Roxas is assign to investigate a new world that was recently discovered that is believe to have heartless activity might be required to exterminate and gather hearts. A simple mission it may seem for Roxas, but will he be able to handle it when he becomes a pony?
Note: This event takes place during his counting days of 352 days before meeting Xion and later on to the point that Roxas would go against the organization.
Also, I might not know exactly how this story would categorize so hope it doesn't bother any readers.
Edit: I'm still busy with college, but I think around the beginning of December I might get myself back to where I left off I hope.
Disclaimer:
- Kingdom Heart II characters belong to Square Enix
- MLP FiM belongs to Hasbro/Lauren Faust
- The artwork was made by ArosFair from Deviantart website. Credit goes to this artist.
Interesting yet epic. Tracked!
I always thought it might be interesting if this happened.
Oh... hell... YES!
In my opinion, this is a great piece. Just a few spelling errors not worth mentioning. Cant wAit for the next installment. Tracked!
Havent read it yet
For this being your first fic, I'm impressed, it's good and entertaining.
Keep up the good work, can't wait till next installment
I honestly want to see more of this. Please continue. You have earned my thumbs up, track, & watch.
I must say, I thought of doing something like this. But with Sora, Donald, and Goofy. Problem is, I'm an amateur. But you helped me solve the 'Keyblade in mouth' problem I was having. Anyway, can't wait to see what happens next, because this is interesting!
it devolved a bit once you got to the showdown with the shadows. but, since this place requires all stories to be in English, it's to be expected.
i love kingdom hearts though i never got far into it
but still very interested tracked ..... got it memorized?
Mother fucking tracked I love Roxas
you can have all ten of my thumb ups!
I was a Horse. Classic!
-Fin
Well now, you certainly had fun with the whole passion for fashion rhyming thing, didn't you?
I'm enjoying this very much thx
346729
Um....yes and I can't help it. Just that one new episode scene of Fluttershy talking bad toward Rarity and Pinkie.
So it got stuck to my head til I pulled it out and *ding* posted this chapter
346746
You are welcome
Okay so I just finished proofreading it and I sent you my corrections. It's mostly just tense corrections and I reworded a few sentences to make them a little clearer. BTW, when someone is adressing another character when they speak, there should be a comma before the name. Example:"What about you, James?" If there's any changes I made that you don't want to use, I'm fine with that. I mean it's your story anyways. Also, is English your first language? I mean no offense, I'm just kind of curious.
EDIT: I just saw your blog post, are you sure you don't want my help?
other than some "engrish" errors, this is working well. btw, there are now two KH crossovers in my watch list at the same time, this one and a "twilight plays Sora" type.
thanks for reigniting my intrest in KH again.
347278
Well actually I'm going to change my mind. After I read your thought of proofreading, I guess I might need help. Silly me.
Um English has always been my language its just that, sometimes I have trouble with quotes, commas or etc. So I'll take out the blog, my mistake sorry.
347420
Um "engrish" errors....yeah I'll need to fix about that. Also, you're welcome!
I seen KH crossover stories for MLP but not alot of them were quite finish either because their inactive or just doesn't seem to feel like the story is getting anywhere.
you still need help with your grammar
Great story moar
347845
I' am very ashamed about it
Next time, I'll let you or Uber check the chapter first before I post it.
348143 I might not be on then
348155
Well how about you give me your email?
That way, I give you the chapter and you can edit. Does it help?
347466
no problem. even native English speakers make horrendous grammar mistakes (20 years out of school, an education system that still emphasizes training factory workers, and having a learning disability doesn't help). besides, english doesn't have a lot of stuff other languages do, and a lot of stuff that no OTHER language does. not to mention two different sets of standards to go by.
well sir, you have so far successfully combined my 2 favorite things on the internet: kingdom hearts, and MLP.
but i do believe the true question is, can you keep brilliance going???
352283
Thank you.
Well as long as I get a good feeling where I'm leading to in this story then I'm okay. I just don't know how many chapters I'm going with this.
352944 hey, dont thank me, thank yourself
. as long as you keep this story in the right direction, I know that your only gonna get better and better.
also, try to make the chapters a little bit longer. im not askin for a massive chapter each time, and im certainly not asking for you to force the creativity
I only ask this from you because you have something goin' good here, and i cant help but feel dissapointed when a chapter to a good story ends. but having longer chapters means a slightly longer feeling of feeling accomplished, and it gives the readers more to enjoy. thanks for understanding
354567
I will give it a shot.
I thought the two chapters were long enough but will see where this would lead.
354721 thx for giving it a go, but remember, quality over quantity. if you find it difficult to write longer chapters, just abandon the idea. that is unless, you get a really juicy idea for a chapter
and here, have a happy twilight for your troubles;
Keep up the long chapters! I love them!
you have some grammatical errors that make the description of landmarks slightly confusing, but since i played the games i knw what you are talking about. A good example of this are the 1st and 2nd paragraphs. hope this helps
keep on writing *brohoof* /)*(\
EDIT: Okay, just read about half the story and you've got ALOT of errors, my suggestion is to have somebody read the story over before you post. I wouldn't have bothered to post an EDIT to this comment but with so many errors it clogs up the flow and understanding of what could otherwise be a fantastic story.
Take my thumbs up and favorite, I don't care just take it and continue being awesome
First
I shall begin grammar nazi-ing.
Mistakes;
His eyes suddenly land upon Rarity, who was behind Pinkie Pie; Roxas watcher with amusement as Spike’s eyes rolled up and showed hearts of affection to the pony he was in love with.
"Right after what happen to her and Fluttershy from that incident last night in Everfree forest?"
"Well don't you worry, Roxy. Leave it to sweet oh Pinkie Pie!"
As for the librarian, he looks at all the pile books that were somewhat stack around.
As they continued to walk, they come across a red stallion who was larger than any other pony Roxas has ever seen.
Once Pinkie finish, nearly the whole group were puzzled as they could not catch up to what Pinkie had said; except for the last part and the tour, but Applejack figured it out anyways and chuckled.
Pinkie, Spike, and Rarity were huddle together along with Fluttershy to shield her from danger.
It was now or never, Roxas thought as he ran toward the monster; he began to feel his power glow.
Also, a friend of mine help me edit the chapter a bit and I was grateful but I still felt that this chapter may not seem right so I would probably get more comments about the grammars in such.
1. landed, watched
2. happened
3. I think you mean good ol' Pinkie Pie (or sweet, that works too)
4. looked
5. came
6. finished
7. huddled
8. I think you meant grow (not really sure in this context)
9. helped
And you are right my good sir for you have received your first comment about well... some slight grammar. Otherwise its fine.
502012
Thank you *sigh*
At least readers won't have to mention much about the problem with the chapter.
502928 Don't worry I've nazi-ed something much more than this... Same system but with... 4 times more mistakes. The guys cool... I think... hasn't replied yet... overall he has a good story.
I love the idea of this story, but I couldn't even finish the first chapter, telling a story in present tense, it kills me I could not even explain Nokia badly I wanted to get into this but I just couldn't, I'm sorry but if you make it in pass tense I would totally get into this, maybe write another version in pass tense instead of present tense... Send me a message if you do because I can't explain how much I would love to read this but... I just can't... I'm sorry....
503120
Yeah that explains why my friend mention about the present tense and the past tense....
And it is alright, every reader have their reason to read or not to read so its all good. Its just my poor skill is all.
503167 don't get me wrong I'm not telling you to change your writing style or anything but it's just me... No hard feelings...
503253
I'm fine with that. Just have to find....another editor again.
503263 what, no, don't let one person change your story, I've seen many good reviews don't change their opinion about your story just to change mine
Great chapter. Just started reading this and It's really interesting so far
"Well....I guess I have a lot of explaining to do huh."
damn straight roxas
keep this story up!
Yay! MLP crossover with Kingdom Hearts! And it actually looks good! I approve. Have a mustachio Spike.:moustashe:
ponyfied axel! the fun has truly been doubled
Yes an update
Yay. My first chapter I edited has been put up. I feel so good contributing so someone else's story, even if it is so minor as just checking the chapter.
And thanks for the shout-out Wow1001.