Of Love and Loss

by pitbull-prideful

Lost

Their name was Crystal Clear.

Crystal. Clear.

C-r-y-s-t-a-l.

Space.

K-l-e-

Wait.

The unicorn frantically turned their pencil on end, jabbing the eraser at the page and all but wiping the mistake clear out of existence in a flurry of pink shavings. Their eyebrows creased with worry as they scribbled a C over the error. They hadn’t even made it to the first question before messing up! They hadn’t even gotten to the questions about the difference between an invocation and an evocation, or the importance of differentiating inks when writing down spells, or any of the other subjects they’d slept through while pretending to study!

Exasperated, they shoved their muzzle into the wood of their desk, folding their hooves over their head and letting out a low groan. This was going to be a disaster.

Surprisingly, though, their agony was met with gentle laughter.

Crystal Clear peeked between the gaps of their sky blue and teal mane, seeking the source, just to realize there was only one other pony in the room anyhow. It was none other than their mentor and caretaker, Princess Twilight Sparkle, who was currently the source of the muffled giggling.

She stopped upon realizing she was being watched with downtrodden eyes, removing her gilded hoof armor from her lips and regaining her composure with an impressive speed and grace.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you.”

The princess smiled, her expression warm and comforting, and Crystal Clear straightened up a little in their seat. Magenta magic picked up a nearby hourglass, shifting the sand inside ever so slightly.

“It’s just… it’s only a practice test. I haven’t even started the timer yet. What’s wrong?”

Crystal Clear huffed, moving their hooves to rest under their chin instead.

“It’s nothing. It’s dumb.”

“Nothing is ever dumb, Crystal.”

“Yeah, right. Like you’ve ever spelled your name wrong on a test.”

Magic gripped the paper underneath their muzzle, gently pulling the sheet out from under them. Both test and hourglass were placed on a nearby table as the princess approached, taking a seat on the floor before the dismayed pony. At this height, they were eye to eye, and Twilight’s were filled with a nostalgic twinkle.

“You’d be surprised. There was ‘Twiliht’ without the ‘g’, ‘Sparkl’ without the ‘e’, ‘TwilightSparkle’ without a space… one time, I outright forgot my name on my transmogrification essay! Princess Celestia only knew it was mine because I went over the word count. By a few hundred words.”

She laughed at this again, the sound much more audibly joyous, and Crystal Clear gave her mentor an involuntary little smirk. It was hard to imagine her mentor as the stumbling, stressed little filly she told so many stories about. She was always so elegant and patient, with an order to and explanation for everything magical and practical. Even living under her roof, they couldn’t help but feel that some of the stories about their mentor’s supposedly traumatic experiences with magic kindergarten were exaggerated to make them feel better.

Nonetheless, it did help. Just a bit.

Seeing that her cheering up techniques were a success, their caretaker stood with a small stretch, unfurling wings wide and strong enough to momentarily shield the room’s windows from view. As much as Crystal Clear enjoyed their horn, they were quite fond of the wings shared by pegasi and alicorns alike. Though perhaps they were biased in this case- their mentor’s wings had cradled them when they were a foal, and even still they found solace in the soft, scratchy feathers that she would drape over their fur when they dozed off over required reading.

They were snapped out of the memory by the princess’ voice, some of the authority returned to it.

“Would it help to skip to the spell-casting portion of the test?”

Crystal Clear blinked, surprised, and sat upright in their chair.

“You’d let me?”

Princess Twilight Sparkle nodded, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Crystal knew how much their mentor valued having everything done in a clear and linear order, so the fact that she’d even suggest such a thing left them nearly speechless. They didn’t think they had looked that upset about the name thing, but if she was willing to break tradition, they must’ve seemed miserable.

“Just this once.“

“Well… yeah! That sounds great!”

Crystal Clear bounded off of the ledge their desk had been perched on, trotting happily to their caretaker’s side. It was no secret they enjoyed this part of the magic process much more. Words written and spoken were hard for them to capture, but spells stuck to their memory like they were natural. Admittedly, this meant that they spent more time experimenting with their horn than reading about the other concepts they were meant to learn, but they were working on it.

Kind of.

Not really.

It didn’t matter. Their hooves tapped and scratched the flooring with eager little clops, barely containing their excitement.

“I, uh- I wanted to show you something, anyway.”

Twilight tilted her head to one side, her smile fading into one of interest and barely contained worry.

“Oh?”

“It makes ponies appear, I think! Like little crystal figures. I was trying to cast that detection spell from the textbook, but instead I made a pony who looked just like me, sleeping on my bed.”

Their mentor widened her eyes with intrigue, then settled once she connected the dots.

“You created a hologram. Of yourself?”

Crystal Clear nodded eagerly, giving their front hooves another stomp.

“Yeah! And I bet I could make other ponies! I bet I could make you, Princess!”

Though Twilight’s smile was small, her expression was brimming with curiosity.

“Well, it is nice to see you so excited for once... go ahead.”

Crystal Clear planted their hooves and lowered their body, like they were ready to blast apart the wall opposite to them. They heard the faint glittering sound of their caretaker putting up a magical shield in case things went awry, but it didn’t deter them one bit. They were ready, and they were confident.

They closed their eyes, focusing on flowing their magical energy to their horn. The forceful squeezing shut of their eyelids caused colors to dot across the blackness, but they pushed past it, focusing on a mental image of the princess standing next to her.

Princess Twilight Sparkle. Lavender fur, purposefully shorn as short as possible to avoid it getting tangled. Magenta eyes, studious and focused. A tall, sharp horn and large, powerful wings. A dark purple mane that ebbed and flowed by her side, with only a magenta and violet streak present to break up what would be a perfect galaxy of twinkling stars. Her face…

Crystal hesitated, feeling their magic temporarily blip out of focus before they regained its control. What would they do for her face? When their caretaker looked at them, her face was loving and kind. When she looked at delegates and councils during meetings, her face was stern and orderly. When she spoke of her old mentor and friends, it was tranquil and nostalgic. Anger was something they hadn’t seen often, not towards them, but they knew her fury could rival the creatures of Tartarus.

They thought of an expression they’d never seen. They thought of all her stories about stress and turmoil. Cramming for tests and quizzes, being a filly big sister to their godfather, Spike, being sent to Ponyville as a young mare, fighting to open her School of Friendship.

Guiltily, they wanted to see that one. They wanted to know if such an expression could even belong on her mentor’s face. If it ever really had.

So, when they heard the channeled magic begin to spark and shimmer, they focused on the feeling, the longing to see and to know, and blasted it across the room.

A sound not too dissimilar to a furious winter’s wind rushed past the two ponies, and as Crystal Clear finally opened their eyes, their jaw dropped.

It worked.

The Princess Twilight Sparkle across the room was translucent, shimmering with faint purples and golds as the sunlight hit her form. She had faint white ridges and seams, as though she were sculpted from beautiful gemstone, chipped into the likeness of their mentor.

They watched, awestruck, as the holographic princess paced back and forth in the room, a tense expression on her face. They were silent for only a moment longer before squeaking, drumming their hooves on the floor quietly. They looked back at the Princess with an eager smile, hoping to be met with the same excitement-

Only to notice that her attention was trained onto the figure with a worried gleam in her eyes.

And at the sound of foreign hooves quietly trotting on the floor’s ceramic tiles, they too found themself distracted.

It was a royal guard. That much was clear by the armor, shimmering a faint aureate in the crystalline light, a small bundle resting on his back. He was a pegasus guard at that, dark wings tipped with a faint snow-colored powdering. His muzzle shared the same dusting, and his eyes were a brilliant navy blue. As he removed his helmet, a curly mess of an icy-colored mane fell to the sides of his face.

“Your majesty.”

Crystal Clear nearly jumped a mile when the holographic guard spoke, bowing so lowly to the floor that the fur of his chin was only inches from the ground. The Princess of Friendship raised a front hoof, bowing her head and speaking with grave severity.

“Cold Front. I received your letter.”

“Then you must know the purpose of my visit.”

“Yes.”

The unicorn couldn’t help but notice the way her mentor’s crystal reflection rippled, ever so slightly, as though it were pained. Nonetheless, Cold Front got to his feet, grabbing onto the bundle with his teeth and offering it to the princess. She took it with her magic, cautiously pressing it to her chest before using her hoof to hold it snugly in place.

“Please… forgive me, Your Highness. I don’t know what else to do.”

“I understand.”

With a heavy sigh, the princess tapped her horn on the guard’s armored shoulders.

“Equestria is forever in your debt. I wish for your safety.“

Cold Front placed his helmet back on his head, strands of his mane cloaking his eyes from view. Yet, even without an expression to see, his melancholic tone betrayed his true feelings.

“…you wish too hard, Your Majesty.”

He was gone as quickly as he entered, leaving the translucent princess and the bundle alone. Crystal Clear watched as the hologram took a seat on the flooring, using her free hoof to stroke away a section of the bundle. Sparkling tears pooled in the corners of the figure’s eyes, but she smiled.

“Hello. You must be Crystal Clear. My name is… Twilight Sparkle.”

The unicorn pony froze at the sound of their name, their breath all but vanishing. In what seemed to be slow motion, they saw a tiny limb poke out of what they now realized was a swaddle blanket, touching the princess’ muzzle. The baby- them, as a baby- cooed quietly as their guardian continued, voice gentle and sweet enough to completely contradict her shivering body.

“Yes, that’s right. I’m Twilight. And you’re my responsibility now.”

The small foal sniffled, and then began to cry, the sound wheezing and waterlogged. The princess frowned, her ears pressed back against her head as she rocked the baby’s blanket, the motion awkward and stilted but with as much effort as she could put into it.

“I know, I know. It’s okay…”

They had seen enough.

With a panicked burst of energy, they fired a simply magical shot at the image, the crystal figures mutely shattering into paper-thin magical pieces, quickly swept away in the wind. One last cry echoed through the castle’s room before becoming nothing more than a distant memory.

They panted, heart and mind overwhelmed, hardly realizing they were shaking until they felt a still, calm hoof on their shoulder. They flinched with a startled gasp, though it took only a fraction of a second longer to realize the hoof’s owner.

The Princess of Friendship nuzzled her nose against the side of their face, rubbing soothing little circles into their fur. When she finally spoke, they were in a right enough mind to listen.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Crystal Clear nodded, eyes still pinpointed on the very spot the weeping ponies had sat.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

“They’re together here. Look.”

The two ponies were lounging in the princess’ royal chambers, the orange-hued flames of the fireplace warming their fur. They were surrounded by various books and memorabilia, some including posters. Twilight Sparkles’ hoof was currently pointing Crystal Clear to a framed photograph: one of their father and mother, at what appeared to be a formal dance. The dark gray guard they’d seen in mourning smiled cheerfully as he held his wife, an upbeat sandy-colored pegasus mare with an electric blue and vibrant green mane.

They had learned a lot in a very short time. Their father was a royal guard, Cold Front. Their mother was a Wonderbolt, Roshambo. Neither were alive, and hadn’t been since they were a foal. A sudden tornado had swept away their mother, and their father, stricken with grief, had left to fight Equestria’s battles until one claimed his life. He’d left them in the princess’ care, but they had known that for a while. Twilight had never shied away from the topic when asked, and they’d figured that they hadn’t needed to know any more about the mysterious figures who had once been their parents.

Until now.

Now, as they studied the stories and images, they had so many further questions with no tangible way to force them out of their mouth. Their mentor mistook their silence for anguish and sighed, using her magic to lay the frame on its back.

“They were good ponies. I knew them both personally.“

Of course. The royal guard was as close to the princess as anyone could ever be, and even if the Wonderbolts were typically considered stunt fliers, they too were often called upon to defend Equestria. No, that wasn’t what was on their mind. Any bit of frustration or pain towards those ponies had already numbed.

Still, Twilight continued.

“I’m sorry you had to learn this so soon. I wanted to wait until you had-“

“They were both pegasi?”

Crystal turned to face the alicorn, whose mouth was still slightly open. Crystal rested a comforting hoof on top of the princess’ own, and only then did she respond.

“Well- yes. Yes, they were.”

“And I’m a unicorn.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded.

“…how?”

Her caretaker’s expression finally relaxed from the tense frown she’d held since they’d arrived to do research, and she closed her eyes.

“Genetics wasn’t my field of study, but I know the race of ponies has a lot of variability. You could have a unicorn grandparent, or it could have been inherited from an ancestor many generations ago.”

Crystal Clear hummed, racking their brain and letting the words roll around in their head.

“Which one was it?”

A silence filled the room. Not one that was sad or heavy, like the one that had plagued the testing room, but a thoughtful one. One that swirled in the air, never landing but never stopping. Their mentor placed a hoof to her chin, looking up to the ceiling.

“I don’t know.”

Crystal Clear blinked.

“You don’t?”

“I’m afraid not. I tried to look for your grandparents when you were entrusted to me, but nopony responded.”

The unicorn shifted, and then stood. The Princess of Friendship followed their movement, tilting up to meet their eyes.

“I could find them. I could use-“

Magic swirled around their horn, but before they could finish their sentence, the princess was on her hooves with one resting on their shoulder. It cut off the thought, if only for a moment.

“No.”

“Why not?”

Twilight Sparkle inhaled deeply, letting out a slow, sorrowful exhale.

“Crystal, I’ve seen a lot of death in my lifetime. It’s not something you can just shrug off in a day. And if you end up seeing that firsthoof-“

“-I’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll take care of myself.”

Crystal Clear removed their caretaker’s hoof from their withers, tucking their head into the crevice of her neck. They felt her own rest on top, and her muzzle pressed against the base of their horn.

“Plus, maybe I could… find out what my special talent is. Maybe this is the way.”

They felt the princess’ head shift to what they were already picturing in their mind: a pale aquamarine-colored flank, where a cutie mark should have been many years earlier. They were nearly a young adult, and yet they’d never discovered what they were meant to do, even after years of studying under the Princess of Friendship herself. Maybe it was laziness, or maybe it was a want for familiarity and comfort, but a yearning to know what their future held was a subject that nagged at them day and night.

Perhaps it was this reasoning that finally got the princess’ approval. Crystal Clear leaned into her mentor’s chest as her hooves embraced her in a loving hug, which they returned tightly and firmly. Anything to hammer into her mind that they would be safe, and she could trust them.

“Promise me you’ll come home the moment you feel lonely. Or afraid. Or unsafe. Or hungry, or thirsty, or-“

The unicorn chuckled quietly, just soft enough to mistake for normal breathing.

“-I will, Princess.”

The two ponies pulled apart, and as Twilight Sparkle stood, she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes. When her student eyed the action with unease, she smiled reassuringly, grabbing the fireplace poker with her magic and heading towards the dying embers.

“Go on to your room. I’ll help pack your saddlebags when I’m done.”

And they did just that.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Crystal Clear stood alone at the entrance to the castle’s gates, staring at the threshold between the Canterlot Castle and the world unknown. The streets bustled with sound and life as ponies and non-equine creatures alike pranced across the neatly cobbled streets.

True to Twilight’s word, she had helped fill the bags on their back, the supplies light yet effective for such a journey. They didn’t know how long they would be gone, but a week seemed to be a good timeframe, and they packed accordingly.

They had hugged once they were done, and they had gotten all the way to the gates before the realization hit.

They would be leaving their home for a week. For what, a relative that they might not even find? What if the search went back so many generations that they had to leave Canterlot altogether?

Suddenly afraid, they turned around, facing the castle one last time- but the view of the sunrise creeping over the landmark’s silhouette eased their anxieties. Inside of the castle’s walls was their guardian, the Princess of Friendship, and she believed in them. She was proud of them. She had told them just before they had left, and they knew it was true.

With newfound determination, and one more deep breath for good measure, they began the long walk through the past.

Author's Note:

Howdy hey! Thanks for reading!
I’m planning for this story to have two more long chapters and a much shorter ending epilogue, but we’ll see where that gets us.
As always please let me know if there’s any noticeable spelling or grammar mistakes ^^ I appreciate it