The big man, the one with the D, Mister Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, the one that makes you go REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

Dr. Doof decides that Equestria is an easier conquering target than the tri-state area. With the power of his "Mirror Portal-inator", he's going to rule Equestria! And next, maybe the tri-state area, too. Maybe.

He proceeds to be forced to go home due to indirectly causing massive property damage in Ponyville.

what am I doing with my life

Bobert lived a relatively normal life. He woke up, tended to the farm, abandoned his kids played with the children, and scammed passing visitors to the village.

However, one fateful night was all it'd take to change all of that forever.

A single bite. That's all it took for Bobert to fall to the undead. Were it not for the noble efforts of one of his scam victims trusted trading partners, Bobert wouldn't never seen the light of day again. At least, not without getting himself set on fire.

So anyway, Bobert decided it'd be neat to check out the swirly portal thing and now he's in Equestria. Equestria has pumpkins. Bobert must acquire them all.

Villagers were harmed in the making of this story.

Twilight was having a good day. We were all having a good day.

And then freakin' Robert here decides to become the resident elder god.

*jumps on the G5 bandwagon*

You heard it from Izzy. Tennis balls are the new magic limiters. Neigh, they are the new magic limiter. Put a tennis ball on your horn, and no magic for you. Take it off, and... well, you'll see what happens when folks get pummeled by death lasers.

why do i do this to myself

Rated T for innuendos regarding Flim and Flam, because of course they're in this story.

downvote if y'all want. my brain cells are toast.

dangit yall did the opposite and got this dumpster fire featured instead lol

This story description, and by extension, this written work, have hereby been repossessed by the Flim & Flam corporation as collateral for the failure of the author to repay his loan of one (1) firstborn child. As such, until its auction, Flim & Flam corp. shall hereby be the sole operator of this work, and may use it as they see fit, whether it be for advertising purposes, the telling of stories, advertising purposes, or advertising purposes.

call now and get our fire deal on toasters that start fires

CONTENT WARNINGS: as-seen-on-TV advertisements in written form, scammy practices, the sale of your remaining shreds of sanity to the highest bidder, hypercapitalism, the crushing of the competition under the corporate might of Flim & Flam corp., plans for the corporate takeover of Equestria, and an unexpected vibe-check.

Now with a Youtube reading!

Comedy is dead.
We murdered it and yeeted its remains into a vat of pudding.
The Christian vegetables told us to do it.
Have a stroke in story form. Spike solves problems with his Everything Gun™.

WARNING: CONTAINS twilight being a weed eater and your typical ravaging of the random tag.

After years of research and development (not to mention enough coffee to drown an alicorn), Twilight Sparkle has finally done it.

She invented a thing.

Now why did ponies start a religion around it?

More importantly, what the heck is it even supposed to do?

CONTENT WRANINGSASG: FACE SLAM ON KEYBOARD, RANDOM TAG GO BOOM, COMEDY TAG GO HAHA BRRR. Oh, and also innuendos because screwit I feel unhinged tonight.

This story is a sequel to Scootanugs: Legend of the Dino Nuggies

Sandwich shop mascot tells Scootaloo to go buy stuff in-store, but she grossly misinterprets what they say and go on an adventurous quest spurred by the wise words of the Sammich Being.

Ever since Twilight entered the mirror portal for the very first time, a question has been burning at the back of her head...

Why the heck do humans have such long legs?

Actually, make that two questions.

Can they give her some of their height?

Warnings: OOC Twilight, the brutal murder of the random tag, and the risk of your knees being stolen tonight by none other than Twilight Sparkle herself.

The chicky nuggies are gone! Now Scoots needs to h͉͔̥̣̞̦u̞n̝̖̠̹̦t͖̞͔͓̫ ̯̗̹̘͇̺t̰̳̻̼̥̙̣h̪̱e̝m͚͍ d̠o̟̫̺̫w͎̥̘̘n̘̻͎