In an alternate universe, Prince Sombra and Princess Twilight are the future rulers of Canterlot Kingdom. Prince Sombra has a gift. He can make black crystals! But when his powers injure his sister, his parents lock him up away from her.
After their parents pass, Coronation Day comes, naming Prince Sombra the new King. But when an accident causes his powers to slip, he puts a curse on the kingdom, and flees. Now, Princess Twilight is headed out to go find him. She is accompanied by a Crystal Pony/ Snowman named Cadence, an Earth Pony named Big Macintosh, and his dog, Winona.
But what she doesn't know is that King Sombra has not just put a curse on the kingdom, but himself.
Chapters (1)
Have you heard the phrase "show, don't tell"? Your descriptions are dry and don't integrate with the story. It feels like the story is put on hold for a moment while you dump information on us.
It's a wee bit fast, but I like it, please continue!
Calm down! You should really finish your the stories you're already working on. If you get an idea, write it down on a notebook! Also, did you make that pic?
Is this a Crossover with Frozen?
3631848 Yes. I really like the movie. I forgot to put hat in the category.
3631831 No. But, I'm deleting a lot of them.
3632155 NOOOOO! Please don't delete Bruised Apples!
3632513 I'm deleting everything except Ice Daggers and lava. It's on hiatus right now.
Hello Frozen inspired creation... This is a nice interpretation of the movie in pony.
3632595 Thanks.
3632541 Aww. Ok
3631745>>3631747>>3631848>>3632513>>3632595
Thanks to all the complaints, and compliments. This chapter has been remade, and is now more detailed, and more than 500 words longer.
3638773 Nice!
This story is a tad fast paced but it's still quite good. A good ponified vesion of Frozen (which, by the way, I loved!!
) It's a little too fast paced, but that doesn't matter too much for me. Anyways, my stories usually end up like that as well. Keep writing!
Do you want to build a crystal pony....
DAWWWW!
This is awesome I can't wait till you update.
To be frank, I don't like this. To explain why, I'll just copy-paste what Ezra has to say about fics like these in the writing guide.
This is exactly what you are doing. You've basically dressed up Elsa and Anna as Sombra and Twilight, even though none of those characters really have anything in common (and I think Celestia and Luna would fit the parts far better, but that's beside the point). Tartarus, you didn't even change the colors that decorated the nursery from the ones in the movie! The most creative thing you've done so far is write the Grandpa Troll's lines in rhyme for Zecora, but even then...well, you rhymed "Queen" with "see". It's not that impressive.
I am sorry, but this story has my down-vote. I've already seen Frozen, you see. I don't need to read the same story all over again. Maybe if you mixed it up a little! Find a way to bring in the rest of the Mane Six as main characters instead of background characters, perhaps! But, until then, this is just Frozen disguised as a pony story. Not very interesting.
3822005 It makes perfect sense. Sombra has the idiotic crystal power. Also, this is NOT completely frozen. Big Macintosh will be the mountain pony but he's not going to fall in love with Twilight. But I am thinking about maybe changing Pinkie Pie to Sombra's sister. Another thing is that the Mane Six will be main characters. Rarity is a Crystal Pony formed from Sombra who stays at his castle. SHe falls in love with him, but it doesn't end that way. Applejack will be traveling with BM along with Winona, Twilight will be an apprentice to Zecora, Rainbow Dash will be a spiteful sister of Prince Blueblood, Fluttershy will be another Crystal Pony hybrid, and Trixie will be Sombra's love interest.
As you can tell, I'm completely re-writing the story.
3822787
Now, see, that sort of wording can be taken badly. I know you're not trying to imply that Elsa's ice powers are "idiotic" by comparing them to Sombra's powers, but that's what it sounds like.
Characters are defined by more than their powers - that's basically the premise of both Frozen and FiM. Just because someone has an "evil" power does not make them a bad person. And, just because two people have similar powers does not make them the same person. Sombra is an evil sociopath who enslaved an entire race of ponies just to keep their crystals all to himself; Elsa is a quiet, responsible young woman who just wants the freedom to be herself without persecution. Take away the powers, and they have little to nothing in common.
Now, what about Luna? True, she had a bit of a psychotic breakdown, but then again, Elsa nearly had one as well. Indeed, Luna is very much like Elsa might have been had she actually succumbed to her fear - a genial, responsible young woman who is socially awkward and misunderstood because she has a big, scary power involving weather (thunderstorms, in this case). They both have bright, bubbly sisters who are torn between their love for their sister and their duty to their country, though ultimately Celestia made a different decision than Anna did. A case can really be made for those two in the parts of Elsa and Anna.
However, there's also Twilight. Twilight is a responsible, organized, but somewhat stand-offish young pony who takes more interest in the happenings of the world than in social interaction - and so is Elsa (...minus the "pony" part, heh.
). Twilight sorta freaks out when something happens beyond her control - so does Elsa. Twilight has many, many brighter, bubblier friends who are as close as siblings - like Pinkie Pie, whose personality is exactly like Anna's...no, really, that's a stroke of genius on your part.
And, Twilight has her actual sibling, Shining Armor, with whom she was somewhat close, but they've recently grown somewhat apart. Shining's story arc is even rather similar to Anna's; he's pursued romantically by somepony who just wants to use him to get her own kingdom and doesn't care about him at all, he eventually marries his real true love (who happens to have been raised by Celestia, who is often called a troll), and he comes from a family of completely normal unicorns, but somehow has a sister with super alicorn powers. Him and Twilight I can see as Anna and Elsa.
But Sombra? Keep him as an antagonist, because he's good at that. Make him play the part of Hans...or, if you make Chrysalis Hans, make Sombra the Duke of Weaseltown. But, chances are, if you have to change a person's character to make them fit the part of a character in a movie, you aren't using the right character.
I apologize for the fact that my opinion of this story is negative. I know you're going through a hard time, and trust me, I know, I've been there. However, I figured that you'd appreciate a politely-worded, thought-out, analytical review on the first chapter, rather than a bunch of trolls yelling "BOO THIS SUX YOU SUX EVERYTHIN SUX" ten chapters in. I do hope you'll take my advice into consideration, and I wish you well.
3823503 You're right. I think I could change Luna to Elsa. I can't change much more, except Sombra as Hans. but thank for the advice. But you never DID tell me how you thought of the Mane Six's parts.
I just went to see frozen today, and suddenly prince blueblood as (?) Hunze (?) makes perfect sense
er.... not to seem rude or anything....
but are you going to continue with this story? 
it's just I'd really like to see how it turns out.... and it's been a wile since it was put up (you know)
4293457 Sorry. I will be. But here's the thing. I'm on maternity leave. Be back in June!
4294625
ok
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a hoofprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the King
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the gentlecolt you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The dark never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the earth and night
Let it go, let it go
At last my dreams take flight
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power spikes to kiss the sky straight from the ground
My soul is shimmering like flashing facets all around
And then a thought takes root just like a briar patch
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That gentlecolt is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The dark never bothered me anyway
4296405 You are so awesome! Can I use that?
3823503 I really do appriecate the advice, but I think I'll just continue with the regular story. Thank you so much. I might tweak the storyline, but use the same caracters in a new story
4296744 go right ahead, but I honestly I thnk I culda done better
4298311 Well, I love it! It will make a great song for the story. Thank you so much!
4296405
4566953 in retrospect, I realize i could have done a better job.
Or r u facehooving over somthing else?
4567091 just the idea. Dont worry about
CONTINUING? PLEASE?
OR ELSA WILL FREEZE YOUR FACE OFF!
Hey just wondering if this is going to continue
(I am cleaning out my Read Later and tgis has neen in since December)
(not to be rude here but...)
WE'RE STILL WAITING!!!
We all want to know where this story is going to go (Even though we should all know it cause of the movie anyway) and in just over a month it will be a year since you put it up...
Not saying anything against tardiness cause of how far apart some of my updates are, but please continue
Please...
I like it so far so I'll have patience for the next chapter
This is a nice story so far, hope you continue with it.