Just another Fluttercord shipper💞 Binged MLP and now I’m in an endless abyss of loving them. [She/Her, 21]
Fluttershy wants to share her feelings with Discord, but he’s been distant lately, and she can’t figure out why he doesn’t wish to speak with her about this. Could he.. not share the same feelings? Or is there something darker going on?
(Takes place throughout s9, and after the series finale!)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ooh, this looks like it'll be an interesting fic! I'm always happy to see interpretations of Discord's thoughts during S9...especially since he genuinely believes he's doing a good thing. And knowing he and Fluttershy are planning on confessing at very opposing times means this'll be very interesting. Wonder how Discord will react to his timeline having a wrench thrown into it?
A few things about your writing: in a few places, I noticed you used a hyphen (-) to separate thoughts. A longer dash (—) could be better, as hyphens are typically used to connect related words. Remember to include commas when ending dialogue and thoughts (ex: "Now you're just being silly," she said...) Also, you can include page breaks in your works on FimFiction by typing [ hr ] (without the spaces in the brackets).
I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story goes.
10997686
Oh that’s awesome to know! Yeah I’m new to FimFiction so I didn’t know the tricks, this is all great info, so thank you!
Hehe well, this is definitely how I (personally) pictured the BTS stuff going down in s9, so I wanted to put it out there! I hope you enjoy it :)
GeekCat pretty much said it all. I like the interpretation so far, and I like how you're setting up the conflict of the fact that they have completely different timelines for when the "confession" is to happen. I even find it believable for the usually-spontaneous Discord to plan it out. Because he definitely plans things out and isn't as random as he wants us to think.
I have one more bit of advice for you aside from what GeekCat said. First, one of your sentences start oft with "I mean". It's best if you don't refer to the narrator, yourself, in these kinds of stories. It can work sometimes if a character is telling a story from their point of view (like in first-person) but it isn't used in third-person, normally.
A good start though. I look forward to the rest!
10999185
Oh that’s a very good point! Thanks for bringing that up-and I’m glad you like it so far! Figuring out their characters for writing formally has been an interesting challenge, so putting it out there seemed like a good choice!
I hope you continue to like it, and again, thank you for the notes! 💜
Nice job so far, but I have to point out that using *asterisks* for emphasis in a story looks really weird and out of place. They might be okay for Reddit, but in prose it’s the norm to use italics or ALLCAPS or bold text.
Interested to see where the story is going!
10999420
Hi! I actually didn’t realize that haha, a lot of times I put ** because I’m used to writing on Discord where it italicizes it for me! Thank you for pointing that out, I went through and edited it :)
Glad you’re enjoying so far! I’ve been a writer for ages but FimFiction/MLP fan fic is new to me! Hope you continue to enjoy! :)
No Discord you're accidentally breaking her heart
This chapter was pretty good! It seems very in character for Discord to change the subject and rush out when something big comes up that he hasn't prepared for. I wonder how he thinks he's going to make up the tea party without hearing her full confession and having to admit that either he feels the same or isn't ready to give an answer...? And Fluttershy's reaction felt very much like her, too. She's confused, and a little sad...poor thing. Even Discord's thinking that he has to prove himself worthy is a little sad...hopefully, by the end of this, she'll make him see that he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone.
Your writing and grammar are already looking pretty good! The main thing I noticed in this chapter (besides the asterisks for emphasis, which you've already changed), was the way you wrote your ellipses. They're normally written with three dots/periods (...), not just two.
Looking forward to seeing what's in store for these two!
10999643
Awww thank you! Character is the most important thing to me in writing so I’ve been really trying! And well… just you wait! I promise things will look up for them eventually!
Also: yes! That’s a very good point with the (…), I didn’t catch that! Thank you for pointing that out :) and most importantly, thank you for taking the time to read! I’m glad you’re enjoying it so far!