitfire could fall for Fluttershy. But how and why the reverse happened is pretty nebulous. Now that isn’t strictly speaking necessary for a good romance story. It still feels a little odd.
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That's fair. I did try and get the basic idea across, but it really needed a lot more exploration. Could probably have done a better job if I could just stop myself treating word limits like the serving size suggestions on a tub of ice cream after a bad breakup, but c'est la vie. Hope you got some enjoyment from the story anyway.
aww, a day in the life of Spitfire! and this does a good job in making it really not seem fun at all, between her duties and dealing with her team and the new recruits. the "going back to her" then, in contrast, sounds just so relieving and calm and everything she needs. ah, if only i hadn't seen the fic's cover image, so i would have no guess whatsoever as to who this mare is!
i literally can't imagine Angel Bunny's relationship with a Fluttershy suitor being any other way than this. that bunny is kind of a jerk
aww! well, i mean, Fluttershy is canonically considered model material by fancy fashion ponies!
haha, Fluttershy is so bad at this!
aww, so true! that was perfect wording, Fluttershy!
meet-cute!
hehehe, this is a very fitting Dash signature
i did instantly think of how Fluttershy would approach an upset predator, haha. fitting!
augh, i would hate myself if i missed one of those, too! preview.redd.it/pml6a3zm3iw81.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=4702f67de5b045299f3b2143e9c25e48223a50cf
yeah, Spitfire is a hard mare to nickname
oh, so that explains it!
yeah that is how anypony would react to Zephyr stories!
ahaha, augh, that was one of my favorite scenes in the entire show
hehe, love this summary. Pinkie Pie-esque in its thoroughness, very fittingly. this mare Spitfires!
oof, too relatable!
it is funny to think about, just how circumstantial and conditional any of the people in our lives' presence in it are
augh, pegasus preening is so adorable!
this was a nice bit of cultural worldbuilding. how intimacy is perceived in actions by different people and different cultures is always fascinating to think about
yeah that scene definitely had the feel of a confused animal crashing into Fluttershy's backyard!
aww, a very understandable thing to be worried about and watch out for in a dynamic like this
that is a good point! Fluttershy is somehow very famous for such a shy pony
aww, that resolved very easily!
hehe, wasn't there an episode about that?
ah, i never really thought about how being a Wonderbolt might make Spitfire wish she could be more anonymous sometimes! Equestria is a very strange place to think about that kind of thing, with the Mane Six able to live pretty normal lives despite being Equestria's saviors many times over
ah, i'm always sorry to hear when an author is not quite satisfied with how a story turned out. i've been there myself, so i understand! but every bit of writing and every bit of learning is a good thing, so i'm glad you wrote this!
as for improvement, one thing i noticed is that the structure was pretty unconventional, which was difficult to pull off. there's the slice-of-life in the present where Fluttershy and Spitfire already established, with flashbacks to earlier events to illustrate points in their conversation reflecting on their own relationship. but the characters pointing this out in their dialogue really makes the whole thing feel like a clip show, which isn't good for a serious story! in general, letting the events of the story speak for themselves instead of explicitly explaining or justifying these characters is the way to go. show, don't tell.
in any case, thank you for the entry, and good luck with your future writing!
Proceeds to read through the comments.
Does this mean that there's a chance you'll come back to this idea and turn it from the serving size suggestion into a full course meal? This is one of my favorite stories (and not just because I'm a Fluttershy fan) and it would be interesting to see how you would flesh out their relationship now that you're not under a deadline.
Always fascinating to read descriptions of some of the older takes on the creatures of heaven. Really make one wonder how the cherubic images we see so frequently took over the consciousness.
Wishbone threat was interesting.
Nice story. Would have been interesting to see it continue.